The Community Feeling…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been almost one and a half years…

Since we huddled together in an office space for a meeting or gathering of the team and had disagreements and shared jokes while devouring coffee and tea.

Since we travelled together with a group of people for a trip and had a whale of a time in a new place along with them.

Since we had big celebrations or a party with friends and family where we threw caution to the winds.

Since we traveled comfortably in a public conveyance, including flights, accidentally meeting other people and making acquaintances.

Since children had a class in their school and had fun in the playgrounds or sang songs while being in the school bus.

Since housewives had their kitty parties in a club or at someone’s place, chatting up about anything and everything.

Well, for most of us!

I can go on and on with the list. The moot point though is, we have been missing the social in the animal within us. And that animal is now coming out in the open.

Sometimes, having been in isolation for so long, not able to find its rhythm in the usual social milieu.

Or sometimes being too aggressive and wanting it’s own way, come what may, as is the wont at home.

Or sometimes not knowing who to hobnob with and what to do in a new place or setting that’s unsettling.

And this is creating a void so big that it’s almost unnatural.

For as long as we have written history about our race, humans have been socially active and prospered with one another.

However, this pandemic has pulled those threads apart. In some cases, those threads have been torn or badly damaged. In some others, they are just about hanging in there.

And that’s causing a strain in relations, in companionship, in understanding other humans, in building and sustaining trust, and in a lot of other things as well.

It is a bad situation to be in. For us as individuals and as a society.

The solution, in my opinion, is that we need to remind ourselves to re-engage and re-discover others where required and to believe in and have trust in each other as much as we can. Most importantly, be our 2019 or earlier self when we are able to go out again safely, and behave and react normally.

So that, we don’t lose the most intricate and nuanced aspects of our being – our ability to form bonds and friendships and build communities, which foster our lives and our growth throughout that life!

Those forgotten gems!

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There are lots of aspects in our life’s history that we cherish. Some of them are things we possessed once, some of them memories of times gone by, and some a recollection of events that happened.

These things, while from the past, always give us a smile and remind us of those good times. Keeps us in good spirits.

This week, my parents came over. And as my mother was unpacking, she took out a long forgotten relic for our daughter. Magnetic chess and Ludo game boards.

The moment I saw it, it instantly brought a smile to my face and flashes of those times when my brother and I played with them at home and during our train journeys. I was excited to see if the magnets still retained their properties and wanted to play again. And the little one was just excited to lay her hands on something which her dad used to play with!

As I thought back about this experience, I realised that in earlier days, we used to keep our stuff very carefully and preserve them for long. That meant rediscovering these treasures in the future and rekindling those memories was a possibility.

In today’s world though, we have somewhere moved on. A few of our things have gone in to the digital realm. And our attachment with those that we buy physically is lesser.

So, we throw away things which aren’t being used. Or give them away to others. And with them, go our associated memories and the chance of rediscovery.

The only things we do tend to keep for long these days are the memories that get stored digitally. Our pictures, videos, and notes.

And while, it can be argued that keeping all the obsolete or useless stuff isn’t helping much, it at least gives us the chance of remembering those times again. Whether physically storing them or digitally keeping them.

These stored relics form an important part of our life’s narrative and gives us a shot at reliving those experiences again.

And hence preserving these priceless gems as best as we can is even a responsibility that we owe to our next generations. To let them gain from life the same way we have!

Resilience

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The capacity to recover from difficulties; toughness. That’s how the word is described in the dictionary.

It is an internal force that makes it possible for us to move ahead. In life. At any given stage.

It is what fills us with hope. Of the possibilities that lay ahead. Even when the chips are down and the path seems to have come to a dead end.

It is what gives us the strength to continue in spite of what people around us say. To us or behind us.

It is what helps us believe in ourselves when others may not. Even though we may not have all the qualifications or the experience to do it.

But only when, there is love and purpose.

For otherwise, there is no incentive, even for the most hard nosed, to rekindle that spark and forge ahead.

Only when we have love around us and for what we want to do, can we feel the passion to make things happen. Else, what we are planning to do will anyways feel like drudgery soon…

And only when there is real purpose in what we want to achieve. Though we know there could be multiple thorns lying around. And the path is too wound up and convoluted. With a great chance of failure.

Yet, most of us dream of achieving things in a jiffy. Of landing up where we want to be without much struggle or pain. Without being prepared for the many surprises that the path may throw at us.

No doubt, most times we quit. Within a short span or in the middle, when the entire plan seems stuck.

This is true for things in our personal life or at work. Whether it is being healthy and fit, or pursuing a serious hobby. Whether it is a project at work or a business plan in our head. Whether it is for ourselves or for our teams.

So, the first thing that we should ask ourselves then – “Do I have love and purpose for what I am going to pursue? Genuinely?”.

That would be half the battle won. In our minds. And on the field.

Legacy…

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It is something we leave behind and hand over to the next generation.

Something that inspires a lot of people and helps them identify a meaning in all they have done through the years.

Or something that in hindsight helps us judge what we did in that particular phase of our life or work.

Well, I have always viewed the term with some suspicion. Not because I think it is over-rated but because I think it carries a negative stress in the present.

There are a few people who leave impressive legacies behind. But not because they started with that intention. They just wanted to do their best in the moment. And whatever they leave behind happens as a natural result of that effort.

On the other side, there are those who don’t bother at all about these matters and live their life without worrying about what they are leaving behind. They do their work or live their life and pass into oblivion, which isn’t a bad option in the larger scheme of things.

And then there are those who always get bothered by whether what they are doing will be enough to leave behind that impression. Now, that’s precisely the kind of negative stress I am referring to. Trying to prove a point and do something with the future in mind, without focusing on ensuring the best possible in the present.

A lot of us these days, either due to the hype around the term ‘legacy’ or because of the added pressure we put on ourselves to excel in whatever we do, land up in the third category. For some of us in fact, sometimes it gets complicated because once we start looking out into the future with one eye, the view isn’t complete in the present. And due to that stress we sometimes end up trying too hard and not being our natural self, or worse, doing things the wrong way to reach where we want to be through a shortcut.

Not something that we would recommend to any of our friends, leave along to ourselves!

As I served my last day in a company I have been with for almost 5 years and had a lengthy conversation with a senior about some of these aspects, these thoughts came into my mind…

When I dug deeper, I realised that if we look at this issue from another perspective, it is actually not what we have done and the accolades that we have bought to the table that matter. What matters is the foundation we built or built upon, and the strength of the pillars we erected during that phase of our life or work. In the present.

Are they going to sustain after we are gone? Will those, who are left behind after us, be able to live with it? Is the structure going to soar higher from where we left it?

I think that is a more pertinent way of looking at any phase of our life or work and determining the impression that we leave behind. It also gives us the luxury of focusing on the present completely without worrying about or stressing about what happens to it after we leave.

While all of us are wishful about the impact we have or may have with our actions or work or life in the future, I guess living in the present and staying focused on what we are doing in the here and now are way more important.

At least, that gives us a chance of leaving behind a legacy, if at all!

Forwards & Backwards

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Communication is a bedrock of our lives. If not for communication, we wouldn’t be half the race we are.

It helps us learn and unlearn, show our feelings whether they are positive or negative, and brings cohesion to our lives. Makes it easier for us to live with other fellow humans. Creates families and groups and fosters them.

In the present hyper-connected world, it’s become much more easier to do so. With umpteen ways to reach out to people, from messaging apps to platforms that enable all kinds of social connections, we have multiple options. And yet, often we find that communication is neglected. Or under/over-done.

This week, as I looked at my social media footprint, I figured that WhatsApp is the single most used app on my phone. I use it for all kinds of communication. Additionally, I am a part of multiple groups comprising of family, school friends, college friends, work colleagues, and so on. It’s wonderful to be one tap away from talking to anyone.

One thing troubled me though!

I realised that a lot of the groups that I am a part of, I don’t communicate within them often. Most of the messages that keep chiming in are forwards of different nature. Political discussions, information that is questionable, opinions, news items, etc. which have little direct relevance to our daily lives. In between those forwards, the group gets drowned in that noise.

Not just that. Most of these loaded forwards only create chances for loaded conversations between specific members. Some for and some against the original argument. Without the veracity being checked. Without understanding the point of view of others. And a lot of times being answered by counter arguments that are also forwards with similarly dubious origins.

Now, I am all for freedom of speech and having different and opposing viewpoints and for discussing them. But when the direction of the group becomes loaded, it doesn’t give much pleasure to the majority others who are silent spectators.

When those groups were formed, the thought behind them was to bring together people so that everyone could keep in touch. But now-a-days, there are very few groups which one is a part of, where real conversation between friends or family members happens.

For example, while some of the groups I am a part of have my family members or friends, I have consciously started ignoring the messages coming through on them. Because I don’t subscribe to the conversations happening there.

And I am sure it is true for most of us.

That’s the irony of the situation!

While we are always connected, we are being pulled backwards. Because we chose to believe in forwards and communicating based on those, rather than having real conversations with people we know and believe in…

We the People.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Are the backbone of everything that happens…

It is people who build up a structure that moves forward to achieve the common goals.

Whether it is nations or organisations or families or groups, everything happens either for people or with people but always with them being front and center.

Yet, very often they are neglected or not paid enough attention to. In nations, in organisations and even in groups and families.

On the personal end of the spectrum, when people don’t get the feeling of being a part of the group or the family, they move out. They seek others who would make them feel special and wanted.

That’s perhaps why we always take care of those we want to keep close to us and don’t worry much about the others in the world. And that works for us because at the end, one can only manage being close to a few people.

At the collective end of the spectrum, nations do most of the things keeping in mind their people. Wanting to keep them united at all costs. And all of us, irrespective of our political inclinations or beliefs, want our community and our nation to succeed and feel strongly for it.

But when a nation fails to keep its people’s interests in mind, it starts lagging behind others. People overthrow the regime or vote it out of power. And reassert their right to be taken care of.

However, when it comes to somewhere in between the spectrum, where organisations exist, the same principles do not always apply. For an organisation is neither personal nor a community. It is a collective which is abstract in nature and bound by loose ideas which may not be agreeable to everyone.

People come in to work in an organisation or with it for their benefit. Knowing that whatever they do will at the same time benefit the organisation. And organisations also understand that nature of association.

So even if people leave, organisations survive. They are replaced by new or existing people. All for the good, of all the parties involved.

However, organisations that flourish are those that take care of their people, despite the transactional relationship. Because that is what gives its people the feeling of being wanted.

The ones that neglect their people or take them for granted or treat them as tools to achieve objectives, almost always fold up. If not in the short term then in the long run. Because people are intelligent.

And that is why it is so important to build teams, groups, and organisations in a way we build families and nations. Through trust, transparency, and respect. To make it endure. And succeed!

Switching Off…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a million dollar quest now-a-days!

Realms of paper have been written upon to help people claim there lives back. Where to stop and how to give themselves time.

And yet, as lockdown situations have continued and most of us continue to work from home, there seems to be an urgent need to get some respite from the blurred boundaries of work and life post work.

As Missus and I sat down for our Sunday morning, environment friendly detox hour, this topic came up today. I was wanting to get into this discussion with her as off-late, our schedules were going crazy and this wasn’t leaving us with much time for other things.

While we discussed and chatted about it for 15-20 minutes, there wasn’t a clear answer that emerged on how to handle the situation. But one good thing happened. It gave us time to reflect on what we have been trying in our own little ways and how it is helping or not helping us. This reflection threw up some interesting observations!

For one, until the laptop and mobile phone became ubiquitous, we pretty much had the evenings to ourselves. After work hours, there was a natural switch off that happened. Or how following a routine in the morning and evening, sans any device, has helped us stay sane and less stressed on the days we are able to manage that. Or better still, how suppressing the urge to attend to work emails / texts etc. can yield benefits, specially on weekends.

What’s more important though is to remember that we need to switch off. To rejuvenate. To feed ourselves. Something that a lot of us seem to forget in between all the humdrum of life.

I have seen colleagues and friends who constantly feel the urge to do everything in their power to respond to things immediately. They stretch themselves, even when it is not absolutely required, to deliver outcomes by borrowing time from their weekends and family.

While that may be the order once or twice, soon it develops into a habit and establishes a vicious loop, where the need to ‘Keep up with the Joneses’ takes over and prods us to outdo ourselves. And our colleagues.

And that leads to a culture that constantly demands more of us at all times and a race to the bottom. A demand that can never lead to much good!

So, which culture are we setting up in our team or organisation or for ourselves? Should be the biggest question we ask before we embark on anything.

Will perhaps help us maintain sanity in our lives and lead to longer careers with lesser stress all around!

Life Stages…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

A few weeks back, talking to my Uncle, my cousins and I were discussing the pandemic situation in general.

He was giving his perspective on things, focusing on the lighter side. We all found it very concerning that he was talking about it lightly and made a joke that as he is approaching retirement, his perspectives have become more unusual and alike the elders in the house.

However, thinking back to the conversation, I realised that he was talking about things from his perspective. And while we may debate on whose perspective is the right one, each one of us has his/her own…

As I dwelt further on this conversation, I realised that our reaction to the perspective was perhaps also because we were viewing the issue from a different lens than he was. After all, we are in a different life stage than he is in.

In Hinduism, the historical texts talk about 4 stages of life. Beginning with the learning stage, progressing to the household stage, leading to the retirement stage, and finally to sanyasa, where life is renunciated.

In modern view, we can perceive these life stages as different eras altogether.

Life begins with the carefree era generally till around 25 years of age in our society today. We rarely worry about anything but ourselves during this stage and enjoy everything that we can, with a carefree attitude. As we grow up from a toddler to a teenager, we keep learning and gaining. No responsibilities in general and lots of freedom to our thoughts and in our actions.

This is followed by the next 25 years of the responsible era, where we tend to take up a lot of responsibilities at work, in life and in general. This is where we get serious about our work and career, get married, have kids, build our fortune for whatever it is worth, and plan in advance for everything, as much as we can. It can be overwhelming at times but we generally try and give it our all, to maximise the output from these years.

For a lot of people, their lives culminates in the afterglow era over the next 25 years, where they bask in the learnings of life and walk into the sunset slowly. This is when they leverage all they have seen over the last 50-60 years and make sense of things in their own way.

For a few chosen ones, life continues into the golden era beyond 75, who have the privilege of watching life happen all over again and enjoying their extended time on the planet. This is also when many people go back to being like a child again and live life king size!

As we progress through these life stages, our perspectives change. That’s one of the reasons that thought processes don’t always match when people from different eras interact with each other. Or why our preferences are so different. Or why priorities change. Or why realisations differ.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Each one of us is entitled to where we are in our life’s stage and our perspectives, preferences, priorities and realisations.

It therefore is natural that we have divergent views about things as compared to our parents or elders or children. That’s also healthy I believe, for it keeps us all in a system of checks and balances and ensures the best outcome possible, generally.

What is most important though is to recognise that our views will differ but even in that divergence we have to attempt convergence!

Because that is what we owe to our family…

What Keeps us Going?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Not just when we are doing what we are doing. But also when we are past that.

Is it the desire to achieve something? Or the love of doing that thing? Or the pressure or compulsion to complete what we started? Also, what makes some people continue well beyond their time to still go back and contribute and enhance their body of work? What makes them want to still do it even when others their age have hanged their boots?

This week, as I reflected on what separates the best from the rest, I looked back at some of the success stories of our times. It of course involved the famous athletes, artists and geniuses in other fields but also business people and others who achieved something significant in their life.

I also looked at my own experiences as well as of those whom I have personally known and observed. What made them tick in a specific situation that made them succeed? What made me go on and give it my all to achieve something?

Now, this is a question which probably doesn’t have one single correct answer.

For some of us, it is the desire that is overpowering and helps us tide over all the roadblocks. For others, it is the compulsion of the situation which pushes them to do that extra bit, try that one last time, before they make it.

But for whatever it is worth, what I realised is that it is almost always ‘Love’ that keeps us going even after everything is done and dusted!

I say that because while desire or compulsion can help us achieve a few wins, only love for something can push us to continue not just when the going is good or when we are winning but even when we are well past our prime. Because, it induces us to go out there and contribute again and again until we absolutely cannot.

And this applies to all of our life situations too…

We continue to work with our partner and in most cases, as the relationship progresses, love deepens and our contribution increases in tandem.

We continue to nurture our passion or hobby and as we get into later stages of life, the urge to do something in that area becomes more prominent as our love for it grows.

We invest ourselves in our children and continue to guide them and lead them in their life even after we know that they have grown up and are perhaps independent to do everything that they ought to do in life. Only because of our love for them.

And so on…

As for work, those of us who fall in love with what they do, tend to continue working far longer than the others and continue contributing to their field in whatever capacity they can.

That’s perhaps why they say, do something you love and you will never have to go back to work again!

False Narratives…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

They abound!

In every sphere of our lives.

At home, at work, in the society, within ourselves.

They are constructed in our minds. In our words. And in our actions also at times. And then some of them escape us and land with others and start a chain reaction. Once released into the open, they have a life of their own.

Sometimes these chain reactions help us stay afloat and live our lives believing and holding onto dear hope. And in other cases, they may drown us in sorrow and lead us to a downfall.

Sometimes, these chain reactions stop sooner than we want them to. On other occassions, they run amok beyond our wildest imagination and in spite of our best efforts to curtail them.

As long as they are limited to matters of personal interest or to trivial pursuits, these can serve as a reminder of the alternative or a check on whether we are doing the right things. In fact, some of them may be beneficial for us to meander through our lives, difficult as it is.

It’s when they go beyond the realm of personal or trivial, is when they can assume gargantuan proportions. They then permeate the society in myriad ways and channelise our lives in different directions depending on what we believe.

With the rising trend of easy internet access, tools to enable social connections, and unchecked platforms to spread whatever one believes in, all of this has just become EASY. And that’s what is worrying the most.

Because, these false narratives have the power to alter our reality and push us into directions which may not be worth turning to. Or they may compel us to act in ways that could be counterproductive for ourselves.

And that may cost us many a things!

So, how do we discern between the truth and the false?

No one is an expert in this subject. But hopefully with our own judgement and best intentions towards self and the ones we love, it is probably easier to understand the intention of the narrative and the direction it may take us into. And then asking ourselves a question – do I really want to go down that path?

For beginners, this hopefully may be enough to put us at a reduced risk of being sucked up in the whirlwind of these false narratives and the ensuing madness…

PS: COMMENTS WELCOME!