The Grand Picture…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our life centres around our “self” and that too in the moment. But are we really able to see the grand picture?

My mind raced in all directions this past week, as I visited the canyons with my family and absorbed the grandness of them all.

While walking an aptly named ‘trail of time’ at the Grand Canyon, where every long step is equal to a million years, our meagre years seemed infinitely small.

And yet, as I contemplated about life over the past week or so away on vacation, I couldn’t help but think about what am I doing, where are things heading, etc.

The contrast of these two at the same time couldn’t be starker. I was concentrating on self in the moment, and not looking at the bigger picture.

Paradoxically, thinking about this contrast also helped clear my head. It became easier to think of life as a series of events that lead to something meaningful at the end of it all.

Not random happenings but inter-connected dots that leave an impression, howsoever small or faint, on some people and things.

A journey that starts and ends in a few years but continues to echo through the chambers of time for a few more years to come.

As these thoughts raced in my mind, I figured the bigger picture for me as an individual would be my entire life and what it affects. Not just what I am doing right now or what may have happened or will happen.

So what’s my bigger picture – I don’t know yet what that entirety entails!

I just know that I have to continue doing things which are interesting to me, which help me progress my knowledge and experiences, and which make me a better father/husband/son/brother/friend/human.

If I am able to do that, I will have lived a life worth something…

Something which will complete my grand picture…

The life she wanted!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The girl was having the time of her life. With her cousins on a trip, she was enjoying every moment she lived…

They had been on a trip for 3 weeks now and as the time to go back came nearer, she was dreading going back to the usual grind.

Being a sole child, she didn’t have many people at home. Her parents doted on her and did all they could to give her company and she liked being with them. But she enjoyed her time with friends more.

She had a few cousins as well. But she didn’t meet them as often and whenever they met, it was only for a few days. Never enough.

Then, a few months back, she heard from her dad about the trip to meet with her cousins and a chance to spend a month with them. Her excitement knew no bounds.

She spent the next couple of months planning the details on her own and then subsequently with her cousins. She discussed about those plans umpteen no. of times with her parents as well.

They could see the eagerness in their daughter to be in the company of other kids. While spending time around their extended family, they further noticed that she was in a different orbit.

As the clock wound down and the day of departure approached, both the parents realised that it was this life that their daughter was missing. They started thinking about how they could give her more such experiences.

The next day, as they woke up, they were in for a surprise though. On their bedside, was a card. It was from their daughter.

She had expressed how much she had enjoyed this trip and thanked them for it. She acknowledged it wasn’t always possible for them to take such long breaks always.

But what if she could be given permission to do so by herself? If her aunt/uncle were ok, she could come by or invite her cousins and spend her holidays with them.

The little one had grown up. And she was asking for a life that she always wanted. Days filled with fun and frolic with cousins and the extended family…

How could they say no!!!

Hand over Heart

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s the festival of colours. It is also a festival that brings friends closer and increases bonding. That’s how my dad described Holi to my daughter.

We were on the road, when this topic came up. As my dad narrated the mythological story behind the festival and my daughter tuned in, I went back in years to how we celebrated Holi back in the days.

A right turn brought me out of that stupor, making me realise that the festival doesn’t just symbolises friendship and love but also how heart is more important than head.

I know, I am making a sweeping statement here. May not be agreeable. But see if my logic makes sense…

In years gone by, our heart always held more love than we have now. And it always weighed heavier than our head. Well, at least in my immediate circle it did.

But as days passed by, the head started becoming stronger. It thought too much, painted alternatives vividly, ascribed wins and losses, and in just a few years, stood on par with our heart.

We began taking decisions not just weighing what our heart said but listening equally to what our head said. It meant prosperity, better luck, more fruitful outings, and so on. But it also meant lesser no. of people in our inner circles, constricted thinking patterns, and individualistic fervour.

Today, therefore, we need a festival to remind us of wishing people, meeting them, enjoying our life with them!

My own journey reflects this. Whenever I listened to my heart, or still do, my head seeds doubts. Did I take the right decision? Will this turn out well?

I sometimes fall into the trap and overlook my heart. But when I don’t, and go with what my heart said, I rarely find the path I took to be bad for me. It may be difficult, yes. But then, so is life.

Coming back, this heart over head bit plays a big role in my social life too. When I go with my heart and don’t bother about what I gain out of doing something for someone, I always come out for the better. I feel more satisfied. More connected. More in sync with life.

And so, this Holi, as the fire burns and engulfs us all in its warmth, I hope to go back to my earlier days and believe more in my heart.

It won’t turn back the clock on some not-so-good days but will hopefully keep me tuned in to have many more good ones!

“The one thing I promise”

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There are things we do for ourselves. And then there are things we do for others.

All because we want to.

But then there are things we do because someone tells us to. Because we promised them.

But do we really want to do it? And does that promise really hold any meaning?

This weekend, as I celebrated my bday, my daughter made a big card for me. She wrote a lot of nice things and then left the note with a question.

“What is the one thing you wish I do, Papa”?

I read the entire note, hugged her. And then got busy with the cake!

She asked me nicely, “Can you please write something below my note, to mention what is the one thing you want me to promise”?

I wrote about how I want her to promise that she will always keep smiling and she happily accepted.

As I was reflecting back on that entire exchange, it didn’t seem like the right thing to me.

Not because I don’t believe in her sincerity but because the only way she can learn to keep promises is when it comes from within her.

This is something I have realised over time. The only promises I keep or strive for are the ones I am making myself, with my own heart. If not, they are half-hearted, and have a higher chance of not being fulfilled.

In fact, a lot of times, we promise things to people when they ask for. We assure them about how we will do that one thing because they asked us for it.

And then we forget. Or neglect. Or contest.

Why make the promise in the first place then!

But we still do because we feel if we don’t promise, the other person will feel bad. Or offended that they are asking or requesting us and we are saying a no.

What if we instead remained truthful to ourselves and by extension to others?

Throes of Wants

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

“Badal”, the man’s ears echoed, the Hindi word for change. It seemed like his soul was telling him to change the ways of his life.

He kept sitting and staring at the sky. It was almost sunset, with the last light few minutes away. As he watched the sun going down, his life ran in front of him…

He remembered the initial, fun filled days when he would spend hours with his friends walking around the markets. He remembered how they went to the movies and had luncheons that lasted for four hours.

He also remembered how he met his wife and the days they spent during their courtship at the cafés jotting the downtown streets.

It all seemed long ago. For as life caught on, he just got busy and somehow never got time again to do all of those things.

With work occupying his life, he had kept everything aside. For he wanted all the money he could earn to buy all the things he ever wanted.

He had spent the last decade or so amassing all those material desires. He had a big house, a couple of fancy cars, watches, suits, gadgets. The list was endless.

But today as he stared at the horizon, he was feeling empty inside. He had no friends around. His wife had left him. No kids.

It seemed as if he was all alone in this wide world.

With a heavy heart, he got up. His life was done. If he had any hope of changing it, he had to make amends. He had to give up his urge to fulfil his desires and wants, and instead focus on relationships and love.

Resolving in his mind, he turned around and walked to his car. It was time to get home and chalk out the plan for getting things on track.

Just as he was getting in, he saw the car parked next to his. It was the latest model of a new breed, something he had been researching upon.

He stood there admiring the contours. He then moved around it, looking inside to get a feel. It was expensive! And he wanted it!

It was time to hit the job circuit and get a raise to buy that car. There was no waiting. Everything else would wait, as always…

Proud, Prouder, Proudest…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are times when your heart suddenly swells with love or pride. And then there are times when this feeling goes higher…

This past week, something similar happened to me.

My wife was chosen as an emerging leader in her field!

A Big deal. A proud moment for me and the entire family.

When she broke the news to me first, my heart swelled with pride. For she has gone through a lot to get there. Having been a witness to almost all of it, I can vouch for it.

As she announced the news to the world a few days later and it appeared in my social media feed, it instantly pushed me to press the like button to express my pride. But I stopped short of posting any comment there.

Not because I didn’t want to. But because I thought it will be better to put this through my written word. Anyways, I have not been a big contributor to the social media scene off late. So, why do it and break my pattern.

Back to the spotlight. I opened up my feed and the notification had some more news about other people liking and commenting on my wife’s post. As I read some of the comments, and she corroborated some offline instances, I became prouder.

For she had got much more heartwarming reception and feedback from her team and people around her. That speaks volumes about her leadership and naturally left a much bigger imprint on the pride index within my heart.

But most of all, I feel the proudest about how she has balanced things on the personal front and yet gone beyond herself to deliver on the work front. It isn’t easy to do that and my respect for all the women who do that day in and day out has only increased.

We have known each other for almost two decades now. And in our often happening life, the way she complements me may not get reflected often in my writing. But the pride she makes me feel hopefully only continues to swell…

Made up, no more!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Mary was staring at the mirror. Looking at the dark spots and the aging lines on her forehead.

Her husband Akshay was standing behind her, admiring her. She appeared contented and he was happy for her.

As they looked at each other, Mary remembered their chat from a few weeks ago…

They had just returned from a party that night and as she sat down to take off her makeup, she realised she didn’t look like herself.

The thick layer of makeup had made her look younger, yes. But it had also given her an almost artificial cover. It was as if there was a thin sheet of plastic on her body, hiding her true self.

She reflected on her last twenty five years of having been used to putting makeup. That had started after college and while it was good for as long as it lasted, after almost turning fifty, she didn’t want to look all dolled up anymore.

She told Akshay in a straightforward manner, not wanting to put it nicely. To her surprise, he took it positively and encouraged her.

His words still echoed in her mind, “It’s not that you’re younger any more. Everyone knows this. So, why pretend if you’re not comfortable with it?”

The next week, as they were dressing to step out for a family get-together, she decided to skip any makeup.

When she got ready, she went up to Akshay. He saw her and knew she had taken his advice seriously. He smiled and hugged her. She looked much more graceful to him suddenly.

The next few days, Mary was very conscious about not putting on any makeup every time she went out. There were few compliments but she also knew that a few people were taking behind her back.

She didn’t get discouraged though. In her heart she knew she didn’t want to prove anything to anyone and was following her own mind. That confidence showed through in her and carried her forward.

Then, after a couple of weeks, it became natural for herself to not think about going out without makeup. And as time progressed, it became usual for people around her to notice her without makeup always.

They slowly started respecting her choice, more so for the move of looking natural. She could sense there were no more ‘behind-her-back conversations’ and she was accepted as she was.

And even if there were any murmurs, she didn’t care about them anymore. She was a free bird again, radiating from every pore of her body.

It was as if in those few weeks, she had rewritten the rule book on how other people perceived her!

The joy of little

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We celebrate abundance. But don’t respect it enough.

On the other hand, we don’t like having little. But sometimes it gives us joy like nothing else.

Yesterday, on a hike with clear bright skies, I spent time talking to my daughter about a few things. She was getting tired in between and I was trying to divert her mind to something else.

In that effort, I came across this rather true juxtaposition…

I was narrating to her how in my younger days, holidays happened far and few in between.

We were mostly occupied with playing in the neighbourhood and only went on longer holidays once in 2-3 years. We did do shorter one-day trips to nearby places but the longer ones were what I remembered.

I still remember my trip to Darjeeling, a hill station in India’s north eastern region, when I was ten. Or when we went to Jammu and surrounding areas after I finished my tenth standard.

Those trips were a lot of fun. We were with family friends or cousins and celebrated through the trip.

Even after returning, we used to reminisce about those days for months altogether. Although such trips were very few, the pleasure we derived was immense.

Contrast to today. We take a lot more holidays. And often. Almost twice a year.

Yet, only a few of those are really remembered long after. Most of them fade away after a few months.

So the abundance of holidays isn’t helping with more memories. They are helping with getting away from the everyday bustle of life but maybe that’s it.

That’s why we try and go for these holidays now, to seek a breather from our non-stop lives. And therefore, only a few of those really are worth remembering!

Perhaps, true for other things in life as well…

Solitude

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

I was at land’s end today, staring into the horizon. It was one of those hiking trails, overlooking the Pacific Ocean on the US west coast.

There were waves crashing by on the rocks down below. Wind in the air hadn’t picked up and the sun’s rays made it a warm outing. Unlike most days.

Some people around the area were capturing pictures, others were just sitting and talking. My own companions, wife and daughter, were busy looking around.

As I soaked all of this in, and looked on, I got into that zone where I meet solitude. It was short lived, probably a couple of minutes. But amidst the surroundings, with so much happening around me, it was refreshing.

As we continued on the hike, I was reminded of a lunch-time chat with a couple of colleagues. We were talking about things we do in our off times to stay fit. One guy talking about how sports was his thing, the other talked about biking. I talked about walking and how it not only helps me with fitness but also allows me to disconnect a bit from other things and find that solitude zone.

Then, as we went the full circle on the trail, up and down the hillocks nearby, I kept absorbing the scenery around me and thinking about it.

I guess I seek solitude because it just helps me be. In those moments, I don’t worry about anything which is taking away my time. Nor do I get myself busy with something to pass time.

I think through things clearly, just about anything. Some days it is to do with something personal. A few days, professional. Maybe a problem that’s vexing me at work. Or a personal dilemma that needs attention.

I look back at or ahead toward life. Without any particular reason, just like that. And I find some gems – a hidden feeling, a long-forgotten memory, a strand of thought of what may be exciting for me down the road.

Sometimes I just don’t have any thoughts running through my mind. I just look on and keep walking, blankly. Putting my mind to rest, refreshing myself in the process.

When I was younger, I wouldn’t have appreciated this as much as I do now. Perhaps the youthful eagerness has been tempered. Or perhaps it’s the little wisdom I have gained out of life until now.

What’s clear though is that by finding solitude time and again in random places, my life has gained a new dimension. One of self discovery, reflection, and assimilation…

Life’s like that!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Jeev was sitting in a train. His first time. After eighteen years of being on earth!

He was born within a family of well-to-do doctors. Both his parents were extremely busy medical professionals, top of their field. That meant a life full of comfort with everything that he wanted and lots of love as their only child. Naturally, with a busy schedule, they always flew to any destination or did a car trip. Trains were always disregarded.

Those years of a cushy life were past him now. Jeev had stepped into a business school for his undergraduate course. In his first year, he had landed an internship with a big consumer goods MNC. They had posted him in a town in the hinterland to learn the ropes of the trade. A town where no aircraft went and he had to take the train…

Jeev was not sure about the experience. He had heard stories from his friends about their enjoyable train trips. He had always wanted to go on one and now, he was finally getting a chance.

As he sat down on the berth in an air-conditioned coach, he searched for a seat belt but couldn’t find any. It was perplexing, he couldn’t figure out how to secure himself. Still in his thoughts, he was jerked forward as the train started moving. Thankfully, he found and held on to the bars next to his seat and didn’t fell off it.

Pulling himself back, he settled down again. That is when he noticed the folks sitting opposite him for the first time properly. They were looking at him with some wonder. So was he, for this was the first time he had someone sitting opposite him in a long journey.

The lady in that group figured he was dazed or perhaps hungry. She offered him some sweets with an encouraging look, mumbling “Have it dear, these are home made”. It seemed to Jeev that she was trying to treat him as her own young child. Although he didn’t like the idea of him being treated like a child, one look at the sweets and his heart melted. Who could resist Bengali sweets? He reluctantly broke into a half smile and picked up one piece from the box.

It was an overnight journey and as the evening progressed, he noticed other finer details. He was amazed that he could stretch his legs fully on the berth, with no need to sit upright all the time. He was provided bedding to comfortably sleep and as he observed others go through their rituals of setting up their bed, he learnt that art too. Soon, his feet were stretched out, his back propped up against the pillow, with a bedsheet and blanket covering his feet. He could get used to this travel mode for sure!

Jeev opened his laptop but then started noticing nearby folks playing a board game, some reading books / magazines, others chatting away to glory. He started looking out the window, enchanted by the countryside scenery along the tracks. The young child opposite him was doing the same. They both looked at each other, nodded, and continued their exploration.

An hour or so later, the train halted. A few passengers got in, a few vendors selling tea too. Jeev hadn’t had tea like this before but he was intrigued by everyone clamoring for it. He signaled to the vendor to give him a cup and took out a card from his wallet. The vendor stared at him bemused. He had never encountered such a scene before. He blankly stated, “I need the ten rupees in cash, otherwise give me back the cup”. Jeev didn’t usually carry small bills in cash but thankfully had a couple of tens in his wallet, they saved the day for him!

He soon learnt from other fellow passengers that the transaction mode that worked fastest in the countryside was lower-denominated bills and if he didn’t have any, it would be a good idea to get some from the bank. He made a mental note of it, this was the first time he had been asked for ten rupees.

For the first time in any journey, Jeev had made an effort to carry his luggage. His bag was now stowed under the berth. As he looked around, he saw the others had taken extra care to lock their bags up. Not sure, he looked on. His fellow child companion offered an explanation, “This is to ensure no one can steal our bag”. Jeev was oblivious to the idea of someone stealing luggage, he had only once lost his luggage on a trip and that time too, his father had been given a reimbursement by the airline and his luggage had arrived a couple of days later.

He wasn’t sure if someone would be interested in his bag! Anyways, as he lay down to sleep he wrapped his arm around the bag’s strap. That way even if someone did try to steal it, he would wake up.

As he drifted into his sleep, he didn’t realize when he turned to the other side, swinging his arm and restraining it against the bag’s strap. Swore with pain, he half woke up and sweared to himself to get a lock the next time around. The night passed by without any incident. Jeev continued to be disturbed due to the train’s movements and got up multiple times. Thankfully, he could sleep off quickly each time.

As the morning approached and the train rolled onto his station, with half dreamy eyes, he heard someone call him out. The lady on the opposite berth was trying to wake him up, for she realized the train had reached his destination and he was still sleeping. He somehow realized she was waking him up and got up, only to realize the train was whistling to leave the station.

Hurriedly, Jeev got hold of his bag, put on his shoes, and thanking the lady, jumped out of the compartment just as the train started moving. Standing still, he took a long deep breath and looked on, as the train left the platform.

The platform was bustling. Same energy as he had seen when he had boarded the train. Same ease of effort as he had experienced with other fellow passengers. Same obliviousness to his mind as he had felt since last evening.

It was indeed an experience of a lifetime for him…