Perspective

Superpowers.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are times in life when something unexpected happens, which may not be good but still turns out well…

Earlier this week, as I got detected with the famous virus that is fast becoming a long friend with humans, I experienced one such moment in life. Unexpected, uncalled for, unhinging.

And yet in some ways, reassuring.

I know there is a dichotomy here! Let me explain…

As I tested positive with only mild symptoms and then progressed well on the way to recovery, it was a few days of “taking it easy”. In these last few days, isolated in a room with nothing else to do except reading, watching, listening, and thinking, I got ample opportunity to reflect on some of these life’s vagaries.

What definitely helped was that no one else tested positive at home, and my symptoms were mild enough to not worry. Perhaps someone else with the virus but with difficulties or higher severity may not empathize with what I am saying here. Not disrespecting them. I have all the sympathy for those who have had a tough time. But then, all of us have our own experiences and perspectives and I am recounting mine.

So coming back, as I was speaking to a friend about how I was doing, we conversed about how this can be a blessing in disguise. He mentioned that I was now endowed with a superpower against the virus and I could now be less worried about contracting it for at least some time. While I listened to his statement and laughed it off, I realized that is was true scientifically. And that’s the reassuring bit.

But as I thought deeper about it, I realized that life offers us opportunities to gain these superpowers. Specially so, immediately after something unexpected has happened.

Like after we are down in the dumps and have had a massive fall, we become aware that the only way from there is up. We let go of our fear of failing anymore and set our sight on succeeding again. Superpower to control our own destiny and of those who are associated with us.

Or after we have had a health scare and decide to be fitter and take our health in our own hands. We let go of our unhealthy lifestyle, change our habits, and discipline ourselves on an everyday basis. Superpower to improve our life at all costs and live longer.

Or after we come out of a self-imposed bout of anger and jealousy post a big fight and decide to mend ourselves to not go into the same direction again with the same person or with others. We slowly learn to control our mind and behavior and not get flustered in such situations again. Superpower to help ourselves and others in all situations.

Or after we let go of lethargy and inertia and pick up the pen/brush/lens or whatever tool we may have in our arsenal, to devote time to things we love to do. We enjoy those few moments spent in creating something or working on the hobby we find pleasurable. Superpower to be happy at all times and live well.

These are all superpowers because we want them in our life at all times, with all their might. If given a choice, we wouldn’t part with even one of them, ever.

The interesting thing is, all of us have had these superpowers at least once in our life. But somehow, implored with life, we chose to give them away. Unknowingly. Unwittingly. Unintentionally.

Hopefully, the next time we gain any of these superpowers, we recognize the opportunity and don’t let them go off into the ether…

What’s your Vibe

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Serious or easy going? Cool or complicated? Dependable or unfathomable? Approachable or distant?

We all have one defining aspect that describes us. More or less.

And by “we” I don’t only mean individuals. Even organisations.

For individuals like you and me, our vibe is a complex result of an ever evolving life that helps build experiences and impressions. Right from our childhood to the point in time, a lot of things help shape us. And those distill into the vibe that we radiate.

It is the same for organisations. The only difference being, it is a result of a collective and not an individual. What the founders or senior people experience early on and what culture they seed is what gets built upon and adopted as the years progress. As the culture shapes up, the vibe solidifies.

People or organisations with good vibes attract others. Others want to be friends with them, work with them, and help them. On the contrary, those with bad vibes end up isolated or marginalised, not able to attract as many others.

It wasn’t until this week, as I was remembering some of my past experiences, did I realise that there is one big difference though.

In both cases, there is a point in time beyond which the individual or the organisation get typified into that vibe and those inner bonds sustains for long, sometimes for the entire life.

Unless, something happens or snaps and breaks those bonds. And forces the person or the organisation to re-evaluate their position, their experiences, and their outlook. Thereby, moving them in life to a different direction and dimension, resulting in a changed vibe.

We have all heard of how organisations evolve and change their course based on internal assessments, some of them going on to make history. And how some of them don’t realise the slide and fall down eventually.

But it doesn’t seem to be as frequent a case for individuals. Most of us fall prey to what we have built and disregard the need for change and to re-evaluate our vibe periodically.

We become a slave to who we have shaped up into. And continue living our life in that same state, even though we may be going down the wrong path.

And while that may be an ok approach to take in a multidimensional and multilayered organisation, whose demise may just render us jobless, it is counterproductive to do the same as an individual and end up with a lost life or worst, loss of life.

Sounds like a good strategy then for us to have our own internal assessments on a timely basis, to reset our course and make the most of our life!

Choices

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Life’s about options and what we decide for ourselves about anything at a given point in time, is what a choice is.

Some choices are meant to be decisive and some innocuous.

Some choices are decided organically within us and some get enforced due to externalities.

Some choices are an outcome of what we have done in the past and some based on what we have to do in the future.

Some of them involve only ourselves and some engulf others also.

For some people, choices define them and for some others, they define their choices and their path.

How so ever it may impact us and whatever we may have done or do to arrive at what we choose, one thing that’s certain is that we have to make choices for ourselves and sometimes our loved ones innumerable times in our life.

What then should be our guiding factor to make those choices? Should it be the best outcome, the fastest approach, or the easiest option? Or should it be a middle road combining these three?

Over a conversation this week, I realised it has to be the one which makes us happy apart from being morally right. Sometimes it may be the one with the not-so-optimal outcome, or not the fastest approach, or not the easier road. But if it makes us or our loved ones happier and allows us to approach the subsequent steps with that good feeling in our mind and heart, it would have served its purpose.

For in one’s happiness lies the happiness of her loved ones and those surrounding her…

Beliefs

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What we accept as true, without proof at times, a firmly held opinion.

Beliefs drive us to great heights to take a side in a conversation. Even if we are the only one on that side. They help us move mountains and go ahead if present and not move an inch if absent.

It could be about anything – our identity, systems, rituals, work, approach, or even about people. What is only required is for us to believe in it completely.

It could be something we have held on to for long or may have been formed recently. But once it takes root, only something truly ground breaking could dislodge it.

It could be passed on by someone to us or formed on our own. But once it is registered, it is convincing enough for us to pass on to others.

Which are strange and peculiar characteristics…

Because what we are holding on to, may be wrong and yet because we hold onto it, it appears infallible to us. It may be unquestioned and not completely in sync with the times but looks current to us.

What’s important though is to note that the belief holds onto the strong position in our mind because it appears as our own. Something we are personally responsible for or aligned with!

And that’s the crux. If we feel responsibility and alignment with something or someone, it propels us into a different orbit and helps us do whatever is required.

Perhaps a secret sauce for us to consider, when we think of anything and want to be successful in, is to then ensure alignment and assume full responsibility.

A good way to keep us focused and within range of our target…

Empathy

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I met a somebody. I heard him say something which wasn’t aligned with my thought process. I formed an opinion about that somebody. This is often what happens to us or with us. On a regular basis!

This week, as I encountered a similar scenario and these thoughts formed within my consciousness, I realised that we humans are programmed for this.

We constantly try and judge others. We fall prey to being inconsiderate about people with other things as well. About how they appear. Or what they wear. Or how they talk. And on and on…

It is not that we are doing this intentionally. Or with a mal-intent. It just happens.

And while most of the times, this is a fleeting feeling and doesn’t get carried forward, at times it can get retained and lead us in a different direction with respect to that person. May not be the best possible direction.

As I thought about all this, I realised that the only way to avoid this trap is by being conscious of this natural instinct and making an effort to be empathetic.

To give the other person a chance to explain herself fully without forming any opinion beforehand. To not judge her but to reserve our thoughts for later. To allow ourselves to understand her perspective before answering back.

That requires us to behave consciously in a deliberate manner. Something that can only happen with practice.

I am starting my practice now onwards. It will hopefully lead to more fruitful and engaging conversations for me and for others I interact with!

of Preoccupations…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week was a blur. I was pre-occupied with something happening on the personal front.

That meant a lot of thinking beyond the obvious on what is happening, how to handle it, when to do what, and above all why should I do whatever I choose as the way forward.

As I spent the week surrounded by all these thoughts and running mental simulations and validating various hypothesis, it meant time between work or later spent in the pursuit. It was exhausting and refreshing at the same time.

And it helped me realise one thing – it is good to sometimes have some pressing preoccupations in your mind. Helps you feel challenged about certain things.

Prior to this week, I always used to view some of these pre-occupations as an issue interfering with work or something to be relegated to weekends. In doing so, I often pushed naturally occurring thoughts out or postponed moving forward until the weekend, which would then be spent crunching time and running a crash routine.

This time, somehow I let the thoughts flow naturally. And while it meant staying up late on some nights or ruminating about hypothesis during my morning routine, it allowed me to progress in an unhurried fashion and logically evaluate different aspects.

It was out of turn. Completely not me. And yet, this new approach helped me see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel in a controlled and faster manner.

The realisation that I don’t need to leave all the thinking on such aspects to the weekend and can manage it on weekdays along with work, also made me understand that preoccupations are not a bad thing after all.

Yes, if they interfere with your normal life or duties. Or if they completely take over and stop you from doing what you should be doing. Be it on the personal side or professional side.

But if they are controlled in a disciplined manner with clearly drawn boundaries between what has to be done as one’s duty and without letting them affect anything else, they can be a good segue into another direction that’s perhaps important to be explored.

After all, we cannot control what thoughts we have and when but we can to some extent manage what we want to do with them and how…

Life Stages…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

A few weeks back, talking to my Uncle, my cousins and I were discussing the pandemic situation in general.

He was giving his perspective on things, focusing on the lighter side. We all found it very concerning that he was talking about it lightly and made a joke that as he is approaching retirement, his perspectives have become more unusual and alike the elders in the house.

However, thinking back to the conversation, I realised that he was talking about things from his perspective. And while we may debate on whose perspective is the right one, each one of us has his/her own…

As I dwelt further on this conversation, I realised that our reaction to the perspective was perhaps also because we were viewing the issue from a different lens than he was. After all, we are in a different life stage than he is in.

In Hinduism, the historical texts talk about 4 stages of life. Beginning with the learning stage, progressing to the household stage, leading to the retirement stage, and finally to sanyasa, where life is renunciated.

In modern view, we can perceive these life stages as different eras altogether.

Life begins with the carefree era generally till around 25 years of age in our society today. We rarely worry about anything but ourselves during this stage and enjoy everything that we can, with a carefree attitude. As we grow up from a toddler to a teenager, we keep learning and gaining. No responsibilities in general and lots of freedom to our thoughts and in our actions.

This is followed by the next 25 years of the responsible era, where we tend to take up a lot of responsibilities at work, in life and in general. This is where we get serious about our work and career, get married, have kids, build our fortune for whatever it is worth, and plan in advance for everything, as much as we can. It can be overwhelming at times but we generally try and give it our all, to maximise the output from these years.

For a lot of people, their lives culminates in the afterglow era over the next 25 years, where they bask in the learnings of life and walk into the sunset slowly. This is when they leverage all they have seen over the last 50-60 years and make sense of things in their own way.

For a few chosen ones, life continues into the golden era beyond 75, who have the privilege of watching life happen all over again and enjoying their extended time on the planet. This is also when many people go back to being like a child again and live life king size!

As we progress through these life stages, our perspectives change. That’s one of the reasons that thought processes don’t always match when people from different eras interact with each other. Or why our preferences are so different. Or why priorities change. Or why realisations differ.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Each one of us is entitled to where we are in our life’s stage and our perspectives, preferences, priorities and realisations.

It therefore is natural that we have divergent views about things as compared to our parents or elders or children. That’s also healthy I believe, for it keeps us all in a system of checks and balances and ensures the best outcome possible, generally.

What is most important though is to recognise that our views will differ but even in that divergence we have to attempt convergence!

Because that is what we owe to our family…

Perspectives and our Feelings…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are perspectives that we have. About ourselves and our life, about others and their life, about things happening all around us. And then there are perspectives that others have about the same things.

On a recent road trip, with a long journey ahead of us, I engaged in some delightful conversation on myriad things with a friend. One of the things we talked about was perspectives. As I thought about the conversation later on, I realised that a lot of our life is governed by and around these perspectives. And it led to a couple of questions – “Would we have a different life if we change our perspective? And is it a matter of alignment of perspectives that leads to mutual feelings”?

Now, all of us are entitled to ours. That’s what makes us unique. But that is also what defines so much about what we feel and how we feel…

If we talk about our personal life, we base our decisions on what our perspective is about the present or the future. We take decisions based on that – like marriage, family, house, children’s education, what to spend on, and so on. These decisions could lead to further perspectives that may change our outlook but nevertheless each of our decisions are based on our current viewpoint.

Coming over to the professional life also, the decisions to work, to quit, to change a job, to continue, or to take up or shun additional responsibilities is based on the perspective we hold about our colleagues, the company, the outside market, etc.

However, whether in the personal or professional arena, these perspectives and the decisions resulting from them are also a function of what the other party holds. For example, certain decisions can be taken by a husband and wife only if they are both aligned. Otherwise, they would never be able to agree and come to the same conclusion. Similarly, in the case of an employee, her career choices depend on what is the perspective that others hold about her. If there is a misalignment, it leads to the contrary.

A times, we refine our perspective based on what the other party holds. And when that happens, the alignment leads to a joint or mutually convenient decision. For example, to become friends again after a fight. Or to continue in the same job even when you have another offer in hand. This alignment of perspectives leads to a feeling of happiness and progress. Whereas, when we disagree on our perspectives and there is no alignment, it leads to disagreements, disputes, and even separation in some cases. Generating a feeling of sadness and discontent.

Is this the case all around or are there exceptions? I don’t know. I haven’t thought so deeply. But what I did understand is that while we have the power to change our perspective, it is the alignment with others and the feelings it generates within us that we should be watching for. If the feelings are negative for a long time, perhaps it’s time to change. Either our perspective or our life or both!

Worrying too much?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

OTT platforms are killing it these days. I was watching one such series on the 1992 stock market scam in India that has garnered good reviews, when the subject of this post came across through one of the dialogues by the central character. It has been 3 weeks since I finished watching that series but the dialogue has remained with me, with the protagonist mentioning “Worry is like death”. As it came up repeatedly in my thoughts, I spent some time deliberating on it with my own experiences and those of the others I have seen around me.

I have had a couple of troughs in my life. The first one was when I had to leave the Army while the second one was the phase when I had to close down my business. In both the cases, with the tide of time going against me, I started worrying a lot about what will happen, what will I do in the future, and so on. And at both times, I became bitter, had health issues, and pulled down those near and dear to me. Fortunately, I got some good advise and support from my family to come out of those situations.

Even with others, I have often seen how they have got jolted by mishaps and things that didn’t go as per plan. And while most of them have recovered from that setback and moved on to do better things in life, there have been few I know of, who haven’t been able to come to terms with it.

Why do we worry so much? And why is it that we feel so disheartened that we sometimes lose hope and continue to sink deeper? Why is it that some people sink so deep that they either chose to take the extreme step or continue to live their remaining life in the sink-hole? On the other side, what is it that gives us hope to pull ourselves back and get back on our feet? How is it that we can stomach all such upsets when we have support of others?

As I thought through my own experiences and those of the others I know, I realised that the answers to these questions are probably an outcome of the perspective we have on life.

Right from our childhood, we develop this perspective, which is a complex combination of the values passed on to us, the thought process instilled/developed during the formative years, the things that are taught to us directly or indirectly, and the experiences and the reaction/response to them that we imbibe in our instincts.

And while each one of us has our own unique experiences, some of the important things that determine how we will react to these setbacks in our life is the result of the upbringing that we have had over the years. Positivity breeds optimism in all situations and leads us to move on after the setback and redo/restart on the same/new path. Negativity instills fear and anxiousness, which leads us to question ourselves and doubt if we can move forward after such a setback, getting trapped in our mind.

With the world around us changing rapidly now and the uncertainity prevailing in every sphere of our lives, these situations will only become more common and the response to them will probably determine the future of not just us individuals but also the society as a whole. And therefore, I feel, its time we start looking at the glass half full and start encouraging others also to do the same…