What the shame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I committed a blunder. The moment I discovered it yesterday, I was dumbstruck. How could one act this dumb when concerned with something of utmost importance…

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that what I had done was going to be recorded in the annals of history in times to come. And I was filled with shame. For having let down myself and my colleagues.

This wasn’t the first time I had done something majorly wrong in my life. There have been other brilliant mistakes and failures along the line.

Some of those happened in my growing up years and were concerned with my studies – for instance, not being prepared well for exams when I was in 6th grade and ending up having to relocate myself to be with my parents (I used to stay with my loving and adorable grandmother till then).

Or at times concerned people – not recognising who is right and ending up on the wrong side. In the process hurting some of my good friends.

Some have been concerned with work also – goofing up on important tasks and coming undone when not expected.

So, this wasn’t the first or the last time I had fallen down at work.

However, each time I committed mistakes and reflected, I have learnt from them and become better. At least strived to. And that has helped me as a person and as a professional.

So, as I was wallowing in self pity, a tiny voice inside my head called out “apologise and move on”. And while the heart wanted to cry, the mind egged me on to get out of the gloom.

I assessed the damage and understood what to do from here. Then, called up my seniors and talked to them about it and apologised. Called up my fellow colleagues and owned it up while talking about how to minimise the damage. And let it out.

And it worked marvellously. While earlier I was filled with self-doubt, now I had realised how to navigate these waters. And while some damage had been done, I was now determined not to let the mistake shake me down or divert from the objective.

After all, I am human. And shit happens. While feeling ashamed of it is alright, not confessing or apologising leads to agony.

In my view, there’s nothing shameful about apologising if I have done some wrong and admitting it. Helps me heal faster…

After all, ‘what the shame’, when failure begets success!

The Endgame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have a fascination for results. And a bias for the near term, the immediate future…

While in college, I got my hands on ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand – a book which deeply influenced me. In quick succession, I read almost her entire body of work. The one which I was most impressed with was ‘Atlas Shrugged’.

It’s a story about the systemic erosion and decimation of personal values and capitalistic nature of the American nation and how a bunch of key business people, after having enough of the new incapable administration, decide to shrug from their responsibilities and bring the new order down, thereby re-creating the virtuous society. Those individuals in the novel were supremely confident of their capabilities and extremely good performers.

After having read the saga 3 times, I have always viewed the directions societies take and individuals adopt in Atlas’ terms. As I align with the philosophy at an overall level, it has given me a compass to view and make sense of people. And strive to be the best version of myself.

While it is romantic to think of and believe in perfection and excellence, over the years I have realised that there is a very thin line when it comes to performance and whether one is on top of the game or just playing a part. And while we might like to be always on top, it’s just not humanly possible.

It’s better to approach things like a marathon than a 100-meter dash – play along and keep your focus all throughout – end objective will be achieved. So while we may have done well in the near-term, how do we remain consistent in the long-term? Or if we haven’t done so well, how do we improve and grow from where we are…

This is true in all aspects of our lives. Instead of creating constant pressure on ourselves to excel everywhere, I guess it’s fine if there are times when we cannot excel. If we fail. If we couldn’t be perfect that one time.

What is important though, is to strive to do our best always. To ensure that we don’t let ourselves down. To not get defeated. To rise up and run again. To strive for perfection and excellence.

And to remember that the endgame is to reach the goals we set for ourselves with a sane head on our shoulders and life in our lungs!

It’s Really About Us Now!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Kids are really getting intelligent and aware these days! A conversation between my younger one and her cousin sister of the same age today morning really got me thinking.

To begin with, the conversation went into all directions of missing each other and not being able to meet due to the coronavirus situation. And convincing each other how it is best for them to stay indoors.

Surprisingly, both of them came out trumps – while one mentioned that we shouldn’t venture out, the other offered masks. When one blurted that policemen will catch us, the other corrected that policemen are good people and will only explain nicely to us. While one talked about online school starting, the other one talked about social distancing!

As I listened to both of them, I was fascinated to know the sheer understanding that the two small kids had of the surrounding and what ought to be done.

Contrast this with the irreverence and casual nature of some of us grown ups in handling the situation. We have been eager to break the lockdown and not follow the norms for small reasons. There have been blatant violations of the lockdown code by all and sundry, well televised and circulated.

And then we are dismayed at the unfolding situation across the country. How our infection numbers are not coming down and how the lockdowns haven’t been successful. How the economy is in tatters and how the opening up is going to further increase the number of cases. There have been arguments galore – on television, in newspapers, and in WhatsApp groups – about what strategy is better.

But all of this begets one question – who is responsible to improve the situation? Is it we or the government or someone else?

Well, I for one believe it is incumbent upon us to take all precautions and ensure no harm comes to us or leads from us. Only then can we prevent ourselves, our near and dear ones, and others. And if we don’t do that, we don’t have the right to question.

Because a General is only as good as his men. A team is only good as it’s weakest link. And a nation is only as good as it’s citizens.

So, time for all of us to put on our ‘A’ game and make ourselves and the nation proud…

What if we knew the Future???

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Would we want to change anything? Or let life run it’s course rather than reigning it in?

As I sat today watching a movie with this as a central theme, life’s harshness dawned on me. And made me put the week gone by in perspective.

It was a sad week. I got news of one of my course mates in the Indian Army passing away. A young chap, just 39 years old losing life in a non-conflict zone is as unfortunate as it can get.

Robert was an affable and smiling chap and always used to take everything sportingly. With almost a zen like calm, which we sometimes used to confuse as indifference. But whatever he did, he always strived to give it his 100%.

He didn’t know his future for sure. None of us did when we joined the IMA. And yet we toiled hard during those days, soaking in all the pressure that was thrown on us, hopeful of a good life. But I can bet that even if Robert could somehow know his future, he wouldn’t have traded his life for something else. It was a good life he led.

As I reflected in these thoughts, I was thinking about how my own life panned out afterwards. The twists and turns it has taken. The highs and lows it has bestowed upon me. And the immense experiences it has provided me.

Perhaps if I knew my future, I may have peeped ahead and tried to avert my exit from the Army. It would have kept me in my dream career. But then, life wouldn’t have happened. And a multitude of things, including I meeting my wife, perhaps wouldn’t have turned out as they have!

Sometimes however, it seems cruel. Like it is the case for Robert. And when it does, we realise that we have been shortchanged. That we had so many aspirations that couldn’t be fulfilled. That we pursued the wrong pursuits. That we spent time on non-important things.

None of us know how long we have. Where we may land up. What we may succeed or fail at. How we may progress. But still, we live in eternal hope. Hope that everything will turn out well. That we will succeed in whatever we are striving for.

Perhaps that’s our guiding light from the future telling us not to worry. Things will be taken care of. That this too shall pass. And shows us the light at the end of that tunnel.

Perhaps that’s what life is…

What’s in a Name?

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My name is Bond, James Bond. This is one of the most recognisable lines in the movie industry. In this era of digital, where virtual identities have overtaken the real ones, it still signifies the attachment we have with our names!

Yesterday, as I was watching the last instalment of the Star Wars saga, one line stuck me. The protagonist is asked by a random inhabitant on a far off planet, what’s your name. And she replies with her first name. The inhabitant asks her family name, to which the protagonist doesn’t have an answer at that point in the movie.

That’s where the scene ended but left in me a trail of thoughts. And as I sat today enjoying my Sunday, I was reminded of the line – such is the impression a mere exchange of dialogues created!

All of us have names. And as our names identify us, it’s natural that we are very cognisant of who, how, and where is using our name. I have seen people getting offended by someone writing or pronouncing their name wrongly. Or being very careful on making their name public.

And yet, while our name is a matter of pride and identity for us, I have often wondered about the futility of the pursuit of making it shine nice and bright…

It’s not that I am devoid of that desire or don’t want to ever have my name shine. It’s just that having experienced different sides of life, it appears to me that most of us are in it for the wrong reasons.

Let me elaborate a bit…

I am of the belief that a person’s work should speak for oneself. That people should know instinctively about who did the work. And that’s only possible if we love the work more than we care for the results. Only if we don’t worry about what will people say. Only if we give it our very best and then be satisfied that we couldn’t have done better.

What I have seen to the contrary is that most people first think about the results, about what will people say, about the benefit they will derive from what they are doing. The work at hand becomes secondary. And while the approach may work, IMHO it’s a gross wastage of our talent.

I mean, if we look at all the genius people around the globe, they did what they did because they absolutely loved doing it. All those who are super successful, have achieved success by following their passion. And what most of us do? We chase name and fame and money without worrying too much about the work. Or treat it as a job!

That’s where I believe we as people need to change our approach to life, specially as it gets rebooted after the lockdown. To make it more meaningful. To pursue our passions. To do what we like to do. And to always give the best of ourselves to every pursuit.

That will make us happy. And satisfied. And successful.

Perhaps, some of us will still need to do our jobs apart from our passions. But if we do them well, that will be sufficient for people to remember our names long after we are gone!

And for those of us who can find our true calling, no better time to pursue that path than in this changed world, with life at a premium…

Personal Satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 3

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

And then there were many!!!

In the last 2 posts, I have talked about my perspective of nation building from the eyes of the Armed Forces and the government setup. We all in some form or another recognise their contribution to keep the wheels of the nation chugging along.

But what has happened over the last couple of months is something I never imagined would have come to the fore.

As the ongoing lockdown has continued unabated for the last 5-6 weeks, we have had stories of multiple frontline health workers going out of their way to keep us all safe putting themselves in peril. We have read about policemen going beyond their call of duty to serve the nation in enforcing the lockdown. And of scores of NGO’s and individuals serving the poor and the needy.

Some of these stories have helped us all appreciate what people in the public life go through. The silent workers behind the veil of obscurity who get recognised as social servants. Who are considered as the average joe because they get paid less than the ones who joined the high flying corporate world.

And yet they continue to serve the nation and go on with their jobs. Because it yields personal satisfaction. And pride.

We however, on the other side of the road don’t recognise it much. As someone who has been on that side of the road, it is painful to see how less we care about our men and women in the Armed Forces or serving in the Govt. Or how much we respect what they do.

It is only when situations are tense or there’s some mishap or a black swan event like this current crisis, is when we take note of the great sacrifice that these people have to make. We talk about it but after a few days we forget.

If there’s one thing that I wish we carry with us after this crisis is past the post, is the immense burden these blessed souls carry on their shoulders and the great work they do to keep us all functioning and alive. Hope we all remember it deep in our hearts the next time our path crosses theirs.

And more importantly, now that the lockdown is being lifted in phases and we are going to go back to our lives as usual, hope we respect the hard work and sacrifice that has been put in on the ground across the nation and take care of ourselves and our society as per laid down norms and practices during these difficult times. We owe them a successful result after the last 5-6 weeks of hardships and toil…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 2

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I am still a fauji in some senses (you can take the man out of the army but not the army out of the man, someone said to me).

In most people’s minds, the army and the civil services are right at the top of the social hierarchy when it comes to professions directly affecting the nation. So when I came out from the Army, it was but natural for people back home to suggest the civil services as the next career choice.

No one from my father’s or our generation had been into civil services, although there was a lineage earlier during my forefathers. And there was hence some expectation. But I wasn’t convinced about that route and didn’t take it up.

Instead, I chose to gain different experiences. As I progressed through my career and went through my journey in the corporate world and then as an entrepreneur, I learnt a lot and gained some worthwhile experience in diverse fields.

Yet, at the back of my mind there was always this recognition of the great work India has been doing as a nation and how multiple people have been contributing to nation building across the government landscape.

Hence, when I got the choice to work with my current organisation and in the process work with the government sector, it was an opportunity for me to learn about the other side of the national service coin. Advising them on important initiatives and programs would mean contributing in my own little way to the nation again.

Surely enough, this stint has thrown a lot of light on how even despite huge challenges and limited resources, India is progressing well due to the ingenuity of our people. And how our vast and diverse country is being managed.

As an ex-fauji, it is surprising that although the civilian life demands much less, the passion, enthusiasm, and rigour that some of the people serving in the government have is amazing. There’s pride. There’s a strong sense of duty. And there are sacrifices of all kinds.

Talking to some of these officials has revealed how they have been in their own way helping the nation move forward inch by inch. And observing the work done by some of the junior staff gives hope that in spite of the odds, we are on the right track.

And while I am an outsider in the system, I would still go ahead and say that it is important that more and more capable people get in and serve the government through civil services or other entries or get associated with the government to bring the best to the society. Will help us achieve our destiny as a nation – something I am sure all of us would want to!

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 1

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I had a dream. As a small child, I wanted to fly fighter planes. I wanted to serve the country.

As I grew up, the dream took wings and I became obsessed about getting into the armed forces. That was my only goal.

And I worked hard to attain it. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Although I couldn’t fly fighter planes, I did get through the selection process and joined the Indian Army.

The training at the Academy was hard-nosed battle readiness training from all aspects – physical, mental, and emotional. We went through hell and fire and rose from the ashes multiple times and became tough.

The Academy prepared us for diving into the extraordinary life that lay ahead of us as an officer. As a proud member of the strong force that secures the nation and protects it from external and sometimes internal threats.

Something, I still take pride in! Even though I couldn’t serve for long and had to leave due to medical reasons.

As officers, we were implicitly taught to uphold the Indian in each one of us and the fact that our duty came above everything else – to protect, to safeguard, to defend. That was paramount notwithstanding any amount of hardships.

While I came out and got busy with my civilian life (that’s what we Army guys call the other side), that feeling has remained. And the desire to continue serving the nation/society in one form or the other. And every time I do something like that, it is deeply satisfying at a personal level.

Am sure that’s how my coursemates feel too. And all those people who have ever served the country in uniform or are serving it currently. A feeling that can not be described or conveyed.

I hope more of us get into the Armed Forces and learn the ways of those who sacrifice all they have, sometimes laying down their lives in the process. Will perhaps make us better people. And proud citizens too…

Game on…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There we were – me along with my cousins playing a game of Ludo – the popular board game. Past 12 in the night, rolling the virtual dice and passing comments and smileys…

As the lockdown has continued and disrupted quite a few aspects of life, it has encouraged virtual ways of doing the many things that we are regulars at or at least enthusiastic about. Talking to group of friends and relatives on video calls, having virtual parties and get-togethers, to now playing the many available games online with family and friends.

What takes the cake for me though is the virtual gaming scene. One of my friends mentioned it is like an unstoppable habit – once you log in and play with people whom you know, you tend to enjoy more and play more. And why not? In times when most people are stuck at homes, games are a good way of socialising.

In fact, one of the prime pass-times for us as children used to be board and card games. I remember spending hours together on carrom, chess, monopoly, and card games during my summer holidays. Even now when we get together, most cousins enjoy playing a few games together. It is a special kind of bonding, unspeakable in words.

Of course, multiplayer games aren’t a new phenomenon or a complete substitute for playing when being physically present with each other. But with the current situation, I feel they have lent a new dimension to having fun. And some of the simpler ones are actually a bigger draw – for the mere fact that you are playing more to rekindle the feeling of the days gone by and to celebrate being together than the actual game.

As that game of Ludo came to an end with me losing and cursing my luck, what I really wished for was to have one more round to have more fun with my cousins. Although I could play only a couple of games before my phone gave way and work prevented me from participating in more matches today, in that one hour I lived life the way it is supposed to be – happy and blissful. And that’s what counts.

Let the games begin!!!

Creativity, Children and Life

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My wife had kept empty egg shells out in the sun to dry. I wasn’t sure why and so I asked her. The answer I got amused me…

As life has taken a stay at home turn during the on-going health crisis, a lot of us working parents have had complaints about what to do with children’s time.

Children, who would have otherwise been occupied by school; or now with summer holidays on in most parts of India, in summer time classes or summer camps or with their grandparents. Alas, the Coronavirus came just when children have the most fun in their life!

And so naturally, we have had to find ways to keep them engaged through our busy work from home days. I have seen umpteen posts about activities for children – how to spend their time doing creative and productive stuff.

Some of us though have invented our own. Like my wife – she had kept the empty egg shells to dry so that our daughter could paint them. And this is after having her paint all the drawing and sketching books, diyas, and empty sheets of paper.

I have also tried to find ways to keep her busy. Got hold of a few old comic books and read them to her. Played some board games. Listened to music together. But nothing could beat the egg shells.

At first I was skeptical of what will our daughter learn from it – it will just be another painting exercise. But as I saw her engage in the activity and then the results, I was amazed. The creativity she showed and the care she displayed in handling the egg shells have surely left some good impressions on her…

As I was looking at those painted egg shells today in the lazy hour right after lunch, it occurred to me that our life is also like an empty shell. We fill the colours in it and make whatever we do out of it. And that’s what defines our work, our relations, our successes.

But often, we let the shell go to waste by doing unproductive or unimportant things. We don’t focus on doing good work and ensuring completion. We don’t take care of our health on a regular basis. Or worse, we don’t paint the shell at all and leave it colourless or make it a monochrome. We focus on only one thing that’s important to us, neglecting the many beautiful things that life throws at us. Or dissociate with others and live life cocooned in our own comfort.

As my chain of thought got broken by my daughter clamouring for some more paint – she was still painting more egg shells – I resolved to allow her to paint her life as she wants to, without any prejudices or directions. And to get back to painting mine with more and more colours!