“She”

December 5, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There she was. A young girl, trying to do something which would make her feel proud of herself. She was trying to set up and run her enterprise all by herself.

Something she could call her own. Something that she wouldn’t have to leave behind…

Someone asked, who is she? Someone else asked, whose is she? Is she a daughter of a known businessman? Or a wife of one? Or perhaps a sister of a hot shot tycoon?

The answers were all negative. She was a nobody, had no history or affiliation with anyone known and just wanted to run things independently.

Yet someone else questioned, how is she? Is she alright or is she insane? Trying to do something independently, when in our society she needs a stamp of approval and support from some man in her life.

Others remarked, “she must be naive, for surely this is not how our world works”. Some joked in front of her about her vanity and others talked ill of her and called her names behind her back.

The detractors were not just men. There were women too. Those who were content living the life that was, in their mind, granted to them by their father/husband/brother/lover/son.

And yet, she ploughed on. She encountered obstacles after obstacles, one too many to trump normal people. But she resolutely marched ahead.

People tried to block her way, threatened her with dire consequences for not following the societal norms, made life difficult for her. But she continued with a strong head over her shoulders.

Men refused to work with her or under her. Women reluctantly accepted and joined hands. She however, forged forward with only her goal in her mind.

When she failed, everyone cheered. When she had some small success, people wrote it off as a fluke. They questioned the success she got. And yet, she did not lose focus.

After what seemed like a whole lifetime, the work she was doing became indispensible. People realized that they couldn’t do without her work being a part of their life. They reluctantly had to accept that she had triumphed in her mission and all their misgivings were misplaced.

She finally emerged from the shadows and took her rightful place on the podium.

The “She” here could be anyone – Rani Lakshmibai, Mother Teresa, Indira Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher, Nadia Comaneci, Lata Mangeshkar, Kalpana Chawla, Florence Griffith Joyner, Marie Curie, Marilyn Monroe, Serena Williams, or the countless other successful and known names I couldn’t name here.

Or this “She” could be your wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, aunt, or colleague! Perhaps nondescript, perhaps well known, nevertheless someone close to you who has done well in her life.

Whatever “She” chose to do, was or is being well done. May be better than what “he” could or can manage!

And yet, we keep on questioning. We keep on doubting. We keep on interrupting. We keep on downplaying. And we keep on discouraging.

The real question is, how are you acting??? And why???

What’s your Vibe

November 28, 2021November 28, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Serious or easy going? Cool or complicated? Dependable or unfathomable? Approachable or distant?

We all have one defining aspect that describes us. More or less.

And by “we” I don’t only mean individuals. Even organisations.

For individuals like you and me, our vibe is a complex result of an ever evolving life that helps build experiences and impressions. Right from our childhood to the point in time, a lot of things help shape us. And those distill into the vibe that we radiate.

It is the same for organisations. The only difference being, it is a result of a collective and not an individual. What the founders or senior people experience early on and what culture they seed is what gets built upon and adopted as the years progress. As the culture shapes up, the vibe solidifies.

People or organisations with good vibes attract others. Others want to be friends with them, work with them, and help them. On the contrary, those with bad vibes end up isolated or marginalised, not able to attract as many others.

It wasn’t until this week, as I was remembering some of my past experiences, did I realise that there is one big difference though.

In both cases, there is a point in time beyond which the individual or the organisation get typified into that vibe and those inner bonds sustains for long, sometimes for the entire life.

Unless, something happens or snaps and breaks those bonds. And forces the person or the organisation to re-evaluate their position, their experiences, and their outlook. Thereby, moving them in life to a different direction and dimension, resulting in a changed vibe.

We have all heard of how organisations evolve and change their course based on internal assessments, some of them going on to make history. And how some of them don’t realise the slide and fall down eventually.

But it doesn’t seem to be as frequent a case for individuals. Most of us fall prey to what we have built and disregard the need for change and to re-evaluate our vibe periodically.

We become a slave to who we have shaped up into. And continue living our life in that same state, even though we may be going down the wrong path.

And while that may be an ok approach to take in a multidimensional and multilayered organisation, whose demise may just render us jobless, it is counterproductive to do the same as an individual and end up with a lost life or worst, loss of life.

Sounds like a good strategy then for us to have our own internal assessments on a timely basis, to reset our course and make the most of our life!

Those welled up eyes!

November 21, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our eyes well up with tears for various reasons – grief, sadness, fear, joy, or even surprise. One occasion that this happens invariably is when we separate with our loved ones intermittently.

For some of us, it is easy to give into. For others, it’s something that happens only in extreme cases. Whatever it may be, it’s generally thought about as a sign of being overwhelmed and overtaken by emotions during that separation.

This weekend however, something happened that made me look at it in a whole new dimension.

As is quite often the case with our mothers, especially mine, when we were leaving this weekend after staying with them for more than a month, her eyes welled up.

I could see in her eyes the sadness of separating with us, even though we will meet soon enough. And while we consoled her and she let out a smile and happily waved us off, that picture stayed with me.

Slightly later, as I was waving off to my wife and daughter at the airport, I realised the same happening with me. Something that hadn’t happened before.

As I took off for my short detour before joining them later, I thought about and realised it was perhaps one of the very few times that my eyes had welled up while temporarily separating with my family. And the first time with my daughter.

It was natural. But why? What made it happen? All these questions floated mid-air in my mind.

Perhaps it was because I have got used to having her around all the time with the current work from home situation. Or it could have been due to the sheer fact that she was going to continue with others in the family while I had some lonely time to spend. Might have happened because of my anxiety about she being fine through the journey (my wife’s going to kill me!).

The answer came in an unexpected form!

While in the flight, I noticed a mother carrying her little one and taking him to the washroom. I was watching non-intently until I saw her taking extra precaution as she passed through the aisle and had to wait for the service cart to make way for her. The way she was holding the child, all focused only to protect him while getting the task done; while the child happily gazed all over and threw his hands and legs in all directions. As she went back, it occurred to me.

Our eyes well up at the moment when we realise that our child is going to go into a new direction different than ours, while we will continue with our lives.

For however short a span of time it may have been that they were with us, we were protecting them, taking care of their needs and helping them be their best self. And then suddenly, we realise we won’t be able to do that for a few days or months or years.

That they will be without us but absorbed in the new world they are going into. While we will get busy with our life but still worrying about them until we see them again.

And while it’s important for them to go into that new direction, how we so wished to have some more time together, being able to protect and provide for them and let ourselves feel complete.

Eyes are just a medium of expressing that anxiety. Those tears are a mixture of joy for the child and the void that it temporarily creates in our lives…

Choices

November 14, 2021November 14, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s about options and what we decide for ourselves about anything at a given point in time, is what a choice is.

Some choices are meant to be decisive and some innocuous.

Some choices are decided organically within us and some get enforced due to externalities.

Some choices are an outcome of what we have done in the past and some based on what we have to do in the future.

Some of them involve only ourselves and some engulf others also.

For some people, choices define them and for some others, they define their choices and their path.

How so ever it may impact us and whatever we may have done or do to arrive at what we choose, one thing that’s certain is that we have to make choices for ourselves and sometimes our loved ones innumerable times in our life.

What then should be our guiding factor to make those choices? Should it be the best outcome, the fastest approach, or the easiest option? Or should it be a middle road combining these three?

Over a conversation this week, I realised it has to be the one which makes us happy apart from being morally right. Sometimes it may be the one with the not-so-optimal outcome, or not the fastest approach, or not the easier road. But if it makes us or our loved ones happier and allows us to approach the subsequent steps with that good feeling in our mind and heart, it would have served its purpose.

For in one’s happiness lies the happiness of her loved ones and those surrounding her…

The Guiding Light

November 7, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As a young kid, I had a couple of older cousin brothers. I had some excellent times with them while growing up.

I used to rely on them for a lot of things – the stories to hear, books to read, people to follow, and so on. And what they did or how they behaved was an important input in my understanding of what or how to do.

But the biggest thing I realised I depended on them for was to guide me in various things. It gave me confidence and assurance knowing that someone whom I know well is helping me.

It was that big brother relationship that helped nurture a lot of my experiences early on in life. As we grew up, that relationship grew stronger and it helped me further make sense of multiple things in life.

This week, as we were discussing some peculiar behaviours of one of our younger cousins and how he looked up to one of us, I realised that the behaviour mimicked mine while growing up. In fact for most of us, as we matured through the years.

For some of us, this person could be a big sister or a parent or someone in the family we look up to instead of a brother. Or it could be an elder at school or college. Someone who is our guiding light.

That’s perhaps why we seek mentors when we grow up and start working. To help us stay on track in our careers.

Or why some of us start following specific gurus or leaders as we go beyond youth.

Or why a lot of older people start seeking the almighty and look for guidance.

All of us are looking for that light coming from a source which illuminates our position and our path ahead…

Handicap – for or against

October 31, 2021October 31, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There was once a man who as a first generation businessman, built a small fortune for himself. As a self-made man, he had seen it all and knew what it took to get to the level that he had risen to.

However, for his children he wanted to leave no stone unturned. So he spent all the energy and money that was required to give them all the comforts of life. They had a good upbringing in a protective environment.

Time passed and as they progressed towards their adult life, the patriarch realised that in giving them a protected environment to mature in, he had done a big disservice to them. They had been handicapped because they didn’t know how to handle difficult situations, specially the adverse ones.

This is a story we would all have heard in some form or shape while growing up. Or as a live lecture from our parents about how it is really important for us to live within particular constraints and understand that it takes effort and patience to get anything in life.

It is this learning that helps us have a balanced approach towards life and wade through the many ups and downs that are thrown at us.

And yet, as we mature and become parents, with those constraints helping us realise the true value of things, we somehow start discounting this major learning.

We aspire to raise our kids with unbridled resources. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Each parent wants the best for their kids and it is but natural for us to also feel and act in that way.

What’s to be balanced though is how to provide them enough freedom to experience tough situations and grow as an individual. Because that is what helps anyone rise up in life even when the chips are down.

That’s the real challenge of parenting today. Caring enough to let the kid have a sheltered environment in a nuclear family. While challenging them enough through handicaps, so that they understand life in its entirety.

And while it may seem like an easy task, I can vouch it isn’t. It’s not only difficult, it’s also taxing and sometimes tumultuous.

But we have got to do what we’ve got to do!

Risk!?

October 17, 2021October 17, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How much of it are you willing to take?

Is it an adventure or a danger?

Is it something to be cognisant of or to be weary of?

And is it really that important to consider or generally exaggerated?

As my father and I were having a conversation about the thought process required to start a new venture, all of these thoughts swirled in my mind.

I went back in time to check in on my own mindset when I started my venture. And the more I digged into, I realised that being a first time entrepreneur, I had not considered these questions in detail.

I had just heeded the call of my mind and heart and jumped right in. It was like jumping off the 10m board for the first time but thinking that the swimming pool is just a metre away.

Did I land with a thud? Oh, absolutely. I crashed and burned. The swimming pool I jumped into tested me in all possible ways before I could even learn to flap my hands and legs.

It was a great learning experience for me. But I didn’t plan it in advance. I didn’t do a risk analysis to figure out if I should proceed or not.

When I look back now, I realise that if I were to do this same thing again with my current outlook, I would probably do some risk analysis. Age has either corrupted me or made me much more thoughtful!

And the more I thought about this, it occurred to me that most of us weigh too much on things before deciding on the way forward. Is it a good thing to do this analysis? Yes, I believe so. It helps us become clearer in our mind.

But most of our life’s decisions need not be as thought through. While we can try and plan things in our life as much as it is possible, the best experiences happen in those moments which occur serendipitously.

In fact, those journeys that are unplanned always lend you more than you can ever gain from the planned ones.

So should we consider risk or not? Yes if it’s going to be a matter of life and death (and some of us still don’t do that). No, if it is anything smaller.

For after all, the worst thing that could happen to us if we fail, is a new experience that otherwise would have alluded us…

In Comparison.

October 10, 2021October 10, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was the summer of 96. I had just settled down into a new place and passed out of 9th grade.

It was also a season of change. There were changes everywhere and in my group of friends too, everyone was getting a new bicycle.

In those days, we used to ride our cycle to the school and pretty much everywhere. So for every kid, a bicycle was the most prized asset. In small towns across India, this used to be a pattern with kids going in for changing bicycle designs every 2-3 years.

96 was one such year. But I felt miserable. My current cycle was 4 years old now and due for an upgrade. There was a new design in town and with most of my friends now owning the new design, mine felt automatically old.

And yet, my father won’t approve of it. He explained to me that I can carry on in my current one for another year at least and he will get me a new one the following year.

I was devastated and couldn’t comprehend why I couldn’t get the new model. So I again had a chat with my dad, trying to coax him. He told me to shake it off and gave me some analogies to explain that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others and rather be happy and thankful about what I have. It took some time but that lesson hit home.

I didn’t ask for a new one again until next year, when he himself readily agreed to buy one. I was overjoyed and needless to say, treated it like a prized possession.

What I didn’t realise then but do now was the way he made me understand an absolutely necessary fact of life. Stop comparing yourself to others. And be happy in all circumstances.

That lesson has stayed with me since then. Often, as is natural, the urge to see how I am faring against others crops up and tries to push me down the road less desirable. It’s only these lessons, which somewhere got etched in my memory, that have helped me reset my compass.

This week as something again propped up on the horizon and the inner voice tried to push me in that direction, I was reminded of this lesson about not to compare and held myself back. As I shook myself off that track and reminded myself to stay true to my own path, I realised that this comparative approach is often just an innate desire to prove to ourselves or to prove our worth to others.

It is a strange feeling, taking away the fun of what we have done and pushing us into a corner where our mind starts believing that we ought to do better. And more often than not, it wins in overpowering our minds and polluting it.

It is perhaps due to the fact that we have always viewed competition as virtuous. Or perhaps due to the reason that we believe in ourselves and want to outperform. Or maybe just because we see others behaving in this fashion and join them.

Whatever might be the case, we owe it to ourselves to keep a check on “these feelings” and be mindful to walk our own path.

For truly that is when we can seek and hopefully find happiness!

The Green Grass…

October 3, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It is amazing how time passes by and things still remain the same.

This weekend, as I met a couple of my Army course mates and we spent a few hours charting our courses and what has been happening in our lives, I was amazed to notice this being re-emphasized.

As it happened, after I moved out of the Armed forces and passed over to the civilian life (that is the lingo, the world separating those in uniform from those without), my life took multiple twists and turns. Some of it natural, some of it accidental, some perhaps of my own making.

But during all these times, I always held the greatest regard for what life once had in store for me on the other side of the fence. May be because of the childhood dream that was only partially fulfilled, or perhaps due to the realisation at multiple points in time that while a difficult life, the one in uniform is much more simpler and straight forward, with the path being set in front of you. The grass a lot of times appeared greener and fertile on that side, indeed.

And then there were my course mates, some of whom were not really planning to stay on in that life for long or wanted to gain more out of life. That simplicity and straight forward nature had become mundane and they wanted something out of turn. For them, the grass was greener this side of the fence.

This weekend, as we three friends sat down and spoke about what’s happening, we compared our lives, our work, our social circles, settings, and so on. And you guessed it, it was mutual admiration about the greener grass on either side.

Later on, as I was returning home, I was musing about how many times this has happened to me. While I smiled about how it keeps on repeating itself, as my thoughts ran deep, they took me to those other instances when I have wished to be on some side of the lawn which at that point of time appeared greener. Without realising that where I am standing also has a lot of blooming flowers and tiny buds awaiting to blossom. Without understanding that where I am today is because of so much effort and hard work spent toiling on the end of the lawn I am at. But with a lot of judgement that what I have done hasn’t amounted to much, in comparison to the other person.

It’s amazing that we routinely do this and then disturb our own happiness to seek the mirage that may not even be the oasis that it promises to be. Yet, we do it each time, habituated to find something that is not right in our lives. And that often leads to diversions in our path, which could otherwise had led us to the end goal that we were seeking.

Of course, it is not true for all of us. And there are some good reasons to move over to the other side, jump ships, take u-turns, or just branch off. I have done it and I am sure so have others.

What’s important though, before making that jump, is to really evaluate and identify the actual reason for the push. Is it born out of just the desire to be on the greener side of life, or is there something innate that is forcing us to uproot ourselves. If it is the latter, there are often good reasons. But if it is the former, perhaps it is time to look down and behind, to understand the colour of our own grass and it’s future!

The Face of ME!!!

This site is about my ideas and what I believe in!