Growth

Hitting Pause

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was December 2012. I had been working non-stop to grow my business for the last two years.

That meant always being switched on. Constantly on the move. Travel, untimely meals, late night meetings, the works.

Result – I got swamped out by a bacterial infection that meant I couldn’t eat normal food for a couple of months. Only semi-solids. Sounds yuck!

But that was the cost of me not listening to my body. Me not realizing that I had to pause and take a breather. Me not realizing that there’s more to success than just constant work.

The reason I bring up this incident, is because during a routine work timing conversation with a cousin yesterday, I realized that a lot of us make this mistake time and again.

Why don’t we take enough breaks? Why do we continue to chug along, resulting in a burnout?

This could be a topic worthy of a doctorate. I am sure some research would already have proven this fair and square.

I mean, we all read about this everywhere. How to attain work-life balance has never been a more hotly contested topic than after the pandemic. Yet, here we are in 2023 and the number of people going to the hospital as a result of burn-outs is only growing.

Then, as I thought more I started looking at my own behavior and patterns. Could there be something discernible there?

As I looked deeper, I realized that I had myself made this mistake many a times. In 2007, 2012, 2016, 2019, and as recently as in 2022.

Interestingly, each time I convinced myself that it wasn’t something wrong. I was just trying to do my best and didn’t realize when things got out of hand.

But I was wrong each time. I did hear some signals from my body or my mind. I did go through an instance or two of thinking about slowing down. Of hitting pause and taking a break. But I continued because if not for me, who else would be able to do it.

That’s the crux of why we all get carried away with this self-inflicted harm. We think we are the most important person in the larger scheme of things. That we are indispensable. That we cannot stop lest we play the spoilsport.

And lead ourselves into that downward pit from where the only way up is to pause and turn back to get back on ground.

If only we could have taken a break and then picked up things with much more vigor that could last us a while longer…

Is the answer then to not stretch oneself? No. I wouldn’t want to do it or expect it of others around me. But I would definitely want to be conscious of my own limits and identify where I shouldn’t stretch. Where does my limit stretch to.

Hopefully with practice, I will be able to identify and draw that boundary for myself and continue to expand it. And yet, keep an eye on it, so that I don’t unhinge myself from the center while trying to create a bigger circle every time or in running more laps!

You vs You

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I had woken up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely. Lying down in my bed in my room within the confines of the Indian Military Academy, I had just had a bad dream.

It wasn’t as much a dream as a replay of my worst fear. I had flunked a physical test that day, in the first attempt in my second and final term at the academy. Back in those days (don’t know if this still holds), we were given three attempts to pass the physical tests. No prizes for guessing that if we didn’t, we couldn’t pass out and become an officer.

My dream was about this failure. That I had flunked the third and final test too and was going to get relegated to another term!

Well you see, I didn’t get into the academy with a lot of strength. In fact, most of us didn’t. Hence, the training was designed in such a way that we build that strength gradually. And the tests were also designed in such a way that we needed to build that strength, right from our head to our toe, to pass them.

Having cleared the first term, we already knew what was in store for us in the second term. But some of us, including myself, had taken it lightly. Until the first attempt. And then suddenly a sense of urgency was kicked into high gear.

My nemesis was the toe touch. Basically an exercise to test one’s core muscles, it involved hanging on a pull-up bar and then curling your legs at the knees, bringing them to your chest, and then rolling over backwards, such that your toes touch the bar.

It was a difficult one for most of us. Only some chaps, having built enough core strength, had sailed through in the first attempt. While that was some solace, it still meant that there was tremendous work needed to get in shape for the second attempt. A month away.

I was at the lowest level in that exercise then. That meant I could bring my knees folded to my chest, but didn’t have enough core strength to then roll over. Not even an inch.

So, a few of us who were at the same level, formed a squad and got to training. That meant constantly working on our core strength, doing a truck-load of sit-ups and planks, eating in a calibrated fashion, and challenging ourselves on the pull-up bar everyday.

Cutting to the chase, in that one month, we all put ourselves on a regime that extracted a lot from us. Going all in, we didn’t leave even a single bit to chance, steeling our minds to the task. Most of us sailed through in the second attempt. Those who still needed more work, got through in the third one.

But that also taught me one important thing in life.

Most times, it is just you vs. you!!!

We come across multiple challenges in our life. Some of our own choosing, some that just crop up and then some which are thrust upon us. Whatever it may be, most times we must singularly work to overcome it. We may get help from others but unless we have resolved in our mind to ace the challenge, we won’t.

When a new one crops up, we may look at it with skepticism. Will we be able to do it? Will this mean we going beyond our known limits? As long as it is healthy skepticism, it is good. It keeps us in check and grounds us. What we need to be watchful about is that it doesn’t turn into a constant worry and acts as a roadblock.

I believe that’s the key to taking things head on. And succeeding. Knowing what we are up against, and what we need to do to make it count, is half the battle won. The other half is just executing on the plan.

After all, what is life without a new challenge and a plan to overcome it…

Calibration

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Tennis has been a much favored game of mine. I always watched it with a certain likeness that is reserved for only those one or two sports in your life.

I remember it was love at first sight. My father used to follow tennis closely, specially the grand slams. As I grew up to understand sports, I began sitting in with him to watch some of those games and picked up a strong affinity for the game.

Unfortunately, that love only remained on screen. Growing up in small towns in India, I never got an opportunity to play the game, always ending up with cricket, football, or badminton. I even played hockey for a while.

And then as life happens, things moved on and while I got to bigger cities with better facilities, the thought of picking up tennis never crossed my mind.

Until, looking for something more fun, I ended up on a tennis court last year. In all honesty, I had actually gone to check if my daughter could join a coaching class in the neighborhood. But as I stood in the court, my mind challenged me to take up the game myself.

I enrolled for it then, along with my wife and of course our daughter. We played on the weekends initially and then over some of the weekdays also. Over a six month period, my love for the game increased as I started appreciating what goes into a player’s mind.

However, with the move from India to the US, I had to discontinue playing for a while as other things took priority. Luckily for us though, we found a place with a tennis court across the lane!

I played again this week for a while. As I took it easy, I wouldn’t say that I am back in full flow. But it felt good. Good to be back on the court, swinging the racket, judging the ball, giving it my all.

Well, there is a lot of re-calibration that I will need to do to get back to the level where I had reached playing every week in Bangalore. But that day, as we finished the evening practice and headed home, something echoed in my mind.

I realized that I was back at the same level as I was after I had played for a couple of months. Within that time, I had picked up the swinging, I had started judging the ball, I had the chops to run cross court. But I still needed to practice more from the baseline. I needed to get a better feel of running in to hit a short volley. And I definitely needed to practice my service more.

It’s the same in life also I figured!

At times we start doing something and keep getting better at it. And then we stop for some reason. After a while, all those calibrations we made within ourselves, with our technique, with our approach, get reset. And we have to re-calibrate.

Most of us give up when the first round of calibrations are happening. Just like those who start a new year resolution and then give up within the first month. Thinking, it is too much to do.

Some of us give up when we stop in between and other things take priority. Just like when we start exercising regularly or eating better and then due to bad health or irregular timings, we give that up. It’s too difficult to restart and re-calibrate, and we go back to our earlier self.

Very few of us tend to maintain what we started. And continue on that path. Even if there are breaks and we have to re-calibrate. Because, what is more fun is to continue the journey than worry about the destination. And then, as we continue on our path, what we do becomes second nature to us. Ask those habitual early risers or daily joggers.

Hopefully, I can continue to enjoy this re-calibration and get back to playing tennis at least at the same level I was at in Bangalore, before I pick it up even further. Let’s see how I serve this one…

Rhythms of Life

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We have so many things going on these days that it’s very easy to get lost in the woods. Unless we have a rhythm…

I look at it as the rhythm of life from three different perspectives.

First is the rhythm of self. How do I maintain my health and take care of myself. How do I find time to do things that interest me. How do I generally separate the wheat from the chaff.

Second is the rhythm of relations. How do I live, love, laugh, and forge memories together with my family. How do I keep in touch with those who aren’t nearby. How do I show care and respect for those I have in my life.

Third is the rhythm of work. How do I maintain discipline in what I do. How do I do justice to all the things I am working on. How do I move toward my goals.

This week, while having a conversation with my wife, we went into this direction. We were discussing about how our days have gone by in the recent weeks and how we need to get back to our rhythms soon.

As we had that chat, I realised that sometimes life throws us out of gear. Either in a planned way which happens rarely. Or in an unplanned way when something untoward happens.

But what’s interesting is that while most of us strive for a rhythm, we sometimes let things slip by. It happens almost unconsciously, as we get accustomed to a new rhythm or the lack of it.

It has happened to me multiple times. Without realising, the rhythm that I signed up for and was practising, vanishes and gets replaced by what I ought not to do.

The only way to see through such a scenario then is self realisation. As I have discovered, that’s easier said than done. Most times, we realise the drift quite late. But once we do, the only way then is to quickly identify how to get back to the older rhythm or set a new one.

Perhaps a new one is better for those of us who have drifted in our rhythms, with a new year beckoning!

Turning Point

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It was a bad morning. Worse than what the teenaged boy could imagine.

He had just woken up and realised that he was out of luck finally. His examination scores had come and what was being foretold silently in his head had come true. He had flunked.

Feeling utterly disappointed, he lugged himself down to the living room and sat down with moist eyes. His parents were sitting at the dining table, sipping their morning tea.

He couldn’t bear to face them. After all, he himself had told them not to worry about his results. He had been a bright student all his life and while this year (and the past) hadn’t done justice to that tag, things would take care of themselves was his belief. He was in high school now, definitely grown up.

As he looked at the opposite wall, he felt a hand on his shoulder. And then one more on the other shoulder. He could feel his parents standing there behind him, trying to understand the reason for his sad mood.

Realising that he was about to cry, he bit his lip and shut his mouth and eyes firmly. The hands moved from his shoulders to either of his hands. His parents had come and sat beside him now.

Finally, he opened his eyes. He could not meet theirs, so looked down. Finally, after a few minutes, he mustered enough courage and spelt out the reason for his sadness to his parents.

He was expecting a lecture from them but instead they hugged him and told him not to worry. He may have had a bad year but there was a lot to look forward to in life. And it was important for him to regroup himself.

He felt better. There was someone looking after him and would take care of things!

He also realised that he had been unnecessarily harsh and rude to the two people in his life who mattered the most and would do anything to see him happy. This made him feel guilty but also happy that he was able to realise his mistake sooner.

As he went back into the room after spending some time with his parents that day, he felt lighter. As if the entire life’s weight he was trying to carry on his young shoulders had got support from others.

That day something changed in his mental makeup. Instead of fighting everything, he started looking at things more objectively. He started valuing relationships and what it meant. And he started owning up in the true sense rather than just aspiring for it.

It was the turning point in his life. He had started growing up!

Service matters…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We often miss the forest for the trees. Those trees may be wonderful in the short term but the forest is the real deal in the long term!

This week a personal experience got me thinking about this trait of ours and how by not following it we may be better off…

As it happened, to ease my commute to different parts of the Bay Area in the initial days, I went for a car rental. It was the best choice for me and also seemed apt considering I would be able to test drive cars of choice and decide on which one to buy.

The first week, I booked a car through Expedia and as I went in to pick it up, the executive at the counter turned out to be very friendly. Al (his short name) patiently explained me various options and made sure he gave me enough time to let my transaction through.

As I left the counter, he gave me his no. and asked me to call him in case of any issues. I had a good experience and got a good car thanks to his word to the delivery team.

After the week passed, I decided to get another car to try out a different model. However, owing to last minute bookings, I couldn’t get it from the same company and had to opt for a pricier option with another company.

While I had the guy’s contact details, I didn’t want to just call him out of the blue. But I went in after returning my car to the counter to see him. He recognised me and waved.

I was quite surprised that he could remember me. He must be dealing with so many people on a daily basis, sitting as he is at the airport counter.

Happy to see him, I went ahead and generally chatted with him. I was sure there was no other option for me at that company, having checked the availability online.

However he again surprised me. He asked me if I had a car already and when I replied in the negative, asked me if I still wanted another rental. I told him I had tried but couldn’t find any suitable option.

He requested me to stay put and called up a couple of people internally to arrange for a new car at the same price that I was paying earlier. He also helped me get the other booking cancelled and again put up with me all that while to complete the transaction. As we wound up, he told me he will put in a word to extend the rental at the same terms, if I choose to.

As I left his counter for the second time in seven days with a smile, I couldn’t help but wonder why we don’t have more such people across the board.

He could have chosen to ignore me or could have told me that there’s no car available or charged me higher. But he chose to give his time and put in efforts beyond what he was asked to do. That’s something we don’t come across often!

These are people who choose to delight, go overboard every time, treat others with a great sense of responsibility, and make the place a good one to do business with! They and their likes don’t just help put a smile on a customer’s face but gain them for life. And whether we believe it or not, form the backbone of any operation.

Only if all of us could be like them and do everything with a great sense of ownership and a friendly approach, the world would be so much more than a better place!

Moving Places

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We started off as nomads. Adventurous people, living for the moment.

Then, somewhere along the way, we settled down. And became comfortable. With the knowns.

Somewhere, within the economic rhythm of different times, we got the notion that if we settle down and keep working our way through, we will eventually get where we want to.

But what we missed noting is that as our comfort converted into inertia, we got too naive. About other places. About other people. About other cultures. And most importantly about how that newness enriches us.

True, the world has become more globalised. We are travelling far more. People are moving places more than they ever did before.

But are we using that as an opportunity to create that wealth of experience for ourselves? Are we among those people who are ready to have some adventure in life, unsettle a little, experience the wild (not literally always)!

This week, as I started to figure out how to wind up things before a planned relocation, I came across this realization.

Most of us, including myself, in seeking steadiness, have become staid in our lives. We eschew the unknowns, confine to the tried and tested, and smirk at discomfort of any kind.

Even if we face some displacement, there are lot of anxieties that crop up within us. We tend to overanalyse impending changes a lot and weigh too much on pros and cons, to the detriment of our own sanity at times.

It doesn’t need to be so though.

If we just look at life as that adventure that’s waiting to give us a ride, and take ourselves slightly lightly, we will realise that any change is for the good. It always helps uncover things that we didn’t know about ourselves.

And while transitioning through that period of change is cumbersome and not necessary, the process itself yields benefits beyond what we can perceive at the beginning.

Easier said than done, however. Speaking about it from self experience…

Perhaps, the only way out is to believe and roll with it!

Enormity of our Effort!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

These last few weeks, I have learnt so much working with my dad, to help him give shape to a long held dream of his – publishing a book that my grandfather wrote!

I was born three years after my grandfather passed away. So I have only heard about him from my grandmother, parents, uncles, and aunts. Some of them say I resemble him and that’s one of the reasons that I have been slightly intrigued by who he was, what he did, etc.

Over so many years, I have heard interesting anecdotes multiple times, tried to peep into his personality based on old reminiscing by different elders, and hoped to emulate him in terms of what he achieved in life. Yet, I never quite grasped the enormity of what he did around his literary aspirations.

He was a writer and a poet and quite well known in the central Indian region in his days, with regular articles published in various magazines. He was also very well known locally around my home town and hence I have heard bits and pieces of the kind of work he did in those heydays.

However, what turned out to be the most astonishing fact to me, which I discovered recently, was that he worked for over 14 years to give shape to his magnum opus. Something that he started working on when he had just crossed 40 years of age, and was almost due to complete before his untimely demise. And it wasn’t that he took time off or kept going in loops on some parts of the book.

I was in awe when I understood the enormity of this effort. For someone to dedicate 14 years of one’s life to a single pursuit is not a common occurrence. It takes a huge amount of patience and just continuous persistence to be able to do something like this. And then to not be able to publish it must have pinched him a lot in those last days.

He certainly isn’t the only one in this category. There are so many other examples of people continuing to pursue a single minded goal for years altogether, undeterred by difficulties in their path. Sometimes they don’t achieve what they had set out for but enrich themselves so much in the process. Most of them are champions in the literal sense!

As I thought more about this and how we live our lives, I couldn’t even think of comparing it with how we view a lot of things these days. How for a lot of us, it is about instant gratification and the need for external validation for everything we do. How we want to win everything even before we have understood the real meaning of winning. And how if we don’t get something, we move to the next best thing, forgetting about our original pursuit.

We don’t give enough due to those who continue to persevere and keep going at something specific. We view them as incapable or a failure, when they could very well be on the verge of success. What we miss out is, while they may take time to get to their destination, that duration of effort does not take away anything from their success. For they are the ones moving the needle on difficult things, or things which they probably weren’t good enough at, or just needed that time to find their rhythm and achieve success.

Perhaps we will do well to keep this in mind as we get on to that next project, that next job, that next relationship, or just that next personal goal. The enormity of our effort is not determined by the outcome that it garnered but by the enrichment that it leads us to and the fun had while at it…

PS: Salute to my father and uncles for taking it upon themselves to get this unfinished work published now!

Selfless Interest!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Contradictory, right! After all, who in their best mind could think of not acting in their own interest!

We as humans are here on the planet as a living proof of survival of the fittest; and we are programmed to act in our own interest, which is always paramount. How do we do any thing in a way that we benefit from it, directly or indirectly, is an art we have mastered.

It’s in our genes. If not for ourselves, we wouldn’t be alive. Or even if we are alive, we wouldn’t be prospering. Or even if we are prospering, we wouldn’t be on the top of the game.

And so the vicious cycle goes. Day after day, year after year, lifetime after lifetime…

On the other extreme, there are those moments where that selfishness takes a backseat. Specially when we are dealing with something that is so dear to us, we cannot but keep our interests aside to serve that other interest. For some it is family, for some it is their religious or spiritual belief, for some it is even worldly possessions.

But there are very few instances when we experience something which hangs in the balance. Where we act selflessly, don’t win or don’t gain anything, but still go ahead and do it for it is the right thing to do. These are moments that come and go in a jiffy. And when we look back, we realize we did something truly different.

One such moment happened to me this week.

As it happened, while having an interview conversation, I realized that while the person on the other side had some valuable experiences, he wouldn’t be the right fit in my team. I also figured that he was probably not going on the right track looking for a change as of now.

You see, when you are interviewing someone for a role, you tend to become philosophical! 😀

I don’t know why but I switched over and became selflessly interested to help him out. I told him honestly that I would not be able to consider him for the role he was interviewing for. I also advised him to stick it out in his current role and gain experiences that may help him later on.

He was also receptive to the things I was saying and listened intently and was thankful for that exchange. Or maybe I am overreacting.

Anyhow, we ended on a happy note, both being satisfied with where the conversation led to. I felt happy telling him what exactly was running on my mind. And the fact that he appeared to accept it and seemed relieved to hear those words, told me that he was also in sync.

In that exchange, telling the other person what he should be hearing rather than a polite ‘we will get back to you’, appeared more natural to me in that moment. And while I think of it as selfless, as in not being driven by any desire for self gains, it worked in my interest in the context of the interview by closing the loop on that candidate faster.

Not that I have done this a lot. I could maybe count such instances on fingers, among the countless interviews I have taken over the last few years. It’s not because I consciously choose to avoid being direct, just that somehow it doesn’t happen with the flow a lot of times.

But it made me realize that when these moments do occur, they reveal the importance of being able to connect with someone beyond immediate self interest. Rare than most other precious things in life!

When do we Win?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It’s the one thing all of us want to be on the right side of – Winning!

Whether as a student who wants to get good marks / perform well in the sport or art she is excelling at; or as a professional who wants to give it her best.

Be it as part of a home where we want our family members to do well always; or as part of a team where we want to do everything we can to win.

Look at any sphere of life, that’s what we are aiming for – to do our best, to give our best, to win.

Against odds, against challenges, against circumstances, against life at times!

But winning is not an ends to a means. Mostly, it is just a goal we define for ourselves to achieve. Once we are there, we move on to achieve bigger and better things.

And yet we believe that what we are pursuing is the only thing we should focus on, removing everything in front of us or neglecting the other aspects of our life and our world.

We go on a rampage with our focus, trying to do things in a crunched timeline, pushing ourself to outdo our previous achievements. Without taking a pause to reflect, feel happy, and be grateful for how much ground we have covered.

And we most certainly forget that it’s a process and not a once in a time event. It mostly happens on the edge, eluding us till the time it is almost certain we wouldn’t let go of the pursuit. And hence, very few times it is easy to achieve in a jiffy; takes even lifetimes.

What then, does it mean to win? Achieving what we set out to or measuring how far we have come from where we were?

I believe, it is the latter.

For there is no better yardstick to measure success than the distance we have travelled. We may still not be near our goal but we surely would have achieved far more in the journey to that goal. And even if we don’t reach where we want to, we would have made a difference to at least some folks and some lives.

And in the process, enriched ourselves for our lifetime and beyond…