Life

The Guiding Light

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As a young kid, I had a couple of older cousin brothers. I had some excellent times with them while growing up.

I used to rely on them for a lot of things – the stories to hear, books to read, people to follow, and so on. And what they did or how they behaved was an important input in my understanding of what or how to do.

But the biggest thing I realised I depended on them for was to guide me in various things. It gave me confidence and assurance knowing that someone whom I know well is helping me.

It was that big brother relationship that helped nurture a lot of my experiences early on in life. As we grew up, that relationship grew stronger and it helped me further make sense of multiple things in life.

This week, as we were discussing some peculiar behaviours of one of our younger cousins and how he looked up to one of us, I realised that the behaviour mimicked mine while growing up. In fact for most of us, as we matured through the years.

For some of us, this person could be a big sister or a parent or someone in the family we look up to instead of a brother. Or it could be an elder at school or college. Someone who is our guiding light.

That’s perhaps why we seek mentors when we grow up and start working. To help us stay on track in our careers.

Or why some of us start following specific gurus or leaders as we go beyond youth.

Or why a lot of older people start seeking the almighty and look for guidance.

All of us are looking for that light coming from a source which illuminates our position and our path ahead…

Beliefs

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

What we accept as true, without proof at times, a firmly held opinion.

Beliefs drive us to great heights to take a side in a conversation. Even if we are the only one on that side. They help us move mountains and go ahead if present and not move an inch if absent.

It could be about anything – our identity, systems, rituals, work, approach, or even about people. What is only required is for us to believe in it completely.

It could be something we have held on to for long or may have been formed recently. But once it takes root, only something truly ground breaking could dislodge it.

It could be passed on by someone to us or formed on our own. But once it is registered, it is convincing enough for us to pass on to others.

Which are strange and peculiar characteristics…

Because what we are holding on to, may be wrong and yet because we hold onto it, it appears infallible to us. It may be unquestioned and not completely in sync with the times but looks current to us.

What’s important though is to note that the belief holds onto the strong position in our mind because it appears as our own. Something we are personally responsible for or aligned with!

And that’s the crux. If we feel responsibility and alignment with something or someone, it propels us into a different orbit and helps us do whatever is required.

Perhaps a secret sauce for us to consider, when we think of anything and want to be successful in, is to then ensure alignment and assume full responsibility.

A good way to keep us focused and within range of our target…

The Green Grass…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It is amazing how time passes by and things still remain the same.

This weekend, as I met a couple of my Army course mates and we spent a few hours charting our courses and what has been happening in our lives, I was amazed to notice this being re-emphasized.

As it happened, after I moved out of the Armed forces and passed over to the civilian life (that is the lingo, the world separating those in uniform from those without), my life took multiple twists and turns. Some of it natural, some of it accidental, some perhaps of my own making.

But during all these times, I always held the greatest regard for what life once had in store for me on the other side of the fence. May be because of the childhood dream that was only partially fulfilled, or perhaps due to the realisation at multiple points in time that while a difficult life, the one in uniform is much more simpler and straight forward, with the path being set in front of you. The grass a lot of times appeared greener and fertile on that side, indeed.

And then there were my course mates, some of whom were not really planning to stay on in that life for long or wanted to gain more out of life. That simplicity and straight forward nature had become mundane and they wanted something out of turn. For them, the grass was greener this side of the fence.

This weekend, as we three friends sat down and spoke about what’s happening, we compared our lives, our work, our social circles, settings, and so on. And you guessed it, it was mutual admiration about the greener grass on either side.

Later on, as I was returning home, I was musing about how many times this has happened to me. While I smiled about how it keeps on repeating itself, as my thoughts ran deep, they took me to those other instances when I have wished to be on some side of the lawn which at that point of time appeared greener. Without realising that where I am standing also has a lot of blooming flowers and tiny buds awaiting to blossom. Without understanding that where I am today is because of so much effort and hard work spent toiling on the end of the lawn I am at. But with a lot of judgement that what I have done hasn’t amounted to much, in comparison to the other person.

It’s amazing that we routinely do this and then disturb our own happiness to seek the mirage that may not even be the oasis that it promises to be. Yet, we do it each time, habituated to find something that is not right in our lives. And that often leads to diversions in our path, which could otherwise had led us to the end goal that we were seeking.

Of course, it is not true for all of us. And there are some good reasons to move over to the other side, jump ships, take u-turns, or just branch off. I have done it and I am sure so have others.

What’s important though, before making that jump, is to really evaluate and identify the actual reason for the push. Is it born out of just the desire to be on the greener side of life, or is there something innate that is forcing us to uproot ourselves. If it is the latter, there are often good reasons. But if it is the former, perhaps it is time to look down and behind, to understand the colour of our own grass and it’s future!

The most important thing!

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

March 2001. With my course-mates in the Indian Army, we were all learning the basics of mountain climbing. As it so often happens, all of us, a bunch of rookies who were full of confidence but short on skill, were grappling with new things that were confounding us and increasing the anxiety of doing something for the first time.

While some of the drills were pretty basic, there was a lot of apprehension about falling down while rapling down the steep rocks or when climbing up using our hands. Then there was zip lining, which was a task unto itself and gave most of us goosebumps.

As we started getting into the act, the one thing that the instructor tried to drill inside our minds was that you have got to trust the rope and the equipment. We didn’t realise it in the beginning but as the practice sessions progressed, we realised the truth behind the statement.

Trust was paramount!

Unless we did that, progress was extremely difficult and slow. Some of us had our own trust issues but slowly we all gathered our wits and once that trust was established, it became fun and adventurous. We all enjoyed the entire camp thoroughly.

It’s been more than 20 years. Yet, that lesson got embedded within my being.

Trust is paramount!

In everything we do. Right from who we love, who we are friends with, who we deal with at business or work, what we eat, how we drive, to the many sundry things we go through in our daily routines.

It’s the cornerstone of our relationship with the other human beings or a group or a thing. It is what helps us move forward on anything with reasonable surety that we are heading in the right direction.

It is what we should be focused squarely on establishing. Right from the beginning. Through the relationship or process. And right till the end. Verifying and re-establishing it periodically.

And yet, it is something we usually overlook or take lightly. Sometimes, it happens deliberately. But most of the times, it is a slow erosion. We don’t realise it but suddenly after a period, all appears wasted and the common ground sinks and creates a crater.

It is hence upon us, as a party to any relationship, that we abide by the code and keep the trust high. In each and every transaction. For otherwise, we could end up down the road rueing what happened and how things turned out.

Unless of course, we want to cut it off…

Head or Heart?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is the classic conundrum!

What do we do when faced with a situation and how do we decide? Or what perspective do we think from and act upon the most?

There have been reams of thesis work written on this I am supposing, from the 288 million results Google throws at us when we search for this term. And yet, we are none the wiser as to which one is better.

Going through life’s paces, this question somewhere stared at me during the week. And as I looked deep within, I was hit with the sheer complexity of it.

I for one, thought of myself as a heart person. I mostly tend to do what my heart / gut says, going with intuition rather than after a lot of thought / applying my mind. But it is ‘mostly’ and not ‘always’!

A few others I know up close and personal also fell into similar zones – choosing one over the other ‘most’ of the times. As much as I thought about, I couldn’t place a single person who was at either of the extremes all the time.

I didn’t get into full-on research mode, but I am guessing it will be almost impossible to place someone completely in a single category. We are by nature inclined towards one but cannot forego the other completely.

Is there a right choice between the two? I don’t know, as I will always choose the heart whereas someone who has had different experiences than me will probably lean on the other side. But we will never be able to side with our choice at all times.

In essence, it is one of those things in life which is never absolute!

In fact, if we look at many a things around, most of them are never absolute. We however try and categorise around groups, without realising that there are permeable boundaries in between.

We seek the absolute because there is comfort in knowing something sticks, in consistency, in predictability.

Life on the other hand is the complete opposite – shifting always, never settling in one direction. Always challenging us to change ourselves, to consider other sides and opinions, and to move even when there is uncertainity.

It is when we grasp this game and accept to play it as it comes, using our heart to gauge it and leaning on our head to pull us through, is when we move ahead and progress…

Win or Lose – what after the Games?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

What is important? Is it even important to fuss over the result or is it sufficient to have just played? What to make of those who won? And those who lost? And what does all of this hold for us?

As the Olympic Games gala got over today, some of these questions floated into my mind…

These Olympic Games saw the best run ever by India, finishing with 7 medals. All of us Indians are ecstatic right now. After all, we won a Gold in a track and field event for the first time. Going with 2 silvers and 3 bronze medals, including one for Hockey which is our national sport, a lot of our champs proved their mettle.

It’s been an interesting last few weeks as I observed the commentary on the games and also had multiple chats at home and with friends on what to expect, how India is faring, good bad and ugly of Indian sports, and so on. I’m sure, for most of us, these last 2 weeks would have been in a similar zone – with sports dominating the conversations. And that too, not cricket for a change!

Depending on who you talked to, there would be different views – some focused on the personal aspects like what went behind the training of the sportsmen / women, who were they competing against, etc. And some focused on the collective aspects like is India really doing it’s best to provide facilities and infrastructure for fostering world-class sports stars, how is it that Chinese have started winning so many medals and their training regime, and so on.

You get it – most of these conversations we had were merely that. Talk of the town to berate or praise different aspects of sports without actually knowing what goes behind the scenes or what to attribute the outcome to. In fact, most of the conversations start with sports and then deviate into politics.

As with other seasonal topics, these will die down after a few days or weeks and will be replaced by other topical issues.

What I do hope remains though are the dreams that these games have given to the young ones in the country and how some of those dreams metamorphose into effort and training, leading to more glory in the coming years across different sporting disciplines.

What I also hope remains is the interest that has been generated in the other sports apart from cricket, which encourages many more kids to pick them up and many more parents to allow their children to pursue them seriously.

And what I certainly hope for is that all of us Indians start laying much more emphasis on sports as a medium of all round development for ourselves and our kids. For what is important is not to win or lose but to play well and gain from either of the experiences. Something that our kids generation definitely needs to imbibe whole-heartedly…

Only then, will the promise that we saw in these games will be translated into action not only in the sporting field but also in all aspects of our lives as a nation!

The Community Feeling…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been almost one and a half years…

Since we huddled together in an office space for a meeting or gathering of the team and had disagreements and shared jokes while devouring coffee and tea.

Since we travelled together with a group of people for a trip and had a whale of a time in a new place along with them.

Since we had big celebrations or a party with friends and family where we threw caution to the winds.

Since we traveled comfortably in a public conveyance, including flights, accidentally meeting other people and making acquaintances.

Since children had a class in their school and had fun in the playgrounds or sang songs while being in the school bus.

Since housewives had their kitty parties in a club or at someone’s place, chatting up about anything and everything.

Well, for most of us!

I can go on and on with the list. The moot point though is, we have been missing the social in the animal within us. And that animal is now coming out in the open.

Sometimes, having been in isolation for so long, not able to find its rhythm in the usual social milieu.

Or sometimes being too aggressive and wanting it’s own way, come what may, as is the wont at home.

Or sometimes not knowing who to hobnob with and what to do in a new place or setting that’s unsettling.

And this is creating a void so big that it’s almost unnatural.

For as long as we have written history about our race, humans have been socially active and prospered with one another.

However, this pandemic has pulled those threads apart. In some cases, those threads have been torn or badly damaged. In some others, they are just about hanging in there.

And that’s causing a strain in relations, in companionship, in understanding other humans, in building and sustaining trust, and in a lot of other things as well.

It is a bad situation to be in. For us as individuals and as a society.

The solution, in my opinion, is that we need to remind ourselves to re-engage and re-discover others where required and to believe in and have trust in each other as much as we can. Most importantly, be our 2019 or earlier self when we are able to go out again safely, and behave and react normally.

So that, we don’t lose the most intricate and nuanced aspects of our being – our ability to form bonds and friendships and build communities, which foster our lives and our growth throughout that life!

Those forgotten gems!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are lots of aspects in our life’s history that we cherish. Some of them are things we possessed once, some of them memories of times gone by, and some a recollection of events that happened.

These things, while from the past, always give us a smile and remind us of those good times. Keeps us in good spirits.

This week, my parents came over. And as my mother was unpacking, she took out a long forgotten relic for our daughter. Magnetic chess and Ludo game boards.

The moment I saw it, it instantly brought a smile to my face and flashes of those times when my brother and I played with them at home and during our train journeys. I was excited to see if the magnets still retained their properties and wanted to play again. And the little one was just excited to lay her hands on something which her dad used to play with!

As I thought back about this experience, I realised that in earlier days, we used to keep our stuff very carefully and preserve them for long. That meant rediscovering these treasures in the future and rekindling those memories was a possibility.

In today’s world though, we have somewhere moved on. A few of our things have gone in to the digital realm. And our attachment with those that we buy physically is lesser.

So, we throw away things which aren’t being used. Or give them away to others. And with them, go our associated memories and the chance of rediscovery.

The only things we do tend to keep for long these days are the memories that get stored digitally. Our pictures, videos, and notes.

And while, it can be argued that keeping all the obsolete or useless stuff isn’t helping much, it at least gives us the chance of remembering those times again. Whether physically storing them or digitally keeping them.

These stored relics form an important part of our life’s narrative and gives us a shot at reliving those experiences again.

And hence preserving these priceless gems as best as we can is even a responsibility that we owe to our next generations. To let them gain from life the same way we have!

Legacy…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is something we leave behind and hand over to the next generation.

Something that inspires a lot of people and helps them identify a meaning in all they have done through the years.

Or something that in hindsight helps us judge what we did in that particular phase of our life or work.

Well, I have always viewed the term with some suspicion. Not because I think it is over-rated but because I think it carries a negative stress in the present.

There are a few people who leave impressive legacies behind. But not because they started with that intention. They just wanted to do their best in the moment. And whatever they leave behind happens as a natural result of that effort.

On the other side, there are those who don’t bother at all about these matters and live their life without worrying about what they are leaving behind. They do their work or live their life and pass into oblivion, which isn’t a bad option in the larger scheme of things.

And then there are those who always get bothered by whether what they are doing will be enough to leave behind that impression. Now, that’s precisely the kind of negative stress I am referring to. Trying to prove a point and do something with the future in mind, without focusing on ensuring the best possible in the present.

A lot of us these days, either due to the hype around the term ‘legacy’ or because of the added pressure we put on ourselves to excel in whatever we do, land up in the third category. For some of us in fact, sometimes it gets complicated because once we start looking out into the future with one eye, the view isn’t complete in the present. And due to that stress we sometimes end up trying too hard and not being our natural self, or worse, doing things the wrong way to reach where we want to be through a shortcut.

Not something that we would recommend to any of our friends, leave along to ourselves!

As I served my last day in a company I have been with for almost 5 years and had a lengthy conversation with a senior about some of these aspects, these thoughts came into my mind…

When I dug deeper, I realised that if we look at this issue from another perspective, it is actually not what we have done and the accolades that we have bought to the table that matter. What matters is the foundation we built or built upon, and the strength of the pillars we erected during that phase of our life or work. In the present.

Are they going to sustain after we are gone? Will those, who are left behind after us, be able to live with it? Is the structure going to soar higher from where we left it?

I think that is a more pertinent way of looking at any phase of our life or work and determining the impression that we leave behind. It also gives us the luxury of focusing on the present completely without worrying about or stressing about what happens to it after we leave.

While all of us are wishful about the impact we have or may have with our actions or work or life in the future, I guess living in the present and staying focused on what we are doing in the here and now are way more important.

At least, that gives us a chance of leaving behind a legacy, if at all!

Life Stages…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

A few weeks back, talking to my Uncle, my cousins and I were discussing the pandemic situation in general.

He was giving his perspective on things, focusing on the lighter side. We all found it very concerning that he was talking about it lightly and made a joke that as he is approaching retirement, his perspectives have become more unusual and alike the elders in the house.

However, thinking back to the conversation, I realised that he was talking about things from his perspective. And while we may debate on whose perspective is the right one, each one of us has his/her own…

As I dwelt further on this conversation, I realised that our reaction to the perspective was perhaps also because we were viewing the issue from a different lens than he was. After all, we are in a different life stage than he is in.

In Hinduism, the historical texts talk about 4 stages of life. Beginning with the learning stage, progressing to the household stage, leading to the retirement stage, and finally to sanyasa, where life is renunciated.

In modern view, we can perceive these life stages as different eras altogether.

Life begins with the carefree era generally till around 25 years of age in our society today. We rarely worry about anything but ourselves during this stage and enjoy everything that we can, with a carefree attitude. As we grow up from a toddler to a teenager, we keep learning and gaining. No responsibilities in general and lots of freedom to our thoughts and in our actions.

This is followed by the next 25 years of the responsible era, where we tend to take up a lot of responsibilities at work, in life and in general. This is where we get serious about our work and career, get married, have kids, build our fortune for whatever it is worth, and plan in advance for everything, as much as we can. It can be overwhelming at times but we generally try and give it our all, to maximise the output from these years.

For a lot of people, their lives culminates in the afterglow era over the next 25 years, where they bask in the learnings of life and walk into the sunset slowly. This is when they leverage all they have seen over the last 50-60 years and make sense of things in their own way.

For a few chosen ones, life continues into the golden era beyond 75, who have the privilege of watching life happen all over again and enjoying their extended time on the planet. This is also when many people go back to being like a child again and live life king size!

As we progress through these life stages, our perspectives change. That’s one of the reasons that thought processes don’t always match when people from different eras interact with each other. Or why our preferences are so different. Or why priorities change. Or why realisations differ.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Each one of us is entitled to where we are in our life’s stage and our perspectives, preferences, priorities and realisations.

It therefore is natural that we have divergent views about things as compared to our parents or elders or children. That’s also healthy I believe, for it keeps us all in a system of checks and balances and ensures the best outcome possible, generally.

What is most important though is to recognise that our views will differ but even in that divergence we have to attempt convergence!

Because that is what we owe to our family…