Native connection

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am a big proponent of using our native languages in regular settings. It’s a big part of our culture. And identity.

There have been quite a few discussions at the workplace and at home, where I have taken the side of the native language.

I feel it is incumbent upon each one of us, as an inheritor of our rich culture(s) and traditions, to embed them into our daily lives. So that we carry on with the torch before passing it to the next generation.

Naturally, we have enrolled our daughter to learn Hindi as the additional language of choice at the school. It’s one way to provide her a structured environment to grasp the details.

This week, when we visited her school for a parents-teachers meet, I expected her Hindi teacher to talk to us about how we should encourage her to do more in Hindi. She did that but she also talked about another important aspect that stuck with me.

She talked about how through our native language children connect with their roots and how it shapes their association with the family, especially as they grow through teenage into adulthood.

While I was quite impressed by what she said and how she did so, what stuck me more was that our mother tongue forms a core part of our identity.

As I looked back at my own childhood and teenage, I realised that my tryst with Hindi, the times spent listening to stories from my grandmother, reading Hindi comic books, the countless fun conversations we had around the house in our mother tongue, all of them helped shape me.

More importantly, they connected me to my roots. To my family. And that has stayed with me all my life.

I don’t feel the same level of connectedness when I talk in English today. Not that I consider English to be a second grade citizen, but it doesn’t have the same effect. It feels neutral.

I know it’s not easy. The environment today around us in Indian cities is geared towards English. Our kids have multi-cultural influences and friends, and therefore English becomes the common ground to connect.

But if I don’t make the effort, at least at home, to use our mother tongue, the native connection that I built with my roots may not happen with my daughter.

So while I do want her to be fluent in English and be ready for the future, I also want her to be connected to her roots, natively…

Life’s a race…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s a race. That’s what most of us have been taught or are made to understand during our early adulthood years.

But what if it wasn’t? What if it was meant to be lived on our own terms, without any race to prove ourselves to anyone?

What if it was just us living life on our own terms? And taking things as they come?

I think there is merit in this thought.

I have been on both sides of the fence and when I have done things on my own terms, the results have always elated me. On the other hand, when I have run someone else’s race or in a direction I wasn’t sure of, I have mostly faltered.

Another thing I have noticed is when I have taken my time and space to do things, I have done a much better job at it than when I was out on a deadline or trying to impress someone.

Does that mean we live life in a dull manner? Or don’t ever hustle? I don’t think so and definitely don’t mean so.

What I believe is that we should be the decision maker of our own destiny. If that means walking slow at times, so be it. If that means doing things contrary to popular perception or wisdom, so be it.

And if that in turn results in a tougher life, so be it. After all, that’s the challenge we chose to accept…

Lonely.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Living alone isn’t something that I desire for. But there are times when I have to do that for a period of time, and it is never easy…

The last two weeks, I was away on a work trip. Traveling away from the family, it was my usual routine. The only difference – I didn’t have anyone to meet during the weekend. I had not planned anything. And I was all alone.

I had things to do. There were quite a few items on the shared shopping list with wifey! But that amounted to chores – you have to do it because you have to do it. Even if there are some fun moments, it feels like a chore.

Once I was done with the shopping and the ensuing walks around the city, I was left with a lot of time to kill. I went to the theatre and whiled away some time. But there still was half a day left and I didn’t have anyone to catch up with!

I just decided to pass that remaining time of the weekend on my own. Tucked away in my bed, I read a book and then watched a few episodes of a new TV series.

But all of that only made me more miserable. I had not met a friend or family member throughout those two days and it wasn’t a great feeling.

So, the next day, as I walked into the office and spent time with some colleagues, it was extremely relieving. I also had some office meetings, so it was a great way to catch up with others.

Doing all of this reminded me that I crave companionship. When I don’t meet with enough people for a stretch of time, it sucks energy from me. It is as if I draw energy from others!

Maybe, I am a by-product of the times I have lived in, yearning for a good conversation and familiar faces. Maybe, it’s just my way of taking solace in the known. Or maybe, it is an affliction that makes me better.

Whatever it is, I resolved that moving forward, I will avoid going through such unplanned and lonely time spans. As much as I can…

The meandering climb.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aniket was panting. He was on a steep climb and was running out of breath.

He found a small rock that was protruding out, almost as if inviting him, to sit down. He took that offer.

It had been a relentless last couple of hours. Once he had reached the base of this summit, he was ecstatic. He had scaled three folds to get there.

And yet, as he looked back and then ahead, Aniket’s mind told him that he could do more. There was more power left in him to scale the next one.

Not one to ever stop for rest, he took up the challenge with aplomb. Stuffing a quick packed meal into his mouth, he gulped down some water, and took out the map to chart his course.

Aniket was ambitious. And he wanted to get to the top quickly. So, the most natural path was straight up!

He started out in zest but somewhere within the first hour itself, he could feel his legs weren’t strong enough. They needed some rest. He kept pushing though.

Then, after a while, his breathing started to give him problems. His heart rate monitor was constantly in the high zone. Eventually, when he saw the rock he was now resting on, his mind gave up and he settled down.

He was tired and soon felt asleep. After dozing for almost an hour, he woke up. As he saw around, for the first time, he noticed the beauty of the surroundings in all their might.

He had scaled many a peaks but had not seen this beauty anywhere. It was magical, paradise like. There was a light fog and the sun was peeping through the clouds, shining on some parts of the valley.

As Aniket looked around, he realised that it would be a big mistake if he just climbed up without absorbing all this nature around him. He still wanted to get to the top but his heart raced at the thought of walking through those beautiful narrow pathways he could see ahead of him.

He decided to change course. For the next couple of hours, he walked on those meandering pathways, touching the plants on the sides, enjoying spring water from the tiny streams, feeling the air around him.

It took him longer than it would have if he had climbed straight but he got to the top just before dusk. He saw the sun setting, soaking in the evening rays and their wonderful colours.

He was dead tired now but also very happy. He had listened to his heart and had gone through a new experience. Something, he would remember all his life. He slept peacefully that night.

The next morning, when he woke up, Aniket realised that what he had seen was a dream. He was in his apartment, lying next to his wife.

He lay there, staring at the ceiling and remembering the experience. And the lesson.

He could aim for the summit but that didn’t mean he had to climb straight up. There were different pathways, some of them richer than the straight climb, that he could take.

That meandering climb will take him longer but will be worth it…

That empty feeling

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was standing in the corridor, stuck on my feet!

While my friends were walking away towards the after party, I felt stuck. The event was over.

It was the early months of 2009. Peak of global recession, in the aftermath of which, most people were still smarting about what turns life will take.

We all, having joined our MBA just post the Lehman Brothers collapse, were gingerly going through the paces.

However, as was our wont, we couldn’t just accept things to meander. We needed to take some control of the situation. Make some noise about ourselves.

In a country like Singapore, where you’re not a big brand, you need to figure out creative ways to do stuff.

So, we decided to organize our first inter-college fest. It was a tried and tested method to do something inclusive and network effectively, and we decided to give it a shot.

A small committee of students was formed, with I leading it. Our role was to figure out the entire program, engage with other colleges, and run the show. Pretty much everything.

We of course had some assistance from our professors and administrators, and from the larger group. But that group of 5-6 students did the heavy lifting.

As we got to the deep end, alongside our classes and the numerous tests, it wasn’t easy. We had to scramble on many fronts.

But so we did. We came out as a team and did ourselves proud. Everything started falling into place.

Eventually, we managed to get things done with a good turnout. Participation from other colleges, well organized events, fun banter, good food to go around.

As that day drew to a close, I felt a lump building in my throat. I had breathed at this frenetic pace and lived the moment for so long, that seeing it all come toward a close, my mind didn’t know what next to do.

So, as others walked toward the after party, I felt rooted to my place, smiling from the outside but feeling an emptiness inside.

A few of my friends noticed and asked me to join, I waved to them as if I was going to follow. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I just needed to be by myself. To feel that emptiness and relish the memories.

I wept in the open air. It was as if a chapter of my life had closed.

Later, the next morning, as I woke up, I realized that the heady feeling of the last few days was gone. It was replaced by a question – will I get to experience something similar again!

Rewinding the clock

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It all began a decade ago. I was holding you in my arms for the first time.

It was such an overwhelming moment for me that I couldn’t help but cry. To memorialize that moment, I even wrote down a post.

This year, you turn 10! You arenow on the cusp of teenage.

These ten years seem to have gone by with a lot of fun and emotional moments with you, but also a few filled with guilt and remorse.

There have been times when we have wondered when will you grow up. And then a lot of times when we realize that once you grow up, we will miss the days we have lived through your childhood.

At this decadal juncture, I thought it’s a good milestone for me to reflect back on how I have done as a parent. And what would I do differently if I went back ten years. So, here are some things I would like to change.

I should have been more expressive. About my love for you. I say it often but not enough times. I have subconsciously thought of it as an evident phenomenon but it needs to be reinforced more than I think.

I should have been more patient. With you. And with myself. There have been times my impatience has led me to actions that I have instantly regretted. An angry moment, an unnecessary scolding. Some of those could have definitely been avoided.

I should have been more sensitive. In trying to get you to be disciplined, I have sometimes jumped the gun and forced the matter. I should have handled those moments with a lot more maturity.

I should have assumed more ignorance. Even on things I know enough about. Because, the joy of discovery and exploration is unbridled. And I, as your father, ought to nurture it at all times and give you more chances than I probably gave.

I should have been more specific. About my intentions in a given situation. Sometimes, I have come across as overbearing, without realizing that my intention isn’t clear to you and instead, has hurt or irritated you.

There are many more, I am sure.

Although the time that’s gone by, won’t return. Those deeds and memories I can never forget. But the times to come, can change.

So, dear daughter, when you do read this, now or later, remember that your dad is trying his best to be good at this parenting stuff. It’s my first time doing this.

What I ask of you is to hold me to these commitments for the next ten years. And the next, and the next…

Shape of You

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Juhi was sitting down at her desk. Perplexed.

She had just got out of a meeting with her boss. It was an important meeting because she wanted to flag certain risks and issues in the project she was overseeing.

She had been in the company for a while. After having graduated from a prestigious college in the capital, she had taken to her career like fish to water.

Having shown strong work ethics and commitment, the company had seen her potential and given her a couple of promotions and responsibilities. She was now a project leader.

Juhi knew that as a senior member, she had the onus of not only overseeing her team but also analyse how things were and if they were in the right direction.

Today’s discussion was exactly that. She trying to flag risks and issues she foresaw after her client pushed her back on certain details of the project, and which she believed ought to be addressed. She had discussed the situation with her mentor, and he had given her confirmation that she was on the right track.

So, she had walked in to the meeting with a lot of confidence. However, her boss wasn’t sure if there was merit in her position. He told her that he had seen some of these requests before and if the client wanted something so strongly, it was better to agree and move ahead.

After arguing for an hour on the relative merit of their respective positions, she knew that there was no point in continuing further, so she told her boss that she will think through what he had shared.

Once outside, she ambled toward her seat. She was perplexed because she knew her boss to be a tough nut but also mostly right. However, she read his reluctance to go against what the client was advising as fear of losing the project.

She didn’t know what she could do now. This was a first. Just then, a couple of her team members came up, and she decided to put off her thoughts. The rest of the day went by as usual, and she couldn’t find any time to delve deeper into her previous thoughts during the day.

Later in the night, as she lay down to sleep, her thoughts went back to her growing up years. During her high school days, she was in the Girls Scout, and was a regular at the camps.

In one such camp, she was a part of a group that had to play the role of an advanced party. During their descent from a hill, she had sensed danger and advised her group to take a different route. Although there was some reluctance, she hadn’t given up and instead used logical arguments through her map reading skills to convince her group.

Eventually, her sense had proven right, as there had been rain just the night before in a dangerous section of the descent and the original route had become very challenging for another party. She had been judged a high performer due to this contribution to her group’s success.

That single recollection gave Juhi confidence. She had been shaped by such experiences and she wasn’t going to let her gut be ruled out. She knew she was not wrong and her position merited caution. She decided she will push back.

The next couple of days, she spent time framing her thoughts. She consulted once more with her mentor about the approach being taken, and got a positive sign. She was all set.

She wrote a persuasive email to the client, copying his boss too. She also copied her boss and her team. In the email, she laid out her thoughts with initial hypothesis and requested everyone to consider both sides of the coin. She volunteered to run a detailed analysis of various possibilities, and accepted an independent review.

She half expected a push back again. But the way she had written it down, there wasn’t a single person who could turn down the request. They granted it to her to investigate.

A month later, she had the final report, reviewed and decided upon. Her hypothesis had proven right and the client had to back off the initial requests.

That evening, her boss congratulated her in front of her team, acknowledging how wrong he had been and how right Juhi had been.

She had shown her character during this challenge and it was indeed because of how she had been shaped…

Connecting the dots.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Steve Jobs famously mentioned these words during his address to a graduating class at Stanford.

Watching him orate his experiences and how they helped him in his life have been an inspiration for me.

Primarily because it spoke of how nothing in life is ever wasted. Even a small experience can at some point in time light a spark to take things forward!

As time has passed, I have also come to appreciate that all of us are wired differently and connect dots differently. So even though we may have shared experiences with others, the way we perceive and recall them are different.

This weekend, as I took a couple of days off and spent time reflecting on a few things, I realised this point again.

I was thinking of the various things I have done in my life till this point. And which of those have given me joy, made me learn, and pushed me forward.

Sifting through those memories, I could see some of them connected with each other in ways I had not thought of before.

Maybe, my perspective has matured. Or changed. Or perhaps, it’s just that those dots weren’t connected before in my mind, but now are.

Anyways, I am happy to have connected those dots. For they spoke of paths I am uniquely privileged to have been on.

As I reflected back on this time spent in solitude, I couldn’t have chosen a better time. I had not done this over the past couple of years and needed this reconnection with self.

Not to mention, the calm around me also helped heal the general overload from always ‘doing’ something…

The Tangential Line

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

A line is one of the most basic shapes in our life. And it’s straight.

Last I checked, straight still remains the shortest path between two points.

And yet, there’s this macabre pleasure people get in real life of forming lines which are tangential or don’t follow the rules of geometry.

As if, that tangent is an art form in itself. And the waviness of the line makes it more appealing!Sort of like , I will do this because I can.

But what about folks like me who like it straight?

I thought this phenomenon was restricted to India and parts of the developing world. But boy, was I wrong. Under duress, most people break! The line…

At Paris airport last weekend, I witnessed this first hand.

With a highly confusing design, the Paris airport is a study in itself. Transiting through it for the first time, I had expected it to be better organized. It wasn’t is an understatement.

Owing to multiple pathways and too many checkpoints, I saw people breaking lines everywhere. At the terminal interchange, at the passport control, at the bus boarding lines, and at the security gates.

Having to scamper through the length of the airport, within the short time span I had to catch my connecting flight back home, I first thought I will follow the rules as everyone does and will get through fast enough.

By the time I realized that wasn’t to be, there were already ten people who had overtaken me in trying to gain faster access. I had to cajole and request some of the airport staff, to make it just in time for my flight!

As I settled down into my seat, and relived my hour at the interchange, I heaved a sigh of relief. I was trained enough in the vagaries of India to find my way through that chaos.

Fresh from this dramatic experience, over this weekend, as we went to watch a movie, looking around, I felt that I needed those same instincts to get my tub of popcorn.

Thankfully, my straight common sense prevailed and I saved myself from going tangential…

Don’t let it be!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Ketan was sitting down in the balcony. Lost in his own thoughts.

His face was visibly unhappy and he was frowning every now and then. It appeared that he was alone.

At this age of his life, he was mostly homebound. That morning, his wife had gone to meet her friends and so he had no one to share the moment with.

Not that he didn’t like to go out. He went for his morning walks and for some other errands. But he didn’t like to go out during the busy hours, when everyone was rushing out.

He had lived his life and had retired to be in a peaceful state of mind. The last thing he wanted was to go out in the traffic when not in a good state of mind. So, he kept sitting and thinking.

About his kids, who were now in different cities and busy with their own lives. About his siblings, who had also retired in different towns and met only during some marriages or family functions. How there weren’t many friends around him.

This was the reason for his sadness. He was feeling lonely…

When he was working, he always thought he would have all the time in the world to do other things later on. Then, as he kept rising up the ladder, his life only became busier.

Before he could realise, he had lost touch with most folks from his home town. His friends. His extended family.

Then, when he retired, he had nowhere else to go. So, he remained in the place he had been in the last part of his working life. It was a good town, with warm people and some good friends. The only thing it lacked was folks from Ketan’s past.

As he sat in the balcony that day, he understood that the real reason for his sadness was that he was missing his old connections. After much brooding, he decided to change that.

He got up. Mustering courage, he called up his siblings. And promised to himself that he would talk to them more often.

Next, he called some of his old friends. They had a hearty laugh and he felt better. And he promised to himself that he would visit them at least once a year.

Lastly, he called his kids. He talked to them more often than everyone else, but told them that he would like to spend more time with them. They were obviously happy, and he promised to himself that he will book his tickets soon.

With all these promises made, he never realised it was evening. The bell rang. His wife was home.

He got up, opened the door, and before she could enter, hugged her tightly. For, she was there with him always, his constant companion! And he had promised to himself to take good care of her!