Life

The Cleanliness Drive…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My missus was in a good mood that day. After a long time, I heard praise from her about my cleanliness drive. I recall the exact words “You are good with the broom, the house is looking clean”. I was ecstatic, it was hard earned praise from the better half, after all.

While putting away the broom after experiencing that high, I was instantly reminded of the many roles “the broom” has played in my life.

It began with the versatile object being used as a weapon of choice for hauling me up, on quite a few occasions when things got absolutely out of control as a kid. My mother was a very patient woman, holding the big house together with the many inhabitants and guests. But there were times when her patience gave way due to my stubbornness and then I got the wrong end of the stick. Literally…

As I grew up, the broom also became an object to hide away the mess made while playing or working up tricks. I was once caught on the terrace burning a stash of newspapers by myself and received a good beating. Having smarted from the incident, the next few times I did that, the broom became a good friend sweeping the secrets away!

It had its positives also. The practice made me good at sweeping the house. Later on, when the need arose, I used to wield it to the desired effect and earn praise from the elders for being such a good boy. And that carried on during the Army stint as well, when keeping the cabin spick and span was more than a matter of routine – the consequences were stark and often meant lost sleep.

And so it has been ever since. The practices instilled in the Army haven’t left me and cleanliness is one of the most important things – personal as well as surroundings. I see something dirty and have an instant urge to sort the mess. Needless to say, the broom is the companion in most of those excursions.

The broom has been used to good effect in popular culture as well. Whether it is in depicting the quintessential dutiful wife, or the helpless maid, or the furious aunty, the moving pictures have shown it all. Of course, with consistency. For example, in Yash Chopra / Karan Johar movies, the broom wielding character was always in a larger than life, palatial house that never needed cleaning.

Television shows have used it as a prop and stand-up comedians have often centered their jokes around it. Books and columns have often written about it in eloquent fashion. One of my apartment friends wrote a great piece sometime back, describing his ascent in the art of using the broom as a cricket bat. And another one talked about the side effects of ‘vim and broom’ on the males of the house ever since the lockdown hit us!

The broom has been used extensively in politics also. A new breed of social activists turned reformists turned politicians used it as their symbol to indicate sweeping changes and arose hopes for millions of people. It is another thing that the sweep also blew some of them away. Others learnt from it and used cleanliness to a telling effect in reminding people of the need to get the country back to order.

And so, the broom continues to live in conscious and subconscious memory of all of us, often times coming in as an aid and sometimes as an adversary. This small object, found in almost all Indian homes, is a beacon of hope – that all will be well and we can afford a mess as long as we have it tucked in a corner of the house. And a reminder to lead a clean life…

Reliving the Experience

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are things we have experienced and moments we have lived that propel us to a higher plane. And those are what we want to relive again!

This weekend, I watched a TV series for the second time. After I had sat through the 5-6 hours and relived the story, my mind raced on to what compelled me to watch it again.

Art – be it any form – books, films, music, paintings or pictures – always has a shelf life. There are very few pieces of art that are able to transcend that time boundary and still retain their appeal. And as we navigate through life and come across them, some of them remain with us forever.

If I recall my own personal favourites, I would be able to count them pretty easily – specially books and films. Music of course is a different beast, as the volume of production is so high and there are almost hundreds of songs that are on my favourite list. Reliving those stories and melodies always brings a smile to my face.

Life is also similar. There are multiple moments we live through, but very few episodes of that life are what stay with us and if we had special powers, would want to relive. And we reminisce about them with friends and family, retelling the old tales, cherishing those times.

So has been the case with me at least. Those unforgettable moments are forever buried in my memory and keep playing in my head again and again. Ones I talk about.

But as I reflected on what is the compulsion or draw for me as an individual to engage with that art form again or to go back in time to relive those moments again, I realised it is because that art form or those moments generated feelings of love, hope, togetherness, happiness, etc.

All positive feelings…

Feelings which made me happy and helped me move forward in life. Feelings which created special bonds in those moments. Feelings which filled me with hope and determination.

It is these feelings which give me my life support. Which I turn back to when I am trying to figure things out. Which I think about and generate hope from.

As this realisation dawned on me, I went back in time and started reliving some of those moments again and smiling! And re-fuelled myself for the week ahead…

Free Wheeling Life.

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

With work from home the current norm, my daily interactions with my 5-year old daughter have been taking me through the learning curve again. And as I have been observing her and other children, whom she plays with, for the past 5 months, my appreciation for how our childhood shapes us has gone up multifold.

It wasn’t that I was unaware or dismissive of this thought. I always have been cognizant of my upbringing and what it taught me. However, I always thought about it from a parent’s perspective and how it’s them who play an important role in the child’s growth.

No doubt, that’s true. Parents, teachers, and other elders definitely have an important part in the child’s play. But what I have been amazed at is how children themselves play a role in their growth and development.

Watching my daughter in action from close quarters continuously, has been a revelation. The way she processes all the new information thrown at her, the way she connects the dots, and the way she takes it upon herself to learn and grow – it’s she who is in the driving seat. We are just the co-pilot, providing navigational support.

For instance, these days when she wants to do something and knows that we may ask her not to, she will come and ask me or my wife exactly when we are busy with our work day and knows we have to agree to her demand. That’s like “I’m giving you an offer you can’t refuse”, aka Godfather style. Quite a useful trait to analyse the situation and get your way through.

Or when she negotiates with us, almost bargaining for certain allowances. She uses all the tricks Chanakya talked about – Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed; without even knowing what it is. Battle hardened to take on the world through whatever hustle is needed.

Or the way she shows love and concern every time there is a loud sound from the kitchen or any other place in the house, asking if we are all well. Empathy and care, which most of us pay only lip service to.

All of these moments are great fun – to watch her in action, taking control of her own life and what she wants or considers important. And are a great learning – all of it done with ease, without a care about what others will think about or worry about what will the future behold.

She does get upset at times if things don’t go her way, but then that’s human nature. Otherwise, it’s a free wheeling life. Where she only lives in the present. Doesn’t get bothered about the future. Or tensed about the present. And most importantly, moves on almost instantaneously. And I am sure this is true with all children.

Perhaps that’s why Children are often seen as God, transcending the mortal thought process we grown-ups come to possess and be inhibited by.

Hopefully, we get the powers to be a child again…

The Next Time…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It was a result I didn’t expect. After months of hard work, long nights, and countless hours of prep tests, this was surely not what I expected of myself.

This was the day when the Common Admission Test or CAT, as it is known in the Indian parlance, came out. I hadn’t scored in the 99th percentile I was wanting to. And in one of the most competitive exams in the country, that 2 percentile gap meant a sea of difference and practically killed my attempt to get into the best MBA colleges of the country.

I was dejected. I certainly didn’t deserve such a low score! I blamed my circumstances, my luck, and everything else. However, thankfully after a couple of days in that mode, I composed myself and carried on with my life, taking the failure in my stride.

The next few years in my life went by with lots of interesting things. I met my wife and fell in love with her. Gathered a lot of experience working in the corporate world. Made some very good friends and learnt tons of new stuff.

I did do my MBA from a good college afterwards. And have had some very interesting experiences post that, enjoyed my life and have done well in general.

This weekend, as we were spending time with our cousins and celebrating my daughter’s birthday, one of our discussions veered around the pulls and pushes that youngsters, specially those who are in the defining years of their life – 12th standard, final year of college, etc. are facing or going to go through due to the Covid-19 disruption to regular studies.

The main focal point of our discussion was – with the competitiveness only increasing every year, there are going to be countless students who wouldn’t be able to perform at the same levels as they expect to. And how they reconcile themselves to the unexpected results and carry on with life is going to be critical to their future.

Our discussion went on to other general things. But as I reflected on this track, I realised that it is going to be true for quite a good number of students – those who can’t concentrate because classes didn’t happen, or they weren’t taught well online, or worse still, couldn’t get access to the right education.

And I recollected from my experiences that life is not just about that one exam. One might fail or not perform once. But what determines character and a winner is someone who doesn’t get bogged down by the circumstances or the limitations and continues to plough along. Perhaps on the same track, perhaps on another.

Life gives all of us multiple chances. It is important that we don’t feel left out ever and continue our journey, the destination is waiting for us. If not this time, then the next time. Or the next time. Or the next time…

Music and Life

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I have had affinity for music right from my early years.

As I grew up, there was always some deal of music around. My uncle used to be part of a local band and practised quite often at home. One of my cousins was an excellent singer and later on, made quite a name for herself in Kenya. There was also my Mom’s uncle, who revelled in singing and whenever we went to my maternal grandparents house, used to regale us with his voice.

And then there was of course the music blaring through tape recorders, radio sets, and Walkmans.

Oh yes, that was the era of the Walkmans. Those ubiquitous cassette holding music players, which all the cool kids and music aficionados used to carry.

I remember, I got a Walkman of my own when I was in high school. And I was in love with it, playing those recorded cassettes bought from the local music library guy. The day it malfunctioned and stopped working was a sad day.

But I got another one soon enough, by literally pestering my father. He never denied us the good things in life when we were growing up, never does so even now when we have all grown up!! 🙂

So, the brand new top-of-the-line Walkman with excellent headphones became my new companion. In the ensuing days, as I travelled quite a bit by train to different places, the Walkman made those journeys a breeze.

As the years passed, the Walkman faded away and was replaced by the iPod. And that was even more fun. As Jobs claimed, a thousand songs in my pocket literally meant a never ending stream of the choicest music I wanted to hear. It was an immersive experience.

I remember an occasion when I was singing aloud so long with the song playing on the Walkman, that other co-passengers started looking at me strangely and I realised it only after a couple of minutes. Or the one when I was standing at the door in the night (I could never sleep in trains at night) and singing along, when the ticket inspector mistook me for a person who frequently used to travel without ticket and it took me some convincing to get back to my seat.

Over the years, as life has become faster and faster, and the phone has taken over and became the all-in-one device, I have realised that the enjoyment that I derived from listening to music has diminished. Perhaps it’s because of the multiple things that I do on the phone all the time that take my attention away. Or it’s probably just that my mind is so occupied now.

Every once in a while though, there are those moments, when I just switch on the music and let my mind wander with the tune and let time fly by without a worry on my mind. And in those moments, I recollect the nights spent listening to music and how it transported me to my dreams and gave me wings.

A powerful ally and a wonderful friend. Hope I get to spend more time with you in years to come…

Trust matters!

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

While playing with my daughter at home last weekend, when attempting to swing her in my arms, her anxious face and nervous laughter told me one thing – she somehow wasn’t 100% sure if she wouldn’t get hurt…

Although it was a small moment, I stopped and talked to her; mentioned that she can trust me for everything; and made a note to myself to re-assure her the next time I do something similar.

As this week passed on and I spent some more time with my daughter, I consciously tried to ensure that the trust which was established, remained. And it definitely added to the fun that the two of us had.

Reflecting back, I think trust forms the bedrock of everything we do.

Whether it is our relationships, or our behaviour with people we know or don’t know, or for that matter our work and it’s outcome, trust is an important foundational element.

And as we go along in life, that trust increases or decreases based on our observations and perception of the reciprocation from the other side. Be it our family, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

However, having had some experiences, which have led to some white hair, I have come to appreciate that trust is not just a one sided affair. It has to be mutual. Only then does something result in success. In life or at work.

When I look back at the friendships I have had, or professional relationships with colleagues or business partners, trust made them and erosion of trust marred them. And yet, as I look back, I sometimes feel that I became too judgemental too quickly in some of the cases which didn’t end well. Or I formed a perception, which may not have been absolutely correct, which led that path down the short road.

Perhaps, we need to be more accommodative of others. Give them more time and space. And respect that things sometimes take time and the dice may not always roll the way we want it. That will probably help in avoiding wrong decisions.

And as the ‘other’ party, it is imperative that we do all one can to retain that trust and build the bond stronger. Unless it absolutely becomes impossible to carry it forward.

In this day and age when our opinions and perceptions get shaped quickly and can change by the day, remembering that it is easier to gain trust than lose it and that sometimes slowing down our snap decisions will serve us better in the long run, will take us further.

After all, matters related to trust should neither be taken lightly nor judged too quickly…

Humanity in the time of Covid (and surprises)

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It was a surprise that took us all by surprise! And a relaxed weekend after many a weeks (which itself was a surprise) quickly turned into a few days filled with anxiety…

When Covid started, I am sure none of us would have imagined the changes that would happen to our lives in just a matter of few months. And as the pandemic has progressed, we have all heard of stories about how on one side people have gone out of the way to help out and on the other how skepticism and misinformation have led to social ostracism for some.

When last Sunday, my niece got detected Covid positive, it was a surprise to us. Surprise because the poor soul had shown no symptoms and had not even ventured out of the house. In fact she had only gone for testing so that she could travel back home to her parents.

Post the initial surprise, we realised urgent measures need to be taken. So while we arranged to quarantine her in a separate room, I also had to inform the society members, where we stay, about the developments.

I must say I was apprehensive. How would the news be taken by the other residents. How would they react? How would they treat the family, specially the kid? These and more thoughts crossed my mind.

However, putting them aside I called up the office-bearers and informed them out of duty. I also assured them that we are all going to get ourselves tested and are taking all precautions as necessary.

I was cautious and doubtful still. Over the next day, as the association sent out an information email without disclosing names, I expected a few not-so-good replies.

But I was pleasantly surprised by the replies. As our test results came negative, and the association disclosed the details, the kind of messages and emails I got from the other residents was overwhelming.

Almost everyone replied and asked if we were doing fine and if they could help in any way. Some even called up and offered their help. It was overwhelming because most of them we have interacted very less with.

As the days have passed by, people have voluntarily filled in for any support required. The association got all of us some icecream, the neighbours joked around on WhatsApp groups and kept the entire atmosphere light, and the other residents regularly checked in.

Although our niece is doing fine now, having tested negative, it has been quite heartening to see the support we have got from the community during this home quarantine period. It has definitely made these anxious days less taxing and dull. And helped us get to know our community better and make new friends.

Here’s to the residents of our society and to the power of humanity. And to life full of surprises!

What a night it was…

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I used to love gazing at the stars when I was very young. Like a lot of other kids, it used to be a favourite activity, specially during summer nights!

During summer days in those years, my cousins used to come over for a month or so. And with no school and lot of time to while away, we used to design our own schedule.

It usually started with late mornings, continued with rounds of carrom and other board games, spilled over evenings of cricket and football, and dollops of fooling around with each other. In between all this, lots of time spent reading comic books and chit chatting.

But as the evening wound down, we would usually go up to the terrace and wash it clean to remove the dirt accumulated through the day. And then, out came the beddings and pillows and we all propped up on them for rounds of Antakshari and fun.

Dinner used to be light with summer nights reserved for ice cream and other desserts and frolic on the terrace. All of us cousins used to then create our own base on the nicely laid down beddings and chat long into the night.

I for one was the last person to sleep in the gang. Lying down under the clear night skies, chatting with my cousins, I used to keep gazing at the stars above, observing the night pass by. And long after all had fallen asleep, I would still be awake, wondering about what lies beyond those stars and figuring out constellations.

I remember quite a few instances when one of the elders woke up early at dawn and found me still gazing upwards. I am sure they would have thought of me as a little crazy fellow. But it was super fun and exciting, trying to follow different arcs and let thoughts wander into infinity.

With time, as we all grew up and summer holidays became scarce, the times on terrace also dwindled down. And as life filled us with tasks and deadlines, and pollution filled our lungs, sleeping on the terraces became a non-starter. And so the star gazing also came to a halt.

While every now and then, when we cousins meet, our chat lasts well into the night, I sometimes miss that fun of lying down under that vast expanse and talking and thinking non-stop. And allowing time to drift without a care in the world.

As the clouds came by and interrupted my star gazing tonight, initiated by a colleague posting about the brightly visible Saturn and Jupiter at the same spot, I ruminated about the times gone by and those wonderful nights.

Alas! Hope those nights could last forever…

The Endgame…

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We all have a fascination for results. And a bias for the near term, the immediate future…

While in college, I got my hands on ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand – a book which deeply influenced me. In quick succession, I read almost her entire body of work. The one which I was most impressed with was ‘Atlas Shrugged’.

It’s a story about the systemic erosion and decimation of personal values and capitalistic nature of the American nation and how a bunch of key business people, after having enough of the new incapable administration, decide to shrug from their responsibilities and bring the new order down, thereby re-creating the virtuous society. Those individuals in the novel were supremely confident of their capabilities and extremely good performers.

After having read the saga 3 times, I have always viewed the directions societies take and individuals adopt in Atlas’ terms. As I align with the philosophy at an overall level, it has given me a compass to view and make sense of people. And strive to be the best version of myself.

While it is romantic to think of and believe in perfection and excellence, over the years I have realised that there is a very thin line when it comes to performance and whether one is on top of the game or just playing a part. And while we might like to be always on top, it’s just not humanly possible.

It’s better to approach things like a marathon than a 100-meter dash – play along and keep your focus all throughout – end objective will be achieved. So while we may have done well in the near-term, how do we remain consistent in the long-term? Or if we haven’t done so well, how do we improve and grow from where we are…

This is true in all aspects of our lives. Instead of creating constant pressure on ourselves to excel everywhere, I guess it’s fine if there are times when we cannot excel. If we fail. If we couldn’t be perfect that one time.

What is important though, is to strive to do our best always. To ensure that we don’t let ourselves down. To not get defeated. To rise up and run again. To strive for perfection and excellence.

And to remember that the endgame is to reach the goals we set for ourselves with a sane head on our shoulders and life in our lungs!

What if we knew the Future???

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Would we want to change anything? Or let life run it’s course rather than reigning it in?

As I sat today watching a movie with this as a central theme, life’s harshness dawned on me. And made me put the week gone by in perspective.

It was a sad week. I got news of one of my course mates in the Indian Army passing away. A young chap, just 39 years old losing life in a non-conflict zone is as unfortunate as it can get.

Robert was an affable and smiling chap and always used to take everything sportingly. With almost a zen like calm, which we sometimes used to confuse as indifference. But whatever he did, he always strived to give it his 100%.

He didn’t know his future for sure. None of us did when we joined the IMA. And yet we toiled hard during those days, soaking in all the pressure that was thrown on us, hopeful of a good life. But I can bet that even if Robert could somehow know his future, he wouldn’t have traded his life for something else. It was a good life he led.

As I reflected in these thoughts, I was thinking about how my own life panned out afterwards. The twists and turns it has taken. The highs and lows it has bestowed upon me. And the immense experiences it has provided me.

Perhaps if I knew my future, I may have peeped ahead and tried to avert my exit from the Army. It would have kept me in my dream career. But then, life wouldn’t have happened. And a multitude of things, including I meeting my wife, perhaps wouldn’t have turned out as they have!

Sometimes however, it seems cruel. Like it is the case for Robert. And when it does, we realise that we have been shortchanged. That we had so many aspirations that couldn’t be fulfilled. That we pursued the wrong pursuits. That we spent time on non-important things.

None of us know how long we have. Where we may land up. What we may succeed or fail at. How we may progress. But still, we live in eternal hope. Hope that everything will turn out well. That we will succeed in whatever we are striving for.

Perhaps that’s our guiding light from the future telling us not to worry. Things will be taken care of. That this too shall pass. And shows us the light at the end of that tunnel.

Perhaps that’s what life is…