Change is the only constant

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As I heard one of the characters in a TV series talk about how change is messy and difficult and not something worthwhile, I recalled this title phrase. And the truism associated with it.

I have always been a firm believer of how change is for the good. It has helped shape my life and provided me tremendous opportunities to learn and grow.

Well, change has been the order of life for me all throughout. I studied in 6 different schools, moving places every 2-3 years. I have pursued 4 different professional tracks in my career. And yet every time there’s some change – big or small, I feel uncertain and out of control.

However, having experienced so many changes in life, I have learnt a trick to handle these situations. Instead of further sinking down into anxiety, I let go. It is not easy – difficult to dissociate and let things flow. But what I have realised is that it’s better to flow than to resist.

As I look around these days, on one side I see people embracing change and adapting to the circumstances but on the other hand, I observe a sense of inertia. As someone who studies people and behaviours, I have realised these responses are all about those 2 words “Letting go”.

People who aren’t embracing change aren’t comfortable letting go. They feel like they have to own and drive things, not let it drift or be driven by something or someone.

This is true not just in the professional world but the personal one also.

The mother who doesn’t let go of the child to play alone, fearing a fall or a scratched hand. The parents who still want to manage or help their grown up kids in everything they do. All of these “not letting go” examples only point to the inertia that the mother or parents feel about the impending change or growth.

In the professional world examples abound. We all have seen or worked with the manager who wants to micromanage. Or the senior who wants to take Center-stage all the time. Or the old guard which refuses to adapt to new ways of working. It’s again a matter of “not letting go” – the anxiety of what will happen if I don’t do it my way.

What we don’t realise is that by not letting go, we create further resistance, which sooner or later leads to breaches. Be it the kid who finds ways and means to slip out of the parent’s radar to do her own thing. Or the junior who gives up and leaves the job for better opportunities where she can grow. The breach happens as the resistance becomes untenable.

As we navigate through this Covid-19 era, where trust is dipping down and anxiety is increasing, it would serve us well to realise that this too shall pass. That this change will allow old ways to be replaced with new ones. And rather than fighting it, remembering that after all is done and dusted, the changes will be for the greater good.

Let it go…

Music and Life

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have had affinity for music right from my early years.

As I grew up, there was always some deal of music around. My uncle used to be part of a local band and practised quite often at home. One of my cousins was an excellent singer and later on, made quite a name for herself in Kenya. There was also my Mom’s uncle, who revelled in singing and whenever we went to my maternal grandparents house, used to regale us with his voice.

And then there was of course the music blaring through tape recorders, radio sets, and Walkmans.

Oh yes, that was the era of the Walkmans. Those ubiquitous cassette holding music players, which all the cool kids and music aficionados used to carry.

I remember, I got a Walkman of my own when I was in high school. And I was in love with it, playing those recorded cassettes bought from the local music library guy. The day it malfunctioned and stopped working was a sad day.

But I got another one soon enough, by literally pestering my father. He never denied us the good things in life when we were growing up, never does so even now when we have all grown up!! 🙂

So, the brand new top-of-the-line Walkman with excellent headphones became my new companion. In the ensuing days, as I travelled quite a bit by train to different places, the Walkman made those journeys a breeze.

As the years passed, the Walkman faded away and was replaced by the iPod. And that was even more fun. As Jobs claimed, a thousand songs in my pocket literally meant a never ending stream of the choicest music I wanted to hear. It was an immersive experience.

I remember an occasion when I was singing aloud so long with the song playing on the Walkman, that other co-passengers started looking at me strangely and I realised it only after a couple of minutes. Or the one when I was standing at the door in the night (I could never sleep in trains at night) and singing along, when the ticket inspector mistook me for a person who frequently used to travel without ticket and it took me some convincing to get back to my seat.

Over the years, as life has become faster and faster, and the phone has taken over and became the all-in-one device, I have realised that the enjoyment that I derived from listening to music has diminished. Perhaps it’s because of the multiple things that I do on the phone all the time that take my attention away. Or it’s probably just that my mind is so occupied now.

Every once in a while though, there are those moments, when I just switch on the music and let my mind wander with the tune and let time fly by without a worry on my mind. And in those moments, I recollect the nights spent listening to music and how it transported me to my dreams and gave me wings.

A powerful ally and a wonderful friend. Hope I get to spend more time with you in years to come…

Trust matters!

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

While playing with my daughter at home last weekend, when attempting to swing her in my arms, her anxious face and nervous laughter told me one thing – she somehow wasn’t 100% sure if she wouldn’t get hurt…

Although it was a small moment, I stopped and talked to her; mentioned that she can trust me for everything; and made a note to myself to re-assure her the next time I do something similar.

As this week passed on and I spent some more time with my daughter, I consciously tried to ensure that the trust which was established, remained. And it definitely added to the fun that the two of us had.

Reflecting back, I think trust forms the bedrock of everything we do.

Whether it is our relationships, or our behaviour with people we know or don’t know, or for that matter our work and it’s outcome, trust is an important foundational element.

And as we go along in life, that trust increases or decreases based on our observations and perception of the reciprocation from the other side. Be it our family, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

However, having had some experiences, which have led to some white hair, I have come to appreciate that trust is not just a one sided affair. It has to be mutual. Only then does something result in success. In life or at work.

When I look back at the friendships I have had, or professional relationships with colleagues or business partners, trust made them and erosion of trust marred them. And yet, as I look back, I sometimes feel that I became too judgemental too quickly in some of the cases which didn’t end well. Or I formed a perception, which may not have been absolutely correct, which led that path down the short road.

Perhaps, we need to be more accommodative of others. Give them more time and space. And respect that things sometimes take time and the dice may not always roll the way we want it. That will probably help in avoiding wrong decisions.

And as the ‘other’ party, it is imperative that we do all one can to retain that trust and build the bond stronger. Unless it absolutely becomes impossible to carry it forward.

In this day and age when our opinions and perceptions get shaped quickly and can change by the day, remembering that it is easier to gain trust than lose it and that sometimes slowing down our snap decisions will serve us better in the long run, will take us further.

After all, matters related to trust should neither be taken lightly nor judged too quickly…

Humanity in the time of Covid (and surprises)

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It was a surprise that took us all by surprise! And a relaxed weekend after many a weeks (which itself was a surprise) quickly turned into a few days filled with anxiety…

When Covid started, I am sure none of us would have imagined the changes that would happen to our lives in just a matter of few months. And as the pandemic has progressed, we have all heard of stories about how on one side people have gone out of the way to help out and on the other how skepticism and misinformation have led to social ostracism for some.

When last Sunday, my niece got detected Covid positive, it was a surprise to us. Surprise because the poor soul had shown no symptoms and had not even ventured out of the house. In fact she had only gone for testing so that she could travel back home to her parents.

Post the initial surprise, we realised urgent measures need to be taken. So while we arranged to quarantine her in a separate room, I also had to inform the society members, where we stay, about the developments.

I must say I was apprehensive. How would the news be taken by the other residents. How would they react? How would they treat the family, specially the kid? These and more thoughts crossed my mind.

However, putting them aside I called up the office-bearers and informed them out of duty. I also assured them that we are all going to get ourselves tested and are taking all precautions as necessary.

I was cautious and doubtful still. Over the next day, as the association sent out an information email without disclosing names, I expected a few not-so-good replies.

But I was pleasantly surprised by the replies. As our test results came negative, and the association disclosed the details, the kind of messages and emails I got from the other residents was overwhelming.

Almost everyone replied and asked if we were doing fine and if they could help in any way. Some even called up and offered their help. It was overwhelming because most of them we have interacted very less with.

As the days have passed by, people have voluntarily filled in for any support required. The association got all of us some icecream, the neighbours joked around on WhatsApp groups and kept the entire atmosphere light, and the other residents regularly checked in.

Although our niece is doing fine now, having tested negative, it has been quite heartening to see the support we have got from the community during this home quarantine period. It has definitely made these anxious days less taxing and dull. And helped us get to know our community better and make new friends.

Here’s to the residents of our society and to the power of humanity. And to life full of surprises!

Ah! Those Mountains…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There I was, in the middle of the night on my 19th b’day, digging trenches and keeping a vigil. And under the night sky, trying to figure out some nuances of mountain warfare.

It was a mandatory camp at the Academy, for all of us cadets to better understand the various nuances and art of fighting and defending on mountains.

Just in the evening, I had been given charge of the entire company. The instructor had given our company the responsibility to defend the mountain against attacking company. And the first task at hand as night set in, was to dig trenches and set up base.

We divided ourselves into smaller teams and identified the positions we will dig the trenches in, ensuring all the sides are covered. We also plotted our strategy and post dinner, got down to the actual digging.

It took us longer than we thought it would. The teams kept at it and I was myself caught in between coordinating the effort and digging my own trench. It was exhausting but exhilarating, with a tension in the air about how and when will we be attacked.

We just about managed to complete the digging in time. As I took the last rounds and told everyone to settle in while keeping a watch from their respective abodes for the night, we sensed something was about to happen.

Within a minute or so, our forward patrol group sounded an alarm. The attack came in a flash, with the charging party romping in from the far side to our surprise. We defended to the best of our abilities. And as happens in most exercises, we won some and lost some.

As the debriefing was happening in the early morning hours, I was caught napping. The instructor asked me to get up and do a round of pushups (standard punishment in the Academy), which was cut short only because someone blurted out that it was my birthday.

I still distinctly remember the night and what happened in those hours. Perhaps also because I kept getting teased later on by my course mates that I was punished on my b’day.

As news poured in this past week of the skirmish in the northern border and the ensuing fight that claimed some precious lives of our men, I was reminded of that night. Although it was just a training and a mock drill, mountain warfare camp was one of the toughest.

I for one know what hardships our soldiers go through in some of the roughest terrains high up in the altitude. And yet, each time something like this happens, it is a great testament that on every occasion, we are able to excel and keep our flag flying high.

Here’s to the Indian Armed Forces and their indomitable spirit!

What a night it was…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I used to love gazing at the stars when I was very young. Like a lot of other kids, it used to be a favourite activity, specially during summer nights!

During summer days in those years, my cousins used to come over for a month or so. And with no school and lot of time to while away, we used to design our own schedule.

It usually started with late mornings, continued with rounds of carrom and other board games, spilled over evenings of cricket and football, and dollops of fooling around with each other. In between all this, lots of time spent reading comic books and chit chatting.

But as the evening wound down, we would usually go up to the terrace and wash it clean to remove the dirt accumulated through the day. And then, out came the beddings and pillows and we all propped up on them for rounds of Antakshari and fun.

Dinner used to be light with summer nights reserved for ice cream and other desserts and frolic on the terrace. All of us cousins used to then create our own base on the nicely laid down beddings and chat long into the night.

I for one was the last person to sleep in the gang. Lying down under the clear night skies, chatting with my cousins, I used to keep gazing at the stars above, observing the night pass by. And long after all had fallen asleep, I would still be awake, wondering about what lies beyond those stars and figuring out constellations.

I remember quite a few instances when one of the elders woke up early at dawn and found me still gazing upwards. I am sure they would have thought of me as a little crazy fellow. But it was super fun and exciting, trying to follow different arcs and let thoughts wander into infinity.

With time, as we all grew up and summer holidays became scarce, the times on terrace also dwindled down. And as life filled us with tasks and deadlines, and pollution filled our lungs, sleeping on the terraces became a non-starter. And so the star gazing also came to a halt.

While every now and then, when we cousins meet, our chat lasts well into the night, I sometimes miss that fun of lying down under that vast expanse and talking and thinking non-stop. And allowing time to drift without a care in the world.

As the clouds came by and interrupted my star gazing tonight, initiated by a colleague posting about the brightly visible Saturn and Jupiter at the same spot, I ruminated about the times gone by and those wonderful nights.

Alas! Hope those nights could last forever…

What the shame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I committed a blunder. The moment I discovered it yesterday, I was dumbstruck. How could one act this dumb when concerned with something of utmost importance…

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that what I had done was going to be recorded in the annals of history in times to come. And I was filled with shame. For having let down myself and my colleagues.

This wasn’t the first time I had done something majorly wrong in my life. There have been other brilliant mistakes and failures along the line.

Some of those happened in my growing up years and were concerned with my studies – for instance, not being prepared well for exams when I was in 6th grade and ending up having to relocate myself to be with my parents (I used to stay with my loving and adorable grandmother till then).

Or at times concerned people – not recognising who is right and ending up on the wrong side. In the process hurting some of my good friends.

Some have been concerned with work also – goofing up on important tasks and coming undone when not expected.

So, this wasn’t the first or the last time I had fallen down at work.

However, each time I committed mistakes and reflected, I have learnt from them and become better. At least strived to. And that has helped me as a person and as a professional.

So, as I was wallowing in self pity, a tiny voice inside my head called out “apologise and move on”. And while the heart wanted to cry, the mind egged me on to get out of the gloom.

I assessed the damage and understood what to do from here. Then, called up my seniors and talked to them about it and apologised. Called up my fellow colleagues and owned it up while talking about how to minimise the damage. And let it out.

And it worked marvellously. While earlier I was filled with self-doubt, now I had realised how to navigate these waters. And while some damage had been done, I was now determined not to let the mistake shake me down or divert from the objective.

After all, I am human. And shit happens. While feeling ashamed of it is alright, not confessing or apologising leads to agony.

In my view, there’s nothing shameful about apologising if I have done some wrong and admitting it. Helps me heal faster…

After all, ‘what the shame’, when failure begets success!

The Endgame…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have a fascination for results. And a bias for the near term, the immediate future…

While in college, I got my hands on ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand – a book which deeply influenced me. In quick succession, I read almost her entire body of work. The one which I was most impressed with was ‘Atlas Shrugged’.

It’s a story about the systemic erosion and decimation of personal values and capitalistic nature of the American nation and how a bunch of key business people, after having enough of the new incapable administration, decide to shrug from their responsibilities and bring the new order down, thereby re-creating the virtuous society. Those individuals in the novel were supremely confident of their capabilities and extremely good performers.

After having read the saga 3 times, I have always viewed the directions societies take and individuals adopt in Atlas’ terms. As I align with the philosophy at an overall level, it has given me a compass to view and make sense of people. And strive to be the best version of myself.

While it is romantic to think of and believe in perfection and excellence, over the years I have realised that there is a very thin line when it comes to performance and whether one is on top of the game or just playing a part. And while we might like to be always on top, it’s just not humanly possible.

It’s better to approach things like a marathon than a 100-meter dash – play along and keep your focus all throughout – end objective will be achieved. So while we may have done well in the near-term, how do we remain consistent in the long-term? Or if we haven’t done so well, how do we improve and grow from where we are…

This is true in all aspects of our lives. Instead of creating constant pressure on ourselves to excel everywhere, I guess it’s fine if there are times when we cannot excel. If we fail. If we couldn’t be perfect that one time.

What is important though, is to strive to do our best always. To ensure that we don’t let ourselves down. To not get defeated. To rise up and run again. To strive for perfection and excellence.

And to remember that the endgame is to reach the goals we set for ourselves with a sane head on our shoulders and life in our lungs!

It’s Really About Us Now!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Kids are really getting intelligent and aware these days! A conversation between my younger one and her cousin sister of the same age today morning really got me thinking.

To begin with, the conversation went into all directions of missing each other and not being able to meet due to the coronavirus situation. And convincing each other how it is best for them to stay indoors.

Surprisingly, both of them came out trumps – while one mentioned that we shouldn’t venture out, the other offered masks. When one blurted that policemen will catch us, the other corrected that policemen are good people and will only explain nicely to us. While one talked about online school starting, the other one talked about social distancing!

As I listened to both of them, I was fascinated to know the sheer understanding that the two small kids had of the surrounding and what ought to be done.

Contrast this with the irreverence and casual nature of some of us grown ups in handling the situation. We have been eager to break the lockdown and not follow the norms for small reasons. There have been blatant violations of the lockdown code by all and sundry, well televised and circulated.

And then we are dismayed at the unfolding situation across the country. How our infection numbers are not coming down and how the lockdowns haven’t been successful. How the economy is in tatters and how the opening up is going to further increase the number of cases. There have been arguments galore – on television, in newspapers, and in WhatsApp groups – about what strategy is better.

But all of this begets one question – who is responsible to improve the situation? Is it we or the government or someone else?

Well, I for one believe it is incumbent upon us to take all precautions and ensure no harm comes to us or leads from us. Only then can we prevent ourselves, our near and dear ones, and others. And if we don’t do that, we don’t have the right to question.

Because a General is only as good as his men. A team is only good as it’s weakest link. And a nation is only as good as it’s citizens.

So, time for all of us to put on our ‘A’ game and make ourselves and the nation proud…

What if we knew the Future???

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Would we want to change anything? Or let life run it’s course rather than reigning it in?

As I sat today watching a movie with this as a central theme, life’s harshness dawned on me. And made me put the week gone by in perspective.

It was a sad week. I got news of one of my course mates in the Indian Army passing away. A young chap, just 39 years old losing life in a non-conflict zone is as unfortunate as it can get.

Robert was an affable and smiling chap and always used to take everything sportingly. With almost a zen like calm, which we sometimes used to confuse as indifference. But whatever he did, he always strived to give it his 100%.

He didn’t know his future for sure. None of us did when we joined the IMA. And yet we toiled hard during those days, soaking in all the pressure that was thrown on us, hopeful of a good life. But I can bet that even if Robert could somehow know his future, he wouldn’t have traded his life for something else. It was a good life he led.

As I reflected in these thoughts, I was thinking about how my own life panned out afterwards. The twists and turns it has taken. The highs and lows it has bestowed upon me. And the immense experiences it has provided me.

Perhaps if I knew my future, I may have peeped ahead and tried to avert my exit from the Army. It would have kept me in my dream career. But then, life wouldn’t have happened. And a multitude of things, including I meeting my wife, perhaps wouldn’t have turned out as they have!

Sometimes however, it seems cruel. Like it is the case for Robert. And when it does, we realise that we have been shortchanged. That we had so many aspirations that couldn’t be fulfilled. That we pursued the wrong pursuits. That we spent time on non-important things.

None of us know how long we have. Where we may land up. What we may succeed or fail at. How we may progress. But still, we live in eternal hope. Hope that everything will turn out well. That we will succeed in whatever we are striving for.

Perhaps that’s our guiding light from the future telling us not to worry. Things will be taken care of. That this too shall pass. And shows us the light at the end of that tunnel.

Perhaps that’s what life is…