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The Run of my life…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We were in a river valley on a dark night with forests all around and all of us were panicking. After all, losing your bearings is never a good time in life.

Sometimes dreams mirror what’s happening in our lives and link the past. I had one such dream the other day when I was transported to my Army days and relived an uncertain and panicky situation, akin to current times. Thought I will recount that incident here.

In the Indian Military Academy, which I attended on my way to get commissioned as an officer in the Indian Army, there were multiple outdoor training camps that we had to go for. The toughest of them was to the final one before cadets passed out, called Chindits.

Chindits wasn’t tough for the duration or workload – a week in a jungle camp with outdoor exercises is pretty normal by that time in the Academy. It was the run-back to the Academy that was difficult, with everyone having to cover about 100 kms in 16 hours, in combat uniform with about 20 kgs of load. The catch, if the group (35 people) doesn’t complete it, you do it again!

So naturally, there was an apprehension in all of us as the camp dates approached. We stocked up on food, chocolates, and advise from seniors. Had multiple discussions to decide on who will be our navigators and who will handle what responsibilities.

As the camp progressed, we waited in anticipation until the final day when we had a hearty meal before commencing the run-back in the early evening.

Initially, everything went as per plan. The navigators were first class and had chalked out the route we had to take. We all kept on double checking as we progressed and felt pretty confident of completing the run within the stipulated time.

And then, as darkness fell and we became more relaxed while walking the path, somewhere in the river valley, we missed the gorge and a critical turn and kept walking ahead. As we realised later, that was a grave mistake.

After walking for almost 10 kms, we discovered that we had been going on the wrong path and were lost in the jungle. Panic ensued in the group. Followed by blame game and infighting. Some blamed the navigators, some the leaders, some the night. But the reality was we were lost and losing time by the minute. We had been walking for almost 5 hours and had lost a couple of hours now.

As the group came to its senses and we re-calibrated, we realised that we had an uphill task now and had to literally run to make it back together to the Academy…

When we made our way back through the map and came back to the right turn, we had covered about 20 kms out of 100 in 6 hours! Not getting bogged down, we continued to pave our way through and began crossing the valley at a brisk pace. Until, another hurdle came across literally.

One of our teammates carrying a LMG side-stepped a stone and fell down, bringing another person down with him and both of them getting a bloody nose/chin in the event. It was mayhem, with we having to rush to treat them with our emergency kits and getting the injuries under control. It resulted in another fall out within the group and fall in morale of the injured team members.

We had now hit about 8 hours on the run with about 35 kms covered and we were yet to reach the first checkpoint. With nothing to lose, we decided to take the bull by the horns. We divided ourselves into small teams and carried the injured team members as well as their bags and equipment to the checkpoint where we could report them sick.

We now started running continuously and covered the 5 kms to the checkpoint, clocking in at 9 hours. The officers there were really worried as we were the only group which hadn’t reported yet. They were about to send a search and rescue party to find us. Relieved that we had reached, they took our report and accepted the sick guys. And told us at the same time that it appeared impossible for us to now make it back to the Academy on time.

Not to be bowed down, we decided to give it a shot and as previously, carried on in smaller teams with each on of us egging the others and singing songs together. The second checkpoint was at 60 kms and the third at about 80 kms, both of which we hit in 2 hours each. So at the third checkpoint, we were at 13 hours and still had 20 kms to cover.

Our brisk pace had given us all a lot of hope and we were becoming more and more confident. The officer at the last checkpoint encouraged us to give it our all and as we left for the last leg of our run-back, our pace became more and more brisk.

Covering the last 20 kms in 2 hours, we hit the Academy in 15 hours from the time we started. Actually slightly earlier than some of the other groups! Our clothes were all sweaty and smelly and we were all exhausted by the running and constant cheering, with some of us temporarily losing our voices.

Once all the groups were in (no one had to repeat), we were called out by the Commandant and received special praise for exhibiting the resoluteness and perseverance to complete the exercise despite the odds. Most of us cried. And all of us turned from boys to men!

As I look back now on that experience and how we all, a motley group of youngsters, made it all the way back with spirits held high, I realise the world will too at the end of the current crisis. If we don’t let this situation get the better of us and if we keep sane, things will turn for better soon. And hopefully, a lot more mature and brave…

PS: sorry if this was long and boring, just had to recount the tale.

On Friends and Fights…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Friends are our lifeline. They are the ones who keep us afloat in good times and bad…

This past week, we had a couple of occasions when the little one had a mini fight with one of her friends. The ones you feel important about when you are young but feel amused by when you think back as a grown up. Reminded me of my own days with friends and how I grew up.

The good thing is, while growing up you become friends without thinking about intentions and benefits. Without worrying about the past, present, or future of the person. And remain so for as long as you are alive and kicking.

Thanks to my dad’s transferable job as a banker, I got the opportunity to travel to a few places and make new friends every 2-3 years through my childhood. Each place and friend group taught me new things and helped me make memories for life.

I had quite a few of those cherished friendships, with boys and girls. From my school days as well as during college. Friends, some of whom became very close and continue to be. And I spent tons of time with them.

But it wasn’t all rosy. I had my share of fights, big and small, across the spectrum. A lot of times they were silly, some times futile, and only a few times necessary. But at that point in time they all felt important.

I remember fighting umpteen times with friends while playing. Incidents I laugh with them about now. Some of the others were serious but quickly resolved. Only a couple of them were of the kinds that did permanent damage on both sides. And were really important.

Yet when I look back, those incidents helped me shape up. I became more accommodating and understanding of the other view point(s), of learning to accept differences and agreeing to disagree. And of knowing when to stay and when to walk away.

So I tell my little one. She is too young to understand these things and hopefully will have her own positive learning curve from these fights with friends.

And will probably grow up looking back bemusedly at these young days…

How I am trying to reduce stress (and live better)

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a bad month for me. I had constant episodes of acute headaches, which the doctor told me looked like migraine, which was worrying.

In a place like Bangalore, life’s fast and commutes too long. And with both of us working, there are endless things that take time to get knocked off the personal to-do list.

Now, for the last few years, I have been used to putting in 12 or more working hours every day and since last 3 years, have been spending close to 2-3 hours on the road during the peak hours. Leave aside the 6-7 odd hours of sleep, this was leaving only about a couple of hours for me to do all the other stuff on routine days.

These factors combined with the highly disordered traffic sense which often is irritating, the constant demands on all fronts which often is challenging, and own expectations which often are exacting, were pushing me and I was somewhere getting burdened and worked up. Which was leading to those headaches.

I had been eating well, exercising regularly, and had generally been healthy the past year. And I had taken steps in the workplace to ensure my workload could be delegated or distributed as much as possible. Therefore, when the doctor mentioned this might be due to stress building up in the system, I decided to take a long hard look at what I was doing wrong.

As I started figuring out things, 3 aspects stood out – I was spending too much time in traffic on weekdays that was leaving me with very little to do otherwise, I wasn’t doing anything for myself on weekends and they were being spent working or sitting idle, and I was rushing through life with family instead of savouring it slowly.

Naturally, I have taken some remedial steps to handle these aspects. First and foremost, I have started travelling to and fro from office early in the morning. That has helped me cut down my travel time by at least a third and given me time to spend at home or office to get things done.

Secondly, I have started writing this blog again. It has given me a tool to speak my mind and tell what I want to. It’s like giving wings to a person to let him fly. Shackles have been broken and creative juices have started flowing again.

And lastly, I have decided to take things slowly during weekends, with a lot of nudging from my wife. Apart from work commitments, which sometimes require my time, I try and spend as much time with my wife and daughter doing regular things like talking, having meals, going for a stroll in the park, enjoying a movie together, playing games, reading, and so on. Regular life stuff, which has helped me rejuvenate.

All of these have definitely helped in lowering the rush in my head. The headaches have gone away, no migraine as of now. And I am able to get more done on a daily basis, while building my relationship bonds stronger.

Sometimes, we just go off track in our life’s race and continue to run hard but in a direction that doesn’t have a very good end. Thankfully, I discovered the wrong direction I took pretty early and have been able to make corrections. Just hope to continue without going off-track again.

As for this blog, this has been a blessing in disguise…

Marriages and Happy Endings

~ Rishi

The past week, I was in my hometown for my cousin sister’s wedding. It was a grand affair, as weddings in India tend to be. As much as I will remember it for the fun we had, I will also recall it for the changing social moorings.

In our society, marriage is a landmark in a girl’s life. It’s almost as if she has been reborn into a new role with a new life.

Until marriage, she lives life carefree, like a starlet / diva, the favourite child. She is hinged to the support provided by her family. Suddenly, she steps over to a new life and world. Where she is expected to be responsible and cautious. She has to adhere to new norms and practices at the in-laws. And she probably doesn’t know anyone well enough (unless it’s a love marriage).

So, when the marriage ceremonies end and the bride leaves the house, there’s a river of emotions running through everyone – the bride, her parents and siblings, and other near and dear ones. This often culminates in large bouts of crying and hugging and a general gloom about the daughter leaving for a different abode.

Let me confess a bit here. I have always been one whose eyes get moist in an emotionally charged atmosphere. I remember having a lump in my throat on a previous occasion when my cousin sister, elder to me, was being sent off. When I got married almost 10 years ago, I had a similar feeling but with a lower magnitude.

But somewhere in my mind, I have been troubled that apart from the grief of separation and distance, it also happens because somewhere we are considering that the daughter no more belongs to our house or that she is an outsider in the new house. Or that the son-in-law belongs to another household.

Which isn’t the right way of looking at it. Even if the social practice demands that the daughter-in-law stay with her husband, she still is a daughter of the house and should be treated like one. Although she has jumped ship to come to her husband’s side, henceforth she is going to be an integral part of the family and hence should be placed on the same pedestal as the son. Or for that matter, the son-in-law has agreed to live his life with the daughter and therefore has become an equal part of the family.

So last week, as the marriage rituals concluded and the last hour approached, I was expecting a prolonged farewell session.

Instead, to my surprise, it turned out to be a happy farewell. My sister’s mother-in-law took the lead and gave confidence to my uncle, aunt and others that she is going to be treated like a daughter and they needn’t worry about anything. Her assurance and confidence preempted the grief of separation and actually turned it into a celebratory send-off. Hats off to Aunty!!!

Not that others wouldn’t have tried or the assurances don’t work. Sometimes they do. I have heard of a couple of marriages where the farewell happened in a celebratory mode.

This however for me was the first time I was witnessing it live. And it was so refreshing. When I reflected back, I realised that in this case, marriage was just a ritual and the happy farewell was perhaps a by-product of the rapport that my sister and her in-laws had built up. And the knowledge of the fact implicitly comforted my uncle and aunt – that their daughter will continue to be a daughter on the other side as well.

Wish every marriage culminates in such a happy farewell. After all, it’s a celebration and the bride and groom are getting a new set of parents…

Parenting and I

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been 4 years, 6 months, and 17 days. Since my daughter was born…

Her birth was one of the best moments I have witnessed in my life. Something within me instantly changed, as I graduated to being a father. Ever since, it’s been a whirlwind with her growing up.

On some days, she blows me away with her shenanigans and her take on life. With how she perceives and receives. With how much she understands and follows.

On others, she acts up and throws a tantrum or two, refuses to budge and wants her way at any cost. And whatever I may try, there’s no way out of the crying and making faces.

With hectic work schedules, I have had to stretch at times to catch up with her demands. And at times, when I wasn’t able to do my absolute best, I have felt the guilt that most working parents have – of not spending enough time with her.

At times I have felt that she should get whatever she wants and I am there to make it happen. Then there are times when I feel that if I don’t discipline and teach her, she will never learn what to value and what not to.

To be lenient or to be strict, and when. How to cope up with her fast growth and learning and still be able to teach her a few new things. And how to pass on the right values and behaviour to her. This duopoly, this constant tussle of how to be a good parent, is what I live with.

Perhaps, it’s a maze that will define how I grow up as well. As I have been transitioning through different phases as a parent, I have rediscovered life at times. Things which I had forgotten or had got buried somewhere deep down. Perspectives which I hadn’t seen earlier.

To be back home and have someone small waiting for you eagerly – to be pampered and loved, to play and have fun, and to live life without any inhibitions or restrictions; is a joy to behold and learning for life! Hoping for many more lessons and lots of fun along the way…

Cherished Childhood Memories

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Childhood memories are always special.

The other day, I was on my way to office in a cab and to pass time, decided to watch a couple of videos on YouTube. Don’t know what triggered the video in my feed, but I was watching a satirical take on Super Mario, the video game superhero.

As I watched it, I was smiling from one end to the other. Amused, I forwarded to some of my friends and groups and downloaded it as well. And then I remembered it again today morning and rewatched it along with my daughter.

Well, playing video games used to be a lot of fun and a time to cherish for us kids. However, it wasn’t allowed usually and only during summer vacations did we get a free run.

In fact, summers used to be the time when you could do anything – sleep till late, read tons of comics, play board/card/video games, have ice cream and soda, and on and on. So naturally, all of us cousins used to look forward to gang up during these vacations.

As I grew up, a few video game parlours mushroomed and we friends used to visit those game zones, parting with our precious savings for an hour of play, competing with each other, learning precious life lessons and enjoying together.

As time passed by, all of us grew up and went on our own paths. We catch up every now and then, when work travel takes us to each other’s place or when a wedding or function in the family comes along. And each time we meet, we end up cherishing all those memories of time spent together.

The video brought back a flood of all those memories and reminded me of not only playing the video game but also of the time spent with all my cousins and friends. What a wonderful childhood it was!!!

Well Informed or Well Read???

~ Rishi

The newspaper guy knocked on the door. Bill time, I said. My wife made a mild protest – why buy a newspaper when you can read things online or use phone apps. Valid argument. But then, there are pros and cons to everything.

As I paid the newspaper bill, I muttered why it feels better to read a newspaper. But there’s been something else that’s been behind my urge to continue with a newspaper in this digital era.

And no, it’s not the idea that I need to hold a paper and read it as part of my morning routine – I ain’t the paper types – have switched to Kindle instead of stocking books long back.

There was a time in between when I had moved to online/apps to get my daily dose of news and views. Twitter was exciting and fun with instant views and counter-views. And of course, there were the numerous apps from all news channels and publications that I read on a daily basis.

But as I spent time on those news apps and on social media to get my fix in the intervening years, it slowly dawned upon me that I was also wasting a lot of time being led astray or just being consumed in the news world. Using these apps a couple of hours a day was fanning an addiction within me to stay connected and up to date on what’s happening across everything in the world, just because it felt good. And it was taking me away from reading meaningful stuff and instead cluttering my mind with things that weren’t really required to be there.

So, after those years in digital news Lala-land, last year I decided to reduce my screen time on these apps. I deleted all but one of those news apps from my phone. I looked at all the sites that I visited often and chose a handful that offered me real, meaningful stuff and subscribed to their newsletters. And I absolutely cut down on reading news on social media.

Now I login to the news app for reading about once or twice a week. I still login to social media everyday but to wish birthdays, look at what my connections are up to, and to connect in a real sense. But my dose of news now comes from the newspaper – concise and once a day. It keeps my perspective fresh without urging me to know everything that’s happening instantly.

The benefit – I have started reading much more of the meaningful stuff. From the newsletters/digests I get. From platforms like Wired and Inc42 and Medium. I have gone back to reading books on diverse subjects and broadening my horizons.

This has perhaps made me aloof from the social media and the incessant views and opinions on almost everything. But it has definitely brought back some semblance into my life.

Well, the reason for this rant is two-fold – I was today running through Twitter and felt the urge to hop into those views and counter-views but remembering my decision, stopped short and was forced to think on the subject. On a different note, I met someone yesterday who reads 100 books a year and as I was reflecting on the conversation with him, it occurred to me that how the number of people who are reading have increased but it’s got more to do with the urge to be informed than being knowledgeable.

And I had to write about how I escaped that spiral. About how the switchover has been a real life changer for me by decluttering my mind space. And in today’s fast world of numerous commitments and stress, that’s definitely been a relief.

As I close this piece, I hope that we all read and learn better and grow in our chosen paths to become well-read and not just well-informed.

New year resolution

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

A new year begins. Or as some people are enthusiastically calling it, a new decade.

Over the years, all of us have grown accustomed to celebrating the new year eve and vouching for new year resolutions ranging from getting fitter to taking less stress to following our passion. Some people plot their dreams and goals and stick them everywhere to create a positive reinforcement cycle.

It’s another matter that most of us forget about these resolutions and go back to the old rhythm. The dreams and goals are forgotten in the cold gush of the reality wind.

So when my wife asked me “what are your goals for the coming year”, it caught me unawares as I hadn’t thought about the subject at all. Somewhat ashamed, it got me thinking of two things – do I want to set some goals, if yes what’s my plan to make them happen. And if no, why?

You see, we like to conform to the society’s notion that we are constantly improving ourselves in all spheres – personal, professional, financial, spiritual etc. But it may not be as important for me as a person to focus on improvement in one of these aspects than let’s say another person X. So what kind of a goal do I want and do I really want to achieve it? I kept thinking for the last few days.

Then, on a longish flight on Sunday, devoid of other pursuits, I decided to apply my mind to this matter.

Now, in my opinion, if I am not obsessing over a goal, it’s pursuit is not going to last long. And I might as well save that time to focus on better things. Combined with the belief that if I keep at something sincerely, I will do well in it eventually, it dawned on me that I didn’t want to have any improvement goal this year, if at all.

After some thought, I have chosen to do something which is going to expand my horizons, literally. I am just going to follow something that got lost for sometime.

Long forgotten within me has been a writer lurking inside, someone who had taken a backseat in the hustle of life over the last 3 years or so.

So, this new year I am attempting to write again. Beginning with this post. Adding a new one every week and perhaps a few stories that I want to tell. Let’s see. Right now, it’s just an attempt to get back to an ex-flame. Hope to endeavour and make it burn brighter as the year progresses.

What A Life Changing Experience…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There I was… Sitting in the OT with my wife’s hand in mine, looking at the team of doctors going through their motion to deliver our baby. Yes, our bundle of joy, ready to come out in the world!

It had been almost 10 years of knowing each other. Going through a strong relationship hand-in-hand and facing all of life’s challenges and enjoying all the wonderful moments. But I had never been more nervous in my wife’s presence!

She had been patient all through the 9 months and had gracefully accepted motherhood-in-waiting. I was however, in the in-between zone. Waiting to transition from a husband to a father. From a son to a grown-up, responsible man.

That perhaps explained my nervousness. My anticipation was rising all the time. I couldn’t believe myself.

However, a few minutes later, it would all change. The nervousness to be replaced by my confident transition to a father. And to a calm, composed, caring husband.

It started with the assistant pointing to the clock (for me to note the time) and as I looked at it, time seemed to pause. I could feel myself holding my breath. And the transition was complete in that second, with a shrill cry and the doctor announcing the arrival of our baby girl! 🙂

Life has given me many a chances to experience things that have been uniquely mine to savour. But this was simply another level.

I am a father now! A promoted, changed husband!

Yes, I can call myself a man now. Fatherhood does that to people…

Experimentation Ahoy!!! Part 2…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

As after effects of my last post, I thought through my own life until now… Turns out, experimentation is what I have been doing all my life!

I had always wanted to be in the Army. When all my friends were gunning for engineering, I was running around, quite literally, to get fit for the Armed Forces. Everyone thought I was taking a risk not writing other exams and my experimentation would cost me but I stuck to it and came through.

After a couple of years, I had to withdraw due to medical reasons when I suffered an accident. At that time, it sure tasted like hell. But now, when I look back, that gave wings to my mind! It allowed me to move to Delhi – the first metro I ever lived in and I started experimenting more…

I completed my graduation and got into IT. I had the choice to join Infosys – a biggie in the Indian IT field. But I decided to experiment and chose Acme Technologies, a company most people wouldn’t have heard of.

And yet, it proved to be a great choice because what I learned while working there, I couldn’t have at any other “big” company. Experimentation made me better!

Being a techie was cool but there were other important things to do in life. And so I decided to go for an MBA. I chose a non-traditional 1-year MBA over a 2-year one and it gave me exposure like nothing else before. It made me question my beliefs and broadened my horizon! My instincts to experiment got sharper!

Post my MBA, I again had 2 choices – joining a consulting biggie in the UAE, as most would have done, or to come back to India and figure out what to do next along with my job. No guesses, I chose the second option to continue on the path of experimentation…

It only got bigger and better from here. Instead of settling down into a six figure salary every month and a chance to live outside India, which would have been ideal for my ilk, I chose to quit the job I had and started up! Experimentation became a part of my daily life!

Have had a roller coaster ride in the last 5 years but what an experience it has been! Being in a job definitely wouldn’t have taught me what I have learned. So definitely, experience made me richer.

Experimentation has allowed me to taste different flavours of life and enjoy the journey. And I continue to plot and plod what experiments await me next.

Something new. Something challenging.

But definitely not mundane, boring stuff.

And definitely, no settling down!