The 5k Run.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was panting. The display screen on the treadmill read 4 kms with a time of 24 minutes. A message flashed just then, ‘target set at 5 kms’…

After having stopped my exercise routine during the move back to India, I slowly got back to hitting the gym this past week. It was a welcome relief to not find myself out of shape. I could still walk at a good pace, lift weights, and do pull-ups and push-ups consistently.

Then, as the week was drawing to a close, and I pushed myself on Friday. What if I try and run a 5k, in 30 minutes? Can I do it?

There are many things that hold your fascination over a long period of time. 5k runs in 30 minutes or less are one such fascination for me.

You might ask, where is this coming from? To answer, I will have to take you back back to my academy days.

We were a bunch of boys with high adrenaline levels and much more gumption. The Indian Military Academy was however a no-nonsense place. You either fell in line or you fell in line!

As was the norm, for any deviation or mistake, punishments were doled out by the dozen. The smaller punishment was a 5k run, to be completed in under 30 minutes for it to be counted. The bigger one was a route march for 20k in under 3 hours. Mind you, with all the gear and a dummy rifle…

Some folks always bore the brunt, getting punished at the drop of a hat. They were constantly running those 5k’s and had become a champ at it. And then there were some of us, pretty lucky in those days, to have escaped any punishment. It seemed we had the golden touch.

Time however does catch up. And eventually I did land up with a couple of 5k runs and a couple of route marches.

I had heard from my friends how easy the 5k had become for even the slower runners, so I had confidence going behind me when I took the mark for the first time. However, as I soon realized, it’s one thing to talk and another to do!

Cutting to the chase, it took me all my might and the last ounce of energy to make the cut at just a few seconds shy of the 30 minute mark. The start had been fine but somehow I had trailed off in the mid sector and by the time I was on the last leg, my legs had started giving way. Until a batch-mate goaded me on and helped me finish.

Since then, the 5k became something of a mission for me to keep achieving. Even after I got out of the Army, I have kept going back to this run to time myself and check my fitness levels. Sometimes I have succeeded, sometimes I haven’t. And then I know it’s time to tighten the belt on the fitness routine.

Coming back to this week’s experience, I wasn’t sure if it was too early for me to attempt the 5k. But I wanted to at least try and see how I will fare.

So, there I was, on the treadmill. The target was 5k, the goal was to hit it in 30 minutes or less. I was going fine. Only if my legs would continue to support me and my lungs wouldn’t budge.

But as I neared the 4k mark, my feet started feeling a bit wobbly. I was panting a bit. I had it in my mind that I would stop if there was any danger sign but I didn’t sense any at that time.

I didn’t want to stop at that mark not just because of the target but also because I wanted to push myself a bit more. So, I chose to instead focus on my breath, count down the last 5 minutes, and the remaining distance to complete 5k.

Those were the longest 5 minutes for me in recent times. It took me all my running skills to make that last dash. Thankfully, my feet stopped wobbling and my lungs functioned well. I finished the 5k in exactly 30 minutes.

Mission accomplished! Time to continue the training!! Until the next checkpoint!!!

For those who help us!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We are spoilt. There are too many folks helping us all around. Be it at our homes, offices, or in general across the society.

And yet, we don’t pay enough attention towards them. We don’t care much about who they are or how they are, only about what they do for us. And if it is done well.

This past week, three instances threw me into this side of the brooding pond, with questions like these.

The first one was at the office, where my company celebrated the Independence Day by inviting the support staff at the office to take the limelight and showcase their talent. Quite something, I must confess!

As I served some of them during the ensuing lunch, it allowed me a closer look at who they really were. I believe I have always been respectful to them while at the office, but that afternoon gave me a chance to observe them from close quarters, cheer for them as they performed, and serve them to show my gratitude.

What I saw was normal, regular folks, who had the same demeanour, similar preferences, and probably same aspirations. They are just in the role they are in today because of certain circumstances. But they deserve equally the same level of respect and courtesy as others around us.

The second one was when I was going through the process of hiring a driver for ourselves. I went through trials with a couple of recommendations. Post that, when I had to finally make a choice, it wasn’t an easy decision.

I had to weigh in their performance behind the wheel, their behaviour while being around, and their soft skills. As I thought through the final choice, I realised my decision had a bearing on not just my experience in those 30 minutes but also had a bearing on the person’s life and of those associated with him.

In the end, I decided based on not only the overall driving experience but also the personality and the real person behind them, as much as I could gauge during my interaction.

The third one was the flag hoisting and celebrations within my community. I saw smartly turned out security guards and helping staff, putting together a fine assembly and ceremony.

During my interactions with some of them this week, I got to know a few of them better and realised they were doing all they could to deliver the best on their job. And took pride in how they do it.

It made me realise that the only reason I can be confident about my community’s security, smooth functioning, cleanliness, and so many other things is because of all these people. And they deserve to be respected and supported for what they do for us.

These experiences made me question myself about how I look at those who serve me, help me, support me through my life. Am I being a good fellow human being to them? Or am I considering it my birthright to be served and helped so?

Hopefully, I am doing the right thing. And hopefully, I continue to do the right thing…

Remember the Highs!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was going through a dull moment. Feeling down and out.

My mind was racing down the spiral, into the nadir. And my demeanour had changed into a sobering, deflated one.

It was a low point. And I was thinking of all the things that had gone wrong. All those mistakes which I could have prevented.

As I gazed into the ether, my inner voice was somewhere egging me to get out of the slump. Trying to remind me of the good things that had happened or which were in store in the future.

But my mind had shut off the good side. The bad side was winning at the moment.

Seeing me lost, my wife came and sat besides me. And told me that when I had overcome so many bigger challenges in my life, what I was going through was relatively minor.

She added that she was fully confident that I would not only overcome this low point but come out stronger on the other side.

As I listened to these words, something stirred in me. I went back to those past challenges and compared those situations with the one I was in currently. I also recalled the success I had seen once I overcame those challenges.

And suddenly, just like a light bulb illuminating a dark hallway, my good side took over and started throwing light over the gloom, pushing the bad side away.

It was just a small statement by my wife. But meant so much to me in that moment when I was feeling low.

My confidence returned and my demeanour normalised. Positive thoughts started coming back and the feeling of I am not alone in this made me sit up with a resolve to fight.

Thankfully, I have her by my side, helping me avoid these pitfalls every now and then!

Present, Sir…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Monish was smiling. Sitting at the back bench of the class, he could see his classmates get up one after the other, as their name was called out to mark attendance.

Monish still had time, the roll call had only reached names starting with G. There were seven more students before him to be called out. He sat there bemused, watching his classmates.

His mind went back to the previous year, when he had more classmates after him in the roll call than before. That meant he had to be alert early on, as soon as the teacher started. It also meant he couldn’t take pleasure in noticing his fellow classmates, something he enjoyed doing.

There were instances the previous year when he had been late to the class owing to a break, which put him in an awkward position. While the teachers didn’t mind students rushing to the toilets in between classes, they sure didn’t appreciate having to go back in their register to mark a certain missed student again.

Once, the embarrassment had become too much to handle. That day, Monish had got stuck waiting in the queue, reaching the class just as the last name was being called out. He had got a scolding from the teacher for a full five minutes. Helpless, he had just listened to the rant and then sat down sheepishly.

Now however, he had a full army of classmates before him. So, he could take a longer break if he wanted to. It also allowed him to fool around with his friends for a bit longer.

This however, also meant he remained more distracted in class than the year before. Earlier, he would quickly finish whatever he was doing to get ready for the next class. Now, he started taking his own sweet time, sometimes neglecting the urgency needed. It had become a pattern, unbeknown to him.

In a nonchalant manner, smiling, he drooled over the setting. But not for long. His name got called out, and he had to stand up. His voice was rather casual, as if he was lost somewhere. “Present, sir”, he uttered meekly.

“Monish, keep standing. I have something to ask of you today”. The teacher asked him, seemingly in a foul mood.

Soon after the roll call finished, and he became the center of attraction of the class. Everyone was waiting in anticipation as to what the teacher is going to say or do. Monish was not sure why the teacher had called him out. He too looked intently.

The teacher came round to his desk and asked him matter of fact, “Can you tell me what was the class work I asked everyone about just before I started the roll call”?

Monish wasn’t prepared for this question. He was in the class but hadn’t paid attention to the teacher’s entrance or the first few sentences he spoke. He had been lost in his own world.

Looking sorry, he replied, “I don’t remember, sir”.

“Were you in the class when I came in”, asked the teacher. The reply was an affirmative nod.

“Then how did you not register what I was telling everyone”? The tone was unsettling.

Monish didn’t have any answers. Although it was a minor thing, he looked shaken. He had let himself be lost to the point of not paying enough attention. And the teacher had recognized this.

As if aware that he had made his point, the teacher turned around mentioning “sit down”.

Monish couldn’t fathom how it had happened. In his quest for observing others, he had let himself be absent from what was happening around.

The class ended. The school day did too. A normal one at that. Monish’s mind however had registered something significant.

He needed to be present in the present…

Special Days and Fun.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our daughter turned 9 this week. As if a major milestone, she celebrated her special day thrice.

First while we were still in the US, to ensure she doesn’t miss partying with her friends there. Then back home in India on the actual day as well as over the weekend when we could arrange for another party with her friends in Bangalore!

While she spent time having fun and enjoying her moments, I observed how she was genuinely having fun, without any abandon. I marvelled at her attitude about enjoying life.

And not just her but even the friends she had invited. They all had a gala time.

Almost like a coincidence, while talking to a colleague, we ventured into the topic of how our children provide us with energy and a lot of learning because they are who they are.

Sitting alone, thinking about the week, this stayed with me…

Not for the fact that it brought forth the limitations we succumb to as grown ups, when it comes to enjoying life. Or the thought about how I as a child celebrated with equal abandon.

But the thought of how on most special days, we now end up doing something low key. Like a dinner. Or maybe a shopping or movie outing.

Why don’t we take that time or day to actually celebrate life and live it fully. Even if just for a day. The way we want to live it.

Perhaps it’s too radical for most of us. But maybe worth a try?

Maybe that will unlock the child in us, doing things with abandon, enjoying the smallest of the things, while being happy all through it.

Or maybe it will just help us relieve stress from our daily routines and enable us to recharge.

Either which way, something I want to try the next time there’s a special day coming!

States of Mind.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last couple of months, I have gone through a gamut of emotions.

At times, I have been elated. Maybe it was a new experience, or it was the feeling of having done something good at work or home. Or sometimes, just the invincible feeling of being in a good place!

And then, just the next day or immediately afterwards, I have felt gloomy and uncertain. Either because of something that occurred, or a worry about how things will turn out for us, or just anxiety about random life-related questions.

A few times, I have even felt frustrated and angry. About how things are turning out or not, or because of certain discussions at work or at home.

As I took some time this weekend to reflect on what’s happening around me, it took me a while to register that my state of mind has been quite haywire over these last couple of months.

I have been troubled, relieved, and happy. All within a short span. I cannot put a finger on why somethings happened the way they did, or why I reacted the way I did.

But as I dug deeper, I realised that I had taken a lot of pressure on myself owing to our move back. I was determined to get things done the right way and didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. In the process, the stress showed on me in these unpredictable manners.

Now that the move is done, and we are settling down, it is of course easier for me to relax a bit. But having lived in a heightened state of existence for a while, it’s not been as easy to switch off.

While I take my time to get back to normalcy, I realise that I shouldn’t have taken things so hard on myself. Maybe, the next time something so life altering is happening, I ought to take it easy. Or perhaps, adopt the same rigorous approach but with the allowance of slip ups.

After all, it’s important to not lose my state of mind in trying to get things done the right way always…

Second chances

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our brains are small. Our hearts are smaller…

We are not hesitant in calling out mistakes or pointing misses…

We are very reluctant in accepting that we were the one who made one!

This week, while discussing a professional helper, me and my wife were talking about how he had done a good job the first time but his output had not been up to the mark recently. As we talked about it, I realized it wasn’t a great thing to do.

The person was probably having a bad day. Maybe, he had some other problem due to which he didn’t do as good a job as before. Or maybe he did the first one better by mistake.

Whatever the case, I argued, we shouldn’t be passing judgement on his capabilities this quickly. His output the first time deserves a recall again. We agreed to take his service once more and the conversation ended.

As I was thinking about it later that day, I realized this happens with us almost all the time. Whether it is work or home, we tend to categorize and label other folks far too quickly. Or worse, change our opinion quite soon. Without really giving the person benefit of doubt. Without allowing for any off days.

But when it comes to ourselves, we expect one more chance. Always. Even when we have made mistakes after mistakes. Because, we probably still genuinely want to do better. But the person on the other side doesn’t believe so. And we lose our chances sometimes.

The same is true in our public dalliances too. We are very forgiving of our own mistakes or misdemeanors but when it comes to others, expect them to always show up at the top of their game.

What if we became slightly more tolerant of deviations and really looked past the last report or day’s work, to evaluate how the other person had done so far? A good performer does need to be given some bit of an allowance. A second chance.

I think it will do us a world of good. We will stress less about doing everything right but still will generally do the right thing. We will focus more on ensuring positive outcomes consistently rather than worrying about completing the next iteration successfully.

And that will result in not only a happier but a more relaxed life. For all of us. I believe…

Re-Connecting

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Their relationship was broken, at its lowest point.

There was no communication, no exchange of what they were really feeling about each other. Only a facade of maintaining the status quo.

This had continued for a while, and the strain was now showing up. From being able to talk to each other freely, they had rescinded to their own secluded spaces and the ebb and flow of words had reduced to a trickle.

Even those shared interests and memories seemed distant now. Those moments spent together, with a feeling of love and mutual respect, seemed to have happened a long while ago.

Just then, as fate would have it, they were both left stranded in a place with nothing else to do. Just them, without the comfort of social settings, where they could hide behind other people.

It wasn’t planned at all. Happened by mistake. But as they came to terms with the fact that they would have to be alone in this place for a while, feelings started showing up.

The slinging match began quite innocuously. Over a trivial matter. But soon, it descended into a serve and volley game. Both fired salvos at each other, confronting with how they felt the other person had let them down and lost their trust.

As the evening progressed, the antagonism slowly turned into an understanding of why there was a rift. It wasn’t something either of them intentionally laid out or wanted, but lack of communication had only exacerbated it.

Eventually, as they realized that they were holding a lot against each other and started letting go, tears streamed down their eyes. They both realized that it hadn’t helped them at all. The mistrust should have been resolved earlier.

Both resolved to mend things and get back to how it was before. And yet, as they went to bed, each in his own mind was wondering how would things go from here.

Come morning, they had walked past the awkwardness of being just with each other. And slowly, as the day progressed, normalcy started showing promising signs of return.

It was now only a matter of building that trust again. One step at a time.

Perhaps they could have done this earlier. And then wouldn’t have had to live with this feeling for so much time.

Better late than never, though!

Filling the void…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Raj was sitting on the bench at the hospital. He had just heard the worst news possible.

His mom, aged all of sixty five, was in the last stages of her life, fighting a debilitating disease. She had been diagnosed with brain tumour recently and there was nothing much the doctors could do this late. The tumour had already spread to a large part of her brain.

As he sat, looking at the wall in front of him, and contemplating the future, he heard some commotion.

At the other end of the corridor, an emergency case had just come in. A lady, almost the same age as his mother, had just been rushed in.

She had met with an accident and suffered multiple injuries. A passerby had got her to the hospital and they were going to operate on her.

As he heard news about her condition, he felt a sudden emotion. A lady, his mom’s age, who was absolutely fine, was fighting for her life because of someone else’s mistake. He could relate this to his mom’s condition, who until a month ago had no inkling about her deadly disease.

Over the next few days, as he attended to his mom, he also kept track of the other lady. There was no one who had come forward as her next of kin. It was surprising but quite possible.

He decided in his mind that he would befriend this unnamed and unknown lady, once her condition improves. Not for any other reason but to give her company at this juncture in her life. For she needed it, just as his mom needed his support through this trial.

He told his mom about the entire episode and she was very supportive. After all, she knew that Raj’s heart was in the right place. She was proud of his feelings.

A couple of months passed by. Raj’s mom’s condition was only worsening and the doctors had no hope. They asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of her days at home and she readily agreed. Leaving the unknown lady, still in a coma, behind. But Raj kept checking on her condition frequently.

Then one day, as he came in to his mom’s room, she looked at him for the last time and passed away. Raj knew this was coming but was still overwhelmed. He completed her last rites and bid her adieu.

Once the ceremonies ended, the next day he was again at the hospital. Sitting outside the intensive care unit, where the unknown lady was.

Waiting for her to awaken from her slumber!

Waiting to fill the void that was left in his life…

Back to home

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This is my last weekend in the US.

As I return back to India to start a new chapter in my life, many thoughts are running through my mind.

The past year and a half allowed us to experience different cultures, different cuisines, and be a part of the first world. It was both good and not so good.

First and foremost, it was a pleasant experience. We had never stayed outside India as a family for long, so we had no understanding or expectations about what we may come across. But the US wasn’t unwelcoming, perhaps because we were in the Bay Area.

But more so because we didn’t feel as out of place as someone coming from the India of 90’s or early 00’s may have. We weren’t in awe of the place or the people and that helped us settle down quickly. And comfortably.

We also enjoyed being on the other side, understanding the motives and inclinations of people we have worked with. It’s one thing to be aware of the other side of the world and completely different to actually appreciate why they think or act the way they do. It definitely made us wiser.

Our daughter studied in a truly multi-national setting with classmates from more than half a dozen countries. It was amazing to see her grasp some of the cultural nuances and feel at home with her own identity.

We got to visit many places across the US and experienced the country in a way which we wouldn’t have as a tourist. It was great travelling to such a diverse set of places and enjoying nature.

If we enjoyed being here, then why are we coming back to India? This is what I think is the difference between the outer and inner lives that we lead now. One that’s visible to the world outside and what we grapple with within.

What I wrote about above were all the things that I liked from the outside perspective. Internally though, I was in conflict.

I love India, not just because it’s where I was born or where I have stayed for forty years of my life. Also because I genuinely feel happy about being there. There’s something about the infectious bonhomie and camaraderie that we are known for!

I realised I needed to be around people I knew and am friends with. While I met many good people in the US, and had a couple of friends and cousins here, it couldn’t compare with the feeling of being amongst known faces.

I also figured that if I want to do something more in life, I will be better served being in India. Because I have the freedom there to experiment and do even offbeat things, which I cannot enjoy in the US with the pressures and travails of life (read constant need to work to earn enough).

Maybe it’s not true for everyone but I thought a lot about it before deciding. And the decision, even when I look back now, seems right.

Lastly, I believe it’s better to be decided in mind than live in a dilemma. I could have easily continued with the conflicted feelings and put up with them. But then, I would have constantly evaluated pros and cons. And whiled away my time thinking what’s the right thing to do.

Is it the right decision? I don’t know for sure. But it feels like.

Perhaps, if I had moved here a bit earlier in life or had given it more time, the decision would have been different. But then, it wouldn’t have been me as you know it…