Time

Give me more. Time.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Give me 15 seconds to explain. Or a minute to complete… How often have I heard it!

It seems as if all we want is to ask for some time when it’s run out already. Even if it doesn’t help us.

Wait. Maybe, it does? It makes our voice heard.

But what we can achieve in those 15 seconds or in a minute that we couldn’t all the while when we were in the meeting or in that situation?

Perhaps, we didn’t get a chance to speak. Or the time allotted was too short. Which are both good reasons to seek more time.

However, wouldn’t it make sense to then ask for 5 minutes or 15? Why a few meagre seconds?

Is it that we are so enamored to the concept of time that we don’t want to waste others or ours? Or is it that we are so perennially short of it that asking for more may show our greed / insensitivity?

I think it is neither but ignorance on our part. Ignorance to comprehend that we won’t be able to say something in a few seconds, that which we haven’t already said.

For, is it really possible to complete, let the other person comprehend and expect him/her to respond to what you have to say in 15 seconds?

It could also be a matter of greater complexity than originally thought. And if so, then the matter anyways needs more time and asking for a few seconds won’t help. Better to discuss in more detail when everyone has more time!

Whatever it may be, the best thing to do IMHO, is not to seek more time immediately but rather put forth your point separately – in the next meeting or when you have a chance to.

Maybe asynchronously? After thinking through deeply and then putting it forward.

For, if the matter would have been so urgent, the decision would have already been made. And if you hadn’t spoken for or against it then, likely you didn’t for a reason…

The good ol’ days!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have those people whom we spent some good days with. Family, friends, colleagues.

Often, when we meet, the conversations turn toward the days we spent together. How it felt and how it continues to give us joy even now.

This weekend, as I spent time with cousins and then a couple of childhood friends, the time together allowed us to feel the vicarious pleasure of living those golden moments again.

There’s something about spending time together. In person, with other human beings…

Just the other day, I was reading and then chatting about loneliness and how we are becoming distant from others. Today, as I settled down to write, this appreciation dawned on me.

That I am someone who needs to be around people I enjoy being with.

That I want to feel the voices and touch the feelings of togetherness across different relationships I have.

That I crave talking to people who I am friends with, even if it is whiling away time in small talk.

That I am much more happier and satisfied with a day well spent in a group rather than a week of being alone.

That I must take out time to do so, as often as I can.

For, there are very few things more enjoyable than sharing moments which you can remember and feel fresh again reminiscing about those good ol’ days later!

The Precious Years…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I live in a state of concern and apprehension. Concern about how my parents, who are getting older, age. And apprehension about how I would support them in the years to come.

I was born and brought up in a joint family and stayed away from my parents, by choice, until I was eleven. Not entirely, but for elongated periods of time when my mom joined my dad in his postings. In those days, I never really felt too much when they left me behind.

Then, as I grew up and joined the army, for the first time in my life, I felt the pangs of separation. Perhaps more so because that was the first time I was staying away from my family. But I did miss my parents a lot in those days.

So, when I had to come out, I went over to Delhi, where they were. Even post finishing college and starting work, I continued to visit them quite often. I started enjoying their company and the times we spent together as a family.

Life moved on, I found the love of my life, and got married. We moved to Bangalore for work and my parents made it a point to come over once a year to spend time with us, while we took time out for a couple of weeks to go spend with them. It made me habitual to they being around to share life’s important moments.

Then, with our daughter’s birth, the relationship further evolved and they started spending more time with us, weeks together. As they settled in their new rhythms of post-retirement life and having a grandchild, it gave our relationship a new perspective. I suddenly grew up in their eyes.

Over the last few years, our relationship has further blossomed more than I imagined. We enjoy spending time together, going on vacations, enjoying as a family. Or being at home and watching a movie together or playing games. At ease with the time we get together, knowing it is only a few weeks.

While they pass on more wisdom to me every time, I too have come to respect them more and more for what they did as parents. It’s not easy being one.

But it’s also a realisation on my part that whatever time I get to spend with them now and as long as I can, is most precious. Almost like the younger days of our daughter were, when she was growing up every single day. Not discounting the time I have spent with them earlier or what I spend with my daughter now, but speaking relatively.

So, when they decided to come over for a couple of months to stay with us, I was so excited. Those two months got over today and they are heading back. As I stood at the airport, waving them the final byes, a lump formed in my throat.

Not because it will be some time before I meet them again and we stay together for a while, but because I wished the time spent with them could have been longer…

On my way back from the airport, I found solace in the fact that I was able to spend so much time with them. And do so many things while they were with us.

The words of a recent chat with a friend echoed in my mind – “Past a certain age, every moment is in itself precious. We just have to learn to enjoy our time with our parents to the maximum!”

Solitude

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

I was at land’s end today, staring into the horizon. It was one of those hiking trails, overlooking the Pacific Ocean on the US west coast.

There were waves crashing by on the rocks down below. Wind in the air hadn’t picked up and the sun’s rays made it a warm outing. Unlike most days.

Some people around the area were capturing pictures, others were just sitting and talking. My own companions, wife and daughter, were busy looking around.

As I soaked all of this in, and looked on, I got into that zone where I meet solitude. It was short lived, probably a couple of minutes. But amidst the surroundings, with so much happening around me, it was refreshing.

As we continued on the hike, I was reminded of a lunch-time chat with a couple of colleagues. We were talking about things we do in our off times to stay fit. One guy talking about how sports was his thing, the other talked about biking. I talked about walking and how it not only helps me with fitness but also allows me to disconnect a bit from other things and find that solitude zone.

Then, as we went the full circle on the trail, up and down the hillocks nearby, I kept absorbing the scenery around me and thinking about it.

I guess I seek solitude because it just helps me be. In those moments, I don’t worry about anything which is taking away my time. Nor do I get myself busy with something to pass time.

I think through things clearly, just about anything. Some days it is to do with something personal. A few days, professional. Maybe a problem that’s vexing me at work. Or a personal dilemma that needs attention.

I look back at or ahead toward life. Without any particular reason, just like that. And I find some gems – a hidden feeling, a long-forgotten memory, a strand of thought of what may be exciting for me down the road.

Sometimes I just don’t have any thoughts running through my mind. I just look on and keep walking, blankly. Putting my mind to rest, refreshing myself in the process.

When I was younger, I wouldn’t have appreciated this as much as I do now. Perhaps the youthful eagerness has been tempered. Or perhaps it’s the little wisdom I have gained out of life until now.

What’s clear though is that by finding solitude time and again in random places, my life has gained a new dimension. One of self discovery, reflection, and assimilation…

The things I will miss…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There’s a saying I’ve heard many a people say, “Enjoy your time with your children until they grow up”. One of my colleagues even relayed a scientific study that quoted how we spend almost two thirds of our entire time with our kids during their first ten years.

This weekend, during a casual conversation at the salon while getting a haircut, the owner was relaying to me how her daughters have grown up now and they hardly have time for her. She was talking about it in a humorous manner but I could also sense a tinge of sadness behind her voice at times.

As I stepped out and walked my way back home, I was reflecting on what I will miss with my daughter as the years pass by. She is eight currently, so I have technically spent more than half of my entire lifetime’s worth of time with her already!

I will surely miss her innocence. How she can ask the most simplest of questions without any prejudgements or implying anything. How she means only what she says and nothing else. And how she accepts any apologies with an open heart.

I will miss her laughter and the unbridled fun she has right now. How she goads us to tickle her, just because she likes it. Or how she finds joy in the smallest of things around her and reminds us of the beauty around us.

I will miss her curiosity and ability to grasp things. How she asks all kinds of questions because she genuinely wants to know. How she believes in things someone has told her and we have to then make efforts to prove it otherwise, in case she has learnt something wrong. How she is able to make sense of things so rapidly, while sometimes we are at sea.

I will miss her banter with us and the endless conversations she initiates. How she can strike up a chat on random things and go on about them for a long time. How she tells us everything, whether good or bad, because that’s how she feels like.

I will miss a lot more. I maybe don’t know yet. But what I do know is that as she grows up further, some of these things will go away from her behavior or change over time. She will surely have lesser time for us then.

Hopefully, I will be able to make the most of the times we have with her now and conserve all these memories while we still have the time to make them…

Lovingly, yours…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Rain was coming down with a patter on the streets. It was late and the man inside the car knew it.

As his car rushed through, piercing the silence of the night, he could almost feel the closeness of being home. His body was tired and his mind was overworked after the long trip. His heart was however longing for the known touch.

In a few more minutes, he got home. As he parked and went inside the house, there was a hushed silence. Everyone had slept off, rightfully so. He didn’t want to disturb his parents, wife, or the kids at this odd hour. So, he silently got in and used the guest room to change over. This was a routine affair for him.

Coming out of the shower, his mind reminded him of the fact that he had not slept properly for the last couple of days. Again, a common feeling, which would have led him to his bedroom. His heart however, moved him in another direction today.

He slowly entered his children’s room and saw his daughter and son sleeping soundly on their respective beds. He slowly sat down beside his daughter and pecked her on her forehead. In her sleep, her face brightened up and she held his hand, not wanting to let it go. He remained like that for a while, until he was sure that she had gotten back to her fairly land dream world.

He went over to his son, tucked him in nicely and stroked him, pecking him too on his forehead. His son turned over to the side and half opened his eyes. Not realizing it was dad, he again closed them and went back to sleep.

With a smile on his face, the man came out of the children’s room. He longed for these moments with his children, when he could be with them without any worries of the world.

Then, he cautiously opened his parent’s bedroom door. They were both light sleepers, and he didn’t want them to get a hint. He saw they were comfortable and closed the door. There was always the morning to meet them.

Finally, he went over to his own bedroom. His wife was fast asleep. He lay beside her, hugged and kissed her.

He had a lovely family. If not for his work, he would have liked to just hang around them all day long. He had been planning to do that soon enough, after all he had been working hard for almost twenty five years. He had thought he will take up a less demanding role, without travel, and slow down his life.

With these thoughts he passed out…

Next morning, as he woke up there was commotion all around. The kids were off to school, the wife was busy with household chores, the parents were just returning from their morning walk. He freshened up and came out. Just in time to wave a bye to his kids going out through the door.

As he sat down with his parents and his wife joined them too for the morning tea, he was back in familiar territory. This was home, his folks. A few minutes of chit-chat covered a couple of anecdotes from his trip, recent happenings in the house, and an upcoming social gathering at their cousin’s place.

The tea had finished. It was time to go and get ready. Everyone sitting there expected it.

But today was different. He didn’t get up. Instead he continued sitting there, chatting about other things. It was as if time didn’t count for him somehow. As if it was that rare holiday or the weekend when he had decided not to work.

His wife had a surprised look at her face. So did his parents. He looked at them and understood.

Leaning forward on his chair, he announced that he had decided he could skip the rest of the week at the office, taking time off completely, to be with them. Yes, there were some internal meetings. But they could happen the next week also.

He had envisioned this some times, while on a flight. But had always casted it away as a wishful dream. But now that he actually put words to the thought, he felt liberated. From the load of always taking his work more seriously than anything else.

His folks were elated. The conversation turned to the day’s plans, what they could do over the weekend, and how he could surprise his kids after their school…

He had always loved them all. But today, they had felt, perhaps after a long time, that he was lovingly theirs…

Time

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As we enter 2022, it’s that time of the year when we feel the most hopeful, the beginning…

With the new year’s greetings posted and pictures of the recent vacaction or family time shared, everyone looks forward to what the new year holds in store for them. We make plans for the coming months and adopt resolutions that we hope to stick to forever.

And yet, time is an ironical friend!

It takes away at times, it gives more at times. It helps us experience highs and lows of life, sometimes all within a short span. And it certainly seems like the easiest thing to manage but is the most difficult to handle.

As we were winding up 2021, this apparent truth hit home for me.

We had planned for some travel in the new year to spend more time with our parents but with the oncoming rapid surge of the third wave in India, we decided to cut short our visit and return to base immediately, lest we get caught in the middle.

As the decision was taken within a span of 2 days, the earlier thought out plans all came to nought. Naturally, it wasn’t a great feeling for us to cut short a well planned out visit and neither was it for our parents. While they supported our decision to return, we could understand they ruing the missed opportunity of staying together longer.

While we proceeded with our new plan and are now back home, it reminded me of how often we take time for granted and instead of making the most of what we have on hand, plan ahead for the days and months to come. Sometimes too far in the future.

How we curtail things that we ought to do with our loved ones because we want to prioritise our time on seemingly more important things. Or how we take our relationships for granted and instead of investing time on them, try to put them into autopilot. Or worse still, cut ourselves off from others on the pretext of being busy with work and then drift apart from those folks.

So, as I entered the new year and was on my way back, while putting together in my head a broad plan for the year, I also resolved that I will spend more time with those who matter to me. In person, on the phone or on video calls, and through messages. Not only on weekends but also during the week, taking out time as I may be able to. Perhaps only for small things but nevertheless.

I know it will be difficult. But will strive to as much as possible. And hopefully, as the year goes by, will have a better feeling about how I utilized my time!

Family

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This weekend, I spent some great time with my cousins and close family while one of our sisters got married. It was a reminder about the power of small yet beautiful.

Keeping with the times, it was a gathering of about 40 people. We were all cocooned in a cosy resort for 3 days while trying to maintain pandemic protocols amid the wedding functions.

Initially, we weren’t sure about how the entire arrangement would come through. And if it would be as much fun as it is when a bigger gathering ensues. But as we checked in and the 3 days passed, the experience grew on us.

These 3 days taught me an important aspect of how we function as a family and how quality outweighs quantity in terms of time.

For one, while the scale of functions or the amount of craziness associated with big Indian weddings was missing, we got to spend more time having fun with each other. With limited people in attendance, functions got over faster, leaving us with ample time to fool around, catch up with each other, and spend quality time together.

And with the arrangements being taken care of beforehand by the amazing groom, we had less to worry and more to enjoy. It was like a 3-day holiday for us, looking our best, enjoying with family and friends, and having some good food and fun together.

Another important aspect was the opportunity we got to know people on the other side, which at times remains perfunctory and limited, owing to the constant flux of functions one after the other. With more time on hand, we talked to others, made new friends, and added to our fun factor.

While the size may have been smaller, the coming together of the immediate families and time spent in the 3 days was a reminder of the value the extended families have in the growing nuclear family scenario and how that support system is absolutely critical to have enriched experiences.

Even if not on account of marriages, such get togethers act like a good dose of life and are perhaps more required now, when we are all so caught up in our daily individual routines.

As we all bid our goodbyes to each other and headed to our respective homes, the aftertaste and fun moments continued to linger on through the journey back home and brought a smile every now and then to my face.

On to the next such get-together then, hopefully in better times!

Time travails!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last 1 week, I have seen 2 movies where the concept of loneliness gets mentioned prominently. Ruminating about the present situation, in both the cases, there is a satirical solution to solve for the problem most people in these modern times face…

Sitting idle on a rainy Sunday, eschewing the choice of watching another movie or reading another book, I decided to delve deeper into this abyss.

Being a working couple, with multiple calls and meetings jam-packed into our schedules, we have been finding it tough to get time for ourselves, apart from the household chores that never seem to end. That leaves us with very little time to talk to each other on most weekdays or have fun as a family.

It wasn’t so earlier. I remember, in the previous decade, while work was hectic, there was a physical cut-off time that most people followed and respected. And while there were those odd days or weeks, where you had to put in extra hours, without the always connected, ubiquitous gadgets, our lives were much simpler.

Evenings after office work used to be spent in chit-chatting about sundry things. Or in watching some television. And talking to other family members and friends.

During childhood, it was even better. I recall that when my father used to return from his work, we all used to sit down and have a hearty conversation. And so it went on, until dinner time and sometimes, even post that. That was the daily succour with very little options on television – the only thing being the evening news that was part of the daily routine.

As we have got more options to remain connected and have more gadgets at our disposal, somehow we have been robbed of our time. When we are not working, we feel the urgent need to connect with the world through the technology in our hands. That behaviour has percolated down to children and today it is not uncommon to see teenagers glued to their screens with scant awareness about what’s happening around them.

And then there is the entire focus on ‘Me Time’. About doing something which dissociates us from the daily tribulations of our work. While earlier, most people had constructive hobbies to pursue during such time, these days it is spent mostly on streaming platforms, or browsing through social media, news, shopping websites, WhatsApp chat groups, and what not.

Most of us have fallen in this trap of always being connected, with a false sense of interacting with the world and being informed, instead of spending time with those that matter the most in our lives. And that is what I feel is leading to this feeling of loneliness and hollowness.

While we cannot do away with the demands of work in an inter-connected, hyper-sensitive and globalised environment, it is upon us to draw out our boundaries to ensure that we maintain a balance between work and life. And that spare time can be utilised for not just browsing the phone but also talking about anything and everything under the sun to the people who matter in our lives. In person or on a phone call (not virtually!). And to teach the same to the next generation!

Having consciously tried to minimise after-work and weekend screen time over the past few weeks, my wife and I have been able to find those small passages of time, where we reconnect and talk to each other. And that has helped us refresh ourselves mentally, winding down in the evening or on weekends. It has also helped us reduce the screen time for our daughter, who otherwise used to be gunning for another go at some cartoon show.

While I cannot claim to have found the elixir to this lifestyle crisis, the progress in our personal case gives me hope that we have it in us to undo the side effects of technology use and get real again!