Picture this conversation between my 7.5 year old and her dad who’s 40 (well going to be 41 soon!).
Daughter: “Papa, I want to ask you, is it hard being a father”?
Me: (thinking where this is coming from!) Ahh? Hmm..
Daughter: (believes I didn’t understand) “What I am asking is, is it hard for you being a father”?
Me: (still not knowing how to answer this) “What do you mean”?
Daughter: “Just tell if it is hard for you to be a father along with the other things that you do”.
Me: (trying to given an answer but I still don’t have a good one) “It isn’t hard but sure is difficult”.
Daughter: (with a feeling of I had guessed so) “Hmm..”
Well, I am still reeling from this unspecified scrutiny of my capabilities after 3 days…
What’s the answer? I still don’t know!
What I do know however, is this:
Being a father is a responsibility. Of doing right and guiding right. Of carrying the burden of knowing you aren’t right always. And yet pretending that you are.
Being a father is a life lesson. In how to nurture and shape someone. In how to take pride in your life’s force visible in another being and yet be mindful that the being must not be exactly like you.
Being a father is a chance. To prove to oneself how to become better at things. To prove to others how you can be a better version of yourself.
Being a father is an opportunity. To see how a child evolves to become an adult. And to be a child again at times.
Being a father is a reminder. Of how you are catching up in years. And of how you must devote more time to things that matter.
Being a father is a balancing act. In knowing when to be strict and when to be lenient. In knowing how to deal with issues at home and outside and responding in a fair manner, without your biases kicking in.
Above all, being a father is a blessing. It has allowed me to explore those hidden aspects of myself that I didn’t knew existed. And in observing how my daughter has grown up over the last few years into someone who is caring, mindful, honest, and curious.
Given a chance, would I want to replay the entire of these last few years? Yes, for there are many things I would change. And no, for the memories I have right now are also precious and I wouldn’t want to part with them.
Now that’s a hard question…
The Face of ME!!! 