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Ah! Those Mountains…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There I was, in the middle of the night on my 19th b’day, digging trenches and keeping a vigil. And under the night sky, trying to figure out some nuances of mountain warfare.

It was a mandatory camp at the Academy, for all of us cadets to better understand the various nuances and art of fighting and defending on mountains.

Just in the evening, I had been given charge of the entire company. The instructor had given our company the responsibility to defend the mountain against attacking company. And the first task at hand as night set in, was to dig trenches and set up base.

We divided ourselves into smaller teams and identified the positions we will dig the trenches in, ensuring all the sides are covered. We also plotted our strategy and post dinner, got down to the actual digging.

It took us longer than we thought it would. The teams kept at it and I was myself caught in between coordinating the effort and digging my own trench. It was exhausting but exhilarating, with a tension in the air about how and when will we be attacked.

We just about managed to complete the digging in time. As I took the last rounds and told everyone to settle in while keeping a watch from their respective abodes for the night, we sensed something was about to happen.

Within a minute or so, our forward patrol group sounded an alarm. The attack came in a flash, with the charging party romping in from the far side to our surprise. We defended to the best of our abilities. And as happens in most exercises, we won some and lost some.

As the debriefing was happening in the early morning hours, I was caught napping. The instructor asked me to get up and do a round of pushups (standard punishment in the Academy), which was cut short only because someone blurted out that it was my birthday.

I still distinctly remember the night and what happened in those hours. Perhaps also because I kept getting teased later on by my course mates that I was punished on my b’day.

As news poured in this past week of the skirmish in the northern border and the ensuing fight that claimed some precious lives of our men, I was reminded of that night. Although it was just a training and a mock drill, mountain warfare camp was one of the toughest.

I for one know what hardships our soldiers go through in some of the roughest terrains high up in the altitude. And yet, each time something like this happens, it is a great testament that on every occasion, we are able to excel and keep our flag flying high.

Here’s to the Indian Armed Forces and their indomitable spirit!

What a night it was…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I used to love gazing at the stars when I was very young. Like a lot of other kids, it used to be a favourite activity, specially during summer nights!

During summer days in those years, my cousins used to come over for a month or so. And with no school and lot of time to while away, we used to design our own schedule.

It usually started with late mornings, continued with rounds of carrom and other board games, spilled over evenings of cricket and football, and dollops of fooling around with each other. In between all this, lots of time spent reading comic books and chit chatting.

But as the evening wound down, we would usually go up to the terrace and wash it clean to remove the dirt accumulated through the day. And then, out came the beddings and pillows and we all propped up on them for rounds of Antakshari and fun.

Dinner used to be light with summer nights reserved for ice cream and other desserts and frolic on the terrace. All of us cousins used to then create our own base on the nicely laid down beddings and chat long into the night.

I for one was the last person to sleep in the gang. Lying down under the clear night skies, chatting with my cousins, I used to keep gazing at the stars above, observing the night pass by. And long after all had fallen asleep, I would still be awake, wondering about what lies beyond those stars and figuring out constellations.

I remember quite a few instances when one of the elders woke up early at dawn and found me still gazing upwards. I am sure they would have thought of me as a little crazy fellow. But it was super fun and exciting, trying to follow different arcs and let thoughts wander into infinity.

With time, as we all grew up and summer holidays became scarce, the times on terrace also dwindled down. And as life filled us with tasks and deadlines, and pollution filled our lungs, sleeping on the terraces became a non-starter. And so the star gazing also came to a halt.

While every now and then, when we cousins meet, our chat lasts well into the night, I sometimes miss that fun of lying down under that vast expanse and talking and thinking non-stop. And allowing time to drift without a care in the world.

As the clouds came by and interrupted my star gazing tonight, initiated by a colleague posting about the brightly visible Saturn and Jupiter at the same spot, I ruminated about the times gone by and those wonderful nights.

Alas! Hope those nights could last forever…

What the shame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I committed a blunder. The moment I discovered it yesterday, I was dumbstruck. How could one act this dumb when concerned with something of utmost importance…

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that what I had done was going to be recorded in the annals of history in times to come. And I was filled with shame. For having let down myself and my colleagues.

This wasn’t the first time I had done something majorly wrong in my life. There have been other brilliant mistakes and failures along the line.

Some of those happened in my growing up years and were concerned with my studies – for instance, not being prepared well for exams when I was in 6th grade and ending up having to relocate myself to be with my parents (I used to stay with my loving and adorable grandmother till then).

Or at times concerned people – not recognising who is right and ending up on the wrong side. In the process hurting some of my good friends.

Some have been concerned with work also – goofing up on important tasks and coming undone when not expected.

So, this wasn’t the first or the last time I had fallen down at work.

However, each time I committed mistakes and reflected, I have learnt from them and become better. At least strived to. And that has helped me as a person and as a professional.

So, as I was wallowing in self pity, a tiny voice inside my head called out “apologise and move on”. And while the heart wanted to cry, the mind egged me on to get out of the gloom.

I assessed the damage and understood what to do from here. Then, called up my seniors and talked to them about it and apologised. Called up my fellow colleagues and owned it up while talking about how to minimise the damage. And let it out.

And it worked marvellously. While earlier I was filled with self-doubt, now I had realised how to navigate these waters. And while some damage had been done, I was now determined not to let the mistake shake me down or divert from the objective.

After all, I am human. And shit happens. While feeling ashamed of it is alright, not confessing or apologising leads to agony.

In my view, there’s nothing shameful about apologising if I have done some wrong and admitting it. Helps me heal faster…

After all, ‘what the shame’, when failure begets success!

The Endgame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have a fascination for results. And a bias for the near term, the immediate future…

While in college, I got my hands on ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand – a book which deeply influenced me. In quick succession, I read almost her entire body of work. The one which I was most impressed with was ‘Atlas Shrugged’.

It’s a story about the systemic erosion and decimation of personal values and capitalistic nature of the American nation and how a bunch of key business people, after having enough of the new incapable administration, decide to shrug from their responsibilities and bring the new order down, thereby re-creating the virtuous society. Those individuals in the novel were supremely confident of their capabilities and extremely good performers.

After having read the saga 3 times, I have always viewed the directions societies take and individuals adopt in Atlas’ terms. As I align with the philosophy at an overall level, it has given me a compass to view and make sense of people. And strive to be the best version of myself.

While it is romantic to think of and believe in perfection and excellence, over the years I have realised that there is a very thin line when it comes to performance and whether one is on top of the game or just playing a part. And while we might like to be always on top, it’s just not humanly possible.

It’s better to approach things like a marathon than a 100-meter dash – play along and keep your focus all throughout – end objective will be achieved. So while we may have done well in the near-term, how do we remain consistent in the long-term? Or if we haven’t done so well, how do we improve and grow from where we are…

This is true in all aspects of our lives. Instead of creating constant pressure on ourselves to excel everywhere, I guess it’s fine if there are times when we cannot excel. If we fail. If we couldn’t be perfect that one time.

What is important though, is to strive to do our best always. To ensure that we don’t let ourselves down. To not get defeated. To rise up and run again. To strive for perfection and excellence.

And to remember that the endgame is to reach the goals we set for ourselves with a sane head on our shoulders and life in our lungs!

What if we knew the Future???

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Would we want to change anything? Or let life run it’s course rather than reigning it in?

As I sat today watching a movie with this as a central theme, life’s harshness dawned on me. And made me put the week gone by in perspective.

It was a sad week. I got news of one of my course mates in the Indian Army passing away. A young chap, just 39 years old losing life in a non-conflict zone is as unfortunate as it can get.

Robert was an affable and smiling chap and always used to take everything sportingly. With almost a zen like calm, which we sometimes used to confuse as indifference. But whatever he did, he always strived to give it his 100%.

He didn’t know his future for sure. None of us did when we joined the IMA. And yet we toiled hard during those days, soaking in all the pressure that was thrown on us, hopeful of a good life. But I can bet that even if Robert could somehow know his future, he wouldn’t have traded his life for something else. It was a good life he led.

As I reflected in these thoughts, I was thinking about how my own life panned out afterwards. The twists and turns it has taken. The highs and lows it has bestowed upon me. And the immense experiences it has provided me.

Perhaps if I knew my future, I may have peeped ahead and tried to avert my exit from the Army. It would have kept me in my dream career. But then, life wouldn’t have happened. And a multitude of things, including I meeting my wife, perhaps wouldn’t have turned out as they have!

Sometimes however, it seems cruel. Like it is the case for Robert. And when it does, we realise that we have been shortchanged. That we had so many aspirations that couldn’t be fulfilled. That we pursued the wrong pursuits. That we spent time on non-important things.

None of us know how long we have. Where we may land up. What we may succeed or fail at. How we may progress. But still, we live in eternal hope. Hope that everything will turn out well. That we will succeed in whatever we are striving for.

Perhaps that’s our guiding light from the future telling us not to worry. Things will be taken care of. That this too shall pass. And shows us the light at the end of that tunnel.

Perhaps that’s what life is…

What’s in a Name?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My name is Bond, James Bond. This is one of the most recognisable lines in the movie industry. In this era of digital, where virtual identities have overtaken the real ones, it still signifies the attachment we have with our names!

Yesterday, as I was watching the last instalment of the Star Wars saga, one line stuck me. The protagonist is asked by a random inhabitant on a far off planet, what’s your name. And she replies with her first name. The inhabitant asks her family name, to which the protagonist doesn’t have an answer at that point in the movie.

That’s where the scene ended but left in me a trail of thoughts. And as I sat today enjoying my Sunday, I was reminded of the line – such is the impression a mere exchange of dialogues created!

All of us have names. And as our names identify us, it’s natural that we are very cognisant of who, how, and where is using our name. I have seen people getting offended by someone writing or pronouncing their name wrongly. Or being very careful on making their name public.

And yet, while our name is a matter of pride and identity for us, I have often wondered about the futility of the pursuit of making it shine nice and bright…

It’s not that I am devoid of that desire or don’t want to ever have my name shine. It’s just that having experienced different sides of life, it appears to me that most of us are in it for the wrong reasons.

Let me elaborate a bit…

I am of the belief that a person’s work should speak for oneself. That people should know instinctively about who did the work. And that’s only possible if we love the work more than we care for the results. Only if we don’t worry about what will people say. Only if we give it our very best and then be satisfied that we couldn’t have done better.

What I have seen to the contrary is that most people first think about the results, about what will people say, about the benefit they will derive from what they are doing. The work at hand becomes secondary. And while the approach may work, IMHO it’s a gross wastage of our talent.

I mean, if we look at all the genius people around the globe, they did what they did because they absolutely loved doing it. All those who are super successful, have achieved success by following their passion. And what most of us do? We chase name and fame and money without worrying too much about the work. Or treat it as a job!

That’s where I believe we as people need to change our approach to life, specially as it gets rebooted after the lockdown. To make it more meaningful. To pursue our passions. To do what we like to do. And to always give the best of ourselves to every pursuit.

That will make us happy. And satisfied. And successful.

Perhaps, some of us will still need to do our jobs apart from our passions. But if we do them well, that will be sufficient for people to remember our names long after we are gone!

And for those of us who can find our true calling, no better time to pursue that path than in this changed world, with life at a premium…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 1

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I had a dream. As a small child, I wanted to fly fighter planes. I wanted to serve the country.

As I grew up, the dream took wings and I became obsessed about getting into the armed forces. That was my only goal.

And I worked hard to attain it. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Although I couldn’t fly fighter planes, I did get through the selection process and joined the Indian Army.

The training at the Academy was hard-nosed battle readiness training from all aspects – physical, mental, and emotional. We went through hell and fire and rose from the ashes multiple times and became tough.

The Academy prepared us for diving into the extraordinary life that lay ahead of us as an officer. As a proud member of the strong force that secures the nation and protects it from external and sometimes internal threats.

Something, I still take pride in! Even though I couldn’t serve for long and had to leave due to medical reasons.

As officers, we were implicitly taught to uphold the Indian in each one of us and the fact that our duty came above everything else – to protect, to safeguard, to defend. That was paramount notwithstanding any amount of hardships.

While I came out and got busy with my civilian life (that’s what we Army guys call the other side), that feeling has remained. And the desire to continue serving the nation/society in one form or the other. And every time I do something like that, it is deeply satisfying at a personal level.

Am sure that’s how my coursemates feel too. And all those people who have ever served the country in uniform or are serving it currently. A feeling that can not be described or conveyed.

I hope more of us get into the Armed Forces and learn the ways of those who sacrifice all they have, sometimes laying down their lives in the process. Will perhaps make us better people. And proud citizens too…

Game on…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There we were – me along with my cousins playing a game of Ludo – the popular board game. Past 12 in the night, rolling the virtual dice and passing comments and smileys…

As the lockdown has continued and disrupted quite a few aspects of life, it has encouraged virtual ways of doing the many things that we are regulars at or at least enthusiastic about. Talking to group of friends and relatives on video calls, having virtual parties and get-togethers, to now playing the many available games online with family and friends.

What takes the cake for me though is the virtual gaming scene. One of my friends mentioned it is like an unstoppable habit – once you log in and play with people whom you know, you tend to enjoy more and play more. And why not? In times when most people are stuck at homes, games are a good way of socialising.

In fact, one of the prime pass-times for us as children used to be board and card games. I remember spending hours together on carrom, chess, monopoly, and card games during my summer holidays. Even now when we get together, most cousins enjoy playing a few games together. It is a special kind of bonding, unspeakable in words.

Of course, multiplayer games aren’t a new phenomenon or a complete substitute for playing when being physically present with each other. But with the current situation, I feel they have lent a new dimension to having fun. And some of the simpler ones are actually a bigger draw – for the mere fact that you are playing more to rekindle the feeling of the days gone by and to celebrate being together than the actual game.

As that game of Ludo came to an end with me losing and cursing my luck, what I really wished for was to have one more round to have more fun with my cousins. Although I could play only a couple of games before my phone gave way and work prevented me from participating in more matches today, in that one hour I lived life the way it is supposed to be – happy and blissful. And that’s what counts.

Let the games begin!!!

Busy Lives and Lockdowns

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

 

Stress – this one word has become common parlance in our vocabulary…

No doubt, we have become very busy in our work lives and have hundreds of things to take care of on a daily basis, multitasking to the hilt. The to-dos on our personal lists aren’t going off and with both of the partners working in most marriages, levels are shooting through the roof.

How do we handle this? What do we do to ensure we can remain sane in this maddening world? I was thinking on these aspects for some time in Feb and had this post in draft mode since last 1 month. Suddenly, realised that the on-going lockdown due to Coronavirus has added new dimensions to the entire question and given some answers.

While our lives are centred around our families in India, in today’s day and age a large part of it is spent working, taking phone calls, commuting to work, and spending time in after-office parties. As the economy has progressed over the last few years, so has this proportion in our lives. 

I remember, my father’s working hours. We as kids always used to wonder, why does he have to work so hard. He was a banker and his usual time to come home was 8 pm. He used to be busy on Saturdays also. But he had time to spend with us. On Sundays and other holidays, there wasn’t anything that bothered him. We used to get undivided attention. 

Some of my uncles who were in Govt. jobs had an even better schedule. They used to be generally back home by 6:30 or 7. In fact one of the uncles who was working in a Defence production / ordnance factory, used to be back home at 4 as he started his day early. Without many distractions post work, people used to spend time meeting others, spending time with family, playing with kids, and following their hobbies.

As I entered my first job in 2005, it was a slower world than now. Software hadn’t eaten the world completely, laptops weren’t commonplace, and smartphones as a category was a couple of years away. So, once office finished by 7 or so, one could go home and indulge in other pursuits. Commute times were 30-45 minutes at the max and social media wasn’t as pervading. 

By my second job in 2010, a few times one needed to get on calls after office hours and sometimes spend time working on stuff post that. Commute times had increased to 45-60 minutes and social media was starting to get attention by a few people across the board. Still, weekends were times to relax and unwind, and to do things one wanted to pursue outside of work.

In recent years though, work life has become ubiquitous. We carry our laptops everywhere, smartphones keep beeping with work emails taking our attention, and there are always things to complete. Depending on the industry one is in, weekends also require you to pitch in sometimes. Commute times have increased between 1-2 hours and social media and WhatsApp is eating away attention by the minute. And in between all this, there’s life beyond work, which is waiting on the other side. 

This unexpected lockdown situation has now given us a great chance to catch up on that life. We are all still working but in the confines of our home. Of course, more time is being spent on calls and messages but commute times are being saved. And in between those work sessions, there’s time to spend with our loved ones, to do a few things after office hours, spending time talking to each other, playing with the kids, and pursuing our hobbies.

Although news on the virus spread is worrying and the current situation uncertain, its also given us a chance to relive our lives as if it were the 90’s! Let’s live it to the fullest until it lasts!!!

The Run of my life…

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We were in a river valley on a dark night with forests all around and all of us were panicking. After all, losing your bearings is never a good time in life.

Sometimes dreams mirror what’s happening in our lives and link the past. I had one such dream the other day when I was transported to my Army days and relived an uncertain and panicky situation, akin to current times. Thought I will recount that incident here.

In the Indian Military Academy, which I attended on my way to get commissioned as an officer in the Indian Army, there were multiple outdoor training camps that we had to go for. The toughest of them was to the final one before cadets passed out, called Chindits.

Chindits wasn’t tough for the duration or workload – a week in a jungle camp with outdoor exercises is pretty normal by that time in the Academy. It was the run-back to the Academy that was difficult, with everyone having to cover about 100 kms in 16 hours, in combat uniform with about 20 kgs of load. The catch, if the group (35 people) doesn’t complete it, you do it again!

So naturally, there was an apprehension in all of us as the camp dates approached. We stocked up on food, chocolates, and advise from seniors. Had multiple discussions to decide on who will be our navigators and who will handle what responsibilities.

As the camp progressed, we waited in anticipation until the final day when we had a hearty meal before commencing the run-back in the early evening.

Initially, everything went as per plan. The navigators were first class and had chalked out the route we had to take. We all kept on double checking as we progressed and felt pretty confident of completing the run within the stipulated time.

And then, as darkness fell and we became more relaxed while walking the path, somewhere in the river valley, we missed the gorge and a critical turn and kept walking ahead. As we realised later, that was a grave mistake.

After walking for almost 10 kms, we discovered that we had been going on the wrong path and were lost in the jungle. Panic ensued in the group. Followed by blame game and infighting. Some blamed the navigators, some the leaders, some the night. But the reality was we were lost and losing time by the minute. We had been walking for almost 5 hours and had lost a couple of hours now.

As the group came to its senses and we re-calibrated, we realised that we had an uphill task now and had to literally run to make it back together to the Academy…

When we made our way back through the map and came back to the right turn, we had covered about 20 kms out of 100 in 6 hours! Not getting bogged down, we continued to pave our way through and began crossing the valley at a brisk pace. Until, another hurdle came across literally.

One of our teammates carrying a LMG side-stepped a stone and fell down, bringing another person down with him and both of them getting a bloody nose/chin in the event. It was mayhem, with we having to rush to treat them with our emergency kits and getting the injuries under control. It resulted in another fall out within the group and fall in morale of the injured team members.

We had now hit about 8 hours on the run with about 35 kms covered and we were yet to reach the first checkpoint. With nothing to lose, we decided to take the bull by the horns. We divided ourselves into small teams and carried the injured team members as well as their bags and equipment to the checkpoint where we could report them sick.

We now started running continuously and covered the 5 kms to the checkpoint, clocking in at 9 hours. The officers there were really worried as we were the only group which hadn’t reported yet. They were about to send a search and rescue party to find us. Relieved that we had reached, they took our report and accepted the sick guys. And told us at the same time that it appeared impossible for us to now make it back to the Academy on time.

Not to be bowed down, we decided to give it a shot and as previously, carried on in smaller teams with each on of us egging the others and singing songs together. The second checkpoint was at 60 kms and the third at about 80 kms, both of which we hit in 2 hours each. So at the third checkpoint, we were at 13 hours and still had 20 kms to cover.

Our brisk pace had given us all a lot of hope and we were becoming more and more confident. The officer at the last checkpoint encouraged us to give it our all and as we left for the last leg of our run-back, our pace became more and more brisk.

Covering the last 20 kms in 2 hours, we hit the Academy in 15 hours from the time we started. Actually slightly earlier than some of the other groups! Our clothes were all sweaty and smelly and we were all exhausted by the running and constant cheering, with some of us temporarily losing our voices.

Once all the groups were in (no one had to repeat), we were called out by the Commandant and received special praise for exhibiting the resoluteness and perseverance to complete the exercise despite the odds. Most of us cried. And all of us turned from boys to men!

As I look back now on that experience and how we all, a motley group of youngsters, made it all the way back with spirits held high, I realise the world will too at the end of the current crisis. If we don’t let this situation get the better of us and if we keep sane, things will turn for better soon. And hopefully, a lot more mature and brave…

PS: sorry if this was long and boring, just had to recount the tale.