Life

What Keeps us Going?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Not just when we are doing what we are doing. But also when we are past that.

Is it the desire to achieve something? Or the love of doing that thing? Or the pressure or compulsion to complete what we started? Also, what makes some people continue well beyond their time to still go back and contribute and enhance their body of work? What makes them want to still do it even when others their age have hanged their boots?

This week, as I reflected on what separates the best from the rest, I looked back at some of the success stories of our times. It of course involved the famous athletes, artists and geniuses in other fields but also business people and others who achieved something significant in their life.

I also looked at my own experiences as well as of those whom I have personally known and observed. What made them tick in a specific situation that made them succeed? What made me go on and give it my all to achieve something?

Now, this is a question which probably doesn’t have one single correct answer.

For some of us, it is the desire that is overpowering and helps us tide over all the roadblocks. For others, it is the compulsion of the situation which pushes them to do that extra bit, try that one last time, before they make it.

But for whatever it is worth, what I realised is that it is almost always ‘Love’ that keeps us going even after everything is done and dusted!

I say that because while desire or compulsion can help us achieve a few wins, only love for something can push us to continue not just when the going is good or when we are winning but even when we are well past our prime. Because, it induces us to go out there and contribute again and again until we absolutely cannot.

And this applies to all of our life situations too…

We continue to work with our partner and in most cases, as the relationship progresses, love deepens and our contribution increases in tandem.

We continue to nurture our passion or hobby and as we get into later stages of life, the urge to do something in that area becomes more prominent as our love for it grows.

We invest ourselves in our children and continue to guide them and lead them in their life even after we know that they have grown up and are perhaps independent to do everything that they ought to do in life. Only because of our love for them.

And so on…

As for work, those of us who fall in love with what they do, tend to continue working far longer than the others and continue contributing to their field in whatever capacity they can.

That’s perhaps why they say, do something you love and you will never have to go back to work again!

Bad News…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Until it happens to us, we don’t realise the importance of it or in some cases, the pain of it!

This week was bad. Lots of unnerving news. The biggest shock for me was though the passing away of a school mate. Someone who I had known to be a decent fellow, always smiling and being friendly to all.

He left the world at an age when you just start shaping up your plans and look to the future positively. With a family in tow. Young children growing up and learning the nuances of the world. Finances in a comfortable position to do some of those things that you couldn’t do earlier.

Then something like this happens. And the air around just deflates. The world seems a dreary place. Dreams get shattered. Families are left behind. All plans burned in ashes. Hopes buried in the ground for the near and dear ones.

All one can do then, is remember. Think of the good in the person and the times spent together, however insignificant. And to think hard about what life means and how to prepare yourself better for such a mishap.

As I wasn’t keeping too well (not Covid thankfully after all tests) and not working to 100% of my abilities, I had some time to think about this loss and the ramifications of how things don’t happen to us until they happen…

We often don’t take things seriously or pay attention to them. Specially when they are in the form of bad news. We always believe others will be affected more than we will be.

Most of the times it is true also. Jobs get lost but often for other people. People die in random situations but mostly we hear it from someone else. Unpleasant things happen but that too to others.

Or if it happens to us, it is devoid of any connections. We may lose a job or a loved one or something unpleasant may happen but that mostly happens in another time and space, something which is very personal and disjointed with others.

Rarely are there events where we get affected enmass.

This pandemic second wave is one such event. Last time, while India was badly affected in the later part of the year, there were not many cases in the vicinity. The fatality rate was lower and at least for me there weren’t many such instances in the known circles.

This time has however been different. There have been so many people I know who have been affected by the disease or have had some mishap in their families. And it’s forced me to rethink…

When something hits you regularly with such magnitude, you are forced to take a pause and pay attention to the severity of it. Rework on your plans, rethink your beliefs, remap your priorities.

It is like high waves crashing and destroying a shack near the ocean. You would have built it painstakingly over a few days but all it takes to be destroyed is a single night.

And so, you rescan and redo your thoughts and then try and make sense of the new world. You try and remain positive to rebuild and grow again but with some wisdom of how not to ignore the leading signs. To take care in the future. And to never believe that it won’t happen to you…

Ready for the best while being prepared for the worst! Hopefully for the worst to never happen.

How much is Enough?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Really…

For us as an individual? Willing to sacrifice our today for a better tomorrow…

For us as a family? Increasingly becoming nuclear and DINK (Dual income no kids) or DIOK (Dual income one kid)…

For us as a partner? Independent financially but more dependent on each other emotionally with not many to turn to…

For us as a parent? Striving to do our best for our kid(s) while struggling with our work life and our own interests…

For us as a son or daughter? Staying away from our parents to pursue our careers and yet longing for them at times…

For us as a professional? Who moves in a materialistic world, from one concrete jungle to another…

For us as a businessman? Trying to achieve our goals while staying afloat and doing better than yesterday…

For us as a person who wants to do so much in life apart from work but has very little time to do those things…

The answer: what are we willing to trade off?

Our lives have a set pattern – school and college life, work life, and then the retired life.

When in school, most of us are taught to focus all our energies on getting good grades so that we can land up a good job. Or at least to pass out well so that we can contribute to the family business, if there is one.

And then, as we enter our work life, we get into the race of life. Constantly trying to outdo ourselves, making ends meet, doing better than others, growing in stature, building a war chest and a fortune, earning name and fame, and finally reaching the highest level we could in a job or in business. Before we retire.

And once we retire, whatever may be the age, we look forward to. To a few of those things we couldn’t do earlier. To make a few trips. To meet a few people. To enjoy our life the way we want to. To be carefree and yet be secured.

After retirement, some of us are lucky to live a long life and have the means to do all of those things we longed for. Most of us aren’t…

However, there are very few of us who ask these golden words to themselves while on this journey – “How much is enough?”. For therein lies the crux of the trade-off that we are willing to make…

For those of us who are able to ask that question to ourselves and find the right answer, the balance of life tilts towards the middle and helps us lead our lives as we want to.

But that crowd is in the minority!

Because, for most of us, that trade-off isn’t worth accepting. Or the timing is not right. Or there are other factors stopping us.

And so we continue in our quests, sacrificing our today, moving to another place, striving to do better. So that we can have a better tomorrow, live life our way, and pursue our interests…

Until we either are willing to make that trade off or retire!

Happiness!

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

It was a bad day. I had made some mistake at work and wasn’t very happy about the matter. It was evident on my face and in my behaviour and made me erratic that day.

I blasted off at home and kept sulking. Until I discovered it was really affecting me inside.

As I rolled back to the start of the entire matter, I realised that the mistake I made was a genuine one and wouldn’t have been possible for me to avoid then, although I now had learnt something in hindsight and possibly shouldn’t be making it again. And as I unraveled the past and discovered that it was fine for me to be frustrated by the outcome but absolutely unnecessary to have taken it so harshly, I realised something for myself.

That I had compromised my happiness and of those around me for a day, when I could have just accepted my mistake and learnt from it and moved on…

I know it is seemingly easy to say so, specially in written words, than to practice it in our daily life.

We set a high bar for ourselves and for those around us. We expect more than it is required sometimes. And we believe things will fall in the right place, as we desire.

But life is not so straight forward. Plans fail. Peoeple fail. Expectations aren’t met always.

And when that happens, which is pretty much everyday in between the myriad things we do in our daily routines, it is disappointing.

Now, some of us have a zen like nature and detach ourselves from the outcome pretty much once the task gets done. But most of us have a tendency to swing between the highs and the lows, depending on how the tide turns. While it is natural as human beings to be disappointed due to these failings, it also deprives us of the small joys of life. And keeps us away from happiness!

Happiness that could have meant a few more smiles on ours and other’s faces. That could have led to a few more nicer conversations. That could have helped us live through the day and the week much more strongly.

Much worse, it actually creates a double void and instead of swinging us to the happy side it makes us sad and takes us to the other extreme. Where we feel desolate and worn out. Where we take down our ship along with those near to us. And demands that much extra effort for us to get back to the normal.

Perhaps, it is because we grew up. Life happened to us!

Because, when I look at children, I realise that they don’t let these swings be so dramatic. Yes, they get upset soon and raise hell sometimes but also mellow down quickly and get back to being happy!

Probably, because they know that whatever made them sad was only temporary and will go away. And that they have others who would take care of them. Or probably because they realise that it is not worth it. It is just better to move on and live life focusing on other things. Finding happiness elsewhere, in something that would be better to do.

May be we just need to stop feeling old and be a child again to be happy more than often…

Ego!!!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Ego. It’s a perplexing word, defined as as person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Encapsulates so much in just 3 letters. Holds the worth of self together. And can mess up so much.

It is pervasive in the human race. And sometimes in animals too. Helps animals to behave like humans at times and definitely pushes humans to behave like animals a lot of times.

Something that gives us a sense of pride in self, acknowledging how far we have come in our journey. And something that can easily blind us as to where we have to go…

Builds up from what we have done in our lives and who we are. And ebbs when we know there is so much more to do. A special feeling that when subdued or challenged can work wonders for people and propel them to greater heights. And when unhindered, can lead to downfall of even giants!

Makes us feel worthy to go out and do what we have to. Devours us from inside and stops us from doing right when the worth becomes more than the sum total of all its parts.

Makes it possible for a child to stand up in the world and make a place for herself. Makes it impossible for some adults to continue building from where they are.

Builds relations and bridges between communities. Destroys even long held friendships and camaraderie.

Leads to mutual respect for one another. Also leads to hatred and enmity between friends and lovers!

It’s something so fascinating that can push nations into solidarity and oneness. And something so hideous that can cause wars between two.

Is that one thing that all of us aspire for. And yet, when we have it figured out, some of us lose it all and start behaving in a fashion which no one should aspire to.

And in spite of so many dichotomies, as we all live our lives and go through the grind, we develop it, nurture it, and utilise it as we go along. What matters is whether the nurturing and utilisation is positive or negative!!!

Culture and Beliefs…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

On a road trip this weekend, with the car speeding on the highway, wifey and I engaged in a discussion on culture. While the trip ended soon after, some questions remained in my subconciousness for the entire weekend – How it germinates? How it builds? How it lasts? It seemed fascinating to understand these hows and as my mind raced around these questions, I decided to try and decipher them through my own experiences…

I have been part of a few organizations over the years. Right from a heirarchical organization, to structured but intrapreneurial setups in a couple of organizations I worked for, to rigid siloed operations in a couple of others, each one of them had a distinct culture.

When I look back now, a lot of it was espoused by the people at the top and percolated down to the bottom. Which comes from the theory that culture germinates from the top and trickles down. We often see leaders as the ambassador of the organization and equate the company’s culture with their mannerisms. I certainly have gained a lot of my cultural leanings from those people at the top I worked with.

However, it isn’t always an effect of the leadership following or espousing a certain manner. I believe it is also through the experiences that those people and the teams had in the formative years of the organization. What it led them to believe or disagree on, and what they gained out of those experiences, shaped up the culture of the team and the company at large as it grew.

Yet another theory I examined is that culture also shapes up based on the kind of work the company does and the people the teams engage with on a regular basis. If the work is done on the ground and with a lot of struggle, it leads to appreciation for people and situations vis-a-vis things which happen at a very high level without too much of a deviation. I experienced it first-hand in the startup world running my own business and interacting with others and believe it is also a contributing factor to some extent.

Whatever is the germination of the culture or the way it builds up, it is only when those tenets last for a long time that the culture seeps in all the nooks and corners and becomes symbolic of the organization at large. And with the passage of time, it gets ingrained in every new person fairly quickly. That’s when it begins to last!

As I reflected on all of these thoughts, it occurred to my mind that we as human beings also develop in our life and build our beliefs through similar processes. We depend on our parents and elders to pass on a certain culture and values to us when we are in our formative years. Our years at the school under the guidance of teachers and the influence of friends shapes us as we grow up. The experiences we have in our adulthood define our behaviour and disposition.

Those beliefs then help us shape our life going forward and get passed down to our family members and children. And shape up our society at large.

What matters most is how malleable those beliefs are – are we flexible enough to change them if there is a good ground for the change or are we rigid and hold them as unchangeable irrespective of whatever happens. Because that is what governs our responses to situations in life and improves our longevity and sanity. In the same way that a company’s sustenance and longevity is dependent on how it’s culture shifts with the changing strands of time…

That Small Town Feeling…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I grew up in small towns in the central state of MP in India. It was fun. It was also a lovely time and a great atmosphere to grasp the worldly ways!

For us, going to school was always a 5-10 min bicycle ride – rushing like hell in the early morning and loitering around with friends to make it back home in 30-40 mins in the afternoon. Many school friends used to stay in the same neighbourhood and were known to families, or in most cases not further than 1 or 2 kms, so going to play with them was also quite easy in the evenings.

Traffic was less. We always had playgrounds and clear paths and roads to walk, run and cycle on. I remember we used to play hide and seek on our bicycles with the entire neighbourhood of 1 sq. km. as the play area, riding like crazy into the various lanes and bylanes. Or played cricket in the bylanes till late without too many disturbances. Or played street games for hours together.

The neighbourhood was always buzzing with community events. People staying in a locality had their own ways of going about their daily lives and mingling with one another, cooperating on every small matter to support each other. Those on evening walks would walk up and down the entire neighbourhood and meet people at designated spots to chat a little. And ofcourse there were the parks and benches around them, filled with all age groups going about their activity of interest.

With everything within accessible distance, everyday chores were never a botheration. Get out and walk or ride a little and we would get to the place we intended to. Markets and shops were known so it was very easy to get things done quickly. And without any mad rush, except for festival times, we could go around and return with all to-do tasks completed in an hour’s time!

There weren’t many cinema halls or entertainment options and with television just starting to catch up and cable/satellite tv just launched, it was a common scene to see people from 2-3 houses huddled into one place to watch the daily soap operas or news or the sunday afternoon movie. In fact, going to the cinema hall was probably a quarterly event, with most of us relying on VCRs and VHS tapes to catch up on movies.

In short, life was simple and stress-free, full of happiness and laughter. Not just for us children but also for adults I observed. People used to be back home by early evening and had all the time to spend with their families. There was more in-person catch-up and it was usual for even uncles and aunties to gather together in the evening in groups for a cup of tea and some chit-chat. Meals were always a full family affair, with everyone enjoying each other’s company and talking about myriad things.

As I look back at those times with fondness, I miss them a lot. All of those small things taught us as children how to enjoy the simple things in life. It taught us the importance of bonding with others and working with people unlike ourselves to meet the common objectives. The community feeling instilled in us a great pride of belongingness and friendship, helping each other in times of need. And all the time spent with others made us care and understand more.

I don’t know about the cities and how they functioned then, but I am sure from whatever I have heard from some of my friends who grew up in bigger cities, they had some of these elements in common. Life was quieter and routines less punishing. And with lesser number of people, they managed pretty well in all the hustle and bustle surrounding them.

As we have grown rapidly over the past few years and urbanized with double the speed, that simplicity has been lost somewhere. Cities have transformed themselves to an always on, rush inducing mesh. Towns have grown bigger and busier. People have moved out or have been displaced, filling old places with new entrants. They have also become less forgiving and more self-focused.

All of this has led to a complete change in the way a child sees the world today. Gone is the simplistic view of the world. Children today grow up watching their parents and family members go through every day stress. They themselves hustle and bustle their way through a day with school, multiple classes, attention divided by personal gadgets, and so on. There is less time for bonding with others and too much time focused on oneself. Communities are a forgotten concept or reduced to small dwellings or apartments. And care and understanding for others has been reduced to a rubble.

It isn’t encouraging. With such a world view that a child sees in her early days, it is but natural for her to be self-focused and less accomodating. She likes to be on her own rather than mingle with others. And with everyone in the house busy with something or the other, it is the loneliness that engulfs her space which reduces the strengths of the bonds she has with her own family.

Time for us to think about the kind of future we want for ourselves and for our kids…

Near yet far…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The highlight of my week was Missus and Daughter returning after a couple of months at my in-laws. It was an anticipated event for some time now, with the return planned earlier this month, but the sheer high of seeing them in person after 2 months was indeed exhilirating.

I met them at the airport and as we spent time talking about all sorts of things on the way back home, it was refreshing to have that familiar buzz back in my life. And it reinforced my thoughts from earlier this week where coincidentally, I had personal conversations with a couple of colleagues and friends around the theme of family and their closely knit nature. We had discussed about how as a family we always strive to stay close and together but sometimes it becomes necessary to move out to a different place for professional or personal reasons. And how that impacts the bonds within the family.

As I reflected back on those conversations and my own experience over the weekend, it occurred to me that most of us by design want to stay close by, in a comfort zone. That allows us to predictably live our lives and be the support system to our family that we want to be. That’s our basic necessity, to be loved and cared for, and to love and care for others we are bonded with.

However, there comes a time (or some times) in our lives, when we are left with no choice but to separate from them for a given period, owing to work or studies or any other personal matters. And when that happens, how we keep that bond strong constitutes a great deal of how the family functions in the years to come.

I have seen it first hand. My father was in a banking job and had to move every 2-3 years. In the initial years of his service, when I was young, he always moved to new places alone, preferring to leave us in our home town with the extended family. Ofcourse it helped that we had a joint family and everyone was closely knit. But I sometimes wonder how he managed to serve his work requirements and still place family on top priority to ensure that they always had him nearby whenever needed. That is one of the reasons why we are still as closely knit as a joint family even today, although everyone stays in different places.

Today, with a better connected world, a lot of us travel and stay for work in a different place, leaving our families behind, as an accepted practice. However, we as individuals or as a society, often neglect the long term consequences of this movement to our family life. Be it the warmth and shelter that a family home provides, or the cosy feeling generated by being near our loved ones, or the simple fact of having someone to talk to, we do miss a lot in life.

Some of these are things that we often let go in our quest for a better life or career. We console ourselves that it is only for a few days/months/years and we will go back to a better life. And with all the communication tools to talk, see and hear each other, it is just like normal. However, it is not the same. Being in person as opposed to being virtually present isn’t always the same thing. Specially, when it comes to families.

With the kind of busy lives we lead these days, as time passes by and everyone gets busy, somewhere priorities shift. Perspectives change. Bonds start becoming weak or breaking up. Until we make an extra effort to keep up the normalcy and the intricate bonds connected. Or we build a ground to stand up on together, near yet far.

Or better still, we move our families (or ourselves) nearer, to partake in the new life we are creating for ourselves and for them…

Special-i-fashion!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Reading books is always special. Even if it isn’t too good a read, you take away something from it. But in a few cases, you read a book that strikes a portion of your brain deeply. And that stays with you for time to come.

This past week, I finished reading a book titled ‘Range’ by David Epstein. It’s about the fundamental premise of what is better – depth or breadth; and the author makes a case for breadth over depth, or range. As I read through, some of the examples stuck a chord…

Now, I am a person who has always valued breadth or range more, which is perhaps the reason for me liking the book more. But as I looked back at my own life and thought through on the experiences, I realised the breadth of experiences I had have helped me shape up to what I am today. And even though some of those experiences were not to my liking, they have nevertheless made me.

That’s true of other friends and acquaintances too. I see that those who have had varied experiences and gone into different directions have a much better point of view on new things and are never hesitant to take upon a challenge. It’s not that they have any more confidence than someone who has been focused on only one subject matter. But somehow, they intrinsically believe in themselves and are ready to try their hand at something new and give it their best shot.

Not to take away from those who focus on depth, I think such people are equally important to have by our side. Whether it comes to medicine, or any other aspect of life where specialization is the key to success, focus on depth is what separates the best from the rest. And in such fields, specialization is what matters the most. However, for the rest of us, normal folks, varied experiences count for much more.

What surprises me the most though is that having gone through a wide learning curve ourselves, when it comes to our children, why do we always try and push them towards some specialization. I have seen a number of parents pushing their child to focus on only studies or only sports or some form of art. There is a lot of noise in the media also with this constant messaging to focus on developing skills in children as early in their lives as possible, which doesn’t help!

Even when children grow up, we try and steer their career choices and push them to take decisions early in life, when they perhaps aren’t ready to decide whether they want to be a specialist or not. And in that haste to get them to settle, we perhaps take away the rich experiences that they could have had on their own.

Or for that matter, our young professionals. I fail to understand the urge for people to specialise early on in their careers. While it may help them get paid more or land a better role/company, it for sure constrains the field in which they can operate in. And while they may achieve all the success through the specialized route, wouldn’t it be better to have a larger field to play in initially and narrow down your choices as you grow along?

As I reflected on these topics and thought through, I realised that it is upon us as individuals to decide how we want to take things forward. For self and for others we are responsible for. While specialization is in fashion, how do we let it wind down it’s own course and take decisions naturally rather than forcing them.

Specially for our children. It is contingent upon us to give them the breadth of experiences that they can get and let them choose their path by themselves. Even if it means they fail a few times. For what is failure if not an excellent teacher!

Sprint or Marathon?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was caught on the wrong foot. Having run it like a sprint for the past few years, I had suddenly realised that life was a marathon!

All of us have our own thought processes about how life should pan out for us. And what should it lead to. As I came out of b-school and started working, I came to a conclusion that my life had to be in the fast lane and lead to massive success early on.

The next few years were spent chasing that dream. I set up my own business, worked extra hard, and burned myself going that extra mile to achieve success.

While the business did give me success and satisfaction, it was the thrill of being your own boss and running something for yourself that kept me going through a gruelling schedule and running the sprint.

It wasn’t until I decided to close down my business after 3 years and the hectic activity slowed down, did I start noticing that there were some gaps in my theory…

For one, I had neglected my health and had serious trouble on that front. I had also not been able to spend as much time with my family as I would have liked to. And I had spent most of what I earned, living life in the fast lane!

It was devastating to know that I had been running the race all wrong. Forgetting the dream that I had nurtured and closing down the business was in itself a painful process. Adding to it were all these other factors which were making me realise that I had been mistaken.

The next couple of months, I spent in introspection and thinking through on what went wrong and right for me. And while I carried rich experience that I couldn’t have got anywhere else, I realised that I could have run the race differently and had a more wholesome life.

After all, life is not a race to be finished, like a sprint. It is a marathon to be savoured and felt, going through the easy and tough phases. And it is above all an experience.

As I re-integrated with the corporate life again and got back to work subsequently, I made a quiet resolve that I will never be lured into running a sprint again.

And while the last few years have been busy, at the bottom of my heart and in my mind, I am running a marathon rather than a sprint.

As I spoke to an ex-colleague this week and we talked about this aspect of life, it made me realise that I have to keep course correcting myself from time to time to ensure that the bigger picture is not lost.

And to continue to live life to the fullest possible, enjoying the scenery and the road!!!