Perspective

Storytelling

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

The movie ended on a note that made me watch it again! Unusual, though not the first time for me…

Memento was probably the second or third movie, which I wanted to rewatch immediately. I watched it the second time with my wife, relishing the details and making sense of the amazing style of storytelling that the director has used in this movie.

As I thought about the narrative style and the effects the director, Christopher Nolan, had employed to make his story compelling, the writer in me naturally marveled at the way a linear story had been twisted to make it complex.

How sometimes a change of perspective gives a different spin to the narrative! Something which is seemingly confusing becomes clearer suddenly.

How we as an audience invest into absorbing a story when we find it compelling and stay with it till the very end because it continues to make sense.

This thought remained with me all day yesterday. And then, as I was reflecting, I realized how powerful storytelling can be…

It is something we all practice in our daily lives multiple times. The stories we tell in our workplace, the stories we tell at home, the stories we tell ourselves!

Sometimes we chose to tell straight forward stories. We like to state facts and touch upon them as they happened.

Sometimes we chose to narrate with added emotions, inferences, or opinions. We like to give the story our own spin, for what is a straight forward tell!

Sometimes we chose to approach the storytelling from a different perspective and try to induce empathy / sympathy in the audience. In the hope that we would be able to effect an outcome that we want.

We use one or the other approach depending on the situation. For the simple purpose that we want to pass on the message to the other person in the most effective way.

As long as it is done with the right intention. Intention which is generally accepted as right, not as per us. For our understanding could be colored or biased.

And as long it is genuine. For what is the fun in telling a story that’s not genuine, unless we want to continue building a web of stories to hide the lies in the first one…

“Legend”

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It is a heavy word – Legend. Could be a person who has done something spectacular in his/her field or could point to notations on a map / drawing. But it also means a story that has carried on for years about someone or something.

I am talking about the third type today…

Idling around the house this weekend, this question raked up in my mind. What is it that people around us know us for? How is it that we come across when others talk about us, even when we are not there?

Not that it really matters to me much. I am someone who doesn’t care for what people talk about behind my back. And I rarely indulge in petty gossip.

But this weekend’s inquisitiveness was more from the fact that when we do so many things in our lives, what is it that we leave behind? How do people recall us? What do we stand for?

Long back, if someone would have asked me this question when I was in my early 20’s and 30’s, I would have pointed my finger at success. How successful I am in a particular endeavor. For I believed that nothing speaks like success does.

It does for sure. But I also discovered through my own life’s twists and turns that what matters more is what we do and how it turns out. And more importantly, how do we treat others working alongside us.

We may have done something really well and still failed to see success. Or we may go the extra mile to make things happen without getting adequate results. Those efforts still count. And are still remembered by people.

In fact, as I looked back into my own life, I realized that this is the value system that I had always received. At one point in time, somewhere in the early race for life, I put that aside for a while and started treating success as more important than effort.

It took me a few shocks to get back to my previous self and understand that what matters is how I do things and how I treat others and work with them during the course of my endeavors.

As I changed my approach and my thinking, my efforts improved and so did my relationships with those who I worked with. And eventually it led me to successful outcomes. For all.

For, what is success, if it comes at the cost of burnt bridges or sour feelings…

Mental Make-up

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I often get asked about how someone gets trained in the military academy or hear remarks about the physical aspect of the training. And I often tell people, it is all about mental toughness.

Well, that is what I learnt after spending time at the academy in India.

When we entered the academy, most of us weren’t physically fit. More importantly, we were mentally weak. The sergeants and officers tasked with training us and converting us into officers therefore had two specific objectives.

In the first few weeks, I recall that we went through a grueling schedule. Not being used to the rigor of the place, it was a challenge for most of us to meet the physical requirements of the training. But it was as much about the mental aspect.

When we thought we couldn’t run, we were made to do timed 5 km runs. When we thought we were hungry, we were forced to go without food. When we thought we needed sleep, we were made to stand outside in freezing cold in attention.

It was worse at best for us. But it was also necessary. For what use is physical strength if you don’t have the mental toughness to handle things.

As we progressed through the academy training, the mental toughness that we developed was what helped us ace tasks that we couldn’t even think were possible a few months back. By the time we graduated, we were all much more tougher overall.

I have realized that this is true in so many other things in life. If I am mentally tough and clear about what I want out of life in general or from a decision I take at any given point in time, it is much easier to navigate through things. If not, I remain confused or troubled.

Be it figuring out what I want to do in my professional life or what I aim for in my personal life. Clarity of thought is the most important aspect.

This past few weeks, as I have spent time meeting friends and family in India, I have often been asked questions about how I am settling down after relocation. Or what is my plan for the coming years when I plan to return. Or how do I see things panning out after I take that decision.

My answer always boils down to what I want in my mind. If I am clear about what I want of this stint outside India or how I plan to live my life when I return, I will always see things in the right perspective and take the right calls. If not, I will forever be confused and only trouble myself.

I may not have the right outcomes and change gears or my approach, and that is fine. But as long as I have an understanding of what I am doing and why am I doing that, things will pan out decently.

And if ever they don’t, well that’s a learning for me to carry along with through my life!

Notions and Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We often form notions and perceptions about people, places, or things.

Sometimes, they get formed after due diligence or experiences we have. Sometimes, without so, based only on hearsay.

These past few days, as I spent time in Kashmir on a holiday, I realised the false notions and perceptions a lot of us Indians hold about the region.

For those who don’t know, Kashmir has been a troubled part of India, with disputes running since the country’s independence. Off late, it had become infamous for terrorist activities and anti-establishment echoes.

While the situation has improved considerably and people are again returning in droves to this tourist heaven, the long held notions and perceptions haven’t changed much.

It was not surprising for me to note the same hospitality I had received in the state when I had visited it fifteen years back. But as I talked with my brother, for whom this was also his second visit, the feeling reverberated and that re-affirmed my thoughts.

Contrary to perception, most people in the valley are peace loving and cooperative. People here are genuine, well mostly. And they are very hospitable.

As I thought about my experience and the contrary nature to the notion most of us have, I realised that we make this mistake many a times in our daily lives.

We often accept what others perceive or tell us, without enough fact checking on our side. We follow the majority opinion, not wanting to be that one contrarian. We form our own notions based on someone else’s experience.

I have made these mistakes many a times. There have been times when thankfully I have been able to identify and correct that mistake. But I am sure there are many more such mistakes I don’t know about.

What if I start applying myself to understand a point of view better and without any bias always? What if I start to form any notions only after careful considerations?

I do think I will be a better person. And hopefully I will have the right perspective on those people, places, or things…

World building

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I have always marvelled at the way in which writers build a world. Something that the consumer of that story can read or watch or listen to, and get fascinated by.

However I didn’t know how hard it is to do so. Until this year when I started going deeper into the subject.

Well, I got a glimpse of it when I wrote a few short stories last year. Or as I read through some broad-canvassed fiction like the Lord of the Rings (which by the way was portrayed very well with multiple nuances in the films)!

But I hadn’t imagined the difficulty yet.

Since the beginning of the year, I have been working with my dad to translate my grandfather’s magnum opus that we recently published in the original form. It is written in verse in Hindi and Sanskrit, so I have taken it upon myself to translate it in English and make it available to a wider audience.

As I have ventured on that path, and am reading through the original script in detail, I sometimes sit back and wonder. About how my grandfather managed to write such eloquent and detailed a book about something so commonly known in Indian mythology. And about my own ability to bring it out in my adaptation.

It is hard to imagine. And to put that imagination into words. Words that make a story look real and relatable.

Kudos to writers who do this well. In fact, most of the famous books ride on this world building. The reader feels immersed in the alternate universe that’s created in the pages. And that’s what beholds people to that literary work. Same is true for any art form which leave a lasting impression upon us.

As I reflected deeply on this aspect this past week, I realised that we all have similar opportunities in our daily lives.

Apart from being consumers of content, we are also producers of some other content in our daily lives. It might be some document or presentation at work, some work assigned from our college or school, or even in our daily lives when we talk to our children and narrate them stories.

We have an opportunity to build something that can be as immersive or interesting as the books we read or the films we watch. However, we don’t do that most of the times…

We rather focus on the here and now to get things done. To submit on time. To finish within the deadline. To get done and move on.

What if we changed our focus to doing what’s on our hands in the best way possible? Where the person who looks at our work can relate to it and go back with a feeling of having come across something beautifully done.

Perhaps the key is to think of it as a story revolving around us and how the details give out how we perceive our world or the one around us…

Life’s Direction

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Struck by an unfortunate event in the extended family, I spent much of my time this weekend ruminating on life and what I want out of it.

As I delved into my past and my learnings from my mistakes, as well as my aspirations for the future, I realized that a lot of times we get our priorities wrong. Not that it is intentional or ill natured.

Think for one instance about what most of us want to do in terms of work. We want to have a good work life, feeling happy and satisfied about what we are doing in terms of work or our contribution. But then many among us remain disillusioned or unsatisfied from their work but continue to do the exact same thing for long years. Not because we couldn’t get an opportunity to try out things that may give us higher satisfaction but because trying something new is riskier than what we do in their day jobs.

Or take for instance how we value family much above other things in general. Most of us live to provide for it. But often we get so embroiled in work and other things that life has to offer, that we forget our families or do not take out enough time for them.

Relationships is another classic one. We love to be in one and it’s often a great start. Slowly however, we start taking it for granted and neglect each other unknowingly. Result: we feel the pain in different ways and remain unhappy.

Consider health. We swear by it and make every possible resolution. But then we go on without exercising for days altogether. We neglect healthy food and binge whatever we crave for. Ending up with some lifestyle disease that we could have avoided. And then spend our life trying to control our urges.

How do we go about making decisions that affect our life and then remain noncommittal to them? Why does it happen to us?

I think we do it not out of compulsion but sub-consciously choose paths or do things that don’t match with what we want out of life. And that’s how these divergences occur. By the time we realize it and can take action, it’s often late or we are bound in a corner.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the key to being happy then is to be conscious of our decisions and re-evaluate what we are doing to keep our end of the bargain. If the goal is important to us, we should be able to plan around it. At any point in time.

If we keep on assessing whether we really still want to head in the direction we wanted to move in, it will help keep our head straight. For if the answer is no at any point of time, it’s better to change things then, rather than holding onto a false pretense.

The theory of sunk costs doesn’t always work and can sometimes be a fallacy…

Cravings

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2009, Singapore. A bunch of us, together in the MBA program, were discussing about good options for having Indian food.

Someone in the group suggested we try out a restaurant called ‘Annapurna’. It literally means the goddess of food in Hindu culture. The place offered a buffet and trusting the reviews we got from a couple of other friends, we headed downtown.

It turned out to be just the place we were looking for. Craving for good Indian food, we had found a gem. Needless to say, over the next few months we visited the restaurant quite a few times. Every time we craved for Indian food and even when we didn’t.

2018, Bangalore. I had been in the city for a few years and had been used to the piping hot idlis, crisp dosas and filter coffee that the many darshinis (fast food restaurants) had to offer.

Then, someone suggested ‘Taaza Thindi’ in Jayanagar. I had never been there. But again based on online reviews decided to try it. And it turned out to be a revelation. Ever since, we went there at least once a month to satisfy our cravings.

Craving for an ice cream today, I remembered these instances and they instantly bought a smile to my face…

I am sure all of us have similar stories. Where we found something that appealed to our senses and the craving for that experience led us to the same place multiple times.

What’s interesting to note though is that it is very difficult for something to appeal to us in a fashion that it draws us time and again. Out of the many places we have been to, only a few really earn a recall or even compel us to visit again.

I may be speaking from a short-sighted stance but it is almost always a place or thing which has character (age-old traditional one, new-age but very differentiated), or has a unique offering done right that we can’t find anywhere else. Because only when we associate with that character or uniqueness is when we crave for more of that experience.

I may be talking about food here but the same can apply for other things as well.

Interesting, because when we build something, we never think about this aspect deeply. In most cases, we try and conform to the trends – to what others are doing, or what they want, or what we see elsewhere.

What if instead, we started with a focus on differentiating ourselves in terms of what we stand for and how we do things. And then continue to do it day in and day out. Until we gain mastery over it and it becomes second nature. Enough to compel others to be drawn to our work – be it cooking, writing, or what we do in our day jobs!

Being a Father.

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

Picture this conversation between my 7.5 year old and her dad who’s 40 (well going to be 41 soon!).

Daughter: “Papa, I want to ask you, is it hard being a father”?

Me: (thinking where this is coming from!) Ahh? Hmm..

Daughter: (believes I didn’t understand) “What I am asking is, is it hard for you being a father”?

Me: (still not knowing how to answer this) “What do you mean”?

Daughter: “Just tell if it is hard for you to be a father along with the other things that you do”.

Me: (trying to given an answer but I still don’t have a good one) “It isn’t hard but sure is difficult”.

Daughter: (with a feeling of I had guessed so) “Hmm..”

Well, I am still reeling from this unspecified scrutiny of my capabilities after 3 days…

What’s the answer? I still don’t know!

What I do know however, is this:

Being a father is a responsibility. Of doing right and guiding right. Of carrying the burden of knowing you aren’t right always. And yet pretending that you are.

Being a father is a life lesson. In how to nurture and shape someone. In how to take pride in your life’s force visible in another being and yet be mindful that the being must not be exactly like you.

Being a father is a chance. To prove to oneself how to become better at things. To prove to others how you can be a better version of yourself.

Being a father is an opportunity. To see how a child evolves to become an adult. And to be a child again at times.

Being a father is a reminder. Of how you are catching up in years. And of how you must devote more time to things that matter.

Being a father is a balancing act. In knowing when to be strict and when to be lenient. In knowing how to deal with issues at home and outside and responding in a fair manner, without your biases kicking in.

Above all, being a father is a blessing. It has allowed me to explore those hidden aspects of myself that I didn’t knew existed. And in observing how my daughter has grown up over the last few years into someone who is caring, mindful, honest, and curious.

Given a chance, would I want to replay the entire of these last few years? Yes, for there are many things I would change. And no, for the memories I have right now are also precious and I wouldn’t want to part with them.

Now that’s a hard question…

Ties

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We come across different ties in our life.

Ones which are worn around the neck, also called the neck tie. When I was a young kid and started going to school, that is what a tie meant to me. It was a discipline to be followed every day.

Or the tie that we come across sometimes in a game. As I started growing up and played or watched sports, whenever two individuals or teams ended up at the same score, I used to marvel at the coincidence.

Or the tie that we have with our loved ones. What keeps us together as a family, with our friends, attached to those who care for us. The one which was invisible to me till I became an adult and understood life.

The tie that we wear equates to prestige. It provides for self-esteem, pride related to wearing a group colour, is considered to be an important accessory. But it’s very relative, may lead to happiness for some while could be a restriction for another.

The tie that we witness equates to excitement. It provides for fun, anxious moments, and a sense of longing for the victory that could have been ours. But it’s mostly fleeting, gets forgotten after a few days or weeks.

But the ties which we form, nurture and sustain are special and equate to belongingness. Their importance becomes more clearer as we grow old. And it always remains, like a constant source of energy powering us.

We humans, however very easily get confused and mix up the pecking order of these ties. Prestige takes precedence over excitement over belongingness. When that happens, it messes up our lives big time!

This week, I was engaged in a family function, held to launch a book that my grandfather had written 43 years ago. As we prepared and then executed on the entire program successfully, I ended up realising this very fact.

The tie associated with prestige (the accessory) was only an accompaniment and a reminder of self pride and inner happiness and importance for us. Thankfully, most people in our family treated it only as such.

The tie associated with excitement was a reminder of how somethings are meant to be. As we recounted the journey of the book, we discussed amongst us how the tiebreak situation of the last few chapters being completed after my grandfather’s death was a tricky and a long winding road, but totally worth the effort.

But the ties among people took center stage and have left us enriched forever. As the entire family came together to celebrate this important milestone and support each other, the ties that we have formed between us were visible in full flow and further got reinforced.

Thankfully, we as a family kept our heads on our shoulders and didn’t mess with the pecking order of the ties. Even one of them being off-balance could have led to a very different outcome!

Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We think. We perceive. And we form opinions. But are all of those valid?

This week, a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and another with a colleague, led me to this question.

Often times, we think and form perceptions about people / things based on our limited world view.

Like when I was in the Army, during our initial training days, most of us formed a perception about others. At a young age, without too much exposure, we perceived others through a limited prism of what we saw in front of our eyes. Without considering that people aren’t always how we see them. As time progressed, we saw them for who they were. Lesson learnt!

At other times, we perceive others based on our experiences and what we have learnt over the years.

Like when I joined my first job after my MBA, I utilised my experience over the last 10 years or so through work, college, etc. to form an opinion about others. I used my mental models to make sense of how things would turn out or how would people behave. As it turned out, I was right sometimes, but often wrong…

As we continue to build our lives, our ability to perceive improves. Grey hair of course comes with its own benefits! That helps us become more balanced in our approach.

Similar to how I dealt with people post my business failure, when I restarted my corporate innings. Because I had by then developed a better sense of the world, I could see beyond the obvious and perceive the other person or things for what they really were. Well, many a times.

However, there are times when our perceptions can still be wrong or premature. It often happens when we think only from one angle and negate others. Resulting in a loss of balance.

Like when we try and impose our world view on others. Or think our opinion is better than others. Or when a few occurrences make us believe it as a norm.

It’s only when we reflect on our perceptions, do we realise that this is an art that can never be perfected. Only improved upon. And the reason why we need to continue checking on if our perceptions are coming from a balanced view or are they swinging on either side…

For while the norm these days is either side, the middle is where everything rests!