Wow Moments!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We celebrated our 10th anniversary this week. And to celebrate it, wifey and I took off on a long drive. Perhaps to symbolise how far we have come…

As we got out of the city and headed down the highway, with no particular aim but to roam around and return back by the night, it was a wow feeling. In the decade that we have been married, as life has progressed through the paces, such wandering without an aim has been reduced to these seldom moments and so this one was after a really long time.

There were times earlier when we would just go around, with nothing particular in mind, just to spend time together. Especially before marriage, when we would meet on a weekend and try and catch up and spend as much time together. Even after marriage, at times, we would just go out and enjoy ourselves without the encumbrance of time.

But as life passed on, and we got more and more busy at work and at home, the aimless excursions gave way to specific outings. Going to the mall for shopping or movies. Or for a meal. Or to a park on a Sunday. Going out of town on vacations ofcourse had those moments but then again with a destination in mind. Long drives however had almost been relegated to the annals of history until this week.

As we took off and got out in the open, without a destination in mind or a time limit to reach there, or any specific task or work on our minds, it rekindled in my mind the wanderlust of yore. And as we drove on and kept going at our own pace, absorbing the surroundings and talking about random things, it was amazing! Without the trials and tribulations of everyday life, just going on without a purpose, was fun.

Living with each other, through thick and thin, deepening our understanding of and commitment to each other, the last 10 years have been great. But those moments together, when we don’t have a worry in the world and spend time together, are pure bliss. Those are when I experience the wow!

So, as I parked the car at home after the long drive, I resolved to do so more often. Hopefully, more such wow moments in the next decade…

Bored.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My 5-year old has learnt a new phrase. Whenever she feels that she needs to do something exciting and is not getting enough attention, she says “I’m bored”!

As the situation has progressed and months have passed, the utterance of this phrase has only increased. At first, we thought it was something new she had learnt from her friends and was just showing off. However, we soon realised that it was frustration at not being able to do a lot of things that she could do earlier.

The more I have talked to other parents, friends, colleagues and people, I have realised this is one side of the pandemic situation that we all are facing in common. Most kids, across age groups are ending up with this feeling of being bored.

With the schools closed and online classes becoming the new way of teaching, they are not getting that time they used to spend with their buddies at school. Naturally, they are missing the fun and frolic that the school environment allowed them to have daily.

To top it up, while they see their parents the whole day and theoritically have time to spend with them, with the parents being caught up in office work and household chores through the day, that window is very small.

And while, they play with friends who live in the same community or area, it clearly isn’t satisfying their need to be constantly doing something exciting and fun. And that’s probably the reason for the increased occurrence of the “I’m bored” syndrome.

As I was talking to a friend over this weekend and we were lamenting about this common issue, I realised that this is a problem that may have some long time repurcussions.

Specially for young kids who are in their formative years, the years which form the basis for their learning. About how to build bonds and friendships. About social behavior. About dealing with different situations on their own…

But try as we might, this situation isn’t changing quickly. And therefore, as parents, it is upon us to expose our kids to whatever we can, in the spaces we are confined to.

So that, when things re-open, they don’t find it awkward to get back to the normal life, like we used to have! Hopefully, sooner rather than later…

Suitability

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We Indians have many pre-conceived notions and beliefs. Some due to our traditions and some due to age old practices that are still prevalent today.

One of the biggest notions that I have encountered is that of getting girls married as early as possible. Even now, when girls are breaking all barriers and leading in most fields they chose to operate in, there is still this unsaid undercurrent that runs in most Indian families.

It is as if the prime responsibility of being a girl is to ensure that you get married. Hence, parents start searching for a suitable match as soon as they can and don’t sit still unless they find one. Or in a lot of cases now, until they accept the choice that their daughter has made for herself.

And while there are a few cases of girls choosing to marry when they believe is the right time for them, or placing career over marital decisions; in most cases, the tradition continues…

Therefore, those parents, who choose to let their daughters be and instead of pressurising her to get married, wait for the right time, unperturbed by the traditions and pressures of the society, deserve a special thank you.

For letting their daughter not be bogged down by an unworthy choice or a compromise. For letting her chart her own path in life. And for believing that even if she doesn’t get married, it doesn’t matter and is not the end of the world for her, for she has far greater powers in her to live a worthy life.

Because more than anything else, suitability is determined not by what the family wants but what the daughter wants. Unless she finds someone suitable and worthy enough to spend her life with, the family ought to support her choices and stand behind her. And even if she doesn’t find someone suitable, it’s fine.

I have seen a few cases in my family and have immense respect for them. And every time I meet someone like that, like I did this weekend, it inspires me with the thought that India is slowly changing and we are according more and more respect to the fairer and stronger gender…

More power to such girls. And ultra power to their parents!

The Festival Binge

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Festivals are a time to celebrate. To cherish. To meet and enjoy. Except that it has dwindled down from what it used to be for most of us…

When I was young, festival times in India meant round-the-year engagements. And with friends from all sects and religions, I used to have a gala time throughout.

It began with we launching into Makar Sankranti, transitioning to Mahashivaratri, plunging into Holi, moving to Navratri, Ramnavami, and Eid in the summer time, and then to Rakshabandhan followed by Janmashtmi and Ganesh pooja during the rains. Winters had their own charm with Navratri, Dusshera, Diwali and then Christmas.

However, the king of all festivities used to be the time around Dusshera and Diwali with the onset of winter season and the Christmas time with its 10-days holidays. With long holidays to go along during school times and exams still a long way away or having just finished, we kids used to enjoy this holiday period immensely.

I still remember those days fondly, when we would roam around with free abandon in the nearby localities, playing throughout the day with minimal home-work. The day used to start early, without someone having to wake us up, unlike the school days. We would meander from one playfield to another, one house to another, eating and having fun at every place, until the evening when we returned to our homes, exhausted.

As time wound down and we grew up, that group of friends started going their own ways. Once we graduated from school to college, the fun and frolic remained minus the madness. However, slowly in the transition from college to a professional life, that fun and frolic with friends also started getting limited. With new responsibilities, most of the festivals now are celebrated at home with limited get-togethers. Or given a pass altogether owing to new realities.

As I met a school friend today and we reminisced about the good old days, I realised that while there are limitations for us now and will possibly be as we grow older, there are always ways to make the festivities more interesting and fun with others.

And while we may never get to be a child again, it is important that we allow our children to enjoy the holidays and experience the same joyousness that we remember so fondly now!

Corrections!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The other day, while her class was going on, I saw my daughter sitting with a sad face. Knowing that it was the arts class and the teacher was making the students draw something, I was surprised that she wasn’t enthusiastic about her favourite activity.

As I enquired with her, reluctantly at first, she mentioned that she wasn’t happy with what she had drawn. The teacher had asked them to draw a particular scenery and she had bungled up one part of it.

I sat her down and explained to her that it was fine and she could correct it. She had not really made a big mistake and she could just erase the wrong part and do it again. It took her sometime to process that thought and although initially she mentioned that she would want to draw the entire scenery again, she finally came around to correcting the mistake.

Being a stickler for perfection in whatever she does, I was surprised. I have seen her being extremely careful about how she draws the lines, the colours she chooses, the way she uses the scissors, and so on. If anything goes wrong, she tends to restart from the beginning. Or just drops that activity.

But this time, she chose not to. She instead decided to correct her mistake and move on with the same activity sheet. I happily realised that she had gained some bit of maturity over her earlier stiff stance. And as I reflected on it later, I realised that she had learnt an important trait.

Of accepting one’s mistake and making sure to correct it and continue, rather than starting again or leaving it altogether.

While she is a child and learning the ropes of life, it’s a simple but important lesson we as adults sometimes forget. Paving the way for confusion, anxiety, stress. We overburden ourselves and try and prove to others, rather than accepting the mistake, correcting it, and moving forward. Which is a rather costly affair at times.

But then, we have our egos to feed. And our minds to prove. Even if it is at the cost of others.

As I got over this thought, I made a note to myself to next time check for my behaviour. So that, I don’t make the mistake of covering up the mistakes that led to issues. And that I accept those mistakes, resolve those issues, and try as much as possible to carry on, for as long as possible…

The Core.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was in the second term at the IMA. For all us Gentlemen Cadets (that’s what we were called), the most important thing was to focus on passing the myriad tests. I had failed one of them that day. And it was worrisome…

It was the famed toe-touches I had failed at. You hang on a bar, like you would to do pull-ups. Only, instead of pulling the body up, you bring your legs closely up to your chest and bend your head backwards to let the toes touch the bar. Without swinging to and fro. And with control.

And I sucked at it. I knew it beforehand that I would fail. While, I had passed the other tests, knowing that I couldn’t even do one toe-touch after spending almost 8 months in the Academy was worrisome. Also, because unless one clears the tests, you cannot pass out.

When we look at the forces, we always associate them with strength, courage, and discipline. However, when you are in the training, going through the daily rigamarole, you wonder what more can you do. How can you surpass yourself. And go beyond your own limits. Limits that you attained inch by inch. And that’s where the mind comes to play.

As I went back to my room that day and sat down to reflect on my performance (or rather the lack of it), I realised I had not focused on my core. Literally. I had gained on my running technique and speed and become better at free-hand exercises. But I hadn’t worked too much on my core, it wasn’t strong enough for me to do toe-touches. And unless it was, I couldn’t rest.

So, back to the drawing board, I enlisted help of a couple of friends. The next test was about a month or so away and I had to focus every single day. Thus began my most gruelling physical training period in the Academy, when on a daily basis I focused on what I did to strengthen my core and measured myself rigorously, while eating extremely consciously.

Cutting the long story short, I worked upon myself and pushed things to the limit, to finally master the technique and have the strength in my core to clear the test the next time round. But this taught me two important things – to focus on the core and to do whatever it takes.

The core – it’s critical to master it and focus on maintaining it. Whether in physical standards, or in business matters.

Some of the successful businesses built in recent years have understood their core very well and trained for it to become strong. For example, how a bunch of 50+ aged founders have succeeded in building a successful e-commerce business (BigBasket – https://the-ken.com/story/interview-hari-menon-bigbasket/). I am sure there are similar stories behind other successful companies also. And same is the case with any team for that matter – if the core is strong, challenges are fun to solve for and invariably get surpassed.

Watching a fellow apartment dweller the other day working out in the gym, as I saw him giving his +100% to some of the core-building exercises, I realised the discipline he had set for himself to reach that level. His core was strong. And while mine isn’t as strong in terms of physical standards, I remember the above instance at IMA and try to ensure that I focus on the core and do whatever it takes to maintain it in order. Physically and at work with my team. Hopefully.

The downward spiral

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As usual, over the weekend I tried to catch up with newsletters and articles to make sense of the world over the past week or so. Over the past few weeks, I had been following the narrative of things going wrong in business, and as I read some of those articles, that gnawing feeling came back – something’s not right with how things are in the business world.

Over the past few months, there has been constant reporting and scrutiny of how big tech companies, which at one point of time were hailed as superlative, are now being called out for wrongdoings. It’s been the same with startups too. And with companies in other established industries.

Well, one of the reasons for this level of outrage could be the disconcerting factor of how the current situation has resulted in small companies and businesses folding up, traditional setups destroyed, while tech-led businesses and large corporations have flourished.

Another could be the fact that after years of hoping that the online economy would open up channels of equality and grounds of fair play, we have realised that it is after all still the same old place, with people having better access to resources winning over those with less. And hence the backlash.

Or it could be just the fact that people have finally woken up and realised that all is not right with the world that we live in and they need to call out and correct the wrongdoings.

Whatever it may be, what I have realised is that without a doubt, there has been a constant churning for the worse. Companies that began with a heart of pure gold (or so they claimed), have compromised on their values. Leaders who espoused equality and fairness, have squandered the opportunity to abide by what they said initially. And startups which came into being to solve a problem and be different than the others, have disintegrated into being a newer version of those ‘others’.

In my mind, it all boils down to one aspect – it’s the human(s) leading the charge who have led this downwards spiral. The founders, the leaders, the executives, people who were tasked with leading the new wave and rising above others, haven’t been able to fulfil the potential that was expected or promised.

Having built a business myself, I know it’s not easy to be in those shoes. When one is in the saddle, every small bump has to be negotiated. Hurdles at almost every step have to be crossed. More so, if you are a startup or a company out to prove yourself in a new market. And there’s constant pressure. From your known ones, people who have invested in you or the company, from the customers et al.

And while your intention is to navigate all of these in the most ideal way possible, there are times when you fall down. When you have to take a detour to avoid a wide ditch. In times like those, you have to decide. Decide to do the right thing for everyone, without knowing what’s the correct answer. Taking a leap of faith sometimes.

As long as your heart is in the correct place, things would turn out to be fine. It’s when you allow those moments to move you into a different zone, one which you aren’t comfortable with, that things go wrong.

When investors advise you to adopt a different strategy contrary to what you wanted to do, for the sake of the market. Or competitors demand you to be more aggressive, forcing you to adopt practices not consistent with your values. That’s when the fault-lines appear and if not taken control over, lead to a crack, large enough to cause a chasm.

The trouble is, in a lot of the successful cases recently, these chasms have led to superior growth, opened up new vistas for the business, and led to the belief that the decision taken in those trying times was right. And as nothing succeeds like success, the new thought becomes the de-facto.

And then the downward spiral begins. Feeling reassured by the success and by the belief that things are fine, the chasm grows. Practices and policies get diluted. Things begin to change for the worse. Chasing numbers or growth or glory, decisions are taken that move away the company significantly from where it wanted to be, at the start. And that’s why the current backlash.

It’s not that the world is replete with these examples. There have been quite a few cases where the leaders have refused to budge and succeeded despite odds stacked against the right way of doing things. But they are far and few in between.

Perhaps, it is time for us to think about our responsibility individually and as we grow up in life and work, to resolve to do the right thing whenever we are leading the charge. Even if it means that we will take time to succeed. Or that we have to call out and correct the wrong-doing.

Because, the downward spiral isn’t something worth living for in the long run!

That Sweaty Feeling…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This Friday, I overslept and missed my morning workout. The day ended without any exercise as I ended up working till late.

It isn’t that I am an everyday workout person and can’t live without sweating it out. Although I do try and keep fit, it is usual for me to workout for only 4-5 days a week. The other 2-3 days, I catch up with some rest. Or on weekends, end up watching a late night movie or reading something, which keeps me in bed for long the next morning.

In fact, all my adult life, I have tried to imbibe some kind of fitness into my routine. But it has always been for a few days a week, never on all the 7 days. Only during the Army days, was there a disciplined approach/push to do some physical exercise every day. However, that was a special setting and a specific purpose.

But over the last few months I started noticing that on the days I worked out, I ended up being more active and felt better generally. Perhaps the side effects of age! Or maybe I can attribute it to the ill-effects of the pandemic induced work from home!!

So, last month I promised myself to engage in some or the other physical activity every day. Except for Sundays (got to keep one cheat day at least). And to measure it, I engaged the services of my smartwatch – constantly checking whether I have closed my rings or not and ensuring I do so every day.

And while keeping up the commitment hasn’t been easy, it has been a fun ride with brisk walks, strength training, treadmill runs, and so on. The time spent in the activity spares me from the daily humdrum of life, allowing me to focus on random trains of thought. And the sweat worked up during that time is refreshing, allows me to feel a rush within, which is always welcome given the otherwise sedentary lifestyle.

More importantly, it has given me a reason to get back to a routine everyday in the morning and helped avoid a lacklustre start to the day, which was something that was happening quite too often during the initial lockdown period.

As I lied down to sleep on Friday night, I felt guilty. For not having given myself that 30-45 minutes of time. I missed that sweaty feeling. And while somewhere in my subconscious mind I tried to justify the miss, as I drifted into my sleep, I promised myself to be more disciplined. Hopefully…

Recovering oneself

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Goodnight, sleep tight! That’s what we said to each other at times. Wishing for the other person to sleep soundly and recover fully. The other day, as I was watching my daughter sleep next to me, I was reminded of this phrase.

There she was, sleeping in all her glory, without a worry in the world. Lying next to her, watching her angelic expressions, I was jealous and amazed at how she could just leave everything behind in her train of thoughts and go to sleep in 5-10 minutes, even when she wasn’t really very tired.

As I was wondering about it, I compared it with my own sleeping patterns off-late. I have never been one who slept immediately after hitting the sack. Always distracted by multiple chains of thoughts going through my mind, weird dreams about never-land, bouts of endless debates in my mind, and so on.

However, whatever sleep I got and maintained was always sufficient for me to be fresh for the next day. Whether less or more. Whether tired or not. It never used to matter.

But I noticed something unusual started happening in the last one year. I started getting erratic sleep, with my mind taking more time to switch off. And then, bang in the middle of the night, again getting activated. Preventing me from sleeping for a couple of hours at times.

At first, I ignored it, guessing that it was probably a passing phase. However, when it became a regular phenomenon and started affecting my waking hours, I resorted to hacking the problem.

Armed with a sleep tracking app on my smartwatch, I thought of understanding the core problem. But even after multiple days, I was nowhere close to cracking it. The erratic patterns continued. I even used sleep inducing music at times, tried shallow breathing lying on my bed, etc. But to no avail.

And then, it dawned upon me. I was having trouble sleeping, as I was not able to switch off mentally. With multitude of things needing my attention during the working day, there was a propensity to leave some things/discussions hanging in between, to be completed later. There were always a few things that were unresolved at the end of the day. And that was creating a dissonance within myself, leading to the heightened mind activity during the night.

Having understood the root cause finally, I consciously started trying to plan my day better and ensuring that I close on all the conversations/discussions the same day, or bring them to a logical point, from where to start off the next day. This simple hack made my mind accept the interim state of affairs and made it less anxious, resulting in some respite for me in the night. And slowly, the sleep pattern has improved.

It has been about 2 months that I have made those changes and it has helped me immensely professionally also. I seem to have more time on my hands to finish off things on the new day, without the burden of past discussions. My daily planning has led to a more structured and focused work pattern and better outcomes. And it has taught me one important aspect – closure, in whatever way, helps.

As we navigate the complex world of work, along with the various other aspects of life, I think it is imperative upon us to structure it better and give ourselves enough time to close matters on any given day. After all, winding down and recovering after a hard day’s work is the best remedy for being at your best the next day…

Success!?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

A conversation with a friend over the weekend, on what’s happening around with people, led to an interesting perspective when we ventured into the topic of how are people reacting to the situation…

We were discussing about how the pandemic has hit people and business. We talked about friends from the business side, who have been hit hard by the slowdown. And about people who have lost their jobs or are in companies which are asking employees to leave.

And as we discussed this gloomy scenario, as well as when I was brooding afterwards, there were a few examples of how some have weathered the storm well or adapted well to it. A professional who had always been very conscious of his expenses and continues to exercise that caution and manage work well; a business-man who has identified new opportunities and pivoted his business to suit ground-reality; a senior manager who has made peace with hitting the ceiling in the organization.

This made me think about how we should measure success…

Humans are naturally competitive. We have been blessed with the survival instinct since our ape days and what made us save ourselves back in those times, has also helped us evolve and grow in the modern age. And that keeps us ticking as a race.

However, as we have grown and prospered, so has our hunger to succeed in everything we do. Whether it is studies, sports, work, or life in general, we measure our success relative to others.

A student is fed about how his success in life depends on studies and goaded to try harder. A girl playing sport (if the parents allow it after all) is made to focus on how to succeed at the professional level. Everyone at work is seeking the summit. And all of us want the best house to live in, the best car to drive, and the best vacation.

While there is nothing wrong in seeking the best or aspiring for the same, it creates a lot of pressure on us as individuals. It forces us to forego certain charms of daily life and/or miss the moments that matter after all. And in that race, sometimes we lose ourselves also.

As I thought more about it, the question that was tops was – then how do we cushion ourselves? How do we be a part of the society and try our best but without driving ourselves to the edge? And how do we maintain peace with the way life has laid down the cards for us and go on with it in the best way possible?

One of the plausible ways is to define the ceiling or floor for oneself – the room that we can live in comfortably without feeling lost. Another possible approach is to decide on what’s the parameter for success at every milestone and go about it in a methodical manner, without worrying about what lies next. Maybe dissociate ourselves from what others think or talk about us and focus instead on what success means to us.

There is no single right answer here. All of us have our own thought process and background to contend with, which makes us approach this question in our own way. However, if ever there was a question that we need to answer for ourselves, to make our life less complicated and more enjoyable, it is perhaps this. By defining our metrics, aligned with our life’s purpose, we can do a world of good to ourselves and to the ones who we love.

Will perhaps save many a heart attacks. Will also perhaps make the world a better place to live in!