Personal

What’s in a Name?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My name is Bond, James Bond. This is one of the most recognisable lines in the movie industry. In this era of digital, where virtual identities have overtaken the real ones, it still signifies the attachment we have with our names!

Yesterday, as I was watching the last instalment of the Star Wars saga, one line stuck me. The protagonist is asked by a random inhabitant on a far off planet, what’s your name. And she replies with her first name. The inhabitant asks her family name, to which the protagonist doesn’t have an answer at that point in the movie.

That’s where the scene ended but left in me a trail of thoughts. And as I sat today enjoying my Sunday, I was reminded of the line – such is the impression a mere exchange of dialogues created!

All of us have names. And as our names identify us, it’s natural that we are very cognisant of who, how, and where is using our name. I have seen people getting offended by someone writing or pronouncing their name wrongly. Or being very careful on making their name public.

And yet, while our name is a matter of pride and identity for us, I have often wondered about the futility of the pursuit of making it shine nice and bright…

It’s not that I am devoid of that desire or don’t want to ever have my name shine. It’s just that having experienced different sides of life, it appears to me that most of us are in it for the wrong reasons.

Let me elaborate a bit…

I am of the belief that a person’s work should speak for oneself. That people should know instinctively about who did the work. And that’s only possible if we love the work more than we care for the results. Only if we don’t worry about what will people say. Only if we give it our very best and then be satisfied that we couldn’t have done better.

What I have seen to the contrary is that most people first think about the results, about what will people say, about the benefit they will derive from what they are doing. The work at hand becomes secondary. And while the approach may work, IMHO it’s a gross wastage of our talent.

I mean, if we look at all the genius people around the globe, they did what they did because they absolutely loved doing it. All those who are super successful, have achieved success by following their passion. And what most of us do? We chase name and fame and money without worrying too much about the work. Or treat it as a job!

That’s where I believe we as people need to change our approach to life, specially as it gets rebooted after the lockdown. To make it more meaningful. To pursue our passions. To do what we like to do. And to always give the best of ourselves to every pursuit.

That will make us happy. And satisfied. And successful.

Perhaps, some of us will still need to do our jobs apart from our passions. But if we do them well, that will be sufficient for people to remember our names long after we are gone!

And for those of us who can find our true calling, no better time to pursue that path than in this changed world, with life at a premium…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 1

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I had a dream. As a small child, I wanted to fly fighter planes. I wanted to serve the country.

As I grew up, the dream took wings and I became obsessed about getting into the armed forces. That was my only goal.

And I worked hard to attain it. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Although I couldn’t fly fighter planes, I did get through the selection process and joined the Indian Army.

The training at the Academy was hard-nosed battle readiness training from all aspects – physical, mental, and emotional. We went through hell and fire and rose from the ashes multiple times and became tough.

The Academy prepared us for diving into the extraordinary life that lay ahead of us as an officer. As a proud member of the strong force that secures the nation and protects it from external and sometimes internal threats.

Something, I still take pride in! Even though I couldn’t serve for long and had to leave due to medical reasons.

As officers, we were implicitly taught to uphold the Indian in each one of us and the fact that our duty came above everything else – to protect, to safeguard, to defend. That was paramount notwithstanding any amount of hardships.

While I came out and got busy with my civilian life (that’s what we Army guys call the other side), that feeling has remained. And the desire to continue serving the nation/society in one form or the other. And every time I do something like that, it is deeply satisfying at a personal level.

Am sure that’s how my coursemates feel too. And all those people who have ever served the country in uniform or are serving it currently. A feeling that can not be described or conveyed.

I hope more of us get into the Armed Forces and learn the ways of those who sacrifice all they have, sometimes laying down their lives in the process. Will perhaps make us better people. And proud citizens too…

Game on…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There we were – me along with my cousins playing a game of Ludo – the popular board game. Past 12 in the night, rolling the virtual dice and passing comments and smileys…

As the lockdown has continued and disrupted quite a few aspects of life, it has encouraged virtual ways of doing the many things that we are regulars at or at least enthusiastic about. Talking to group of friends and relatives on video calls, having virtual parties and get-togethers, to now playing the many available games online with family and friends.

What takes the cake for me though is the virtual gaming scene. One of my friends mentioned it is like an unstoppable habit – once you log in and play with people whom you know, you tend to enjoy more and play more. And why not? In times when most people are stuck at homes, games are a good way of socialising.

In fact, one of the prime pass-times for us as children used to be board and card games. I remember spending hours together on carrom, chess, monopoly, and card games during my summer holidays. Even now when we get together, most cousins enjoy playing a few games together. It is a special kind of bonding, unspeakable in words.

Of course, multiplayer games aren’t a new phenomenon or a complete substitute for playing when being physically present with each other. But with the current situation, I feel they have lent a new dimension to having fun. And some of the simpler ones are actually a bigger draw – for the mere fact that you are playing more to rekindle the feeling of the days gone by and to celebrate being together than the actual game.

As that game of Ludo came to an end with me losing and cursing my luck, what I really wished for was to have one more round to have more fun with my cousins. Although I could play only a couple of games before my phone gave way and work prevented me from participating in more matches today, in that one hour I lived life the way it is supposed to be – happy and blissful. And that’s what counts.

Let the games begin!!!

Busy Lives and Lockdowns

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

 

Stress – this one word has become common parlance in our vocabulary…

No doubt, we have become very busy in our work lives and have hundreds of things to take care of on a daily basis, multitasking to the hilt. The to-dos on our personal lists aren’t going off and with both of the partners working in most marriages, levels are shooting through the roof.

How do we handle this? What do we do to ensure we can remain sane in this maddening world? I was thinking on these aspects for some time in Feb and had this post in draft mode since last 1 month. Suddenly, realised that the on-going lockdown due to Coronavirus has added new dimensions to the entire question and given some answers.

While our lives are centred around our families in India, in today’s day and age a large part of it is spent working, taking phone calls, commuting to work, and spending time in after-office parties. As the economy has progressed over the last few years, so has this proportion in our lives. 

I remember, my father’s working hours. We as kids always used to wonder, why does he have to work so hard. He was a banker and his usual time to come home was 8 pm. He used to be busy on Saturdays also. But he had time to spend with us. On Sundays and other holidays, there wasn’t anything that bothered him. We used to get undivided attention. 

Some of my uncles who were in Govt. jobs had an even better schedule. They used to be generally back home by 6:30 or 7. In fact one of the uncles who was working in a Defence production / ordnance factory, used to be back home at 4 as he started his day early. Without many distractions post work, people used to spend time meeting others, spending time with family, playing with kids, and following their hobbies.

As I entered my first job in 2005, it was a slower world than now. Software hadn’t eaten the world completely, laptops weren’t commonplace, and smartphones as a category was a couple of years away. So, once office finished by 7 or so, one could go home and indulge in other pursuits. Commute times were 30-45 minutes at the max and social media wasn’t as pervading. 

By my second job in 2010, a few times one needed to get on calls after office hours and sometimes spend time working on stuff post that. Commute times had increased to 45-60 minutes and social media was starting to get attention by a few people across the board. Still, weekends were times to relax and unwind, and to do things one wanted to pursue outside of work.

In recent years though, work life has become ubiquitous. We carry our laptops everywhere, smartphones keep beeping with work emails taking our attention, and there are always things to complete. Depending on the industry one is in, weekends also require you to pitch in sometimes. Commute times have increased between 1-2 hours and social media and WhatsApp is eating away attention by the minute. And in between all this, there’s life beyond work, which is waiting on the other side. 

This unexpected lockdown situation has now given us a great chance to catch up on that life. We are all still working but in the confines of our home. Of course, more time is being spent on calls and messages but commute times are being saved. And in between those work sessions, there’s time to spend with our loved ones, to do a few things after office hours, spending time talking to each other, playing with the kids, and pursuing our hobbies.

Although news on the virus spread is worrying and the current situation uncertain, its also given us a chance to relive our lives as if it were the 90’s! Let’s live it to the fullest until it lasts!!!

The Run of my life…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We were in a river valley on a dark night with forests all around and all of us were panicking. After all, losing your bearings is never a good time in life.

Sometimes dreams mirror what’s happening in our lives and link the past. I had one such dream the other day when I was transported to my Army days and relived an uncertain and panicky situation, akin to current times. Thought I will recount that incident here.

In the Indian Military Academy, which I attended on my way to get commissioned as an officer in the Indian Army, there were multiple outdoor training camps that we had to go for. The toughest of them was to the final one before cadets passed out, called Chindits.

Chindits wasn’t tough for the duration or workload – a week in a jungle camp with outdoor exercises is pretty normal by that time in the Academy. It was the run-back to the Academy that was difficult, with everyone having to cover about 100 kms in 16 hours, in combat uniform with about 20 kgs of load. The catch, if the group (35 people) doesn’t complete it, you do it again!

So naturally, there was an apprehension in all of us as the camp dates approached. We stocked up on food, chocolates, and advise from seniors. Had multiple discussions to decide on who will be our navigators and who will handle what responsibilities.

As the camp progressed, we waited in anticipation until the final day when we had a hearty meal before commencing the run-back in the early evening.

Initially, everything went as per plan. The navigators were first class and had chalked out the route we had to take. We all kept on double checking as we progressed and felt pretty confident of completing the run within the stipulated time.

And then, as darkness fell and we became more relaxed while walking the path, somewhere in the river valley, we missed the gorge and a critical turn and kept walking ahead. As we realised later, that was a grave mistake.

After walking for almost 10 kms, we discovered that we had been going on the wrong path and were lost in the jungle. Panic ensued in the group. Followed by blame game and infighting. Some blamed the navigators, some the leaders, some the night. But the reality was we were lost and losing time by the minute. We had been walking for almost 5 hours and had lost a couple of hours now.

As the group came to its senses and we re-calibrated, we realised that we had an uphill task now and had to literally run to make it back together to the Academy…

When we made our way back through the map and came back to the right turn, we had covered about 20 kms out of 100 in 6 hours! Not getting bogged down, we continued to pave our way through and began crossing the valley at a brisk pace. Until, another hurdle came across literally.

One of our teammates carrying a LMG side-stepped a stone and fell down, bringing another person down with him and both of them getting a bloody nose/chin in the event. It was mayhem, with we having to rush to treat them with our emergency kits and getting the injuries under control. It resulted in another fall out within the group and fall in morale of the injured team members.

We had now hit about 8 hours on the run with about 35 kms covered and we were yet to reach the first checkpoint. With nothing to lose, we decided to take the bull by the horns. We divided ourselves into small teams and carried the injured team members as well as their bags and equipment to the checkpoint where we could report them sick.

We now started running continuously and covered the 5 kms to the checkpoint, clocking in at 9 hours. The officers there were really worried as we were the only group which hadn’t reported yet. They were about to send a search and rescue party to find us. Relieved that we had reached, they took our report and accepted the sick guys. And told us at the same time that it appeared impossible for us to now make it back to the Academy on time.

Not to be bowed down, we decided to give it a shot and as previously, carried on in smaller teams with each on of us egging the others and singing songs together. The second checkpoint was at 60 kms and the third at about 80 kms, both of which we hit in 2 hours each. So at the third checkpoint, we were at 13 hours and still had 20 kms to cover.

Our brisk pace had given us all a lot of hope and we were becoming more and more confident. The officer at the last checkpoint encouraged us to give it our all and as we left for the last leg of our run-back, our pace became more and more brisk.

Covering the last 20 kms in 2 hours, we hit the Academy in 15 hours from the time we started. Actually slightly earlier than some of the other groups! Our clothes were all sweaty and smelly and we were all exhausted by the running and constant cheering, with some of us temporarily losing our voices.

Once all the groups were in (no one had to repeat), we were called out by the Commandant and received special praise for exhibiting the resoluteness and perseverance to complete the exercise despite the odds. Most of us cried. And all of us turned from boys to men!

As I look back now on that experience and how we all, a motley group of youngsters, made it all the way back with spirits held high, I realise the world will too at the end of the current crisis. If we don’t let this situation get the better of us and if we keep sane, things will turn for better soon. And hopefully, a lot more mature and brave…

PS: sorry if this was long and boring, just had to recount the tale.

On Friends and Fights…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Friends are our lifeline. They are the ones who keep us afloat in good times and bad…

This past week, we had a couple of occasions when the little one had a mini fight with one of her friends. The ones you feel important about when you are young but feel amused by when you think back as a grown up. Reminded me of my own days with friends and how I grew up.

The good thing is, while growing up you become friends without thinking about intentions and benefits. Without worrying about the past, present, or future of the person. And remain so for as long as you are alive and kicking.

Thanks to my dad’s transferable job as a banker, I got the opportunity to travel to a few places and make new friends every 2-3 years through my childhood. Each place and friend group taught me new things and helped me make memories for life.

I had quite a few of those cherished friendships, with boys and girls. From my school days as well as during college. Friends, some of whom became very close and continue to be. And I spent tons of time with them.

But it wasn’t all rosy. I had my share of fights, big and small, across the spectrum. A lot of times they were silly, some times futile, and only a few times necessary. But at that point in time they all felt important.

I remember fighting umpteen times with friends while playing. Incidents I laugh with them about now. Some of the others were serious but quickly resolved. Only a couple of them were of the kinds that did permanent damage on both sides. And were really important.

Yet when I look back, those incidents helped me shape up. I became more accommodating and understanding of the other view point(s), of learning to accept differences and agreeing to disagree. And of knowing when to stay and when to walk away.

So I tell my little one. She is too young to understand these things and hopefully will have her own positive learning curve from these fights with friends.

And will probably grow up looking back bemusedly at these young days…

How I am trying to reduce stress (and live better)

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a bad month for me. I had constant episodes of acute headaches, which the doctor told me looked like migraine, which was worrying.

In a place like Bangalore, life’s fast and commutes too long. And with both of us working, there are endless things that take time to get knocked off the personal to-do list.

Now, for the last few years, I have been used to putting in 12 or more working hours every day and since last 3 years, have been spending close to 2-3 hours on the road during the peak hours. Leave aside the 6-7 odd hours of sleep, this was leaving only about a couple of hours for me to do all the other stuff on routine days.

These factors combined with the highly disordered traffic sense which often is irritating, the constant demands on all fronts which often is challenging, and own expectations which often are exacting, were pushing me and I was somewhere getting burdened and worked up. Which was leading to those headaches.

I had been eating well, exercising regularly, and had generally been healthy the past year. And I had taken steps in the workplace to ensure my workload could be delegated or distributed as much as possible. Therefore, when the doctor mentioned this might be due to stress building up in the system, I decided to take a long hard look at what I was doing wrong.

As I started figuring out things, 3 aspects stood out – I was spending too much time in traffic on weekdays that was leaving me with very little to do otherwise, I wasn’t doing anything for myself on weekends and they were being spent working or sitting idle, and I was rushing through life with family instead of savouring it slowly.

Naturally, I have taken some remedial steps to handle these aspects. First and foremost, I have started travelling to and fro from office early in the morning. That has helped me cut down my travel time by at least a third and given me time to spend at home or office to get things done.

Secondly, I have started writing this blog again. It has given me a tool to speak my mind and tell what I want to. It’s like giving wings to a person to let him fly. Shackles have been broken and creative juices have started flowing again.

And lastly, I have decided to take things slowly during weekends, with a lot of nudging from my wife. Apart from work commitments, which sometimes require my time, I try and spend as much time with my wife and daughter doing regular things like talking, having meals, going for a stroll in the park, enjoying a movie together, playing games, reading, and so on. Regular life stuff, which has helped me rejuvenate.

All of these have definitely helped in lowering the rush in my head. The headaches have gone away, no migraine as of now. And I am able to get more done on a daily basis, while building my relationship bonds stronger.

Sometimes, we just go off track in our life’s race and continue to run hard but in a direction that doesn’t have a very good end. Thankfully, I discovered the wrong direction I took pretty early and have been able to make corrections. Just hope to continue without going off-track again.

As for this blog, this has been a blessing in disguise…

Marriages and Happy Endings

~ Rishi

The past week, I was in my hometown for my cousin sister’s wedding. It was a grand affair, as weddings in India tend to be. As much as I will remember it for the fun we had, I will also recall it for the changing social moorings.

In our society, marriage is a landmark in a girl’s life. It’s almost as if she has been reborn into a new role with a new life.

Until marriage, she lives life carefree, like a starlet / diva, the favourite child. She is hinged to the support provided by her family. Suddenly, she steps over to a new life and world. Where she is expected to be responsible and cautious. She has to adhere to new norms and practices at the in-laws. And she probably doesn’t know anyone well enough (unless it’s a love marriage).

So, when the marriage ceremonies end and the bride leaves the house, there’s a river of emotions running through everyone – the bride, her parents and siblings, and other near and dear ones. This often culminates in large bouts of crying and hugging and a general gloom about the daughter leaving for a different abode.

Let me confess a bit here. I have always been one whose eyes get moist in an emotionally charged atmosphere. I remember having a lump in my throat on a previous occasion when my cousin sister, elder to me, was being sent off. When I got married almost 10 years ago, I had a similar feeling but with a lower magnitude.

But somewhere in my mind, I have been troubled that apart from the grief of separation and distance, it also happens because somewhere we are considering that the daughter no more belongs to our house or that she is an outsider in the new house. Or that the son-in-law belongs to another household.

Which isn’t the right way of looking at it. Even if the social practice demands that the daughter-in-law stay with her husband, she still is a daughter of the house and should be treated like one. Although she has jumped ship to come to her husband’s side, henceforth she is going to be an integral part of the family and hence should be placed on the same pedestal as the son. Or for that matter, the son-in-law has agreed to live his life with the daughter and therefore has become an equal part of the family.

So last week, as the marriage rituals concluded and the last hour approached, I was expecting a prolonged farewell session.

Instead, to my surprise, it turned out to be a happy farewell. My sister’s mother-in-law took the lead and gave confidence to my uncle, aunt and others that she is going to be treated like a daughter and they needn’t worry about anything. Her assurance and confidence preempted the grief of separation and actually turned it into a celebratory send-off. Hats off to Aunty!!!

Not that others wouldn’t have tried or the assurances don’t work. Sometimes they do. I have heard of a couple of marriages where the farewell happened in a celebratory mode.

This however for me was the first time I was witnessing it live. And it was so refreshing. When I reflected back, I realised that in this case, marriage was just a ritual and the happy farewell was perhaps a by-product of the rapport that my sister and her in-laws had built up. And the knowledge of the fact implicitly comforted my uncle and aunt – that their daughter will continue to be a daughter on the other side as well.

Wish every marriage culminates in such a happy farewell. After all, it’s a celebration and the bride and groom are getting a new set of parents…

Parenting and I

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been 4 years, 6 months, and 17 days. Since my daughter was born…

Her birth was one of the best moments I have witnessed in my life. Something within me instantly changed, as I graduated to being a father. Ever since, it’s been a whirlwind with her growing up.

On some days, she blows me away with her shenanigans and her take on life. With how she perceives and receives. With how much she understands and follows.

On others, she acts up and throws a tantrum or two, refuses to budge and wants her way at any cost. And whatever I may try, there’s no way out of the crying and making faces.

With hectic work schedules, I have had to stretch at times to catch up with her demands. And at times, when I wasn’t able to do my absolute best, I have felt the guilt that most working parents have – of not spending enough time with her.

At times I have felt that she should get whatever she wants and I am there to make it happen. Then there are times when I feel that if I don’t discipline and teach her, she will never learn what to value and what not to.

To be lenient or to be strict, and when. How to cope up with her fast growth and learning and still be able to teach her a few new things. And how to pass on the right values and behaviour to her. This duopoly, this constant tussle of how to be a good parent, is what I live with.

Perhaps, it’s a maze that will define how I grow up as well. As I have been transitioning through different phases as a parent, I have rediscovered life at times. Things which I had forgotten or had got buried somewhere deep down. Perspectives which I hadn’t seen earlier.

To be back home and have someone small waiting for you eagerly – to be pampered and loved, to play and have fun, and to live life without any inhibitions or restrictions; is a joy to behold and learning for life! Hoping for many more lessons and lots of fun along the way…

Cherished Childhood Memories

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Childhood memories are always special.

The other day, I was on my way to office in a cab and to pass time, decided to watch a couple of videos on YouTube. Don’t know what triggered the video in my feed, but I was watching a satirical take on Super Mario, the video game superhero.

As I watched it, I was smiling from one end to the other. Amused, I forwarded to some of my friends and groups and downloaded it as well. And then I remembered it again today morning and rewatched it along with my daughter.

Well, playing video games used to be a lot of fun and a time to cherish for us kids. However, it wasn’t allowed usually and only during summer vacations did we get a free run.

In fact, summers used to be the time when you could do anything – sleep till late, read tons of comics, play board/card/video games, have ice cream and soda, and on and on. So naturally, all of us cousins used to look forward to gang up during these vacations.

As I grew up, a few video game parlours mushroomed and we friends used to visit those game zones, parting with our precious savings for an hour of play, competing with each other, learning precious life lessons and enjoying together.

As time passed by, all of us grew up and went on our own paths. We catch up every now and then, when work travel takes us to each other’s place or when a wedding or function in the family comes along. And each time we meet, we end up cherishing all those memories of time spent together.

The video brought back a flood of all those memories and reminded me of not only playing the video game but also of the time spent with all my cousins and friends. What a wonderful childhood it was!!!