Experiences

Expectations

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

2021 has started and so have a lot of us with new resolutions, commitments, plans, and goals. The last year was a mixed bag with its share of highs and lows. But one thing that I realised it had in common for a lot of us was a mismatch in expectations.

So while traveling back after the year-end vacation, after this reflection crossed my mind, the train of thoughts ran in related directions. And as I reached home, I firmed up what I ought to focus on in this new year.

Setting right and realistic expectations!

Over the last few years, I have set up some expectations with everyone – be it family or friends or colleagues. And while these expectations are a natural result of what my experiences have taught me over the years, I realised that sometimes they aren’t aligned well, resulting in heartburn or disappointment. Hence the following resolutions…

With my spouse, I have often had expectations of she understanding me completely without me being explicit about the subject matter. Though there is the old school love and understanding that this thought stems from, and it does feel good when it happens, I realise that its not always possible for her to read my mind and I ought to be more communicative sometimes. That I believe will not only help us understand each other better, will also allow us more talk, which is always a wonderful tool to bond.

With my daughter, I have at times tried to make her behave like a grown up and does things like I want her to do. Again, it is a desire to make her do right things. But at times, it leads to curbing her playfullness or fun. And so, I will henceforth let her be her normal self at all times and enjoy her childhood, while willing myself to accept her actions and reactions as a child rather than as an adult.

With my parents, I expect them to listen to me now that I have grown up. But I sometimes forget that they have brought me up and know better than I do and more importantly, have their own world view which I ought to respect. Therefore, I will change my expectations to ensure that I let them choose and decide for themselves, while offering all help I can to make their life as comfortable as it can be.

With my family members and friends, I expect that we stay in touch regularly. But that expectation is for me to also live up to. And to ensure that I communicate with them as much as I can to stay connected and meet that expectation on both the sides.

With my junior colleagues, I have expected them to be able to match my wavelength and do things in the way I do them. I have also expected that they understand what I am doing or why I am doing so. But I realise that each individual is different and as long as they are positively inclined to contribute, I should let them go ahead in their fashion and guide them to the best possible outcome. Hence, going forward I will let them be in the driving seat more and more, while providing the support that is needed. And I will communicate more and convey my thoughts to them appropriately to ensure that we are better aligned at all times.

With others, I expect them to believe me with all sincerity, while at times not setting the stage for that belief to be formed. I also expect them to be honest with me. So in 2021, I am going to act more sincerely and try to build bonds and relationships wherever I can, automatically leading to that belief and honesty in conversations and actions with whomsoever I may deal with.

With such a long list, I am not sure whether I am expecting too much of myself. But then, new year resolutions are meant to be taken to stretch oneself. Hopefully, I will be able to live upto my own expectations!!!

Worrying too much?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

OTT platforms are killing it these days. I was watching one such series on the 1992 stock market scam in India that has garnered good reviews, when the subject of this post came across through one of the dialogues by the central character. It has been 3 weeks since I finished watching that series but the dialogue has remained with me, with the protagonist mentioning “Worry is like death”. As it came up repeatedly in my thoughts, I spent some time deliberating on it with my own experiences and those of the others I have seen around me.

I have had a couple of troughs in my life. The first one was when I had to leave the Army while the second one was the phase when I had to close down my business. In both the cases, with the tide of time going against me, I started worrying a lot about what will happen, what will I do in the future, and so on. And at both times, I became bitter, had health issues, and pulled down those near and dear to me. Fortunately, I got some good advise and support from my family to come out of those situations.

Even with others, I have often seen how they have got jolted by mishaps and things that didn’t go as per plan. And while most of them have recovered from that setback and moved on to do better things in life, there have been few I know of, who haven’t been able to come to terms with it.

Why do we worry so much? And why is it that we feel so disheartened that we sometimes lose hope and continue to sink deeper? Why is it that some people sink so deep that they either chose to take the extreme step or continue to live their remaining life in the sink-hole? On the other side, what is it that gives us hope to pull ourselves back and get back on our feet? How is it that we can stomach all such upsets when we have support of others?

As I thought through my own experiences and those of the others I know, I realised that the answers to these questions are probably an outcome of the perspective we have on life.

Right from our childhood, we develop this perspective, which is a complex combination of the values passed on to us, the thought process instilled/developed during the formative years, the things that are taught to us directly or indirectly, and the experiences and the reaction/response to them that we imbibe in our instincts.

And while each one of us has our own unique experiences, some of the important things that determine how we will react to these setbacks in our life is the result of the upbringing that we have had over the years. Positivity breeds optimism in all situations and leads us to move on after the setback and redo/restart on the same/new path. Negativity instills fear and anxiousness, which leads us to question ourselves and doubt if we can move forward after such a setback, getting trapped in our mind.

With the world around us changing rapidly now and the uncertainity prevailing in every sphere of our lives, these situations will only become more common and the response to them will probably determine the future of not just us individuals but also the society as a whole. And therefore, I feel, its time we start looking at the glass half full and start encouraging others also to do the same…

The Cleanliness Drive…

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My missus was in a good mood that day. After a long time, I heard praise from her about my cleanliness drive. I recall the exact words “You are good with the broom, the house is looking clean”. I was ecstatic, it was hard earned praise from the better half, after all.

While putting away the broom after experiencing that high, I was instantly reminded of the many roles “the broom” has played in my life.

It began with the versatile object being used as a weapon of choice for hauling me up, on quite a few occasions when things got absolutely out of control as a kid. My mother was a very patient woman, holding the big house together with the many inhabitants and guests. But there were times when her patience gave way due to my stubbornness and then I got the wrong end of the stick. Literally…

As I grew up, the broom also became an object to hide away the mess made while playing or working up tricks. I was once caught on the terrace burning a stash of newspapers by myself and received a good beating. Having smarted from the incident, the next few times I did that, the broom became a good friend sweeping the secrets away!

It had its positives also. The practice made me good at sweeping the house. Later on, when the need arose, I used to wield it to the desired effect and earn praise from the elders for being such a good boy. And that carried on during the Army stint as well, when keeping the cabin spick and span was more than a matter of routine – the consequences were stark and often meant lost sleep.

And so it has been ever since. The practices instilled in the Army haven’t left me and cleanliness is one of the most important things – personal as well as surroundings. I see something dirty and have an instant urge to sort the mess. Needless to say, the broom is the companion in most of those excursions.

The broom has been used to good effect in popular culture as well. Whether it is in depicting the quintessential dutiful wife, or the helpless maid, or the furious aunty, the moving pictures have shown it all. Of course, with consistency. For example, in Yash Chopra / Karan Johar movies, the broom wielding character was always in a larger than life, palatial house that never needed cleaning.

Television shows have used it as a prop and stand-up comedians have often centered their jokes around it. Books and columns have often written about it in eloquent fashion. One of my apartment friends wrote a great piece sometime back, describing his ascent in the art of using the broom as a cricket bat. And another one talked about the side effects of ‘vim and broom’ on the males of the house ever since the lockdown hit us!

The broom has been used extensively in politics also. A new breed of social activists turned reformists turned politicians used it as their symbol to indicate sweeping changes and arose hopes for millions of people. It is another thing that the sweep also blew some of them away. Others learnt from it and used cleanliness to a telling effect in reminding people of the need to get the country back to order.

And so, the broom continues to live in conscious and subconscious memory of all of us, often times coming in as an aid and sometimes as an adversary. This small object, found in almost all Indian homes, is a beacon of hope – that all will be well and we can afford a mess as long as we have it tucked in a corner of the house. And a reminder to lead a clean life…

Reliving the Experience

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There are things we have experienced and moments we have lived that propel us to a higher plane. And those are what we want to relive again!

This weekend, I watched a TV series for the second time. After I had sat through the 5-6 hours and relived the story, my mind raced on to what compelled me to watch it again.

Art – be it any form – books, films, music, paintings or pictures – always has a shelf life. There are very few pieces of art that are able to transcend that time boundary and still retain their appeal. And as we navigate through life and come across them, some of them remain with us forever.

If I recall my own personal favourites, I would be able to count them pretty easily – specially books and films. Music of course is a different beast, as the volume of production is so high and there are almost hundreds of songs that are on my favourite list. Reliving those stories and melodies always brings a smile to my face.

Life is also similar. There are multiple moments we live through, but very few episodes of that life are what stay with us and if we had special powers, would want to relive. And we reminisce about them with friends and family, retelling the old tales, cherishing those times.

So has been the case with me at least. Those unforgettable moments are forever buried in my memory and keep playing in my head again and again. Ones I talk about.

But as I reflected on what is the compulsion or draw for me as an individual to engage with that art form again or to go back in time to relive those moments again, I realised it is because that art form or those moments generated feelings of love, hope, togetherness, happiness, etc.

All positive feelings…

Feelings which made me happy and helped me move forward in life. Feelings which created special bonds in those moments. Feelings which filled me with hope and determination.

It is these feelings which give me my life support. Which I turn back to when I am trying to figure things out. Which I think about and generate hope from.

As this realisation dawned on me, I went back in time and started reliving some of those moments again and smiling! And re-fuelled myself for the week ahead…

Ah! Those Mountains…

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There I was, in the middle of the night on my 19th b’day, digging trenches and keeping a vigil. And under the night sky, trying to figure out some nuances of mountain warfare.

It was a mandatory camp at the Academy, for all of us cadets to better understand the various nuances and art of fighting and defending on mountains.

Just in the evening, I had been given charge of the entire company. The instructor had given our company the responsibility to defend the mountain against attacking company. And the first task at hand as night set in, was to dig trenches and set up base.

We divided ourselves into smaller teams and identified the positions we will dig the trenches in, ensuring all the sides are covered. We also plotted our strategy and post dinner, got down to the actual digging.

It took us longer than we thought it would. The teams kept at it and I was myself caught in between coordinating the effort and digging my own trench. It was exhausting but exhilarating, with a tension in the air about how and when will we be attacked.

We just about managed to complete the digging in time. As I took the last rounds and told everyone to settle in while keeping a watch from their respective abodes for the night, we sensed something was about to happen.

Within a minute or so, our forward patrol group sounded an alarm. The attack came in a flash, with the charging party romping in from the far side to our surprise. We defended to the best of our abilities. And as happens in most exercises, we won some and lost some.

As the debriefing was happening in the early morning hours, I was caught napping. The instructor asked me to get up and do a round of pushups (standard punishment in the Academy), which was cut short only because someone blurted out that it was my birthday.

I still distinctly remember the night and what happened in those hours. Perhaps also because I kept getting teased later on by my course mates that I was punished on my b’day.

As news poured in this past week of the skirmish in the northern border and the ensuing fight that claimed some precious lives of our men, I was reminded of that night. Although it was just a training and a mock drill, mountain warfare camp was one of the toughest.

I for one know what hardships our soldiers go through in some of the roughest terrains high up in the altitude. And yet, each time something like this happens, it is a great testament that on every occasion, we are able to excel and keep our flag flying high.

Here’s to the Indian Armed Forces and their indomitable spirit!

What a night it was…

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I used to love gazing at the stars when I was very young. Like a lot of other kids, it used to be a favourite activity, specially during summer nights!

During summer days in those years, my cousins used to come over for a month or so. And with no school and lot of time to while away, we used to design our own schedule.

It usually started with late mornings, continued with rounds of carrom and other board games, spilled over evenings of cricket and football, and dollops of fooling around with each other. In between all this, lots of time spent reading comic books and chit chatting.

But as the evening wound down, we would usually go up to the terrace and wash it clean to remove the dirt accumulated through the day. And then, out came the beddings and pillows and we all propped up on them for rounds of Antakshari and fun.

Dinner used to be light with summer nights reserved for ice cream and other desserts and frolic on the terrace. All of us cousins used to then create our own base on the nicely laid down beddings and chat long into the night.

I for one was the last person to sleep in the gang. Lying down under the clear night skies, chatting with my cousins, I used to keep gazing at the stars above, observing the night pass by. And long after all had fallen asleep, I would still be awake, wondering about what lies beyond those stars and figuring out constellations.

I remember quite a few instances when one of the elders woke up early at dawn and found me still gazing upwards. I am sure they would have thought of me as a little crazy fellow. But it was super fun and exciting, trying to follow different arcs and let thoughts wander into infinity.

With time, as we all grew up and summer holidays became scarce, the times on terrace also dwindled down. And as life filled us with tasks and deadlines, and pollution filled our lungs, sleeping on the terraces became a non-starter. And so the star gazing also came to a halt.

While every now and then, when we cousins meet, our chat lasts well into the night, I sometimes miss that fun of lying down under that vast expanse and talking and thinking non-stop. And allowing time to drift without a care in the world.

As the clouds came by and interrupted my star gazing tonight, initiated by a colleague posting about the brightly visible Saturn and Jupiter at the same spot, I ruminated about the times gone by and those wonderful nights.

Alas! Hope those nights could last forever…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 1

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I had a dream. As a small child, I wanted to fly fighter planes. I wanted to serve the country.

As I grew up, the dream took wings and I became obsessed about getting into the armed forces. That was my only goal.

And I worked hard to attain it. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Although I couldn’t fly fighter planes, I did get through the selection process and joined the Indian Army.

The training at the Academy was hard-nosed battle readiness training from all aspects – physical, mental, and emotional. We went through hell and fire and rose from the ashes multiple times and became tough.

The Academy prepared us for diving into the extraordinary life that lay ahead of us as an officer. As a proud member of the strong force that secures the nation and protects it from external and sometimes internal threats.

Something, I still take pride in! Even though I couldn’t serve for long and had to leave due to medical reasons.

As officers, we were implicitly taught to uphold the Indian in each one of us and the fact that our duty came above everything else – to protect, to safeguard, to defend. That was paramount notwithstanding any amount of hardships.

While I came out and got busy with my civilian life (that’s what we Army guys call the other side), that feeling has remained. And the desire to continue serving the nation/society in one form or the other. And every time I do something like that, it is deeply satisfying at a personal level.

Am sure that’s how my coursemates feel too. And all those people who have ever served the country in uniform or are serving it currently. A feeling that can not be described or conveyed.

I hope more of us get into the Armed Forces and learn the ways of those who sacrifice all they have, sometimes laying down their lives in the process. Will perhaps make us better people. And proud citizens too…

Life – the 360 degree way

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It was that time of the year when we receive our scores from the 360 degree feedback process within the organisation. I waited with anxiety as the results file was opening up on the laptop. In those moments, as I thought about the year that passed by and tried to remember my interactions with each and every person in the team, it occurred to me that this was the most important feedback for me to consider!

Going back a few years, during my days in the Army, we were taught that as an officer, you have to lead by example at all times and under all situations, command your men and take care of them at the same time. That shaped my thought process about leadership and naturally, as is the wont in a hierarchy driven organisation, it was a top-down approach. I decide, you follow. I direct, you act.

Entrepreneurship was similar, as everyone was looking up to me for what to do, how to do, and when to do. I had to lead from the front, show direction, and be on top of the situation. So in that sense, it was closer to my Army experience.

Corporate life has been different in this regard. I have had to learn quite a few things about how to work with people from similar experiences and backgrounds and still lead them. It has been a different learning – about leading by example but with a degree of flexibility. Ensuring that I listen to the other team members and incorporate their feedback / suggestions and then direct them in the pursuit of the common goal.

In situations which the Armed Forces find themselves in during a regular day’s work, a top-down approach works well and ensures chances of survival go up in a high-pressure, do-or-die scenario. Also because officers and men are differentiated on multiple factors, officers are generally better equipped to handle the situation and take decisions and are trained accordingly.

In the corporate world though, perhaps because goals are much more collectively decided, their pursuit is also collective. We discuss, we finalise, we execute. And we learn and try to do better next time. Also as our peers or juniors may have had exposure to a similar situation, their feedback/suggestions carry that much more weight. In essence, its more flat.

Reflecting this upon our lives, I realised that we tend to behave/act in a top-down manner with the belief that we are better equipped to handle that situation than anyone else. While this helps us retain control of our lives, it also prevents us from getting some real-time feedback and suggestions from others around us.

In life, a top-down approach might be warranted in some cases but in most situations, a flatter approach is what will take us home. Listening to our family, friends and younger ones, discussing with them, and working with them while utilising their experience in such a situation may well be the difference between a strike and a miss-hit.

Living life this 360 way is what I have resolved to do better on as I turn 38 today!

As to my 360 degree feedback score from within my organisation, it turned out well with some great feedback of course. Which I am definitely working towards implementing…

What A Life Changing Experience…

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There I was… Sitting in the OT with my wife’s hand in mine, looking at the team of doctors going through their motion to deliver our baby. Yes, our bundle of joy, ready to come out in the world!

It had been almost 10 years of knowing each other. Going through a strong relationship hand-in-hand and facing all of life’s challenges and enjoying all the wonderful moments. But I had never been more nervous in my wife’s presence!

She had been patient all through the 9 months and had gracefully accepted motherhood-in-waiting. I was however, in the in-between zone. Waiting to transition from a husband to a father. From a son to a grown-up, responsible man.

That perhaps explained my nervousness. My anticipation was rising all the time. I couldn’t believe myself.

However, a few minutes later, it would all change. The nervousness to be replaced by my confident transition to a father. And to a calm, composed, caring husband.

It started with the assistant pointing to the clock (for me to note the time) and as I looked at it, time seemed to pause. I could feel myself holding my breath. And the transition was complete in that second, with a shrill cry and the doctor announcing the arrival of our baby girl! 🙂

Life has given me many a chances to experience things that have been uniquely mine to savour. But this was simply another level.

I am a father now! A promoted, changed husband!

Yes, I can call myself a man now. Fatherhood does that to people…

Experimentation Ahoy!!! Part 2…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

As after effects of my last post, I thought through my own life until now… Turns out, experimentation is what I have been doing all my life!

I had always wanted to be in the Army. When all my friends were gunning for engineering, I was running around, quite literally, to get fit for the Armed Forces. Everyone thought I was taking a risk not writing other exams and my experimentation would cost me but I stuck to it and came through.

After a couple of years, I had to withdraw due to medical reasons when I suffered an accident. At that time, it sure tasted like hell. But now, when I look back, that gave wings to my mind! It allowed me to move to Delhi – the first metro I ever lived in and I started experimenting more…

I completed my graduation and got into IT. I had the choice to join Infosys – a biggie in the Indian IT field. But I decided to experiment and chose Acme Technologies, a company most people wouldn’t have heard of.

And yet, it proved to be a great choice because what I learned while working there, I couldn’t have at any other “big” company. Experimentation made me better!

Being a techie was cool but there were other important things to do in life. And so I decided to go for an MBA. I chose a non-traditional 1-year MBA over a 2-year one and it gave me exposure like nothing else before. It made me question my beliefs and broadened my horizon! My instincts to experiment got sharper!

Post my MBA, I again had 2 choices – joining a consulting biggie in the UAE, as most would have done, or to come back to India and figure out what to do next along with my job. No guesses, I chose the second option to continue on the path of experimentation…

It only got bigger and better from here. Instead of settling down into a six figure salary every month and a chance to live outside India, which would have been ideal for my ilk, I chose to quit the job I had and started up! Experimentation became a part of my daily life!

Have had a roller coaster ride in the last 5 years but what an experience it has been! Being in a job definitely wouldn’t have taught me what I have learned. So definitely, experience made me richer.

Experimentation has allowed me to taste different flavours of life and enjoy the journey. And I continue to plot and plod what experiments await me next.

Something new. Something challenging.

But definitely not mundane, boring stuff.

And definitely, no settling down!