Recovering oneself

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Goodnight, sleep tight! That’s what we said to each other at times. Wishing for the other person to sleep soundly and recover fully. The other day, as I was watching my daughter sleep next to me, I was reminded of this phrase.

There she was, sleeping in all her glory, without a worry in the world. Lying next to her, watching her angelic expressions, I was jealous and amazed at how she could just leave everything behind in her train of thoughts and go to sleep in 5-10 minutes, even when she wasn’t really very tired.

As I was wondering about it, I compared it with my own sleeping patterns off-late. I have never been one who slept immediately after hitting the sack. Always distracted by multiple chains of thoughts going through my mind, weird dreams about never-land, bouts of endless debates in my mind, and so on.

However, whatever sleep I got and maintained was always sufficient for me to be fresh for the next day. Whether less or more. Whether tired or not. It never used to matter.

But I noticed something unusual started happening in the last one year. I started getting erratic sleep, with my mind taking more time to switch off. And then, bang in the middle of the night, again getting activated. Preventing me from sleeping for a couple of hours at times.

At first, I ignored it, guessing that it was probably a passing phase. However, when it became a regular phenomenon and started affecting my waking hours, I resorted to hacking the problem.

Armed with a sleep tracking app on my smartwatch, I thought of understanding the core problem. But even after multiple days, I was nowhere close to cracking it. The erratic patterns continued. I even used sleep inducing music at times, tried shallow breathing lying on my bed, etc. But to no avail.

And then, it dawned upon me. I was having trouble sleeping, as I was not able to switch off mentally. With multitude of things needing my attention during the working day, there was a propensity to leave some things/discussions hanging in between, to be completed later. There were always a few things that were unresolved at the end of the day. And that was creating a dissonance within myself, leading to the heightened mind activity during the night.

Having understood the root cause finally, I consciously started trying to plan my day better and ensuring that I close on all the conversations/discussions the same day, or bring them to a logical point, from where to start off the next day. This simple hack made my mind accept the interim state of affairs and made it less anxious, resulting in some respite for me in the night. And slowly, the sleep pattern has improved.

It has been about 2 months that I have made those changes and it has helped me immensely professionally also. I seem to have more time on my hands to finish off things on the new day, without the burden of past discussions. My daily planning has led to a more structured and focused work pattern and better outcomes. And it has taught me one important aspect – closure, in whatever way, helps.

As we navigate the complex world of work, along with the various other aspects of life, I think it is imperative upon us to structure it better and give ourselves enough time to close matters on any given day. After all, winding down and recovering after a hard day’s work is the best remedy for being at your best the next day…

Success!?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

A conversation with a friend over the weekend, on what’s happening around with people, led to an interesting perspective when we ventured into the topic of how are people reacting to the situation…

We were discussing about how the pandemic has hit people and business. We talked about friends from the business side, who have been hit hard by the slowdown. And about people who have lost their jobs or are in companies which are asking employees to leave.

And as we discussed this gloomy scenario, as well as when I was brooding afterwards, there were a few examples of how some have weathered the storm well or adapted well to it. A professional who had always been very conscious of his expenses and continues to exercise that caution and manage work well; a business-man who has identified new opportunities and pivoted his business to suit ground-reality; a senior manager who has made peace with hitting the ceiling in the organization.

This made me think about how we should measure success…

Humans are naturally competitive. We have been blessed with the survival instinct since our ape days and what made us save ourselves back in those times, has also helped us evolve and grow in the modern age. And that keeps us ticking as a race.

However, as we have grown and prospered, so has our hunger to succeed in everything we do. Whether it is studies, sports, work, or life in general, we measure our success relative to others.

A student is fed about how his success in life depends on studies and goaded to try harder. A girl playing sport (if the parents allow it after all) is made to focus on how to succeed at the professional level. Everyone at work is seeking the summit. And all of us want the best house to live in, the best car to drive, and the best vacation.

While there is nothing wrong in seeking the best or aspiring for the same, it creates a lot of pressure on us as individuals. It forces us to forego certain charms of daily life and/or miss the moments that matter after all. And in that race, sometimes we lose ourselves also.

As I thought more about it, the question that was tops was – then how do we cushion ourselves? How do we be a part of the society and try our best but without driving ourselves to the edge? And how do we maintain peace with the way life has laid down the cards for us and go on with it in the best way possible?

One of the plausible ways is to define the ceiling or floor for oneself – the room that we can live in comfortably without feeling lost. Another possible approach is to decide on what’s the parameter for success at every milestone and go about it in a methodical manner, without worrying about what lies next. Maybe dissociate ourselves from what others think or talk about us and focus instead on what success means to us.

There is no single right answer here. All of us have our own thought process and background to contend with, which makes us approach this question in our own way. However, if ever there was a question that we need to answer for ourselves, to make our life less complicated and more enjoyable, it is perhaps this. By defining our metrics, aligned with our life’s purpose, we can do a world of good to ourselves and to the ones who we love.

Will perhaps save many a heart attacks. Will also perhaps make the world a better place to live in!

Risky Propositions.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I just finished reading the book ‘Startup Nation’ – a good read, with insights on how Israel has come to be known by this name. The more I read the book and the authors description of how Israel has embraced innovation and risk-taking, the more parallels I drew from it to be applied to life in general.

Starting up is exciting. For the promise of what can be achieved and from the excitement for the ‘new’. However, beyond this excitement lies a lot of hard work and persistence. And the ability to take risks and fail without worrying about what will people think!

‘New’ is a risky proposition. But our life moves forward only when we take some sort of a risk. Be it the first steps we take as a toddler without the knowledge that we may fall, or when we learn new things by doing stupid experiments at home, or the time we leave our homes to achieve something bigger in the outside world, or when we get into a new relationship. If not for such endeavours without a worry in the world, our life would be monotonous and uninteresting.

In fact, the more I read the book and re-applied that to our life, I realised that ‘do the new’ should be an important mantra for all of us to measure how much we are moving forward.

Because if we don’t, someone else will. There are enough intelligent people, willing to try out new things. And they will move the entire ground to a different coordinate. The same ground, where we were standing proudly just some time ago. And then re-starting will be even more difficult.

And this is true for each and every aspect of life. Be it personal aspects where for example, if we don’t try and build new relationships, we will be left alone and people will move on. Or in professional aspects, where carrying on with the notions and practices that succeeded for us earlier may not result in the same outcomes now.

Yet, we push back. We resist the new. We hate change. We look at excuses to not adapt. And by doing so, we pull ourselves back. We discard the risky proposition in favour of the one which is known/comfortable. What we forget is that comfort breeds complacency also. And that leads to obfuscation.

But how do we do something new regularly and continue to move forward? Rather than being focused on risks, how do we focus on making things happen and looking to succeed? In whatever we want to do.

I think the answers lie in practicing with small baby steps. Doing small things which aren’t as risky to do, as per our psyche. And as we go along, building our confidence to try out even more new things and progressing from there. And as we go along, we would have dug a new tunnel, where none existed.

And that would be our personal startup, focused on whatever we want it to be…

Tough times…

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One of my friends is going through a tough time. The other day, when I was talking to him, he was sounding dismayed and mentioned “hope I get through this phase sound and safe”…

That conversation kept resurfacing in my thoughts over the past 2 weeks. And it led me to reflect on life’s vagaries.

It was April 2002. I was hospitalised for more than 6 months by that point for an injury I had sustained in my cervical spine. That was inarguably the toughest phase in my life. After passing out of the IMA, I had joined the corps of EME and was looking forward to an exciting career in the forces, when that accident had happened.

In the initial days I had tried to fight the problem and kept going but my health hadn’t improved. Then, on doctor’s advise, I had tried to take as much rest as possible, hoping that the rest would cure the fracture. I had tried alternate forms of medicine but none worked. And finally, after those six months in 3 hospitals, the decision was taken that I had to leave the Army due to medical disability.

It was devastating. It was this life I had envisioned all my childhood. I had done well in my course too. But clearly, life had other plans.

I didn’t know what to do next. I had no clue about anything else. I had not prepared for this unexpected turn. But as the reality dawned on me, some of the fellow officers, who were also admitted to the hospital for health reasons, gave me courage and hope. They told me not to worry, things will turn out fine.

Later on, 2013-14 bought a similar challenge to my doorstep. After having worked hard for 3 years to establish my business and putting in everything, I had to close it down. Again this time, I hadn’t prepared for this eventuality. I was wanting to build a successful business. But guess, things weren’t meant to be.

As I folded up my operations, I kept getting haunted by the past and whether life will give me another chance. There was a lot of uncertainty and without any clue, I sailed out again, hoping to find my rudder and get to the right shore.

As I moved out, still unsure about the future in both the cases, I realised that I was actually not going out empty handed. Even though I hadn’t been able to live the life I had wanted or fulfil my ambition, I had obtained a lot of knowledge and training, which I could utilise all my life. And as days and years have passed, a lot of it has come to good use.

It is those years of trial and tribulation that gave me some of the best learnings of life. Those troughs taught me never to under-estimate life but also that you can only plan so much. Not wanting to boast, but as age has advanced I have also realised that all those years have given me an edge – of handling the unexpected by taking it into my stride.

And I see the same edge in all those people who have gone through difficult and trying times. They get more resolute and more understanding, setting the stage for bigger things if they keep their focus up. And as life goes on and the peaks come, they are ready to conquer them with all their might.

As I talked to my friend, I assured him that whatever happens, will be for the good and he would look back at this time and remember it with respect for what it has taught him. Hopefully, things will turn out for the good for him and he will get back to his best form soon.

As this tough time rolls off and things get back to normal, it is the tough people who will last and win!

The Cleanliness Drive…

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My missus was in a good mood that day. After a long time, I heard praise from her about my cleanliness drive. I recall the exact words “You are good with the broom, the house is looking clean”. I was ecstatic, it was hard earned praise from the better half, after all.

While putting away the broom after experiencing that high, I was instantly reminded of the many roles “the broom” has played in my life.

It began with the versatile object being used as a weapon of choice for hauling me up, on quite a few occasions when things got absolutely out of control as a kid. My mother was a very patient woman, holding the big house together with the many inhabitants and guests. But there were times when her patience gave way due to my stubbornness and then I got the wrong end of the stick. Literally…

As I grew up, the broom also became an object to hide away the mess made while playing or working up tricks. I was once caught on the terrace burning a stash of newspapers by myself and received a good beating. Having smarted from the incident, the next few times I did that, the broom became a good friend sweeping the secrets away!

It had its positives also. The practice made me good at sweeping the house. Later on, when the need arose, I used to wield it to the desired effect and earn praise from the elders for being such a good boy. And that carried on during the Army stint as well, when keeping the cabin spick and span was more than a matter of routine – the consequences were stark and often meant lost sleep.

And so it has been ever since. The practices instilled in the Army haven’t left me and cleanliness is one of the most important things – personal as well as surroundings. I see something dirty and have an instant urge to sort the mess. Needless to say, the broom is the companion in most of those excursions.

The broom has been used to good effect in popular culture as well. Whether it is in depicting the quintessential dutiful wife, or the helpless maid, or the furious aunty, the moving pictures have shown it all. Of course, with consistency. For example, in Yash Chopra / Karan Johar movies, the broom wielding character was always in a larger than life, palatial house that never needed cleaning.

Television shows have used it as a prop and stand-up comedians have often centered their jokes around it. Books and columns have often written about it in eloquent fashion. One of my apartment friends wrote a great piece sometime back, describing his ascent in the art of using the broom as a cricket bat. And another one talked about the side effects of ‘vim and broom’ on the males of the house ever since the lockdown hit us!

The broom has been used extensively in politics also. A new breed of social activists turned reformists turned politicians used it as their symbol to indicate sweeping changes and arose hopes for millions of people. It is another thing that the sweep also blew some of them away. Others learnt from it and used cleanliness to a telling effect in reminding people of the need to get the country back to order.

And so, the broom continues to live in conscious and subconscious memory of all of us, often times coming in as an aid and sometimes as an adversary. This small object, found in almost all Indian homes, is a beacon of hope – that all will be well and we can afford a mess as long as we have it tucked in a corner of the house. And a reminder to lead a clean life…

Dreams and Catalysts

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“The Magic Of Risking Everything For A Dream That Nobody Sees But You.” As I saw the movie Million Dollar Baby, this line really jumped out. And the more I thought about it, the more it took me to places in my past.

It was 1997. I had just finished 10th boards and was chilling out in the summer holidays, traveling to 2-3 places to spend time with my cousins, before returning back home to start higher secondary school. I recall, all my friends had started preparations for IIT/NIT exams or medicals. Those were the coveted professions those days, you had to be an engineer or a doctor if you were good in studies.

As I came back after my 2-month long tour and caught up with my friends, the talk of the town was the difficulty levels of their preparation classes and what awaited them at the best colleges. I was nonchalant about it, as I had decided to pursue neither of these streams.

Since childhood, my only dream had been to be in the Armed Forces. I had nurtured that dream quietly till then, not revealing it to many people. But as everyone kept asking me about my plans, I talked about preparing for the National Defence Academy exams and how I had started going for morning runs to build on my fitness levels.

I could see the level of surprise in the other person’s eyes – whether it was family, friends, or family friends. Most of them advised that I should also prepare for engineering so that I have some other options in hand. But I was adamant about not looking at other options. Thankfully, my parents respected my choice and supported me and I didn’t have to worry about anything else.

I couldn’t appear for the NDA exams while in 12th standard, as my age wasn’t within the cut-off range. Hence, I had to wait for the next attempt. After the 12th boards, my father advised me to take admission in a degree college, so that I don’t waste an academic year. He told me, you continue your preparations but don’t sit at home. Trusting his judgement, as I had all my life, I enrolled in one.

I wasn’t selected in my first attempt through the famed Services Selection Board process. I couldn’t figure out the exact reason but decided to double up my efforts and try harder again. That degree course was anyways never my main focus. Although I attended some classes, I re-focused and plunged in fully into preparing myself better for the next attempt.

When I went in for my next attempt at the Services Selection Board, my college exams were nearing. However, with my focus squarely on clearing my attempt, and with my parent’s blessings, I took off for the interview.

With all those blessings and the hard work I had put in earlier, I cleared the SSB and was then put on to the medical tests. By the time I returned home after 10 days at the SSB centre, with a temporary rejection for colour blindness, my college exams were on my head.

Not having any interest in giving those exams, as I was more focused on clearing the re-medicals, I talked to my father. He listened to me patiently and told me to go for my dreams. Never once did he feed any doubt in my mind. I don’t know whether he had foreseen anything or how he was allowing me to take that minor risk. But it gave me a lot of strength to know that he stood behind me.

After a month’s time, I cleared the re-medicals and was recommended for the Army. Although I couldn’t join the Air Force, which was my first choice, knowing that I had a slight disability, I chose to embrace it and move ahead to fulfil my dream of serving the nation in the uniform.

The dream was mine but it required a catalyst. My father, who always gave me hope and positive energy, was the true catalyst in the little magic that happened beyond the risk taking. And continues doing so!

So yes, dream on! Risk a little to achieve those dreams. And look for / identify a catalyst to push in the right direction to make it happen…

Reliving the Experience

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There are things we have experienced and moments we have lived that propel us to a higher plane. And those are what we want to relive again!

This weekend, I watched a TV series for the second time. After I had sat through the 5-6 hours and relived the story, my mind raced on to what compelled me to watch it again.

Art – be it any form – books, films, music, paintings or pictures – always has a shelf life. There are very few pieces of art that are able to transcend that time boundary and still retain their appeal. And as we navigate through life and come across them, some of them remain with us forever.

If I recall my own personal favourites, I would be able to count them pretty easily – specially books and films. Music of course is a different beast, as the volume of production is so high and there are almost hundreds of songs that are on my favourite list. Reliving those stories and melodies always brings a smile to my face.

Life is also similar. There are multiple moments we live through, but very few episodes of that life are what stay with us and if we had special powers, would want to relive. And we reminisce about them with friends and family, retelling the old tales, cherishing those times.

So has been the case with me at least. Those unforgettable moments are forever buried in my memory and keep playing in my head again and again. Ones I talk about.

But as I reflected on what is the compulsion or draw for me as an individual to engage with that art form again or to go back in time to relive those moments again, I realised it is because that art form or those moments generated feelings of love, hope, togetherness, happiness, etc.

All positive feelings…

Feelings which made me happy and helped me move forward in life. Feelings which created special bonds in those moments. Feelings which filled me with hope and determination.

It is these feelings which give me my life support. Which I turn back to when I am trying to figure things out. Which I think about and generate hope from.

As this realisation dawned on me, I went back in time and started reliving some of those moments again and smiling! And re-fuelled myself for the week ahead…

Free Wheeling Life.

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

With work from home the current norm, my daily interactions with my 5-year old daughter have been taking me through the learning curve again. And as I have been observing her and other children, whom she plays with, for the past 5 months, my appreciation for how our childhood shapes us has gone up multifold.

It wasn’t that I was unaware or dismissive of this thought. I always have been cognizant of my upbringing and what it taught me. However, I always thought about it from a parent’s perspective and how it’s them who play an important role in the child’s growth.

No doubt, that’s true. Parents, teachers, and other elders definitely have an important part in the child’s play. But what I have been amazed at is how children themselves play a role in their growth and development.

Watching my daughter in action from close quarters continuously, has been a revelation. The way she processes all the new information thrown at her, the way she connects the dots, and the way she takes it upon herself to learn and grow – it’s she who is in the driving seat. We are just the co-pilot, providing navigational support.

For instance, these days when she wants to do something and knows that we may ask her not to, she will come and ask me or my wife exactly when we are busy with our work day and knows we have to agree to her demand. That’s like “I’m giving you an offer you can’t refuse”, aka Godfather style. Quite a useful trait to analyse the situation and get your way through.

Or when she negotiates with us, almost bargaining for certain allowances. She uses all the tricks Chanakya talked about – Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed; without even knowing what it is. Battle hardened to take on the world through whatever hustle is needed.

Or the way she shows love and concern every time there is a loud sound from the kitchen or any other place in the house, asking if we are all well. Empathy and care, which most of us pay only lip service to.

All of these moments are great fun – to watch her in action, taking control of her own life and what she wants or considers important. And are a great learning – all of it done with ease, without a care about what others will think about or worry about what will the future behold.

She does get upset at times if things don’t go her way, but then that’s human nature. Otherwise, it’s a free wheeling life. Where she only lives in the present. Doesn’t get bothered about the future. Or tensed about the present. And most importantly, moves on almost instantaneously. And I am sure this is true with all children.

Perhaps that’s why Children are often seen as God, transcending the mortal thought process we grown-ups come to possess and be inhibited by.

Hopefully, we get the powers to be a child again…

The Artist’s Perspective

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Last week’s post triggered an inspired exchange with an old friend about an artist’s thought process.

My friend contended that while discipline and creativity may go hand in hand, an artist at most times is not bound by discipline and draws inspiration at odd times or from things which may not be in the normal scheme of things. And therefore she may not be disciplined but may still be a great artist.

While I tended to agree with him broadly, the more I thought about it, I realised this point has multiple aspects to consider.

Firstly, there is the contention of what level the artist is at. Secondly, the question of whether the pursuit is short lived or life long and lastly, whether it is commercial or leisurely.

While not all writers are artists, good writing is often equated with art. So as a novice artist (hopefully!), if not for my discipline or urge to practice continuously and improve myself in my art, I wouldn’t be writing this. And while not everyone may like all my writings, the mere act of sitting down and penning my thoughts from time to time pushes me to reimagine myself and to hone my skills.

For someone at a different level or skill though, with innate creativity and imagination, such discipline may not be necessary. That person could manage with minimal practice and turn up on the designated day and produce good art. But in most cases, such artists indulge in their art form as a leisure activity and do it for the fun of it.

Of course, someone who indulges in art as a leisure activity wouldn’t want to enforce discipline into the activity as it would ruin the leisurely approach. But discipline here is not just about the approach but also the mindset/skill – which would require some method to the madness to ensure creativity flows in those leisure hours.

On the other hand, for most who pursue their art for long and benefit in some form or other commercially from it, it in someway becomes their profession. Like in any profession, there is a need for such an artist to follow a disciplined approach that helps her churn out likeable and saleable art.

And while there may be an argument over whether the art produced by such a commercially inclined artist is good or not, unless the artist is disciplined and continues to produce art, she will be relegated to the sidelines as has happened to many. In fact that’s the difference between those who are able to tide over their low phases / artist’s block, and continue the journey versus those who give up midway.

As I thought through all these aspects, I realised that we think about artists as geniuses. People who are able to produce new stuff, when most of us only consume. And hence, we see them in a different light as someone who has a gift – which they can encash whenever they want without much effort.

On the contrary, what I have understood through my own experiment with writing over the last few months, is that it takes a disciplined approach to create. And the gift that others perceive the artist to have, is a by-product of a lot of hard work behind the scenes. It’s just fashionable and perhaps self-indulging to call it as a stroke of brilliance without attributing the toil behind it…

The Next Time…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It was a result I didn’t expect. After months of hard work, long nights, and countless hours of prep tests, this was surely not what I expected of myself.

This was the day when the Common Admission Test or CAT, as it is known in the Indian parlance, came out. I hadn’t scored in the 99th percentile I was wanting to. And in one of the most competitive exams in the country, that 2 percentile gap meant a sea of difference and practically killed my attempt to get into the best MBA colleges of the country.

I was dejected. I certainly didn’t deserve such a low score! I blamed my circumstances, my luck, and everything else. However, thankfully after a couple of days in that mode, I composed myself and carried on with my life, taking the failure in my stride.

The next few years in my life went by with lots of interesting things. I met my wife and fell in love with her. Gathered a lot of experience working in the corporate world. Made some very good friends and learnt tons of new stuff.

I did do my MBA from a good college afterwards. And have had some very interesting experiences post that, enjoyed my life and have done well in general.

This weekend, as we were spending time with our cousins and celebrating my daughter’s birthday, one of our discussions veered around the pulls and pushes that youngsters, specially those who are in the defining years of their life – 12th standard, final year of college, etc. are facing or going to go through due to the Covid-19 disruption to regular studies.

The main focal point of our discussion was – with the competitiveness only increasing every year, there are going to be countless students who wouldn’t be able to perform at the same levels as they expect to. And how they reconcile themselves to the unexpected results and carry on with life is going to be critical to their future.

Our discussion went on to other general things. But as I reflected on this track, I realised that it is going to be true for quite a good number of students – those who can’t concentrate because classes didn’t happen, or they weren’t taught well online, or worse still, couldn’t get access to the right education.

And I recollected from my experiences that life is not just about that one exam. One might fail or not perform once. But what determines character and a winner is someone who doesn’t get bogged down by the circumstances or the limitations and continues to plough along. Perhaps on the same track, perhaps on another.

Life gives all of us multiple chances. It is important that we don’t feel left out ever and continue our journey, the destination is waiting for us. If not this time, then the next time. Or the next time. Or the next time…