Moving Places

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We started off as nomads. Adventurous people, living for the moment.

Then, somewhere along the way, we settled down. And became comfortable. With the knowns.

Somewhere, within the economic rhythm of different times, we got the notion that if we settle down and keep working our way through, we will eventually get where we want to.

But what we missed noting is that as our comfort converted into inertia, we got too naive. About other places. About other people. About other cultures. And most importantly about how that newness enriches us.

True, the world has become more globalised. We are travelling far more. People are moving places more than they ever did before.

But are we using that as an opportunity to create that wealth of experience for ourselves? Are we among those people who are ready to have some adventure in life, unsettle a little, experience the wild (not literally always)!

This week, as I started to figure out how to wind up things before a planned relocation, I came across this realization.

Most of us, including myself, in seeking steadiness, have become staid in our lives. We eschew the unknowns, confine to the tried and tested, and smirk at discomfort of any kind.

Even if we face some displacement, there are lot of anxieties that crop up within us. We tend to overanalyse impending changes a lot and weigh too much on pros and cons, to the detriment of our own sanity at times.

It doesn’t need to be so though.

If we just look at life as that adventure that’s waiting to give us a ride, and take ourselves slightly lightly, we will realise that any change is for the good. It always helps uncover things that we didn’t know about ourselves.

And while transitioning through that period of change is cumbersome and not necessary, the process itself yields benefits beyond what we can perceive at the beginning.

Easier said than done, however. Speaking about it from self experience…

Perhaps, the only way out is to believe and roll with it!

‘The Human Touch’

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We are all human. Well, most of the time!

We want to socialize while seeking solace, we can’t live without others being around while also fighting with them, we love and hate others in equal measures for the same thing. We thrive in these dichotomies.

It’s a trait we remind ourselves about quite often. Mostly in reference to others, like, while mentioning how others ought to behave as humans while we can behave like we want to…

However, over the past couple of decades, the human element around us has been getting depleted. With some help from the internet, we are fast becoming averse to being around others, talking to them, taking help from them, and more than anything else trusting them.

We have instead started becoming more comfortable with being remote, chatting / texting, being on our own than amidst others. While, this has some benefits and brings a lot of efficiency in our daily lives, it also has some down sides.

This week, on more than one occasion, I observed instances which made me realize this side of the boundary-less world we have built for ourselves.

In the first instance, for an outstation visit, I preferred booking a cab through an online portal rather than calling up a known person in the city. I actually went through the process of identifying the cab owner’s contact no. who had provided good service earlier but stopped short of calling him. I instead chose anonymity of the new cab owner that the online platform would bestow on me because I wasn’t sure if the earlier person would again offer me a good rate / service when I wanted convenience and predictability.

As it happened, when I landed in the other city, the person who picked me up was from the same cab company. He mentioned to me how they had served me during my last visit also and requested me to call them directly for any future requirements. He in fact mentioned that I could have just called them directly this time around and they would have given me a better offer,

I hesitatingly accepted his offer, realizing that if I had just trusted them enough, I would have got a better deal for myself!

The second instance occurred while having lunch with a friend today. As is our ritualy, we caught up and chatted about myriad things for a couple of hours. The place where we were sitting was full of people with a singer belting out contemporary hits with all her vigor. We both wondered about why the restaurant had kept the speakers at such a high volume, where practically we had to shout to be heard.

But then, as I got up toward the end and was walking out, I realized that on most tables, people were sitting together but glued to their mobile phones, than engaged in a conversation. So, the music wasn’t a botheration at all. It in fact, was helping ease the uncomfortable setting that some of them were finding themselves in! So much for a lunch…

Perhaps the fault lies with us. Each one of us. By making technology an integral part of our lives, we have slowly become not only reliant on it but also caught up in its traps. Like the master turning into a slave.

Maybe, time to think about the role both of us play, unless this dichotomy caused by the blurring of the online and offline worlds around us costs us in the future…

Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We think. We perceive. And we form opinions. But are all of those valid?

This week, a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and another with a colleague, led me to this question.

Often times, we think and form perceptions about people / things based on our limited world view.

Like when I was in the Army, during our initial training days, most of us formed a perception about others. At a young age, without too much exposure, we perceived others through a limited prism of what we saw in front of our eyes. Without considering that people aren’t always how we see them. As time progressed, we saw them for who they were. Lesson learnt!

At other times, we perceive others based on our experiences and what we have learnt over the years.

Like when I joined my first job after my MBA, I utilised my experience over the last 10 years or so through work, college, etc. to form an opinion about others. I used my mental models to make sense of how things would turn out or how would people behave. As it turned out, I was right sometimes, but often wrong…

As we continue to build our lives, our ability to perceive improves. Grey hair of course comes with its own benefits! That helps us become more balanced in our approach.

Similar to how I dealt with people post my business failure, when I restarted my corporate innings. Because I had by then developed a better sense of the world, I could see beyond the obvious and perceive the other person or things for what they really were. Well, many a times.

However, there are times when our perceptions can still be wrong or premature. It often happens when we think only from one angle and negate others. Resulting in a loss of balance.

Like when we try and impose our world view on others. Or think our opinion is better than others. Or when a few occurrences make us believe it as a norm.

It’s only when we reflect on our perceptions, do we realise that this is an art that can never be perfected. Only improved upon. And the reason why we need to continue checking on if our perceptions are coming from a balanced view or are they swinging on either side…

For while the norm these days is either side, the middle is where everything rests!

Livin’ on the Edge!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This post is in fond remembrance of the roller coaster. Not that amusement parks have gone anywhere but it’s been ages since I visited one, so apt for me to pay my respects.

And not just because I want to go to such a place. Of course, who wouldn’t want to forget all worries and be childlike for those brief moments when you experience bliss (unless you’re freaking out about the possibility of a loose screw somewhere!).

It’s also because thanks to a few planned and unplanned trips, this past month made me remember the good old roller coaster again!

You see, when you travel on roads in India, that’s the feeling you live with all the time. Who said we don’t know how to have a good time. We do it every day of our lives.

As has often been written and mentioned, driving on Indian roads is an art. It’s one that all of us learn pretty much as we grow up and only hone as we get older.

It’s like an enthralling, never ending ride. You keep swerving and swooshing all around. Sometimes out of choice. Sometimes out of compulsion to avoid hitting someone. And sometimes just so that you remain alert while driving!

So, as it happened during my trips, I was mindlessly observing how most people drive. Sitting on the other side of the driver gave me all the time in the world to indulge in this guilty pleasure. And then I observed some more as I drove around town recently.

Well, most of us Indians drive crazily. Period. We don’t know what is a straight line, what is a lane, what are signals for, what is meant by road signs, why there needs to be space between two vehicles, why we need to drive on one side of the road if it doesn’t have a divider in between to separate up and down traffic. The list is endless.

But this is still ok. Our best behaviour is around a signal. When we all are supposed to come to standstill. It’s almost as revealing as attempting a psychometric test. Let me try to explain.

As soon as we near a signal, if it’s a green light, we want to cross over come what may. Even if that means running over someone. Or jumping the signal just as it’s changing colours. We pride ourselves on the ability to beat the timing. After all it’s all about living on the edge…

Even better is when the signal turns red. The vehicles come to a screeching halt. And then everyone starts swerving here and there. As if standing at one place is a crime. The bikes navigate every possible angle to squeeze into any open spaces. It’s like water taking the shape of the maze and filling up all the vacant areas. We don’t leave even an inch. Because of course why waste space! And don’t you forget, the marginal gain is much higher than the few seconds we would lose being two steps behind.

As the signal turns green and we start again, we start to play hide and seek. Swerving and changing lanes at will without any indications, driving as close to each other as possible with absolutely no margin for errors (we are born Schumachers!), honking mindlessly, swearing unconsciously. Mimicking a hungry snake trying to make its way through the ground, wanting to catch its prey at any cost.

Until we reach our destination, we keep up this behaviour. Because no one likes changes, you see. And then as we park and get out, we mention to ourselves “Indian traffic is getting worse by the day”…

For us, it was a hectic but satisfying ride. After all, we beat 3 autos and 5 cars to our destination. To an uninitiated onlooker, it might have been the best example of living on the edge. And how not to drive…

Short-term View

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are people who do the right thing, no matter what. And then there are those who try to do something to take advantage of the situation or get through by any means, even if it means dishonesty.

I often try and behave in the former fashion and naturally like people who also try and do the right thing. I somehow am never able to agree with or like those who try to take undue advantage or are dishonest.

Last week, as we were on a trip, I experienced an incident of the latter type that left a bad taste in my mouth. It was a minor one involving the taxi driver of the cab we hired for our trip. As we ended the trip and had to pay the remaining charges, the driver came up with some false claims and insisted on getting paid for it. While it was a small amount and didn’t affect me much in any which way but what it did end up doing was negating any respect I had for that individual.

As we carried on with our trip, that evening when I sat down with the cool breeze of the lake shore, I reflected on his behavior and what may have caused it. You see, he had behaved immaculately till then but as soon as it was time to depart, he acted with a certain amount of dishonesty and greed. So, it was unexpected for me.

But as I thought deeper, it occurred to me that we often try and take a very short-term view of things. Whether it is something about work or in dealing with others or at home, we often get caught in this quagmire when faced with a choice. Do we think about it from a long-term perspective and are ready to forego certain advantage or benefit in lieu of the relationship or service standard. Or do we think about it from a short-term perspective and try and extract the maximum at that specific moment.

Most service industries or places around us believe in the short-term benefit policy. Why yield when we can get more? Not realizing that in the process the customer leaves with a unsatisfied experience and probably never comes back. On the other hand, those who truly put the customer first provide for a superior experience and have customers for life.

Extending this a little, even in our relationships when we prioritize short-term we gain little in the long run and actually end up fracturing them. But when we focus on the long-term and ensure priorities align accordingly, we continue holding those relationships for life.

In fact, even with any kind of work or activity we undertake. If we keep our focus on the long-term, we get deeper and more involved, benefiting ourselves and enriching our experience. On the contrary, anything attempted with a short-term focus generally is a very superficial one.

Basically, long-term pays more than short-term. We still choose short-term sometimes, neglecting this universal truth. Perhaps because of circumstances, perhaps because of helplessness, or perhaps out of habit.

Whatever it may be, better to think once before deciding on anything with a short-term focus. For while we may gain immediately, we don’t know what all we actually end up losing in the process…

Strong and Weak

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Strength is always considered a virtue and weakness a thing to be avoided. But what if we have been thinking all wrong?

1

When I was undergoing training at the Indian Military Academy, we went through the toughest of routines in our initial days. It was a routine that’s usually the case for most armies but not normal for civilians.

So, naturally it took us time to adjust our bearings or even consider it as possible. A lot of us cribbed about it in those initial days. Most of us got used to it in a month or so but a few who couldn’t left.

We thought of ourselves as stronger than them and much more worthy! Naively…

2

All of us tennis fans had a tear in our eye when we watched Federer for the last time and the way it all happened.

However, someone completely clueless about tennis, who saw just a picture of Federer crying in a post match interview after losing (not his last one but some of the earlier ones), may think of him as a sore loser.

Not knowing that here stands a once in a lifetime champion, who’s crying not because he lost but because of the love and support he had received from the crowd and how he felt about it. He was just letting his emotions show.

How wrong would that assumption be about the strength that Federer, or for that matter any other champion, carries within him…

3

Travelling in the Nilgiris mountain ranges yesterday, I was telling my daughter about how people live in these places. How they build their dwellings and carry on with their usual life

I also told her about the big mighty mountains – how they appear so strong and capable of supporting so much. And yet, with so much pressure on them to support the tourism economy, they are also fragile.

My daughter couldn’t grasp initially that the mountains could be weak but as we discussed more and I related it to the environment, she could begin to understand how they could get affected.

An aspect most of us adults know but ignore – that while the environments around us are strong today, if not cared for, could turn weak and wither away!

—

These seemingly unconnected threads ran through my mind over the last couple of days, as I let it wander into free space. But as I looked back, I realised that all of them had one connection.

An assumption about strength and weakness that reflects our usual worldview but isn’t correct. It leads us to behaviours or thoughts which are not the best aligned with the situation or with the people involved.

And yet, knowingly sometimes, we commit this same mistake again and again in different contexts…

It all adds up…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We go through our life with hopes, aspirations, and goals. We also go through fear, frustration, and stress in the same breath…

If we look at it on the surface, we could say that these are two sides of the same coin and are bound to happen in life. However, if we peep inside, we will find that a lot of the fears, frustrations, and stress that we have in our life are harbored by us based on our choices. They all add up. And because we let them affect us, our health gives way to engulf in us myriad problems and diseases.

This past week, I spent a lot of time reflecting on this aspect. The week itself was one of loss and remembrance. My maternal grandmother passed away, leaving us at the wise age of 92. May her kind soul rest in peace!

As I travelled to pay my last respects to her and then returned after the humbling experience, I couldn’t put behind myself the fact that she lived for this long a time but wasn’t suffering from any particular ailments. God gave her enough strength to live happily and pass away without too many difficulties.

Recalling the time that I had spent with her and about her life, it occurred to me that one of the most important reasons for her long life must have been absence of too much stress and frustrations. There may have been other factors as well, but the fact that life was much more simpler in olden days cannot be underestimated.

Once my train of thoughts started catching speed, I realized that what I have been doing is contrary to how I should be living my life. I take a lot of stress for things that probably don’t deserve so much attention. I eat unhealthy sometimes, don’t exercise and generally spend a lot of my day sitting around in front of a computer. I don’t get enough sleep and try to do too many things together. I don’t take out enough time to spend with my family and loved ones, sometimes relegating it to the weekend.

While I take pride in myself about how I generally have walked my own path, how I am much fitter than others my age, how I don’t have any ailments (yet), how I have a lovely family, all of these are things that I need to work on more! And so, I take the following pledges for myself to focus on in the years to come.

I will reduce stress in my life. Let things be. Stop worrying about things I have no control over. Live life in a way that allows me to enjoy and experience everything.

I will focus on being healthy. Eat well, avoid things I shouldn’t be eating. Sleep well, get more rest. Exercise regularly, avoid being lazy.

I will take out time to do things that make me happy. Even if it means I don’t read that news article or don’t watch something that others are going gaga over.

Most importantly, I will take out more time to spend with my family and enjoy life. Not just on the weekend but also during the week. Even if it is just a while.

I don’t know if these are the only things I need to do or if there are others. But what I do know is following this pledge is going to be difficult. However, I will strive. For beyond this effort probably lies a better me, a fitter me, and a more wholesome me.

And hopefully by doing this and more, I will avoid all the negative things around me adding up to create a bigger hole…

A Personal Loss

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been an utterly sad day…

I lost my maternal grandmother today. She was 92, so a life well lived. May her beautiful soul rest in peace. 🙏

As I saw my father and mother get the news, I realised how disturbing it is to receive, comprehend, and react to such a shock. Especially for a child, who just lost a parent.

While we made arrangements to travel for her funeral, I also observed how excruciating it is to accept this kind of a loss. How our mind keeps going back to the days and time we spent with the deceased person, the memories we created and persevere on, and the lingering feeling of emptiness that is left behind.

Difficult indeed. Unavoidable not at all. Can only pray that we individually and collectively have enough strength to absorb and bounce back from such a shock!

In it together.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was night. As usual, He and She sat down in the balcony of their house. But no one spoke. They just looked at the lights in the horizon.

It had been a tiring and long day. He had wished for it to end sooner. What else could he have thought of with such a disappointing day.

She was just frustrated. After so much that she had done, she absolutely should have been in a better place. Alas, it wasn’t to be.

Finally, after a few mins, She spoke. She asked him about why the look on his face was grim. He saw her and saw sadness and asked the same question back. She told him to share first before she goes ahead.

He spoke about how he had had an insipid day. He had been waiting for this day when he would get the results of his labour of last 6 months. A deal that he was chasing and was nearing closure was going to give him that edge over others at work. And when it mattered the most, luck had deserted him.

Instead of the deal going through smoothly, an unnatural act of nature had forced the backers of the deal to back off and now they had called it off. His most anticipated day had turned to be the worst suddenly. And he couldn’t do anything about it! This was what made him listless.

It was her turn to speak then. She wanted to give him some advise but held on to it for the time being. She then revealed that she actually wasn’t looking forward to the day at all. Her day, as usual had started early, by getting the children ready for school. After finishing all the chores, as she got to work, she realised that she had tons of things on her table. That took her entire day.

By the time she could get back home, it was dinner time. As she entered, the first thing her children asked for was food. They had an aversion to eating outside and the cook hadn’t come that day. Exhausted, she quickly prepared something and got them to eat and wind up for the day.

After she finished, He jumped in. He had been wanting to talk to her about why she had been feeling so pressured. His point was simple. She didn’t need to prove herself all the time. She was beyond that now. Instead, she could just do things without aiming to exceed expectations always. It was ok if she didn’t meet expectations some times. He will make sure no one will judge her all the time, at least at home.

She felt better. She then suggested that he ought to let go of his disappointment as well. He had tried what he could and one thing falling off didn’t mean the end of the road. He will surely have many more opportunities and some of them will click for him. Instead, he should look back at what he was able to learn and achieve in this short span and how that is going to help him. He too felt better.

As they looked at each other, they realised that they were unnecessarily holding on to things that didn’t matter as much.

What mattered was, having each other and being truthful and supportive! Being in it together…

Companionship

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a beautiful word. And complex too…

While most of us think about it in terms of a partner, I think there is a broader definition to it. For some of us, a companion may mean someone who we are attached to through our soul – a parent, a child, a sibling, a pet, a friend, or maybe even a passion.

For a lot of us, the companion is a key part of our regular existence. We love them, fight them, console them, argue with them, forgive them; but come what may we generally cannot do without them.

It’s very rare to see someone not have any companion in their journey of life!

Past few days, as this word came up in my discussions with different friends a couple of times, it raised a thought in my head around the various facets of companionship.

I have been lucky. I found my life partner most naturally and we developed a great relationship and understanding between ourselves right from the start. It was as if we were destined for each other. We had a great time before getting married and it has been an equally interesting ride post that. She complements me well and takes care of me, and I would like to believe that I am the pillar of support she looks at for all things in life.

We spend a lot of time together and partake in each other’s companionship. Do we fight? Yes, a lot of times. Do we disagree with each other? Absolutely yes. But that’s par for the course. For what is a relationship without some bickering. However, what trumps all of this is the love and respect we have for each other as individuals and collectively for ourselves as a family that carries us through. And this companionship keeps us bonded and carries us through.

So, clearly I am not someone who has experienced the other side of things.

But as I thought about those few people I have seen around me, who aren’t married or in a relationship, I realized that while they may not have a companion in the traditional sense, they have a similar affinity with someone in their close circle. And usually that relationship means a lot to them.

Even as I thought harder, I couldn’t find a single person in my known circle who could prove to be an exception. Maybe there is someone who doesn’t have a companion right now, but they are already looking for someone. Or maybe they are engaging with someone else in their close circle in a similar capacity. Or maybe they are wedded to their passion.

Does that mean living life without a companion is hard or impossible? I don’t know. May be possible still. But then, that person would find solace in something else – perhaps a hobby, or any activity which keeps them busy. Even if it is for a brief while. Otherwise, it would become insanely difficult to make life interesting and continue living.

A beautiful and complex word and association, which is not only important but also essential to our life then…