Author: Rishi

Time

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As we enter 2022, it’s that time of the year when we feel the most hopeful, the beginning…

With the new year’s greetings posted and pictures of the recent vacaction or family time shared, everyone looks forward to what the new year holds in store for them. We make plans for the coming months and adopt resolutions that we hope to stick to forever.

And yet, time is an ironical friend!

It takes away at times, it gives more at times. It helps us experience highs and lows of life, sometimes all within a short span. And it certainly seems like the easiest thing to manage but is the most difficult to handle.

As we were winding up 2021, this apparent truth hit home for me.

We had planned for some travel in the new year to spend more time with our parents but with the oncoming rapid surge of the third wave in India, we decided to cut short our visit and return to base immediately, lest we get caught in the middle.

As the decision was taken within a span of 2 days, the earlier thought out plans all came to nought. Naturally, it wasn’t a great feeling for us to cut short a well planned out visit and neither was it for our parents. While they supported our decision to return, we could understand they ruing the missed opportunity of staying together longer.

While we proceeded with our new plan and are now back home, it reminded me of how often we take time for granted and instead of making the most of what we have on hand, plan ahead for the days and months to come. Sometimes too far in the future.

How we curtail things that we ought to do with our loved ones because we want to prioritise our time on seemingly more important things. Or how we take our relationships for granted and instead of investing time on them, try to put them into autopilot. Or worse still, cut ourselves off from others on the pretext of being busy with work and then drift apart from those folks.

So, as I entered the new year and was on my way back, while putting together in my head a broad plan for the year, I also resolved that I will spend more time with those who matter to me. In person, on the phone or on video calls, and through messages. Not only on weekends but also during the week, taking out time as I may be able to. Perhaps only for small things but nevertheless.

I know it will be difficult. But will strive to as much as possible. And hopefully, as the year goes by, will have a better feeling about how I utilized my time!

I am Quitting.

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

It’s been 2 years! Since I started writing this weekly blog every Sunday. Not an instalment missed over the last 104 such occasions.

There is a feeling that has come in sometimes though. Of what to write about and how to express it authentically. That sounds like me. Week after week. And that feeling sometimes also extends to questioning about what am I gaining by writing this weekly article.

It hasn’t helped me in my self-stated goal of writing a book. I have been writing something that may take shape of a book for these last couple of years but the story is still getting formed in my head. To make matters complicated, there are 3 or 4 stories that I keep grappling with and swing between which one to flesh out more. Or to make them sub-plots within a bigger one.

Then there are all those people (cannot count them on my fingers), who have told me to in fact channelize my thoughts into something concrete, rather than let them flow in to this weekly blog. Creativity is limited, is what I keep hearing too often.

More importantly, there are so many other things that I could be doing on a Sunday night instead of writing a blog which only manages to reach a few people but forces me to think and put into words all those thoughts that are running in my head that week into a short burst, exposing my inner self.

Worse, I have declared myself a “Budding Author” on Linkedin. The one lone social network that I actively use and where people who know me associate my being to who I am. Committing myself to be known for something that must happen sooner than later and justify the declaration in my profile’s title, lest I be known as an also-ran.

There are countless other things that I am not putting down here. Those, which have compelled me to re-think. And to quit doing what I have been doing on this forum since 2 years.

And therefore, as we enter the new year, I have come to a decision.

Of proving all of those things wrong! And to quit thinking about them!

Because, irrespective of if and when I do write my book or books, and whether I am able to publish them or not, these weekly blogs allow me to express myself. Not to others. But for myself.

This blabber does take effort and re-writing at times, which may perhaps be reducing my creativity, if at all, but is also helping me unshackle the chains and think about what I want to express and how.

And critically, by enforcing this schedule of every Sunday, helping me be disciplined about my writing effort. Without worrying about the end goal and how soon I prove myself to the outside world.

I don’t know if the bud I have planted in my Linkedin title will flower or not. I do know for sure thought that it has germinated. And sooner or later, without being bound for time, it will flourish if I continue tending to it.

The countless other things or even any important ones that may come up in the future, won’t matter even an ounce if I chose so.

So, as we close the books on 2021 and enter 2022, my resolution for the year ahead is to continue chipping at my craft, hone my skills, persevere with my efforts and not worry about proving myself all the time, nurture my dreams and let them blossom on their own, and be happy in the success I achieve, how so ever small they may be!

Now this could apply to so many things we do in our lives…

Money

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is what keeps the wheels of our world turning. Yet, there are very few things that hold behind them as much dichotomy as money…

It’s a source of livelihood. It’s also sometimes a reason for ending lives.

It helps us put food on the table, clothes on ourselves, and a shelter above our heads. It also often leads to worries in our mind, aches in our heart, and false pride in our eyes.

It allows us to be more connected and aware about the world. It also blinds us at times to what is happening nearby us.

We love it and want more of it for what it can do for us. We also hate it for what it can do to us or others.

Some of us clamour for it when we don’t have enough. Some do so even when they have more than enough.

It invites respect and creates a safety net around us. It also can incite jealousy making us less safe.

It allows us to help bring up our children in the best possible way. It also sometimes is the reason behind the spoilt ones.

It helps us to take care of our’s and our family’s needs when we grow old. It also often leads to infighting that divides and destroys that same family.

How so ever it may affect us or help us, there is no denying the fact that money has a very influential role in our lives.

And yet, very few of us understand how to handle it and remain sane, whether in scarcity or surplus!

What to do, What not to do?

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There are lights in the dark alleys of our mind that mostly remain switched off. And then, sometimes one of them lights up and is enough to illuminate a lot of things! Like a floodlight.

Something similar happened with me this week…

I generally like things to go well in a structured fashion, as much as possible. When they don’t, I feel that I haven’t put in enough effort to make that happen. In fact, sometimes it leads me to be concerned too much about too many things.

A few days back, as it is sometimes bound to happen, a family outing that I had planned for, couldn’t happen due to multiple reasons. I felt bad that it was canceled because of something I could have taken care of earlier itself. And that led me to a worry loop, which kept me distracted for a few hours.

Cut to this week. I was doing some work and that incident again flashed in my memory. Usually, I would have brushed it off and moved on to other thoughts. But this one lingered for a while. As it was lunch time, I took a break to eat and then went to the terrace to clear out my head.

As I took a few rounds trying to let my mind rest, Stephen Covey’s 3-circle theory dawned on me, which I had read a long time ago. It conveys that one should be completely focused on resolving and worrying about things which are in one’s circle of control or to some extent those which are in the circle of influence. There are a lot of things that are outside of these two circles and while it is good to know about those things, it doesn’t help to focus our energies on them.

The connection of how this thought came into my conscious mind, I cannot decipher. But thankfully, it did!

As the thought compelled me to take a few more rounds, it became apparent to me that I sometimes worry unnecessarily about things that I don’t control. Perhaps they are in my circle of influence but by worrying too much about them, I probably lose out on focusing on things which are under my control.

It could be due to some faulty internal wiring within me or because of how I have trained my mind to think. Whatever be the case, it doesn’t help me and doesn’t help others close to me.

As this floodlight illuminated, it was clear to me that I have to stop doing this in my mind. Difficult yes, but doable. The only thing is for me to concentrate on what really is possible and not worry about anything else that could have been or what I cannot control beyond an extent.

I know, this is not going to happen immediately. After all, unlearning takes more time than learning. But am at it, one day at a time…

“She”

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There she was. A young girl, trying to do something which would make her feel proud of herself. She was trying to set up and run her enterprise all by herself.

Something she could call her own. Something that she wouldn’t have to leave behind…

Someone asked, who is she? Someone else asked, whose is she? Is she a daughter of a known businessman? Or a wife of one? Or perhaps a sister of a hot shot tycoon?

The answers were all negative. She was a nobody, had no history or affiliation with anyone known and just wanted to run things independently.

Yet someone else questioned, how is she? Is she alright or is she insane? Trying to do something independently, when in our society she needs a stamp of approval and support from some man in her life.

Others remarked, “she must be naive, for surely this is not how our world works”. Some joked in front of her about her vanity and others talked ill of her and called her names behind her back.

The detractors were not just men. There were women too. Those who were content living the life that was, in their mind, granted to them by their father/husband/brother/lover/son.

And yet, she ploughed on. She encountered obstacles after obstacles, one too many to trump normal people. But she resolutely marched ahead.

People tried to block her way, threatened her with dire consequences for not following the societal norms, made life difficult for her. But she continued with a strong head over her shoulders.

Men refused to work with her or under her. Women reluctantly accepted and joined hands. She however, forged forward with only her goal in her mind.

When she failed, everyone cheered. When she had some small success, people wrote it off as a fluke. They questioned the success she got. And yet, she did not lose focus.

After what seemed like a whole lifetime, the work she was doing became indispensible. People realized that they couldn’t do without her work being a part of their life. They reluctantly had to accept that she had triumphed in her mission and all their misgivings were misplaced.

She finally emerged from the shadows and took her rightful place on the podium.

The “She” here could be anyone – Rani Lakshmibai, Mother Teresa, Indira Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher, Nadia Comaneci, Lata Mangeshkar, Kalpana Chawla, Florence Griffith Joyner, Marie Curie, Marilyn Monroe, Serena Williams, or the countless other successful and known names I couldn’t name here.

Or this “She” could be your wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, aunt, or colleague! Perhaps nondescript, perhaps well known, nevertheless someone close to you who has done well in her life.

Whatever “She” chose to do, was or is being well done. May be better than what “he” could or can manage!

And yet, we keep on questioning. We keep on doubting. We keep on interrupting. We keep on downplaying. And we keep on discouraging.

The real question is, how are you acting??? And why???

What’s your Vibe

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Serious or easy going? Cool or complicated? Dependable or unfathomable? Approachable or distant?

We all have one defining aspect that describes us. More or less.

And by “we” I don’t only mean individuals. Even organisations.

For individuals like you and me, our vibe is a complex result of an ever evolving life that helps build experiences and impressions. Right from our childhood to the point in time, a lot of things help shape us. And those distill into the vibe that we radiate.

It is the same for organisations. The only difference being, it is a result of a collective and not an individual. What the founders or senior people experience early on and what culture they seed is what gets built upon and adopted as the years progress. As the culture shapes up, the vibe solidifies.

People or organisations with good vibes attract others. Others want to be friends with them, work with them, and help them. On the contrary, those with bad vibes end up isolated or marginalised, not able to attract as many others.

It wasn’t until this week, as I was remembering some of my past experiences, did I realise that there is one big difference though.

In both cases, there is a point in time beyond which the individual or the organisation get typified into that vibe and those inner bonds sustains for long, sometimes for the entire life.

Unless, something happens or snaps and breaks those bonds. And forces the person or the organisation to re-evaluate their position, their experiences, and their outlook. Thereby, moving them in life to a different direction and dimension, resulting in a changed vibe.

We have all heard of how organisations evolve and change their course based on internal assessments, some of them going on to make history. And how some of them don’t realise the slide and fall down eventually.

But it doesn’t seem to be as frequent a case for individuals. Most of us fall prey to what we have built and disregard the need for change and to re-evaluate our vibe periodically.

We become a slave to who we have shaped up into. And continue living our life in that same state, even though we may be going down the wrong path.

And while that may be an ok approach to take in a multidimensional and multilayered organisation, whose demise may just render us jobless, it is counterproductive to do the same as an individual and end up with a lost life or worst, loss of life.

Sounds like a good strategy then for us to have our own internal assessments on a timely basis, to reset our course and make the most of our life!

Those welled up eyes!

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Our eyes well up with tears for various reasons – grief, sadness, fear, joy, or even surprise. One occasion that this happens invariably is when we separate with our loved ones intermittently.

For some of us, it is easy to give into. For others, it’s something that happens only in extreme cases. Whatever it may be, it’s generally thought about as a sign of being overwhelmed and overtaken by emotions during that separation.

This weekend however, something happened that made me look at it in a whole new dimension.

As is quite often the case with our mothers, especially mine, when we were leaving this weekend after staying with them for more than a month, her eyes welled up.

I could see in her eyes the sadness of separating with us, even though we will meet soon enough. And while we consoled her and she let out a smile and happily waved us off, that picture stayed with me.

Slightly later, as I was waving off to my wife and daughter at the airport, I realised the same happening with me. Something that hadn’t happened before.

As I took off for my short detour before joining them later, I thought about and realised it was perhaps one of the very few times that my eyes had welled up while temporarily separating with my family. And the first time with my daughter.

It was natural. But why? What made it happen? All these questions floated mid-air in my mind.

Perhaps it was because I have got used to having her around all the time with the current work from home situation. Or it could have been due to the sheer fact that she was going to continue with others in the family while I had some lonely time to spend. Might have happened because of my anxiety about she being fine through the journey (my wife’s going to kill me!).

The answer came in an unexpected form!

While in the flight, I noticed a mother carrying her little one and taking him to the washroom. I was watching non-intently until I saw her taking extra precaution as she passed through the aisle and had to wait for the service cart to make way for her. The way she was holding the child, all focused only to protect him while getting the task done; while the child happily gazed all over and threw his hands and legs in all directions. As she went back, it occurred to me.

Our eyes well up at the moment when we realise that our child is going to go into a new direction different than ours, while we will continue with our lives.

For however short a span of time it may have been that they were with us, we were protecting them, taking care of their needs and helping them be their best self. And then suddenly, we realise we won’t be able to do that for a few days or months or years.

That they will be without us but absorbed in the new world they are going into. While we will get busy with our life but still worrying about them until we see them again.

And while it’s important for them to go into that new direction, how we so wished to have some more time together, being able to protect and provide for them and let ourselves feel complete.

Eyes are just a medium of expressing that anxiety. Those tears are a mixture of joy for the child and the void that it temporarily creates in our lives…

Choices

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s about options and what we decide for ourselves about anything at a given point in time, is what a choice is.

Some choices are meant to be decisive and some innocuous.

Some choices are decided organically within us and some get enforced due to externalities.

Some choices are an outcome of what we have done in the past and some based on what we have to do in the future.

Some of them involve only ourselves and some engulf others also.

For some people, choices define them and for some others, they define their choices and their path.

How so ever it may impact us and whatever we may have done or do to arrive at what we choose, one thing that’s certain is that we have to make choices for ourselves and sometimes our loved ones innumerable times in our life.

What then should be our guiding factor to make those choices? Should it be the best outcome, the fastest approach, or the easiest option? Or should it be a middle road combining these three?

Over a conversation this week, I realised it has to be the one which makes us happy apart from being morally right. Sometimes it may be the one with the not-so-optimal outcome, or not the fastest approach, or not the easier road. But if it makes us or our loved ones happier and allows us to approach the subsequent steps with that good feeling in our mind and heart, it would have served its purpose.

For in one’s happiness lies the happiness of her loved ones and those surrounding her…

The Guiding Light

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As a young kid, I had a couple of older cousin brothers. I had some excellent times with them while growing up.

I used to rely on them for a lot of things – the stories to hear, books to read, people to follow, and so on. And what they did or how they behaved was an important input in my understanding of what or how to do.

But the biggest thing I realised I depended on them for was to guide me in various things. It gave me confidence and assurance knowing that someone whom I know well is helping me.

It was that big brother relationship that helped nurture a lot of my experiences early on in life. As we grew up, that relationship grew stronger and it helped me further make sense of multiple things in life.

This week, as we were discussing some peculiar behaviours of one of our younger cousins and how he looked up to one of us, I realised that the behaviour mimicked mine while growing up. In fact for most of us, as we matured through the years.

For some of us, this person could be a big sister or a parent or someone in the family we look up to instead of a brother. Or it could be an elder at school or college. Someone who is our guiding light.

That’s perhaps why we seek mentors when we grow up and start working. To help us stay on track in our careers.

Or why some of us start following specific gurus or leaders as we go beyond youth.

Or why a lot of older people start seeking the almighty and look for guidance.

All of us are looking for that light coming from a source which illuminates our position and our path ahead…

Handicap – for or against

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There was once a man who as a first generation businessman, built a small fortune for himself. As a self-made man, he had seen it all and knew what it took to get to the level that he had risen to.

However, for his children he wanted to leave no stone unturned. So he spent all the energy and money that was required to give them all the comforts of life. They had a good upbringing in a protective environment.

Time passed and as they progressed towards their adult life, the patriarch realised that in giving them a protected environment to mature in, he had done a big disservice to them. They had been handicapped because they didn’t know how to handle difficult situations, specially the adverse ones.

This is a story we would all have heard in some form or shape while growing up. Or as a live lecture from our parents about how it is really important for us to live within particular constraints and understand that it takes effort and patience to get anything in life.

It is this learning that helps us have a balanced approach towards life and wade through the many ups and downs that are thrown at us.

And yet, as we mature and become parents, with those constraints helping us realise the true value of things, we somehow start discounting this major learning.

We aspire to raise our kids with unbridled resources. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Each parent wants the best for their kids and it is but natural for us to also feel and act in that way.

What’s to be balanced though is how to provide them enough freedom to experience tough situations and grow as an individual. Because that is what helps anyone rise up in life even when the chips are down.

That’s the real challenge of parenting today. Caring enough to let the kid have a sheltered environment in a nuclear family. While challenging them enough through handicaps, so that they understand life in its entirety.

And while it may seem like an easy task, I can vouch it isn’t. It’s not only difficult, it’s also taxing and sometimes tumultuous.

But we have got to do what we’ve got to do!