Personal

The good ol’ days!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have those people whom we spent some good days with. Family, friends, colleagues.

Often, when we meet, the conversations turn toward the days we spent together. How it felt and how it continues to give us joy even now.

This weekend, as I spent time with cousins and then a couple of childhood friends, the time together allowed us to feel the vicarious pleasure of living those golden moments again.

There’s something about spending time together. In person, with other human beings…

Just the other day, I was reading and then chatting about loneliness and how we are becoming distant from others. Today, as I settled down to write, this appreciation dawned on me.

That I am someone who needs to be around people I enjoy being with.

That I want to feel the voices and touch the feelings of togetherness across different relationships I have.

That I crave talking to people who I am friends with, even if it is whiling away time in small talk.

That I am much more happier and satisfied with a day well spent in a group rather than a week of being alone.

That I must take out time to do so, as often as I can.

For, there are very few things more enjoyable than sharing moments which you can remember and feel fresh again reminiscing about those good ol’ days later!

The Connection We Have

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AI is the flavour of the season and in Silicon Valley there is a palpable feeling of you being in the wave (riding or not is another matter)!

This weekend I was reading up on what some researchers at Anthropic (one of those heavyweight startups) are up to. They are basically trying to understand neural networks and how they deduce the outcomes that we get.

Then, I read another piece about how there are companies working to figure out different AI agents/models around making humans, sitting in back offices and chatting with you and me to help resolve our queries, redundant.

After reading these articles, I was imagining how these developments will affect the world of writing.

There’s already a lot of debate on how AI generated content is becoming quite common and how it is different from human generated content and which is better.

Naturally, as someone who aspires to write more, it does feel I am choosing the road which will be increasingly less travelled. And yet, not ready to give up the romanticism of my new aspiration, I have tried to keep on writing, working on my craft.

The more I reflected on the articles and what’s about to come, one thing became clearer in my head. In this age of AI, the connection I build with my reader is going to be the key to my satisfaction as a writer.

If I, as a writer, am able to connect at a deeper, emotional level with the reader, I will have done my part well. At least a few of those reading will find my work authentic and connect with it.

And if I am able to keep connecting repeatedly, I should be able to do justice to the time someone invests in reading my stuff.

It’s a precariously tight rope to walk on. If I swing too much, I may trump myself. If I don’t, I risk being stationary and eventually falling down.

The only way is to keep an eye on my goal, take deep breaths and write with my heart…

By the way, just realized while writing this is applicable not just for writing but for pretty much anything we want to excel in in our life!

Being authentic is the way forward then.

The Hard Way…

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Sometimes you have things at the back of your mind. And then you read about it somewhere, which brings clarity.

Last couple of weeks, I came across a couple of interviews / opinions. One was of NVidia’s founder and CEO, who’s suddenly become media’s darling with the acute focus on all things AI. Another was an opinion published by Robert Glazer, an investor cum author whose newsletters I like to read.

In his speech at Stanford University, Jansen Huang talks about how he wishes that the graduating students fail more in life and thus learn how to succeed. For as per him, failure is a great virtue and teacher.

Robert in one of his newsletters talked about how with high-touch parenting, we are shielding our children too much. And how that’s not helping them prepare for the real world.

As I watched the speech and then read the old newsletter, I reconnected the two with my own observations about personal and social ways of how I am bringing up our daughter and how I act within groups…

I am protective of our daughter and often worry about where she is, what is she doing, how did she do, and so on. My worry is not chronic and flares up sometimes but more often than not is excessive, if I am being honest. I could do with a little less of it.

It isn’t that something has happened which has compelled me to worry more. She has had a largely incident-free childhood and we have been blessed that she is quite considerate and sensible about most things. Yet, I somehow feel that I am not being a good father if I don’t know enough about these things.

If I contrast it with my childhood, my parents used to make sure they knew about my whereabouts but they let me be. I used to roam around a lot more freely, with a lot more abandon, and faced the forces of nature more than my daughter does today.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened with me. But being on my own at times taught me things that I could carry with me as lessons and apply them when caught in a similar situation later on.

Am not so sure therefore, if I am letting my daughter experience a similar learning curve. Maybe, times have changed. But even if so, my being overprotective won’t help her. It will shield her from experiences which will help her grow up.

So, lesson one – I will let her be and allow her to fall, learn, and grow up.

In the same vein, I realised that I need to sometimes let others around me express themselves more and in the process go through their own journey. I tend to help more than I should at times, striving to save time or to offer my experiences. But in doing that, I am robbing them of experiencing and learning for themselves.

So, lesson two – I will only help where I must and where it is warranted, in most cases I will let the other person discover and gain an experience of their own.

I guess enough lessons for a weekend! And for me to apply…

The Team Spirit.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Three years to date, I called up my partner at my previous firm. I had decided to take up a new role.

I had been looking for a new challenge for sometime. And when I got something that made sense for me to pursue, I dialled up my manager’s no.

It was a direct conversation. He as well as the senior partner offered me some food for thought but I was clear about the move and it was both personally and professionally making sense for me. So, eventually we agreed amicably about the separation.

However, what I had not thought about was my team and how they would feel. And how I would feel about the fact that I was moving out, after having hired quite a few of them myself and having managed them for a while.

After running with this conflict in my head for a couple of days, I decided to be upfront about it. I called up each person on the team, breaking the news to them and talking about why I was moving on from what we had signed up for together.

Most folks accepted and wished me well. Some were surprised and told me that they would have wanted to continue working together for longer. I am sure, some thanked their stars for good riddance as well!

My heart wasn’t still contented. I had this guilty feeling about leaving those team members in the middle of an unfinished journey. With some of them, I had spent just shy of five years. It troubled me for a few days.

Then, I remembered those times when someone in the team, who I absolutely wanted in, had decided to move on. It was always difficult to let go but I was never one to hold back anyone. It had pinched me but work never stopped.

And I realised that while I was going out of the equation, work that my team was doing won’t stop. That they will continue to excel. I need not be guilty but should go out with the confidence of having done good by them.

With my worries put to rest, I enjoyed those last few days with my colleagues and friends and moved on to a new path. We remain in touch and with quite a few of them, I have maintained a great bonhomie.

Recalling those days and what came of all that time spent together is something I still cherish today and will continue to in the future. We may have moved in different directions but that team spirit lingers on somewhere…

The Precious Years…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I live in a state of concern and apprehension. Concern about how my parents, who are getting older, age. And apprehension about how I would support them in the years to come.

I was born and brought up in a joint family and stayed away from my parents, by choice, until I was eleven. Not entirely, but for elongated periods of time when my mom joined my dad in his postings. In those days, I never really felt too much when they left me behind.

Then, as I grew up and joined the army, for the first time in my life, I felt the pangs of separation. Perhaps more so because that was the first time I was staying away from my family. But I did miss my parents a lot in those days.

So, when I had to come out, I went over to Delhi, where they were. Even post finishing college and starting work, I continued to visit them quite often. I started enjoying their company and the times we spent together as a family.

Life moved on, I found the love of my life, and got married. We moved to Bangalore for work and my parents made it a point to come over once a year to spend time with us, while we took time out for a couple of weeks to go spend with them. It made me habitual to they being around to share life’s important moments.

Then, with our daughter’s birth, the relationship further evolved and they started spending more time with us, weeks together. As they settled in their new rhythms of post-retirement life and having a grandchild, it gave our relationship a new perspective. I suddenly grew up in their eyes.

Over the last few years, our relationship has further blossomed more than I imagined. We enjoy spending time together, going on vacations, enjoying as a family. Or being at home and watching a movie together or playing games. At ease with the time we get together, knowing it is only a few weeks.

While they pass on more wisdom to me every time, I too have come to respect them more and more for what they did as parents. It’s not easy being one.

But it’s also a realisation on my part that whatever time I get to spend with them now and as long as I can, is most precious. Almost like the younger days of our daughter were, when she was growing up every single day. Not discounting the time I have spent with them earlier or what I spend with my daughter now, but speaking relatively.

So, when they decided to come over for a couple of months to stay with us, I was so excited. Those two months got over today and they are heading back. As I stood at the airport, waving them the final byes, a lump formed in my throat.

Not because it will be some time before I meet them again and we stay together for a while, but because I wished the time spent with them could have been longer…

On my way back from the airport, I found solace in the fact that I was able to spend so much time with them. And do so many things while they were with us.

The words of a recent chat with a friend echoed in my mind – “Past a certain age, every moment is in itself precious. We just have to learn to enjoy our time with our parents to the maximum!”

The Grand Picture…

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Our life centres around our “self” and that too in the moment. But are we really able to see the grand picture?

My mind raced in all directions this past week, as I visited the canyons with my family and absorbed the grandness of them all.

While walking an aptly named ‘trail of time’ at the Grand Canyon, where every long step is equal to a million years, our meagre years seemed infinitely small.

And yet, as I contemplated about life over the past week or so away on vacation, I couldn’t help but think about what am I doing, where are things heading, etc.

The contrast of these two at the same time couldn’t be starker. I was concentrating on self in the moment, and not looking at the bigger picture.

Paradoxically, thinking about this contrast also helped clear my head. It became easier to think of life as a series of events that lead to something meaningful at the end of it all.

Not random happenings but inter-connected dots that leave an impression, howsoever small or faint, on some people and things.

A journey that starts and ends in a few years but continues to echo through the chambers of time for a few more years to come.

As these thoughts raced in my mind, I figured the bigger picture for me as an individual would be my entire life and what it affects. Not just what I am doing right now or what may have happened or will happen.

So what’s my bigger picture – I don’t know yet what that entirety entails!

I just know that I have to continue doing things which are interesting to me, which help me progress my knowledge and experiences, and which make me a better father/husband/son/brother/friend/human.

If I am able to do that, I will have lived a life worth something…

Something which will complete my grand picture…

Hand over Heart

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It’s the festival of colours. It is also a festival that brings friends closer and increases bonding. That’s how my dad described Holi to my daughter.

We were on the road, when this topic came up. As my dad narrated the mythological story behind the festival and my daughter tuned in, I went back in years to how we celebrated Holi back in the days.

A right turn brought me out of that stupor, making me realise that the festival doesn’t just symbolises friendship and love but also how heart is more important than head.

I know, I am making a sweeping statement here. May not be agreeable. But see if my logic makes sense…

In years gone by, our heart always held more love than we have now. And it always weighed heavier than our head. Well, at least in my immediate circle it did.

But as days passed by, the head started becoming stronger. It thought too much, painted alternatives vividly, ascribed wins and losses, and in just a few years, stood on par with our heart.

We began taking decisions not just weighing what our heart said but listening equally to what our head said. It meant prosperity, better luck, more fruitful outings, and so on. But it also meant lesser no. of people in our inner circles, constricted thinking patterns, and individualistic fervour.

Today, therefore, we need a festival to remind us of wishing people, meeting them, enjoying our life with them!

My own journey reflects this. Whenever I listened to my heart, or still do, my head seeds doubts. Did I take the right decision? Will this turn out well?

I sometimes fall into the trap and overlook my heart. But when I don’t, and go with what my heart said, I rarely find the path I took to be bad for me. It may be difficult, yes. But then, so is life.

Coming back, this heart over head bit plays a big role in my social life too. When I go with my heart and don’t bother about what I gain out of doing something for someone, I always come out for the better. I feel more satisfied. More connected. More in sync with life.

And so, this Holi, as the fire burns and engulfs us all in its warmth, I hope to go back to my earlier days and believe more in my heart.

It won’t turn back the clock on some not-so-good days but will hopefully keep me tuned in to have many more good ones!

Proud, Prouder, Proudest…

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There are times when your heart suddenly swells with love or pride. And then there are times when this feeling goes higher…

This past week, something similar happened to me.

My wife was chosen as an emerging leader in her field!

A Big deal. A proud moment for me and the entire family.

When she broke the news to me first, my heart swelled with pride. For she has gone through a lot to get there. Having been a witness to almost all of it, I can vouch for it.

As she announced the news to the world a few days later and it appeared in my social media feed, it instantly pushed me to press the like button to express my pride. But I stopped short of posting any comment there.

Not because I didn’t want to. But because I thought it will be better to put this through my written word. Anyways, I have not been a big contributor to the social media scene off late. So, why do it and break my pattern.

Back to the spotlight. I opened up my feed and the notification had some more news about other people liking and commenting on my wife’s post. As I read some of the comments, and she corroborated some offline instances, I became prouder.

For she had got much more heartwarming reception and feedback from her team and people around her. That speaks volumes about her leadership and naturally left a much bigger imprint on the pride index within my heart.

But most of all, I feel the proudest about how she has balanced things on the personal front and yet gone beyond herself to deliver on the work front. It isn’t easy to do that and my respect for all the women who do that day in and day out has only increased.

We have known each other for almost two decades now. And in our often happening life, the way she complements me may not get reflected often in my writing. But the pride she makes me feel hopefully only continues to swell…

The joy of little

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We celebrate abundance. But don’t respect it enough.

On the other hand, we don’t like having little. But sometimes it gives us joy like nothing else.

Yesterday, on a hike with clear bright skies, I spent time talking to my daughter about a few things. She was getting tired in between and I was trying to divert her mind to something else.

In that effort, I came across this rather true juxtaposition…

I was narrating to her how in my younger days, holidays happened far and few in between.

We were mostly occupied with playing in the neighbourhood and only went on longer holidays once in 2-3 years. We did do shorter one-day trips to nearby places but the longer ones were what I remembered.

I still remember my trip to Darjeeling, a hill station in India’s north eastern region, when I was ten. Or when we went to Jammu and surrounding areas after I finished my tenth standard.

Those trips were a lot of fun. We were with family friends or cousins and celebrated through the trip.

Even after returning, we used to reminisce about those days for months altogether. Although such trips were very few, the pleasure we derived was immense.

Contrast to today. We take a lot more holidays. And often. Almost twice a year.

Yet, only a few of those are really remembered long after. Most of them fade away after a few months.

So the abundance of holidays isn’t helping with more memories. They are helping with getting away from the everyday bustle of life but maybe that’s it.

That’s why we try and go for these holidays now, to seek a breather from our non-stop lives. And therefore, only a few of those really are worth remembering!

Perhaps, true for other things in life as well…

Solitude

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

I was at land’s end today, staring into the horizon. It was one of those hiking trails, overlooking the Pacific Ocean on the US west coast.

There were waves crashing by on the rocks down below. Wind in the air hadn’t picked up and the sun’s rays made it a warm outing. Unlike most days.

Some people around the area were capturing pictures, others were just sitting and talking. My own companions, wife and daughter, were busy looking around.

As I soaked all of this in, and looked on, I got into that zone where I meet solitude. It was short lived, probably a couple of minutes. But amidst the surroundings, with so much happening around me, it was refreshing.

As we continued on the hike, I was reminded of a lunch-time chat with a couple of colleagues. We were talking about things we do in our off times to stay fit. One guy talking about how sports was his thing, the other talked about biking. I talked about walking and how it not only helps me with fitness but also allows me to disconnect a bit from other things and find that solitude zone.

Then, as we went the full circle on the trail, up and down the hillocks nearby, I kept absorbing the scenery around me and thinking about it.

I guess I seek solitude because it just helps me be. In those moments, I don’t worry about anything which is taking away my time. Nor do I get myself busy with something to pass time.

I think through things clearly, just about anything. Some days it is to do with something personal. A few days, professional. Maybe a problem that’s vexing me at work. Or a personal dilemma that needs attention.

I look back at or ahead toward life. Without any particular reason, just like that. And I find some gems – a hidden feeling, a long-forgotten memory, a strand of thought of what may be exciting for me down the road.

Sometimes I just don’t have any thoughts running through my mind. I just look on and keep walking, blankly. Putting my mind to rest, refreshing myself in the process.

When I was younger, I wouldn’t have appreciated this as much as I do now. Perhaps the youthful eagerness has been tempered. Or perhaps it’s the little wisdom I have gained out of life until now.

What’s clear though is that by finding solitude time and again in random places, my life has gained a new dimension. One of self discovery, reflection, and assimilation…