Personal

Frustrations

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

They are difficult. They take a lot out of you.

They are also very engaging. And can keep you occupied, thinking about related stuff and going down a rabbit hole.

They are however, also a source of motivation. To do things differently. And try something new.

This past week, I went through all these stages…

As I felt the weight of frustration tugging at my heart and mind, it felt like I got stopped in the tracks.

The frustration had been building for a while. I had seen signs of it in between but I kept going, disregarding those signs. Or rather telling myself that it will get resolved on its own.

What I didn’t realize was that the underlying reasons for the frustration weren’t going away. And with time, they only became more pronounced.

When the feeling hit me, it took me a while to digest the situation I was in. It was as if I was stuck in a maze while trying to find my way out.

This wasn’t the first time I was going through such an experience. But even then, each time is different. And the initial thoughts are always muddled.

As if on cue, my mind took it upon itself to remind me of all the past signs that I had seen but ignored. I kept going back in time and thinking about all related things.

It was only after a couple of days of being in that zone, did I get to unraveling the sources of the frustration. That too after realizing that there was no point in wallowing in the past and it was better to figure out how to move ahead.

However, I first had to fight with my mind to stop going into the past and instead help me weigh my options and path forward. It wasn’t easy but somehow, having done this before, I was able to get my mind to agree.

Then came a long process to map out possibilities and what would work best for me. And then sharing it all with my wife to help me understand if my thoughts are in the right direction.

This entire week went past in dealing with this episode. But I was glad I could come out on the other side with some positive thoughts and a plan of action. And that it didn’t take longer than this.

Hopefully I can now get to execute these plans!

Selfless Dedication

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This weekend was special. We got together to celebrate my maternal uncle and aunt’s fiftieth wedding anniversary!

The occasion itself was momentous. Not everyone gets to enjoy marital bliss for so long.

What made it more memorable was the time I spent with my cousins together. We were catching up with each other after a while.

As we tried to make the most of these two days, every hour spent having fun felt great. I thought it couldn’t have gotten better. But then something very special happened…

During the celebrations, when their grandchildren asked my uncle and aunt some questions, my uncle described my aunt’s unfailing dedication and contribution to home building. And how that was an important aspect of how their relationship strengthened.

How she, being a housewife, took it upon herself to raise the kids, took care of everyone in the extended family, and handled all the changes with aplomb, being at his side always.

It was so refreshing to hear those words. Not just because his love and care for her shone through those words, but also because it reflected the important contributions our mothers made to our lives.

I thought about how my mother, again a housewife, always put our interests first before hers. How she took extra efforts and care to ensure everything in my extended family always went on smoothly. How she continues to do so even now.

Selflessly dedicated. To us. To the family.

And yet, we don’t consider homemaking as a critical part of our lives as much today. Or don’t give it the importance it is due.

Yes, women now work more often than not. And that means many more responsibilities than before. Life’s more busy in general and that means many more things to take care of. But somehow, they cobble it together well.

It’s an amazing quality that women and moms have. I see the same attitude and spark in my wife. And many of the other women in the family I know or have observed closely. More superpowers to them!

Later that evening, as my mom and aunt danced gracefully to celebrate the occasion in their own style, we were all cheering from the sidelines.

For the performance of their lifetime…

“Exposed”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Growing up in small town India was a lot of fun. Specially during the summer holidays.

Almost all of my summer holidays were spent at home or with grandparents and cousins. It however meant that I often didn’t go beyond those places, neither did I get exposed to new things.

This changed rapidly during my high school years. Didn’t happen inorganically or because someone elder decided that I needed exposure. It was rather organic and spontaneous, even circumstantial.

Post my 10th class exams, I decided to accompany my cousins to Delhi. Alone, without my parents.

Although I had been to Delhi earlier with my parents, now I was a teenager and it felt liberating to go live with them alone. My parents somehow were quite comfortable and allowed me to explore.

My cousins also, sensing my excitement, let me be. We roamed around quite a bit, saw some of the iconic landmarks of the city, and ate at some good places. It was when I took to reading novels in a single sitting and quite surprisingly, finished quite a few of them.

That was my first exposure to big city life, in all its glory and shame. Some tough lessons in that trip!

Next summer, after finishing my 11th class exams, my maternal uncle and my father prodded me to attend a Military School camp. Something that aligned well with my ambitions to join the forces, and to which I readily agreed.

It was the first time I stayed in a hostel and experienced that life. Being on your own forces you to learn rapidly. It is radically different and exposed me to the good, the bad, and the ugly among the crowd.

Again, in all its glory and shame, I learnt to live on my own and read people a little better. I also learnt many life lessons, that are embedded in the conscious and subconscious mind.

That same year, I went over to help my cousins move their home and spent days helping them pack and unpack. Although it was relatively easier, I had never assumed such responsibility during our own moves from one place to another, and it offered me multiple lessons.

That real world interaction, in a new location, again proved to be rich in exposure. It also allowed me to explore a place that I had been to earlier with my parents, only this time in a different light.

All these opportunities not only exposed me to new stuff, but also proved helpful later on as I branched out on my own. If I wouldn’t have been in those situations, it would have taken me longer to find my groove later.

Today, as a parent, when I think of how many things our daughter is getting exposed to, and the pace at which it is happening, I am amazed. And yet, it is also a realisation that all these experiences shouldn’t just help her see a new world but also learn aspects of life that she wouldn’t get to just being at home.

Something to keep a note for this new year and beyond!

I turn 5!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Five is a good milestone in life!

I remember how I celebrated when I turned 5.

I invited a lot of my friends, the first proper memory of me celebrating a birthday.

Those days birthdays used to be at home, so there was decoration, cake, and some eatables. All organised at home.

My friends were eager to lap up all of it and there was a lot of excitement as the cake was cut. We played for a while after that and wound up the party late in the evening.

I was happy that I was going to go to first grade in school in the new school session. I was a young boy now!

I couldn’t feel or provide the same level of excitement to our daughter when she turned 5. Her fifth was just after the first round of Covid and we could only manage a low key celebration at home with cousins over.

She was however happy to have celebrated it and we all had a good time. It was also time to acknowledge that she was now growing up to be a young girl, ready to start her learning journey.

Today, as I write this post, I have a similar feeling. Its been five years since I decided to take writing seriously and am elated at having completed 5 years of continuous blogging.

It all started with a new year resolution in January of 2020, when I chose a Sunday rhythm to publish my blog. It’s been 260 weeks and in these 5 years, I believe I have grown as a writer. I have tried different things, ideas, and techniques.

And I have been rewarded very well by all of you who have read it at some point in time or regularly. It’s like appreciation from an elder about growing up well.

This year, I also took a break from the translation project I was working on, related to my grandfather’s work. Because after having worked on it for a year, I realised that it would be best to bring out his story in a different form and not just as a translation.

As I enter the new year, I hope to continue writing more of these blogs and also start writing a long-form story / book. Maybe someday in the future I will publish something.

And a decade or so later, when I look back at this milestone, I would realise how at this point in time my journey was just starting…

Growing up Fun.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Children are fun. But only when they are small.

Is what I used to think. Until a while back.

As our daughter is growing up, watching her actions and reactions is proving to be a great source of amusement. And learning. In the right way.

This week, there were two instances when I saw my own little self in her. It was both surprising and fun.

The first one was when she was prepping up for her sports day at school. Watching her get ready for participation, I was motivating her to give it her best without worrying about the result. It brought back memories of my early years when my parents used to play that role for me.

In the second instance, while on vacation, it was bemusing to see her reactions toward younger kids around us. She was giggling at their behaviour and quietly watching how their parents were acting around. But also commenting on what she liked or not about what she saw.

It was as if she was suddenly older now. Worrying about the stuff us older beings have on our mind. Aware of things around her that much more, privy to how people behave and how others react to it all.

There have been multiple such instances in the last couple of years where she has left us speechless with a most common sensical take on a topic. Or when she will utter something funny, knowingly, leaving us laughing our guts out.

The discussions we have now have also evolved. From the most basic stuff to complex phenomena, she questions me on myriad things in and around us. Some known, some left to Google, nah Perplexity, to answer.

The conversations are much more deeper. About how things work, what others feel, why certain decisions are taken, and so on. And not just from a perspective of knowing about it but debating about why it must be so, or whether it is good or bad, right or wrong.

It’s also been a lesson for me on how to understand what will work or not in any given situation and how should I be prepared with alternatives to offer her. Probably a good start considering her upcoming teenage years.

But ultimately, it is all great fun. To be with, to observe and learn from, and to be partners in crime with.

So, yes, I happily accept I was wrong. And it’s such a delight to be around her and watch her grow!

My Tribe…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We live our lives surrounded by people. Some close, some just acquaintances.

It is very rarely though that we think about how those who are close to us are playing a great supporting role in propping us up.

Everyday. Every month. Every year hopefully.

I just finished reading Andre Agassi’s biography, Open. It is a good book, he comes out quite honestly about everything he had to go through to be the player he was.

One big thing that however has stuck with me was the mention of how he built his team, his tribe. And how important he considered them in his life, going to the extent of depending on them even in the most sensitive and difficult situations.

As I reflected on this revelation, it seemed to me that we mere mortals don’t do this enough.

We don’t think about our tribe enough. Or how important they are and how we need to keep them closer.

Going back to my own experiences, I realise now that places where I had an amazing set of people around me, I did amazingly well there.

In middle school, when in quick succession, I changed schools thrice in three years and didn’t have my good friends with me, I struggled to do my best. Then, as I moved to high school, I found an amazing set of friends and those years were way better.

In my work life too, places that got the best of me, including my first job and a couple of others, I had a great set of people around me. Whom I worked with, became friends with, and hung out with. That positivity reflected in my work at those places. And vice versa.

The biggest lift I have seen however has been in my personal life. Whenever I have drifted away from those who are close to me, physically or mentally, I have suffered.

Conversely, when I have paid attention to keep them close and given importance to what they say and how they keep me honest, I have flourished. Not just once but multiple times.

And so, to me this makes a lot of sense! Keep your tribe together.

And hopefully, as years go by, that bond yields much more than what went into forging it…

Inspired!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There’s something magical about sports. I love it.

For the fun and joy it provides, of course. But also for the inspiration it provides to a mere mortal like me.

This week I had two such inspirational moments.

First was when I was reading through Andre Agassi’s biography. An extremely well written one, where he talks about his love and hate relationship with the game and his personal struggles to lay down the path of glory.

And second when I watched Virat Kohli get to his 30th hundred leaving behind the great Don Bradman. Having waited for more than a year, it was a sweet feeling to see him get there despite all odds and everyone having written him off.

These moments made me recall all the amazing things I have learnt from sports and sports people.

Playing made me grow as a person, both on and off the field. I always played something or the other – football, cricket, hockey, athletics, and volleyball.

Mutual respect, trust, resilience, discipline – all qualities I picked up along the way.

But the bigger lessons came watching some of the professional superstars.

Observing Tendulkar, and then Dravid on the cricket field made me respect discipline and humility. I modeled myself to not get swayed by success or stuck due to failure.

Following Agassi and then Federer, hitting tennis balls through the line, taught me how to do it elegantly with my head held high. Knowing I had given it my best.

Watching the great Schumacher zag through the lanes and winning against odds made me appreciate the value of never giving up. And continuing even after a bad start.

Enjoying Messi’s play on the football field helped me understand how skills and team work need to come together to do great things. And why I always need to collaborate.

There are many more instances I could take and learnings I could recall.

But one important thing I really imbibed reading about these greats behind the scene, was the fact that success doesn’t come overnight.

It has to be toiled for, day after day, hour after hour of practice. It has to be planned for, even when the chances are slim. And it has to be aspired for, to really make a dash for it.

As I wind up a whirlwind week, these are all good reminders of the game I am playing. And checking myself on how I am playing it…

And the Music begins…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last few weeks have been a pleasant surprise for me!

Our daughter had shown no particular inclination until now towards music. She did recognise songs quickly, hummed some tunes silently while in a happy mood. And she sometimes remembered lyrics.

But I took it as a mark of her intelligence or soft skills.

Until, she took to Ukelele at school. And picked up the skills quite rapidly.

Last weekend she sang and played at a party in our community with an effusive attitude. Which again was another surprise because she hadn’t performed in front of a larger crowd earlier.

When we were talking the next day and she narrated her experience to me, it took me back to my own childhood.

As a child, I saw my uncle play a couple of traditional Indian instruments and took a liking to singing. It was my way of expressing myself musically.

I could be found singing anywhere. I became very good at remembering tunes and lyrics. Starting reluctantly at first, I also sang at school gatherings and social parties.

I then tried learning the guitar while at high school but gave it up for want of time. Singing continued sporadically. Some good streaks and then a period of hibernation.

The love for music has persisted throughout though. Increasing each year. Going beyond what I know, to discover newer forms of music and new (or rather old) artists.

However, as I reflect back, I feel that I could have done so much more but didn’t pay enough attention to the craft. A partial void in my life.

So when I heard my daughter’s experience, my heart was elated.

I could sense a pride in her voice, a feeling that she is turning into someone who appreciates music.

I didn’t tell her anything, except to encourage her and to guide her to continue learning and enjoying.

But somewhere in my mind, there’s a secret desire for her to be more regular with it. For, that will be my vicarious pleasure if I get to watch her lean into music, even as I grow older.

I cannot see clearly any more…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All these years, I prided myself on my good eyesight.

Even though I have worked on screens for a very long time, I have never worn specs. Even though I have continued to grow older, my eyes have remained healthy.

It was all clear! But not any more…

Last week, while getting a regular eye test done, I discovered that my eyes have developed a slight weakness. And hence, I need glasses to see things clearer.

When the doctor told me, it took me a while to process that my pride had been hit. He helped me understand that what I have is a very common condition, due to aging. But I didn’t take it very well.

I went with the flow and ordered the glasses but somewhere deep down I was still fighting with the reveal.

While I knew that I would some day have to wear them, I had always thought of wearing glasses as a distant thing, to happen sometime in the future. Which isn’t going to come sometime soon.

Until it came. And signaled to me that my thinking cannot remain the same for years together!

It has taken me some time to get used to wearing my glasses. I am still going through the learning phase, getting in sync with the idea of having to wear them.

It’s the same with a lot of new things that happen with us through our life. When they happen, we are not sure about them. Sometimes we are surprised, sometimes we take it in our stride.

Then, as we begin to adapt to the new change, we feel certain inhibitions. How would things change? What does this mean? Etc.

Finally, if we agree with the change, we become one with it and accept it. If not, we reject it and move on. Either way, having gone through the experience enriches us.

Not that it helps us avoid those feelings in another instance. Or decide to accept or reject it immediately.

But it does give us a perspective about ourselves. About how our thought process changes and how new things get embedded in our being.

Unfortunately, for me this time, there’s no option to reject. But then, maybe, there’s a hidden good in all of this. I do look more serious and matured with the glasses!!! 🙂

The brighter side

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I believe strongly in this saying, “Whatever happens, it’s for the good“. Something I learnt through personal experiences.

And yet, when something untoward happens, my mind first races to the negative side…

Why did this happen with me? How did I let it happen? What did I do wrong? And many such questions.

This weekend, when I missed my return flight from a longish business trip, it wasn’t a happy feeling. I felt like an idiot.

While I sorted out the mess and got myself booked again on another flight for the next day, my mind continued to swarm with negative thoughts. When I called up home to tell them of the mishap, it felt so bad I wanted to scream at myself.

But then, I calmed myself down. Sat down for a while and took some time to make peace with the fact that I could have done better.

In my sleep, I must have dreamt away those thoughts, for when I woke up, I felt neutral.

It took me longer to get back home but on the way I met a couple of good people, got some good me time at the right waking hours, and also got some work done.

Most importantly, I realized why the mishap had come to pass, and identified corrective actions, so that I do not let something similar happen again.

Maybe there are some other lessons or good that I don’t realize now or haven’t come true but will be revealed with time.

This has happened with me in the past too. I didn’t succeed in my business when I had put in so much effort. I didn’t get through a competitive exam when I wanted to pass badly. I had to give away my childhood dream due to an injury. But each time, I realized that mishap had made me stronger. And the future had in store for me better things.

That’s why some ask us to ‘be positive!’ Or you may call it ‘looking at the brighter side’…