Learning

The Creator’s Pride

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I often get asked two things. Why do you write and how do you find time to do it…

The answer is always the same – because I find joy in it and finding time for something which gives one joy isn’t a problem ever.

But there’s a hidden reason also there. I write because I want to continue creating what I do. In the hope that I create something better some day.

Some even wonder who I write for – my target reader. Honestly, I don’t have one. For I find it beyond my intelligence to predict who will like what.

There have been times when I have created something which I thought was pretty darn impressive and not many people read it. And there have been instances when what I thought was average stuff has got more readership.

What I do want to acknowledge though is that I write because of a creator’s pride. Pride in creating something that is experienced by others in their own ways. Pride in being able to do what I do for my own sake.

Today, as I sat through a couple of exceptionally produced shows in Disney’s Animal Kingdom and then experienced the magic that the park had to offer, I was blown away by the creativity of those artists. It was a humbling experience.

While it was a day extremely well spent, what I also realised was that those artists or performers or whom I call creators, created what they have with pride. And it showed.

We often come across experiences that we like when we watch / read / hear / experience something. We wonder at those creators and marvel at their imagination.

What we miss is that they must have done it with a lot of apprehension. With an unknown amount of expectation about how it will be received. Not because they are necessarily seeking validation or praise but because they genuinely don’t know the outcome.

And still they choose to create. For the sake of their pride. For the fun they have in doing it. For the satisfaction they derive from it.

It is definitely a learning for us to then continue creating. Whatever we do. Because the crux of realising the beauty about creation is in the process of continuing with it…

Authentic Self

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Most times, we aspire to reach new heights and break new grounds. Sometimes however, we go about them in a manner that makes it hard for us to achieve them.

Today, while hiking with my daughter and having a conversation, this fact suddenly wound me up.

As we started walking again after a short stop, my mind first went back in time to 2012. I had started my own business and was setting it up. This meant that I had to take care of everything. While a few of those things came naturally to me, I struggled initially with selling.

You see, I had never done any kind of sales until that time. I viewed myself as an introvert and therefore when initially I failed, I thought it was due to my nature. But then, under pressure to move things, I took it upon myself to change approaches, try new product pitches, new methods to close the sale, and so on. Without much luck.

Then, after a couple of frustrating months, it hit me. I was failing not because I didn’t try enough but because I was trying too hard. And it showed in my effort, which didn’t appear natural or aligned with who I was as a person.

With this realisation, I changed my approach. Instead of adopting new techniques suggested by others, I went through the entire sales process and shaped my own unique approach. I started being more natural in front of my clients. And slowly, that started getting me desired results.

My thoughts then cut to 2016 as we kept moving through the trail. After closing down my business, I had moved on and taken up a job. As a consultant, it was a new industry for me.

I initially tried to adopt approaches that had worked with other people in the firm. While that worked in some cases, it didn’t give me desired results at all times. Looking back at my experiences, I soon realised that I should do what naturally comes to me.

So, I tweaked my approach and started to bring my own natural, whole self in front of my clients and stakeholders. As I did that, I started seeing better results and outcomes. And that helped me succeed in my role.

Eventually, as we reached the last leg of the hike, my mind forced me to reflect on the present and a conversation I was having with my coach this week.

We were discussing about my goals and talking about what I need to do to get there. As we went into more details and she helped me peel the layers, it gave me some direction about where I should be heading.

I had been thinking about that discussion for a couple of days, trying to draw out the next steps and a plan. Today, as these two experiences flashed in front of me, I realised that I must build on a plan but keep it natural.

For, what is more important is to always project my natural self and be authentic. At work. Or in life. Only then can I expect to stand out. And be successful.

Lesson learnt again…

Calibration

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Tennis has been a much favored game of mine. I always watched it with a certain likeness that is reserved for only those one or two sports in your life.

I remember it was love at first sight. My father used to follow tennis closely, specially the grand slams. As I grew up to understand sports, I began sitting in with him to watch some of those games and picked up a strong affinity for the game.

Unfortunately, that love only remained on screen. Growing up in small towns in India, I never got an opportunity to play the game, always ending up with cricket, football, or badminton. I even played hockey for a while.

And then as life happens, things moved on and while I got to bigger cities with better facilities, the thought of picking up tennis never crossed my mind.

Until, looking for something more fun, I ended up on a tennis court last year. In all honesty, I had actually gone to check if my daughter could join a coaching class in the neighborhood. But as I stood in the court, my mind challenged me to take up the game myself.

I enrolled for it then, along with my wife and of course our daughter. We played on the weekends initially and then over some of the weekdays also. Over a six month period, my love for the game increased as I started appreciating what goes into a player’s mind.

However, with the move from India to the US, I had to discontinue playing for a while as other things took priority. Luckily for us though, we found a place with a tennis court across the lane!

I played again this week for a while. As I took it easy, I wouldn’t say that I am back in full flow. But it felt good. Good to be back on the court, swinging the racket, judging the ball, giving it my all.

Well, there is a lot of re-calibration that I will need to do to get back to the level where I had reached playing every week in Bangalore. But that day, as we finished the evening practice and headed home, something echoed in my mind.

I realized that I was back at the same level as I was after I had played for a couple of months. Within that time, I had picked up the swinging, I had started judging the ball, I had the chops to run cross court. But I still needed to practice more from the baseline. I needed to get a better feel of running in to hit a short volley. And I definitely needed to practice my service more.

It’s the same in life also I figured!

At times we start doing something and keep getting better at it. And then we stop for some reason. After a while, all those calibrations we made within ourselves, with our technique, with our approach, get reset. And we have to re-calibrate.

Most of us give up when the first round of calibrations are happening. Just like those who start a new year resolution and then give up within the first month. Thinking, it is too much to do.

Some of us give up when we stop in between and other things take priority. Just like when we start exercising regularly or eating better and then due to bad health or irregular timings, we give that up. It’s too difficult to restart and re-calibrate, and we go back to our earlier self.

Very few of us tend to maintain what we started. And continue on that path. Even if there are breaks and we have to re-calibrate. Because, what is more fun is to continue the journey than worry about the destination. And then, as we continue on our path, what we do becomes second nature to us. Ask those habitual early risers or daily joggers.

Hopefully, I can continue to enjoy this re-calibration and get back to playing tennis at least at the same level I was at in Bangalore, before I pick it up even further. Let’s see how I serve this one…

Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We think. We perceive. And we form opinions. But are all of those valid?

This week, a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and another with a colleague, led me to this question.

Often times, we think and form perceptions about people / things based on our limited world view.

Like when I was in the Army, during our initial training days, most of us formed a perception about others. At a young age, without too much exposure, we perceived others through a limited prism of what we saw in front of our eyes. Without considering that people aren’t always how we see them. As time progressed, we saw them for who they were. Lesson learnt!

At other times, we perceive others based on our experiences and what we have learnt over the years.

Like when I joined my first job after my MBA, I utilised my experience over the last 10 years or so through work, college, etc. to form an opinion about others. I used my mental models to make sense of how things would turn out or how would people behave. As it turned out, I was right sometimes, but often wrong…

As we continue to build our lives, our ability to perceive improves. Grey hair of course comes with its own benefits! That helps us become more balanced in our approach.

Similar to how I dealt with people post my business failure, when I restarted my corporate innings. Because I had by then developed a better sense of the world, I could see beyond the obvious and perceive the other person or things for what they really were. Well, many a times.

However, there are times when our perceptions can still be wrong or premature. It often happens when we think only from one angle and negate others. Resulting in a loss of balance.

Like when we try and impose our world view on others. Or think our opinion is better than others. Or when a few occurrences make us believe it as a norm.

It’s only when we reflect on our perceptions, do we realise that this is an art that can never be perfected. Only improved upon. And the reason why we need to continue checking on if our perceptions are coming from a balanced view or are they swinging on either side…

For while the norm these days is either side, the middle is where everything rests!

Short-term View

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There are people who do the right thing, no matter what. And then there are those who try to do something to take advantage of the situation or get through by any means, even if it means dishonesty.

I often try and behave in the former fashion and naturally like people who also try and do the right thing. I somehow am never able to agree with or like those who try to take undue advantage or are dishonest.

Last week, as we were on a trip, I experienced an incident of the latter type that left a bad taste in my mouth. It was a minor one involving the taxi driver of the cab we hired for our trip. As we ended the trip and had to pay the remaining charges, the driver came up with some false claims and insisted on getting paid for it. While it was a small amount and didn’t affect me much in any which way but what it did end up doing was negating any respect I had for that individual.

As we carried on with our trip, that evening when I sat down with the cool breeze of the lake shore, I reflected on his behavior and what may have caused it. You see, he had behaved immaculately till then but as soon as it was time to depart, he acted with a certain amount of dishonesty and greed. So, it was unexpected for me.

But as I thought deeper, it occurred to me that we often try and take a very short-term view of things. Whether it is something about work or in dealing with others or at home, we often get caught in this quagmire when faced with a choice. Do we think about it from a long-term perspective and are ready to forego certain advantage or benefit in lieu of the relationship or service standard. Or do we think about it from a short-term perspective and try and extract the maximum at that specific moment.

Most service industries or places around us believe in the short-term benefit policy. Why yield when we can get more? Not realizing that in the process the customer leaves with a unsatisfied experience and probably never comes back. On the other hand, those who truly put the customer first provide for a superior experience and have customers for life.

Extending this a little, even in our relationships when we prioritize short-term we gain little in the long run and actually end up fracturing them. But when we focus on the long-term and ensure priorities align accordingly, we continue holding those relationships for life.

In fact, even with any kind of work or activity we undertake. If we keep our focus on the long-term, we get deeper and more involved, benefiting ourselves and enriching our experience. On the contrary, anything attempted with a short-term focus generally is a very superficial one.

Basically, long-term pays more than short-term. We still choose short-term sometimes, neglecting this universal truth. Perhaps because of circumstances, perhaps because of helplessness, or perhaps out of habit.

Whatever it may be, better to think once before deciding on anything with a short-term focus. For while we may gain immediately, we don’t know what all we actually end up losing in the process…

It all adds up…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We go through our life with hopes, aspirations, and goals. We also go through fear, frustration, and stress in the same breath…

If we look at it on the surface, we could say that these are two sides of the same coin and are bound to happen in life. However, if we peep inside, we will find that a lot of the fears, frustrations, and stress that we have in our life are harbored by us based on our choices. They all add up. And because we let them affect us, our health gives way to engulf in us myriad problems and diseases.

This past week, I spent a lot of time reflecting on this aspect. The week itself was one of loss and remembrance. My maternal grandmother passed away, leaving us at the wise age of 92. May her kind soul rest in peace!

As I travelled to pay my last respects to her and then returned after the humbling experience, I couldn’t put behind myself the fact that she lived for this long a time but wasn’t suffering from any particular ailments. God gave her enough strength to live happily and pass away without too many difficulties.

Recalling the time that I had spent with her and about her life, it occurred to me that one of the most important reasons for her long life must have been absence of too much stress and frustrations. There may have been other factors as well, but the fact that life was much more simpler in olden days cannot be underestimated.

Once my train of thoughts started catching speed, I realized that what I have been doing is contrary to how I should be living my life. I take a lot of stress for things that probably don’t deserve so much attention. I eat unhealthy sometimes, don’t exercise and generally spend a lot of my day sitting around in front of a computer. I don’t get enough sleep and try to do too many things together. I don’t take out enough time to spend with my family and loved ones, sometimes relegating it to the weekend.

While I take pride in myself about how I generally have walked my own path, how I am much fitter than others my age, how I don’t have any ailments (yet), how I have a lovely family, all of these are things that I need to work on more! And so, I take the following pledges for myself to focus on in the years to come.

I will reduce stress in my life. Let things be. Stop worrying about things I have no control over. Live life in a way that allows me to enjoy and experience everything.

I will focus on being healthy. Eat well, avoid things I shouldn’t be eating. Sleep well, get more rest. Exercise regularly, avoid being lazy.

I will take out time to do things that make me happy. Even if it means I don’t read that news article or don’t watch something that others are going gaga over.

Most importantly, I will take out more time to spend with my family and enjoy life. Not just on the weekend but also during the week. Even if it is just a while.

I don’t know if these are the only things I need to do or if there are others. But what I do know is following this pledge is going to be difficult. However, I will strive. For beyond this effort probably lies a better me, a fitter me, and a more wholesome me.

And hopefully by doing this and more, I will avoid all the negative things around me adding up to create a bigger hole…

Selfless Interest!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Contradictory, right! After all, who in their best mind could think of not acting in their own interest!

We as humans are here on the planet as a living proof of survival of the fittest; and we are programmed to act in our own interest, which is always paramount. How do we do any thing in a way that we benefit from it, directly or indirectly, is an art we have mastered.

It’s in our genes. If not for ourselves, we wouldn’t be alive. Or even if we are alive, we wouldn’t be prospering. Or even if we are prospering, we wouldn’t be on the top of the game.

And so the vicious cycle goes. Day after day, year after year, lifetime after lifetime…

On the other extreme, there are those moments where that selfishness takes a backseat. Specially when we are dealing with something that is so dear to us, we cannot but keep our interests aside to serve that other interest. For some it is family, for some it is their religious or spiritual belief, for some it is even worldly possessions.

But there are very few instances when we experience something which hangs in the balance. Where we act selflessly, don’t win or don’t gain anything, but still go ahead and do it for it is the right thing to do. These are moments that come and go in a jiffy. And when we look back, we realize we did something truly different.

One such moment happened to me this week.

As it happened, while having an interview conversation, I realized that while the person on the other side had some valuable experiences, he wouldn’t be the right fit in my team. I also figured that he was probably not going on the right track looking for a change as of now.

You see, when you are interviewing someone for a role, you tend to become philosophical! 😀

I don’t know why but I switched over and became selflessly interested to help him out. I told him honestly that I would not be able to consider him for the role he was interviewing for. I also advised him to stick it out in his current role and gain experiences that may help him later on.

He was also receptive to the things I was saying and listened intently and was thankful for that exchange. Or maybe I am overreacting.

Anyhow, we ended on a happy note, both being satisfied with where the conversation led to. I felt happy telling him what exactly was running on my mind. And the fact that he appeared to accept it and seemed relieved to hear those words, told me that he was also in sync.

In that exchange, telling the other person what he should be hearing rather than a polite ‘we will get back to you’, appeared more natural to me in that moment. And while I think of it as selfless, as in not being driven by any desire for self gains, it worked in my interest in the context of the interview by closing the loop on that candidate faster.

Not that I have done this a lot. I could maybe count such instances on fingers, among the countless interviews I have taken over the last few years. It’s not because I consciously choose to avoid being direct, just that somehow it doesn’t happen with the flow a lot of times.

But it made me realize that when these moments do occur, they reveal the importance of being able to connect with someone beyond immediate self interest. Rare than most other precious things in life!

When do we Win?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It’s the one thing all of us want to be on the right side of – Winning!

Whether as a student who wants to get good marks / perform well in the sport or art she is excelling at; or as a professional who wants to give it her best.

Be it as part of a home where we want our family members to do well always; or as part of a team where we want to do everything we can to win.

Look at any sphere of life, that’s what we are aiming for – to do our best, to give our best, to win.

Against odds, against challenges, against circumstances, against life at times!

But winning is not an ends to a means. Mostly, it is just a goal we define for ourselves to achieve. Once we are there, we move on to achieve bigger and better things.

And yet we believe that what we are pursuing is the only thing we should focus on, removing everything in front of us or neglecting the other aspects of our life and our world.

We go on a rampage with our focus, trying to do things in a crunched timeline, pushing ourself to outdo our previous achievements. Without taking a pause to reflect, feel happy, and be grateful for how much ground we have covered.

And we most certainly forget that it’s a process and not a once in a time event. It mostly happens on the edge, eluding us till the time it is almost certain we wouldn’t let go of the pursuit. And hence, very few times it is easy to achieve in a jiffy; takes even lifetimes.

What then, does it mean to win? Achieving what we set out to or measuring how far we have come from where we were?

I believe, it is the latter.

For there is no better yardstick to measure success than the distance we have travelled. We may still not be near our goal but we surely would have achieved far more in the journey to that goal. And even if we don’t reach where we want to, we would have made a difference to at least some folks and some lives.

And in the process, enriched ourselves for our lifetime and beyond…

The Logical Emotion

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I know this term may seem contradictory at first sight! But delve deeper, as I did, and there’s a lot of unearthing to do…

All of us live by the idea that we are emotional beings and do a lot of things influenced by the emotions that run through us. We also believe that if we remove emotions from anything, we become nonchalant and non-committal. Hence, it is almost logical to deduce that we go through our life journey in large parts guided by emotions.

But if we look at a lot of other things that we do, specially when it comes to our careers / professional life, we like to believe that we are being logical. Or for some of us, even in other aspects of our life, including in relationships.

We also generally go by the belief that most times when we get emotional, our logical self goes for a hike and we end up doing things which may not be in the best interest of ourselves.

But what if there’s a possibility of these two seemingly contradictory worlds co-existing?

This week, as me and my wife spent a lot of time discussing and debating on certain important decisions that could impact us for years to come, I came to realize that this possibility could be real.

We started off with the position that we must decide logically about our choice and hence dissected a lot of aspects to understand what will be the best choice for us. We discussed about our individual perspectives, collective thoughts as a family, and even from an outwardly point of view.

We laid bare all the possibilities of what could go right for us in making those choices and what could go wrong.

We thought about the impact those choices may have on us, our daughter, our parents and siblings, and weighed them on our barometer.

We looked at our choices from a professional and a financial perspective and also thought out different scenarios about what we want to achieve.

Eventually though, it all came down to emotions!

Behind all the logical thinking and brainstorming, we were somewhere also attaching our thoughts to our emotions. And those emotions were complicating the decision making process.

Finally, after a lot of logical discussion, when we couldn’t arrive at a clear decision, we resorted to the ultimate emotional test – what would make us happier?

As we judged the choices and let our emotions guide us to the logical conclusion, I realized that it was a combined play between logic and emotions that got us home. If not, we would still be undecided!

I recently heard from a wise man, “Bring your own authentic self to the fore everywhere, and you won’t have to maintain two different personalities at work and at home”. Extending it a little, I would add, “Let emotions and logic run into each other and help guide you to the right things in life, don’t try and keep them separate”.

Let life be decided not on the basis of one single thing, for it is as complex as complex can be…

The Calm

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This one is not about the calm before the storm. It’s about the calm when in the midst of a storm…

In the years when I was in middle and high school, our favourite game used to be cricket. Whenever and wherever we got a chance, me and my friends would pick up a bat and a ball and start playing.

I still remember, in those days, spin was the preferred bowling style in our local cricketing circles and there were very few players who used to bowl fast or who could play fast bowling.

We routinely played matches against other teams and were always up for it. But there was one team which we were terrified of. All because of a fast bowler they had. None of us could stay put for long in front of this guy and would invariably fold up for a low score, squandering our chances of a win. And we never won against them, until one day.

That day something changed. One of our friends, from who knows where, got up on the right side of the bed and decided to face this bowler with calmness and belief. He showed us how he could play out this bowler, standing up to him, and that one innings changed that game for us. We won that match!

This week I got reminded of this incidence while watching some tennis. French open and Wimbledon have always been on my watch list every year. And as I watched some highlights and a couple of live telecasts, I was reminded of those cricket memories we friends still fondly remember.

As I saw some younger players go up against the top seeds, I was routinely reminded of how the calm within us, what we also call as belief, plays an important role in our lives.

Players who play well for a prolonged time and are termed champions, are those that have a strong belief in their capabilities and are ready to fight it out till their last breath. Even when the chips are down.

Those who challenge them, more often than not, play well for a brief period in that match, but then lose focus or get overcome by the nervousness within their being. On most occasions therefore, they lose.

Not to take away from them, because they at least are capable enough of challenging. But only those who are able to conquer that inner anxiety and are able to channel that nervous energy, end up winning.

If we draw a parallel in the professional life, there are few people who without worrying about others, focus on their work and do it sincerely in all situations. They don’t get perturbed by competitors or don’t give up when going through a difficult situation. Because they have belief in themselves and their abilities. Sometimes in their team also. And they come out tops.

Then there are others, who constantly worry about how others see them or how involved they are. They feel jealous about others who are progressing and instead of focusing on their unique abilities, spend more time thinking of how to improve their standing amongst others. These kinds, more often than not, end up worse off than where they began from because they are always anxious and never calm.

I could go on and talk about this in other contexts too, including personal relationships. What matters though is the bottom line.

For us to be a champion, we need to focus on our abilities and build them, believe in ourselves, and most importantly keep calm in between the storm. For that is what separates the champions from others!!!