Children

Creativity, Children and Life

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My wife had kept empty egg shells out in the sun to dry. I wasn’t sure why and so I asked her. The answer I got amused me…

As life has taken a stay at home turn during the on-going health crisis, a lot of us working parents have had complaints about what to do with children’s time.

Children, who would have otherwise been occupied by school; or now with summer holidays on in most parts of India, in summer time classes or summer camps or with their grandparents. Alas, the Coronavirus came just when children have the most fun in their life!

And so naturally, we have had to find ways to keep them engaged through our busy work from home days. I have seen umpteen posts about activities for children – how to spend their time doing creative and productive stuff.

Some of us though have invented our own. Like my wife – she had kept the empty egg shells to dry so that our daughter could paint them. And this is after having her paint all the drawing and sketching books, diyas, and empty sheets of paper.

I have also tried to find ways to keep her busy. Got hold of a few old comic books and read them to her. Played some board games. Listened to music together. But nothing could beat the egg shells.

At first I was skeptical of what will our daughter learn from it – it will just be another painting exercise. But as I saw her engage in the activity and then the results, I was amazed. The creativity she showed and the care she displayed in handling the egg shells have surely left some good impressions on her…

As I was looking at those painted egg shells today in the lazy hour right after lunch, it occurred to me that our life is also like an empty shell. We fill the colours in it and make whatever we do out of it. And that’s what defines our work, our relations, our successes.

But often, we let the shell go to waste by doing unproductive or unimportant things. We don’t focus on doing good work and ensuring completion. We don’t take care of our health on a regular basis. Or worse, we don’t paint the shell at all and leave it colourless or make it a monochrome. We focus on only one thing that’s important to us, neglecting the many beautiful things that life throws at us. Or dissociate with others and live life cocooned in our own comfort.

As my chain of thought got broken by my daughter clamouring for some more paint – she was still painting more egg shells – I resolved to allow her to paint her life as she wants to, without any prejudices or directions. And to get back to painting mine with more and more colours!

On Friends and Fights…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Friends are our lifeline. They are the ones who keep us afloat in good times and bad…

This past week, we had a couple of occasions when the little one had a mini fight with one of her friends. The ones you feel important about when you are young but feel amused by when you think back as a grown up. Reminded me of my own days with friends and how I grew up.

The good thing is, while growing up you become friends without thinking about intentions and benefits. Without worrying about the past, present, or future of the person. And remain so for as long as you are alive and kicking.

Thanks to my dad’s transferable job as a banker, I got the opportunity to travel to a few places and make new friends every 2-3 years through my childhood. Each place and friend group taught me new things and helped me make memories for life.

I had quite a few of those cherished friendships, with boys and girls. From my school days as well as during college. Friends, some of whom became very close and continue to be. And I spent tons of time with them.

But it wasn’t all rosy. I had my share of fights, big and small, across the spectrum. A lot of times they were silly, some times futile, and only a few times necessary. But at that point in time they all felt important.

I remember fighting umpteen times with friends while playing. Incidents I laugh with them about now. Some of the others were serious but quickly resolved. Only a couple of them were of the kinds that did permanent damage on both sides. And were really important.

Yet when I look back, those incidents helped me shape up. I became more accommodating and understanding of the other view point(s), of learning to accept differences and agreeing to disagree. And of knowing when to stay and when to walk away.

So I tell my little one. She is too young to understand these things and hopefully will have her own positive learning curve from these fights with friends.

And will probably grow up looking back bemusedly at these young days…

Parenting and I

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been 4 years, 6 months, and 17 days. Since my daughter was born…

Her birth was one of the best moments I have witnessed in my life. Something within me instantly changed, as I graduated to being a father. Ever since, it’s been a whirlwind with her growing up.

On some days, she blows me away with her shenanigans and her take on life. With how she perceives and receives. With how much she understands and follows.

On others, she acts up and throws a tantrum or two, refuses to budge and wants her way at any cost. And whatever I may try, there’s no way out of the crying and making faces.

With hectic work schedules, I have had to stretch at times to catch up with her demands. And at times, when I wasn’t able to do my absolute best, I have felt the guilt that most working parents have – of not spending enough time with her.

At times I have felt that she should get whatever she wants and I am there to make it happen. Then there are times when I feel that if I don’t discipline and teach her, she will never learn what to value and what not to.

To be lenient or to be strict, and when. How to cope up with her fast growth and learning and still be able to teach her a few new things. And how to pass on the right values and behaviour to her. This duopoly, this constant tussle of how to be a good parent, is what I live with.

Perhaps, it’s a maze that will define how I grow up as well. As I have been transitioning through different phases as a parent, I have rediscovered life at times. Things which I had forgotten or had got buried somewhere deep down. Perspectives which I hadn’t seen earlier.

To be back home and have someone small waiting for you eagerly – to be pampered and loved, to play and have fun, and to live life without any inhibitions or restrictions; is a joy to behold and learning for life! Hoping for many more lessons and lots of fun along the way…

Independent or Dependent?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This weekend, as I was reading my newsletters and some interesting articles on the web, I came across a brilliant piece by a HBS professor, Clayton M. Christensen (Link at the bottom). The article had appeared in the HBR July 2010 issue and really spoke to me.

Subsequently, during a casual conversation with friends, we were discussing about family ties and bonding and went into the territory of dependence/independence.

As I reflected afterwards, an important thought formed shape – How independent or dependent are we?

To think through the topic, I went through my own journey in life…

I was born and brought up in small towns in the central part of India. Had a joint family and stayed with my grandmother and uncles and aunts till I turned 12. Even after that, although I stayed with my parents wherever they moved, life revolved around the joint family, with cousins and extended families and their support.

Only post my school, I stepped on to the outside world and started living on my own. As I have progressed with my career and then my own family, distances have increased, meeting with the extended family and cousins have become infrequent, and life has generally been getting busier each passing year.

Now I am sure, this is happening with many of us in India. It is a common phenomenon in the developed world where nuclear families have become de-facto and children move out of the home to get on with their life once they finish school.

We call this independence and take pride in how we are now handling our matters without anyone’s help or interference. Nothing wrong with that. But we forget that within this independence lies a dependence.

In the earlier social milieu, our joint families supported us, our cousins kept us company, our grandparents ensured proper upbringing. If not the joint family, the community and it’s support used to carry us forward. But now, with no such support system in our cities, we have become much more dependent on our spouse than earlier.

As our children grow up, they will pursue their careers and move out to different cities and countries. And we, who raised the child(ren) will be left behind, possibly to take care of each other for a few years/decades. Without too much of a support system / people around to help out.

And in some cases, as evident from the rising differences between couples and growing rate of divorces, the past few decades/years were spent in a race which pulled the couple apart. So may not exactly be a support system in some cases. Then what?

I am not espousing or eschewing any side here – just a thought that I reflected upon today and thanked God for the support I have got till now and for my family. And reminded myself of how I need to keep building and strengthening my relationship with my wife and daughter and continue my bond with friends and family for years to come!

PS: link to the article is

https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life

The Child in Us! The secret to business success…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All of us were children once! Some of us still are.

I just told you one of the secrets of being successful in business and entrepreneurship!

What is it about being child-like that prompts success when starting and running a business. I have been thinking about this topic for sometime and decided to pen down my thoughts today. 

We start our lives as a care-free, ignorant child. Lost in our own world. Oblivious to what’s happening around us or in the world. Blissfully unaware of our surroundings. The only thing that matters to us during those days is NOTHING!!! 

And then we start growing up. We slowly learn things and become aware about what’s happening around us. We start recognising people and pick up their habits and mannerisms. Ignorance is lost and that’s the first blow! 

We grow up more and enter the education world keen to make friends and play. We learn a lot in the process and become aware of what’s happening in the world. As a result, we start forming opinions and deciding our boundaries and limitations. Blow no. 2! 

We enter teenage and are often rebellious. We want to do things the other way. But then, that’s not how you do things honey! And we are stopped in our tracks to try out new things. ‘You can’t do that’, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea’, ‘I hope you get back to doing something better’, and the quintessential ‘What will people say’ are statements that we hear. And we lose our enthusiasm for trying out. No. 3! 

And then we finally enter the work sphere in our lives. And all our remaining hopes get quashed. We have to function as per the defined processes. We have to stay within our limits and not try new things. We must follow orders and stick to the protocol. Gone is our last remaining ounce of child-like thoughts by this latest blow.

That perhaps explains why a lot of people desire to do something of their own but can’t muster enough courage to try it out. The fear of failure and rebuttal dissuaded them. Something which was absent when they were a child!

Successful entrepreneurs on the other hand keep that inner child alive and kicking and come out triumphant on the other side of life to start a business. They nurture their inner child and grow in between the Nay-sayers and doubting Thomases. They don’t care if they fail or succeed, it just matters that they do what their heart and mind wishes for. And they know, even if they fail, it will be great learning and they will live on to fight another day.

The world looks at them in awe! But it was just the inner child that they kept on nurturing and enthusing all this while to succeed and live the life of freedom and dreams…