Learning

Change

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a word which evokes a lot of emotions…

Some of us like it. Some of us hate it. Some enjoy being part of it. Some detest being in its shadow.

No matter what we feel though, none of us can ignore it. For its in the very fabric of our lives!

And yet, there’s something enigmatic about it that draws out our emotions like few other words do.

This week, during a conversation with my coach, we got into the depth of what change means to me and how do I deal with it.

While I have never run away from a change, there are a few that I haven’t particularly enjoyed. But one thing that I do hold dear to myself is the learning and experience I gain out of the change. For me and from what it means to those around me.

As I described this to my coach, I went back into time thinking about some of those instances when I didn’t agree with the change easily or didn’t enjoy it.

The first instance was when I left home for the first time to stay in a hostel. The second was when I had to leave the armed forces because of a medical injury. The third was when I had to shut down my business after putting in a lot of hard work.

As I thought through, I realized that each of those instances were tough for me either because I didn’t like what the change offered me in return for my future, or I dreaded it because I was on the losing side from my perspective.

But when I look back at life around those junctures now, those were the experiences that made me tougher and made me dig deeper. And I am highly grateful to those around me, who pushed me forward into that change.

I may have succeeded even though I may not have had those challenging experiences. But I am sure I wouldn’t have been as matured and resilient if not for those changes.

In my case at least, they proved to leave a lasting impression and contributed big time to make me who I am today!

Unstructured structures

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Growing up, there were so many fun things that I (and by extension other kids around me) did.

All, well most of them, were unstructured. We didn’t plan for it or specially took out time for specific things.

Instead, we were allowed to let things flow. If our heart desired to go out and play, we did that. If we wanted to be ensconced within our home and play indoors, we did that.

No one guided us or pushed us to structure ourselves. Our parents didn’t ask us to enrol in classes or pursue specific interests. We were left to our own devices.

As we grew up, some of us naturally picked up hobbies or things we liked doing. And enrolled for lessons. Some pursued those lessons seriously while others did it for fun.

But there wasn’t any pressure on us. From any quarters. We were free to do as we pleased. Well, mostly.

When I look back, this unstructured way of growing up allowed me to be a free bird. And without posing any pressure, allowed me to pursue things that I enjoyed during those growing up years.

As I was discussing with a few friends last week, we went into a discussion on how today we are all pushing our children to pursue things in a more structured manner.

I am sure we do it to expose our children to new things and allow them to experience them. In most cases without any pressure, but in some with expectations or a push to get involved seriously.

But are we restricting our children to gain very specific guided experiences instead of the serendipitous encounters we had in our childhood?

Are we, by design, moving them into a more defined and constrained environment? And thereby, reducing the choices they may have?

This approach may help to lower the choices or improve the experiences that our children may get. But is it really going to help them in the long run?

Well, the jury is out. Hopefully will be able to write about it in a couple of decades, looking back further…

Exposure

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We strive for learning. Well, most of us, I presume. And getting exposed to various things is the best education I believe.

Today, while at my hometown, I was having a chat with my brother and we were discussing about how exposure helps.

Exposure to different people. To different ideas. To things we haven’t experienced before. To a life we haven’t lived before.

I was giving my own example of how my thinking has evolved and how I grew as a person as I got opportunities to learn from new settings and people.

Right from studying in different schools, to going to college in bigger cities. From working in different jobs to running my own business. From living in India to living abroad during my MBA and now.

Each such new experience also provided me with avenues to explore myself. To learn and unlearn. And to open up my mind to things which I hadn’t known or seen before.

Those new experiences enlarged my thought canvas. It helped me broaden my horizon. It made me realise my strengths and weaknesses. And above all, it helped me meet different people and experience different cultures, which make me who I am today.

I may not like something or I may enjoy a particular setting more than some thing else. But there’s no denying the learning part.

As we discussed this, we talked about how the current generation is experiencing many more things today than what we did when we were young.

That exposure is providing them with options in life that we hadn’t thought about. And it’s helping them be more clear about what they want or don’t want in life.

And that’s crucial to their growth individually. Because the more exposure we get and the faster we get it, the better it is.

Here’s to the success of this new generation then. And to making us much more aware of things we haven’t experienced ourselves…

The spirit

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A cold but sunny January morning greeted the girl as she peeped out of the window of the hospital.

She had been at the hospital for a couple of months now. What had seemed like a minor accident had ended up damaging both her eyes badly. The doctors had painstakingly operated her and the nursing staff had looked after her with a lot of care.

It was a day of reckoning for her. She had needed rehabilitation so that she could re-learn things and get back into the world but with a heavily blurred eyesight.Today was the day when she was going to start demonstrating her learning to her tutor.

She felt a shiver down her spine at the thought of being without her good sight in the big mad world. It was as if something natural was no longer a part of her, as if she had been robbed of her identity.

And yet, she had resolved in her mind that even though she had gone through this misfortune, she wouldn’t let this stop her life. She would re-learn and find a new place for herself.

She went through her morning motions and got ready right on time for the demonstration. Her tutor was there and she took her out of the ward and into the nearby park.

For the first time, the girl was out in the open after her accident. She had so much wanted to see what was outside the hospital. The only thing she could do now though was to experience the sounds and smell of nature. The park in front of her was a blur.

The teacher made her sit down at a bench and then gave her instructions. She was supposed to get up, cross the street, and climb the stairs to reach the hospital reception. Post that she was supposed to get to the canteen for a cup of coffee.

She got up, confident about one thing – that she will give it her best shot.

As she was about to take her first steps, a voice inside her head called out to her, stopping her from doing that. She brushed it aside and started walking.

While she was crossing the road, her mind told her to stop and turn back and just be in the park. She somehow managed to overcome that feeling and with her walking stick, guided herself across.

Then, as she was climbing up the stairs, she slipped and fell down. For a moment the world stopped. She was aware, people around her were watching her. She couldn’t see them clearly but she could feel their gaze on her. Someone would surely step forward to help her.

But she had come alone thus far. And nothing could stop her now. She scolded the voice inside the head and got up, dusted herself and strode forward, not waiting for any help.

Once atop the stairs, she moved to the reception using the signs indicated on the walls by touching and feeling her way. This was all new to her. Her former self would have thought nothing of this effort. Her new self appreciated the hardships those without sight had to go through on an everyday basis.

After a few more minutes of this new labour, she reached the canteen, ordered her coffee, and had sat down at a table. As the waiter got her coffee and she started sipping the cuppa, she smiled to herself. The coffee had never tasted so good.

She had taken a small step toward reintegrating with the world around her. It was however a giant one. She had proven to herself that she could do whatever she set her mind to.

And that was enough to go on…

Regrets and Gratitude

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I often come across people who ask me questions around regrets.

Do I regret that I couldn’t continue in the Army and had to come out because of a medical injury?

Do I regret that my business luck didn’t work and I had to move back to a job?

Do I regret that those moments happened in my life? Yes, absolutely there’s regret. I will be feigning if I said I don’t regret. If I could have done something differently or been in another place another time.

But that regret has reduced. Specially as years have progressed!

Because, while those failures or mishaps did leave me in a lurch, they also taught me a lot. That realisation has only grown stronger with each passing year.

Yesterday, while taking a walk in the neighbourhood, I was thinking about what I missed in those years when I was trying to run my own business and it didn’t work out. What did I lose?

Of course, I lost monetarily. I could have earned some more money. I lost some hair on my head. Which is not a non-guaranteed outcome elsewhere. I lost some years in the corporate race. As if it really matters.

As I thought about these things, I realised that I have been more than compensated for these losses in the years since (if you don’t consider hair fall to be one really!).

I learnt so many things that I wouldn’t have in a job. I got to do so many new things I hadn’t done ever. And more than anything else, those days opened my vistas and my outlook towards life.

Moreover, I realised life has in some way helped me recoup the self-perceived losses. I am not worse off in any sense because of that lost time.

This made me think – we live our life with regrets. About not having done something or achieved something. What if we flipped it and instead be grateful for what we are experiencing and learning. And how it helps us in the larger scheme of things.

After all, what are a few years when compared to decades of life that most of us experience!

The Creator’s Pride

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I often get asked two things. Why do you write and how do you find time to do it…

The answer is always the same – because I find joy in it and finding time for something which gives one joy isn’t a problem ever.

But there’s a hidden reason also there. I write because I want to continue creating what I do. In the hope that I create something better some day.

Some even wonder who I write for – my target reader. Honestly, I don’t have one. For I find it beyond my intelligence to predict who will like what.

There have been times when I have created something which I thought was pretty darn impressive and not many people read it. And there have been instances when what I thought was average stuff has got more readership.

What I do want to acknowledge though is that I write because of a creator’s pride. Pride in creating something that is experienced by others in their own ways. Pride in being able to do what I do for my own sake.

Today, as I sat through a couple of exceptionally produced shows in Disney’s Animal Kingdom and then experienced the magic that the park had to offer, I was blown away by the creativity of those artists. It was a humbling experience.

While it was a day extremely well spent, what I also realised was that those artists or performers or whom I call creators, created what they have with pride. And it showed.

We often come across experiences that we like when we watch / read / hear / experience something. We wonder at those creators and marvel at their imagination.

What we miss is that they must have done it with a lot of apprehension. With an unknown amount of expectation about how it will be received. Not because they are necessarily seeking validation or praise but because they genuinely don’t know the outcome.

And still they choose to create. For the sake of their pride. For the fun they have in doing it. For the satisfaction they derive from it.

It is definitely a learning for us to then continue creating. Whatever we do. Because the crux of realising the beauty about creation is in the process of continuing with it…

Authentic Self

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Most times, we aspire to reach new heights and break new grounds. Sometimes however, we go about them in a manner that makes it hard for us to achieve them.

Today, while hiking with my daughter and having a conversation, this fact suddenly wound me up.

As we started walking again after a short stop, my mind first went back in time to 2012. I had started my own business and was setting it up. This meant that I had to take care of everything. While a few of those things came naturally to me, I struggled initially with selling.

You see, I had never done any kind of sales until that time. I viewed myself as an introvert and therefore when initially I failed, I thought it was due to my nature. But then, under pressure to move things, I took it upon myself to change approaches, try new product pitches, new methods to close the sale, and so on. Without much luck.

Then, after a couple of frustrating months, it hit me. I was failing not because I didn’t try enough but because I was trying too hard. And it showed in my effort, which didn’t appear natural or aligned with who I was as a person.

With this realisation, I changed my approach. Instead of adopting new techniques suggested by others, I went through the entire sales process and shaped my own unique approach. I started being more natural in front of my clients. And slowly, that started getting me desired results.

My thoughts then cut to 2016 as we kept moving through the trail. After closing down my business, I had moved on and taken up a job. As a consultant, it was a new industry for me.

I initially tried to adopt approaches that had worked with other people in the firm. While that worked in some cases, it didn’t give me desired results at all times. Looking back at my experiences, I soon realised that I should do what naturally comes to me.

So, I tweaked my approach and started to bring my own natural, whole self in front of my clients and stakeholders. As I did that, I started seeing better results and outcomes. And that helped me succeed in my role.

Eventually, as we reached the last leg of the hike, my mind forced me to reflect on the present and a conversation I was having with my coach this week.

We were discussing about my goals and talking about what I need to do to get there. As we went into more details and she helped me peel the layers, it gave me some direction about where I should be heading.

I had been thinking about that discussion for a couple of days, trying to draw out the next steps and a plan. Today, as these two experiences flashed in front of me, I realised that I must build on a plan but keep it natural.

For, what is more important is to always project my natural self and be authentic. At work. Or in life. Only then can I expect to stand out. And be successful.

Lesson learnt again…

Calibration

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Tennis has been a much favored game of mine. I always watched it with a certain likeness that is reserved for only those one or two sports in your life.

I remember it was love at first sight. My father used to follow tennis closely, specially the grand slams. As I grew up to understand sports, I began sitting in with him to watch some of those games and picked up a strong affinity for the game.

Unfortunately, that love only remained on screen. Growing up in small towns in India, I never got an opportunity to play the game, always ending up with cricket, football, or badminton. I even played hockey for a while.

And then as life happens, things moved on and while I got to bigger cities with better facilities, the thought of picking up tennis never crossed my mind.

Until, looking for something more fun, I ended up on a tennis court last year. In all honesty, I had actually gone to check if my daughter could join a coaching class in the neighborhood. But as I stood in the court, my mind challenged me to take up the game myself.

I enrolled for it then, along with my wife and of course our daughter. We played on the weekends initially and then over some of the weekdays also. Over a six month period, my love for the game increased as I started appreciating what goes into a player’s mind.

However, with the move from India to the US, I had to discontinue playing for a while as other things took priority. Luckily for us though, we found a place with a tennis court across the lane!

I played again this week for a while. As I took it easy, I wouldn’t say that I am back in full flow. But it felt good. Good to be back on the court, swinging the racket, judging the ball, giving it my all.

Well, there is a lot of re-calibration that I will need to do to get back to the level where I had reached playing every week in Bangalore. But that day, as we finished the evening practice and headed home, something echoed in my mind.

I realized that I was back at the same level as I was after I had played for a couple of months. Within that time, I had picked up the swinging, I had started judging the ball, I had the chops to run cross court. But I still needed to practice more from the baseline. I needed to get a better feel of running in to hit a short volley. And I definitely needed to practice my service more.

It’s the same in life also I figured!

At times we start doing something and keep getting better at it. And then we stop for some reason. After a while, all those calibrations we made within ourselves, with our technique, with our approach, get reset. And we have to re-calibrate.

Most of us give up when the first round of calibrations are happening. Just like those who start a new year resolution and then give up within the first month. Thinking, it is too much to do.

Some of us give up when we stop in between and other things take priority. Just like when we start exercising regularly or eating better and then due to bad health or irregular timings, we give that up. It’s too difficult to restart and re-calibrate, and we go back to our earlier self.

Very few of us tend to maintain what we started. And continue on that path. Even if there are breaks and we have to re-calibrate. Because, what is more fun is to continue the journey than worry about the destination. And then, as we continue on our path, what we do becomes second nature to us. Ask those habitual early risers or daily joggers.

Hopefully, I can continue to enjoy this re-calibration and get back to playing tennis at least at the same level I was at in Bangalore, before I pick it up even further. Let’s see how I serve this one…

Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We think. We perceive. And we form opinions. But are all of those valid?

This week, a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and another with a colleague, led me to this question.

Often times, we think and form perceptions about people / things based on our limited world view.

Like when I was in the Army, during our initial training days, most of us formed a perception about others. At a young age, without too much exposure, we perceived others through a limited prism of what we saw in front of our eyes. Without considering that people aren’t always how we see them. As time progressed, we saw them for who they were. Lesson learnt!

At other times, we perceive others based on our experiences and what we have learnt over the years.

Like when I joined my first job after my MBA, I utilised my experience over the last 10 years or so through work, college, etc. to form an opinion about others. I used my mental models to make sense of how things would turn out or how would people behave. As it turned out, I was right sometimes, but often wrong…

As we continue to build our lives, our ability to perceive improves. Grey hair of course comes with its own benefits! That helps us become more balanced in our approach.

Similar to how I dealt with people post my business failure, when I restarted my corporate innings. Because I had by then developed a better sense of the world, I could see beyond the obvious and perceive the other person or things for what they really were. Well, many a times.

However, there are times when our perceptions can still be wrong or premature. It often happens when we think only from one angle and negate others. Resulting in a loss of balance.

Like when we try and impose our world view on others. Or think our opinion is better than others. Or when a few occurrences make us believe it as a norm.

It’s only when we reflect on our perceptions, do we realise that this is an art that can never be perfected. Only improved upon. And the reason why we need to continue checking on if our perceptions are coming from a balanced view or are they swinging on either side…

For while the norm these days is either side, the middle is where everything rests!

Short-term View

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There are people who do the right thing, no matter what. And then there are those who try to do something to take advantage of the situation or get through by any means, even if it means dishonesty.

I often try and behave in the former fashion and naturally like people who also try and do the right thing. I somehow am never able to agree with or like those who try to take undue advantage or are dishonest.

Last week, as we were on a trip, I experienced an incident of the latter type that left a bad taste in my mouth. It was a minor one involving the taxi driver of the cab we hired for our trip. As we ended the trip and had to pay the remaining charges, the driver came up with some false claims and insisted on getting paid for it. While it was a small amount and didn’t affect me much in any which way but what it did end up doing was negating any respect I had for that individual.

As we carried on with our trip, that evening when I sat down with the cool breeze of the lake shore, I reflected on his behavior and what may have caused it. You see, he had behaved immaculately till then but as soon as it was time to depart, he acted with a certain amount of dishonesty and greed. So, it was unexpected for me.

But as I thought deeper, it occurred to me that we often try and take a very short-term view of things. Whether it is something about work or in dealing with others or at home, we often get caught in this quagmire when faced with a choice. Do we think about it from a long-term perspective and are ready to forego certain advantage or benefit in lieu of the relationship or service standard. Or do we think about it from a short-term perspective and try and extract the maximum at that specific moment.

Most service industries or places around us believe in the short-term benefit policy. Why yield when we can get more? Not realizing that in the process the customer leaves with a unsatisfied experience and probably never comes back. On the other hand, those who truly put the customer first provide for a superior experience and have customers for life.

Extending this a little, even in our relationships when we prioritize short-term we gain little in the long run and actually end up fracturing them. But when we focus on the long-term and ensure priorities align accordingly, we continue holding those relationships for life.

In fact, even with any kind of work or activity we undertake. If we keep our focus on the long-term, we get deeper and more involved, benefiting ourselves and enriching our experience. On the contrary, anything attempted with a short-term focus generally is a very superficial one.

Basically, long-term pays more than short-term. We still choose short-term sometimes, neglecting this universal truth. Perhaps because of circumstances, perhaps because of helplessness, or perhaps out of habit.

Whatever it may be, better to think once before deciding on anything with a short-term focus. For while we may gain immediately, we don’t know what all we actually end up losing in the process…