The secret to better experiences

September 26, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Saturday morning, I and my little one got up at almost the same time and as it was the weekend, lazed around in bed “talking”.

As we spent the next 30 minutes having a hearty conversation, the topic centred around how she should speak up rather than feeling something in her heart or mind but not blurting it out. She is a sensitive child and I wanted her to understand it is ok to speak up and let the other person know if she doesn’t like something rather than bottling her feelings inside.

We got through that conversation and did multiple other things during the weekend. But the entire 2 days, this was a theme that kept recurring in my mind…

We are by nature socially active and thrive in the company of others, whether its family, friends, or colleagues. However, there are groups where we feel and act better than in others. It might be because of multiple reasons that we have different experiences in different groups, but in my analysis most of the times, the one thing that really defines the experience for me is what is the level of communication in that group.

I didn’t realize it until I had a sub-par experience during one of the most seminal phases in my youth. It wasn’t my first bad one with a group. But I was perhaps more matured than before. And as I thought about it, I had a difficult time understanding the reasoning behind why it so happened. But as I reflected back on it in solitude, I figured that the communication between me and the others in the group wasn’t really great and it contributed majorly to the experience I had.

Ever since, I figured that if I want to make the most of what any group has to offer me, I better communicate and do it well. And that has been the most important focus area for me as I passed through different experiences in the professional and business world.

What has constantly amazed me though is that most of us don’t realize the importance of communication and the role it plays. Most of the times, we take it for granted and assume that it is going to be at a de-facto good level. What we miss out is that it takes two to tango and building the right level of confidence in each other’s communication takes time and effort. And if not handled in the right manner and early enough, we can miss the boat.

In fact, not just in our professional relationships, even in personal ones, communication is the key to thrive and succeed. If we let it slide, it can soon create a crack wide enough for the relationship to get stuck there. It can happen in the best of relationships and the only way to guard against it is to be mindful of it at all times.

Critically, according to my limited experiences and from what has worked for me, just being honest and upfront works most of the times. Something that our polluted adult minds refuse to believe at times.

Perhaps we need to unshackle our minds and speak directly through our hearts to rekindle our relationships and improve trust and understanding. Or maybe, just communicate better and frequently to remove those clouds of misunderstandings that start forming every now and then.

Or probably just keeping it simple like my daughter, who promised me after my boring lecture on Saturday morning, “Ok dad, I will not keep things to myself now onwards, I will speak out and share my thoughts as it is for the other person to understand me better. I know, I will feel better that ways”…

The Inner Struggle…

September 19, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How do we choose what we choose? Why do we behave the way we do?

How do we better control our thoughts and emotions and channel them into the positive zone? Is it something that we can do to mentally train ourselves better on? Or is it a factor of our conditioning and our circumstances and not always controllable?

These questions have been on my mind more than once.

This weekend, as we sat down for a family movie night, I didn’t expect that these will be answered. But as I got up after those 2 hours, the fog had somewhat been cleared!

It was the animated movie ‘Inside Out’, which is a beautifully crafted story of how the mind behaves in different situations and reacts to them, depicted through a week in the life of a young girl.

The one answer to my questions – what we choose and do is a constant struggle within ourselves – one that we fight day in and day out. And the feeling we have conditioned ourselves to sense the most wins over more than the others.

That’s the reason, some of us get flustered even on small things while some don’t mind even bigger problems and smile them away. Or why sometimes we may get sad but recover while someone else becomes sad and goes into depression.

It is complicated!

One thing I did realise though is that the power to swing to one or the other direction is in our minds and hearts.

The power to move from being self-focussed, apprehensive, and angrier than we used to be in today’s hyperconnected yet disjointed world, to become more accepting, welcoming, and less exacting.

Or to move from the ‘rat race mindset’ so that we allow ourselves to experience happiness in the small things in our life, rather than being dissatisfied even when we have achieved something.

Or to be proud of even the small achievements that our kids have landed up with, instead of pushing them for more and more out of our desire to excel at all costs.

I am sure, all of these are, or will be, inner struggles for most of us. But winning over them and emerging on the right side is perhaps the only thing that’s important today, as we reset our lives and relations in this new world…

The most important thing!

September 12, 2021September 13, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

March 2001. With my course-mates in the Indian Army, we were all learning the basics of mountain climbing. As it so often happens, all of us, a bunch of rookies who were full of confidence but short on skill, were grappling with new things that were confounding us and increasing the anxiety of doing something for the first time.

While some of the drills were pretty basic, there was a lot of apprehension about falling down while rapling down the steep rocks or when climbing up using our hands. Then there was zip lining, which was a task unto itself and gave most of us goosebumps.

As we started getting into the act, the one thing that the instructor tried to drill inside our minds was that you have got to trust the rope and the equipment. We didn’t realise it in the beginning but as the practice sessions progressed, we realised the truth behind the statement.

Trust was paramount!

Unless we did that, progress was extremely difficult and slow. Some of us had our own trust issues but slowly we all gathered our wits and once that trust was established, it became fun and adventurous. We all enjoyed the entire camp thoroughly.

It’s been more than 20 years. Yet, that lesson got embedded within my being.

Trust is paramount!

In everything we do. Right from who we love, who we are friends with, who we deal with at business or work, what we eat, how we drive, to the many sundry things we go through in our daily routines.

It’s the cornerstone of our relationship with the other human beings or a group or a thing. It is what helps us move forward on anything with reasonable surety that we are heading in the right direction.

It is what we should be focused squarely on establishing. Right from the beginning. Through the relationship or process. And right till the end. Verifying and re-establishing it periodically.

And yet, it is something we usually overlook or take lightly. Sometimes, it happens deliberately. But most of the times, it is a slow erosion. We don’t realise it but suddenly after a period, all appears wasted and the common ground sinks and creates a crater.

It is hence upon us, as a party to any relationship, that we abide by the code and keep the trust high. In each and every transaction. For otherwise, we could end up down the road rueing what happened and how things turned out.

Unless of course, we want to cut it off…

of Preoccupations…

August 29, 2021August 30, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week was a blur. I was pre-occupied with something happening on the personal front.

That meant a lot of thinking beyond the obvious on what is happening, how to handle it, when to do what, and above all why should I do whatever I choose as the way forward.

As I spent the week surrounded by all these thoughts and running mental simulations and validating various hypothesis, it meant time between work or later spent in the pursuit. It was exhausting and refreshing at the same time.

And it helped me realise one thing – it is good to sometimes have some pressing preoccupations in your mind. Helps you feel challenged about certain things.

Prior to this week, I always used to view some of these pre-occupations as an issue interfering with work or something to be relegated to weekends. In doing so, I often pushed naturally occurring thoughts out or postponed moving forward until the weekend, which would then be spent crunching time and running a crash routine.

This time, somehow I let the thoughts flow naturally. And while it meant staying up late on some nights or ruminating about hypothesis during my morning routine, it allowed me to progress in an unhurried fashion and logically evaluate different aspects.

It was out of turn. Completely not me. And yet, this new approach helped me see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel in a controlled and faster manner.

The realisation that I don’t need to leave all the thinking on such aspects to the weekend and can manage it on weekdays along with work, also made me understand that preoccupations are not a bad thing after all.

Yes, if they interfere with your normal life or duties. Or if they completely take over and stop you from doing what you should be doing. Be it on the personal side or professional side.

But if they are controlled in a disciplined manner with clearly drawn boundaries between what has to be done as one’s duty and without letting them affect anything else, they can be a good segue into another direction that’s perhaps important to be explored.

After all, we cannot control what thoughts we have and when but we can to some extent manage what we want to do with them and how…

The 5 year plan…

August 22, 2021August 22, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We have a special affinity to this term.

It was how India used to measure our progress as a nation – in blocks of 5 years. But it is also how most of us look at things related to work and life – what is our 5-year plan or view down the road? What is the horizon which we fancy considering and moving with?

Why not 10 years? Or 8 years? Or even 13 years?

I could never gather this nuance of why 5 years. Hence, when someone asked me recently, what is your plan 5 years down the line, I almost balked. Not out of disrespect to the person but due to the fact that I found it amusing.

In an age where our lives are changing every 2-3 years, and that too significantly, 5 years almost seems like 2 steps.

And yet, most of us plan not just for 5 years but even beyond that for 10-15 years.

Is it a good thing to do? I am not sure. But I have stopped doing that. Not because I think it is not required or it won’t help me but more so because after the trials and tribulations I have seen in my life as well as with others, I feel it is better to stick to a 2-3 year horizon and keep things fluid.

It may appear as too short-sighted an approach. However, it has been working for me for the past 5 years. It allows me to not think too far ahead and commit too much while also providing me with a flexibility of changing things if required.

I of course have possibilities that I map out and acknowledge beyond those 2-3 years timeframe but I don’t plan for them actively. If around the 2-year mark I find that what I am doing makes sense and it fits in my overall scheme of things, I double down on it for the next couple of years. If not, I am prepared to change course and modify my plan.

Most importantly, it has freed up my mind without the added stress around the BIG plan that has to be executed over a longer period of time to achieve success.

In a random world with too many things happening all around, I have found this little way of keeping myself focused. What’s your strategy?

Head or Heart?

August 15, 2021August 16, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is the classic conundrum!

What do we do when faced with a situation and how do we decide? Or what perspective do we think from and act upon the most?

There have been reams of thesis work written on this I am supposing, from the 288 million results Google throws at us when we search for this term. And yet, we are none the wiser as to which one is better.

Going through life’s paces, this question somewhere stared at me during the week. And as I looked deep within, I was hit with the sheer complexity of it.

I for one, thought of myself as a heart person. I mostly tend to do what my heart / gut says, going with intuition rather than after a lot of thought / applying my mind. But it is ‘mostly’ and not ‘always’!

A few others I know up close and personal also fell into similar zones – choosing one over the other ‘most’ of the times. As much as I thought about, I couldn’t place a single person who was at either of the extremes all the time.

I didn’t get into full-on research mode, but I am guessing it will be almost impossible to place someone completely in a single category. We are by nature inclined towards one but cannot forego the other completely.

Is there a right choice between the two? I don’t know, as I will always choose the heart whereas someone who has had different experiences than me will probably lean on the other side. But we will never be able to side with our choice at all times.

In essence, it is one of those things in life which is never absolute!

In fact, if we look at many a things around, most of them are never absolute. We however try and categorise around groups, without realising that there are permeable boundaries in between.

We seek the absolute because there is comfort in knowing something sticks, in consistency, in predictability.

Life on the other hand is the complete opposite – shifting always, never settling in one direction. Always challenging us to change ourselves, to consider other sides and opinions, and to move even when there is uncertainity.

It is when we grasp this game and accept to play it as it comes, using our heart to gauge it and leaning on our head to pull us through, is when we move ahead and progress…

Win or Lose – what after the Games?

August 8, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

What is important? Is it even important to fuss over the result or is it sufficient to have just played? What to make of those who won? And those who lost? And what does all of this hold for us?

As the Olympic Games gala got over today, some of these questions floated into my mind…

These Olympic Games saw the best run ever by India, finishing with 7 medals. All of us Indians are ecstatic right now. After all, we won a Gold in a track and field event for the first time. Going with 2 silvers and 3 bronze medals, including one for Hockey which is our national sport, a lot of our champs proved their mettle.

It’s been an interesting last few weeks as I observed the commentary on the games and also had multiple chats at home and with friends on what to expect, how India is faring, good bad and ugly of Indian sports, and so on. I’m sure, for most of us, these last 2 weeks would have been in a similar zone – with sports dominating the conversations. And that too, not cricket for a change!

Depending on who you talked to, there would be different views – some focused on the personal aspects like what went behind the training of the sportsmen / women, who were they competing against, etc. And some focused on the collective aspects like is India really doing it’s best to provide facilities and infrastructure for fostering world-class sports stars, how is it that Chinese have started winning so many medals and their training regime, and so on.

You get it – most of these conversations we had were merely that. Talk of the town to berate or praise different aspects of sports without actually knowing what goes behind the scenes or what to attribute the outcome to. In fact, most of the conversations start with sports and then deviate into politics.

As with other seasonal topics, these will die down after a few days or weeks and will be replaced by other topical issues.

What I do hope remains though are the dreams that these games have given to the young ones in the country and how some of those dreams metamorphose into effort and training, leading to more glory in the coming years across different sporting disciplines.

What I also hope remains is the interest that has been generated in the other sports apart from cricket, which encourages many more kids to pick them up and many more parents to allow their children to pursue them seriously.

And what I certainly hope for is that all of us Indians start laying much more emphasis on sports as a medium of all round development for ourselves and our kids. For what is important is not to win or lose but to play well and gain from either of the experiences. Something that our kids generation definitely needs to imbibe whole-heartedly…

Only then, will the promise that we saw in these games will be translated into action not only in the sporting field but also in all aspects of our lives as a nation!

Friends

August 1, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am not referring to the sitcom which had a reunion recently. I am talking about the real people in our lives, who make it real and fun.

1st August is celebrated as Friendship Day in India. As I got up today and saw some messages floating in, I was reminded of it. Curiously, I googled about its history and was surprised to note that it was initiated as a commercial gimmick in the 1920’s.

While it has taken more concerted efforts in parts of the world to commemorate the bonds of friendship / fellowship, I for one was taken aback by the origination story. Someone, somewhere had to thoughtfully create this day to help us all get reminded of one of the most important groups of people in our lives!

So, after sending greetings to friends across different groups, which is a newly adopted custom by most of us in this day and age of social media, I sat down reminiscing about my friends and the way they affected my life.

I had the privilege of studying in multiple places and hence had a new set of friends every few years. I had friends who were living in the neighbourhood, those who were in the school with me, and those whom I knew because of the social circle my family had.

And it was fun because while I made new friends every time I moved places, I also had an old set of friends whom I maintained communication with. So, while new bonds were built, there were old ones which made me feel special, every time I received a letter or a phone call in those days from an old friend.

A few of those friendships formed instantly, some of those built up over the years I spent with them, and some others blossomed in later parts of my life. But one thing was common – they all helped me evolve and become the person I am today.

The biggest thing for me though was and has been – friends always make me feel real and alive. Give me the assurance that there are people out there who care for me or will stand by me.

And yet, only a few of those I remain in touch with now regularly. They are the ones whom I forged special bonds with, which have stood the test of time. Some of the others are forgotten in the strands of time, in the vagaries of life, or in the ashes of the past.

However, as I sent those messages today, I realised that in the rigamarole of life, I have been sometimes guilty. Of not being in touch. Of not following up. Of taking things for granted.

Perhaps, it happened naturally and due to specific alignments during various phases of my life, nevertheless that is the truth.

Perhaps, some of them can still be rekindled. Time to give it a nudge and try then…

And more importantly, to continue being in touch with those whom I have been talking to and nurture those bonds!

Bonds…

July 25, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

…maketh a human being!

Right from the time we sound the bugle with our first wail to the time we utter our last word, there is always a bond we are making or breaking.

They range from our family to friends to teachers to neighbours to colleagues to acquaintances to anyone we are even remotely or virtually connected with.

And they pass through the hoops of joy and highs of success as well as through the rings of sadness and lows of failures.

Yet, what remains with us in the end is how they make us feel deep within – positive or negative, happy or sad, promising or disappointing!

Right from childhood, I have had special bonds with some people. Family members, friends, teachers, colleagues who made me feel special or wanted. At different points of time in my life, I would have given anything to spend time with them. To have fun, to learn, to play, to live life. Now, after all these years, while I may not be able to meet them often, or talk to them frequently, those memories remain. And the bonds sustain.

With others, not to disregard their presence, it was a weaker connection. The bonds snapped and we moved on to other things in life. Or due to some misunderstanding or circumstance or intention, the bond broke and we drifted apart. And yet, as long as it lasted, it ended up giving something to both of us.

While spending time with my family this week and celebrating our daughter’s sixth, I was reminded of this important aspect of our being. Of how the bonds we make or break as we go through our lives, define us as a person and move us forward.

And when I juxtaposed this thought with my daughter’s perspective, I realised that this is most true for children, as they grow out of the protective cocoon in the initial years. Their reactions, mannerisms, learnings, all get shaped up based on the bonds they form with the close circle of family, as well as with new people entering their expanded circle.

As a parent, it is fascinating to observe how they shape up around others and form these bonds. It is also a responsibility to not let our protective urge take over but to let them go through the process on their own and decide for themselves which bonds they want to foster.

That balance is perhaps how we shape up our bond as a parent with them and help them shape up their bond with life!

The Face of ME!!!

This site is about my ideas and what I believe in!