Selfless Interest!

July 31, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Contradictory, right! After all, who in their best mind could think of not acting in their own interest!

We as humans are here on the planet as a living proof of survival of the fittest; and we are programmed to act in our own interest, which is always paramount. How do we do any thing in a way that we benefit from it, directly or indirectly, is an art we have mastered.

It’s in our genes. If not for ourselves, we wouldn’t be alive. Or even if we are alive, we wouldn’t be prospering. Or even if we are prospering, we wouldn’t be on the top of the game.

And so the vicious cycle goes. Day after day, year after year, lifetime after lifetime…

On the other extreme, there are those moments where that selfishness takes a backseat. Specially when we are dealing with something that is so dear to us, we cannot but keep our interests aside to serve that other interest. For some it is family, for some it is their religious or spiritual belief, for some it is even worldly possessions.

But there are very few instances when we experience something which hangs in the balance. Where we act selflessly, don’t win or don’t gain anything, but still go ahead and do it for it is the right thing to do. These are moments that come and go in a jiffy. And when we look back, we realize we did something truly different.

One such moment happened to me this week.

As it happened, while having an interview conversation, I realized that while the person on the other side had some valuable experiences, he wouldn’t be the right fit in my team. I also figured that he was probably not going on the right track looking for a change as of now.

You see, when you are interviewing someone for a role, you tend to become philosophical! 😀

I don’t know why but I switched over and became selflessly interested to help him out. I told him honestly that I would not be able to consider him for the role he was interviewing for. I also advised him to stick it out in his current role and gain experiences that may help him later on.

He was also receptive to the things I was saying and listened intently and was thankful for that exchange. Or maybe I am overreacting.

Anyhow, we ended on a happy note, both being satisfied with where the conversation led to. I felt happy telling him what exactly was running on my mind. And the fact that he appeared to accept it and seemed relieved to hear those words, told me that he was also in sync.

In that exchange, telling the other person what he should be hearing rather than a polite ‘we will get back to you’, appeared more natural to me in that moment. And while I think of it as selfless, as in not being driven by any desire for self gains, it worked in my interest in the context of the interview by closing the loop on that candidate faster.

Not that I have done this a lot. I could maybe count such instances on fingers, among the countless interviews I have taken over the last few years. It’s not because I consciously choose to avoid being direct, just that somehow it doesn’t happen with the flow a lot of times.

But it made me realize that when these moments do occur, they reveal the importance of being able to connect with someone beyond immediate self interest. Rare than most other precious things in life!

When do we Win?

July 17, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It’s the one thing all of us want to be on the right side of – Winning!

Whether as a student who wants to get good marks / perform well in the sport or art she is excelling at; or as a professional who wants to give it her best.

Be it as part of a home where we want our family members to do well always; or as part of a team where we want to do everything we can to win.

Look at any sphere of life, that’s what we are aiming for – to do our best, to give our best, to win.

Against odds, against challenges, against circumstances, against life at times!

But winning is not an ends to a means. Mostly, it is just a goal we define for ourselves to achieve. Once we are there, we move on to achieve bigger and better things.

And yet we believe that what we are pursuing is the only thing we should focus on, removing everything in front of us or neglecting the other aspects of our life and our world.

We go on a rampage with our focus, trying to do things in a crunched timeline, pushing ourself to outdo our previous achievements. Without taking a pause to reflect, feel happy, and be grateful for how much ground we have covered.

And we most certainly forget that it’s a process and not a once in a time event. It mostly happens on the edge, eluding us till the time it is almost certain we wouldn’t let go of the pursuit. And hence, very few times it is easy to achieve in a jiffy; takes even lifetimes.

What then, does it mean to win? Achieving what we set out to or measuring how far we have come from where we were?

I believe, it is the latter.

For there is no better yardstick to measure success than the distance we have travelled. We may still not be near our goal but we surely would have achieved far more in the journey to that goal. And even if we don’t reach where we want to, we would have made a difference to at least some folks and some lives.

And in the process, enriched ourselves for our lifetime and beyond…

The weight of expectations

May 22, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

2005 was an eventful year for me.

I graduated out of college, got my first job, had a whale of a time with my college friends, and had an amazing time on the work front. But it was also an year of disappointment.

After coming out of the Army owing to an accident, I had taken to 2 things. One was computers, which I was rather good at. And hence I chose to immerse myself into the field. The other was management; something I found affinity for and wanted to get deeper into.

With the last year of my graduation, I decided to appear for CAT, the common test to get into some of the best management institutes of India. I prepared for more than a year, burning the midnight oil to be ready for one of the toughest competitive exams in the country.

I was doing well for myself leading up to the test. I had consistently scored well in mock exams and had a good grasp of most things. I had also practiced a lot and was generally confident about my chances.

So were others. Most people around me believed that I could crack the exam. I got a lot of positive feedback from my friends, teachers, other students preparing alongside. And that all gave me more hope.

When I finally went to give the test, I was pretty sure of a good score. And was naturally aiming for the IIM’s.

As luck would have it, that day’s test proved to be elusive. I thought I did well but I wasn’t sure of how well. Eventually, I scored pretty well on the test scale but somehow couldn’t land an interview call for the IIM’s.

This devastated me. It was as if I was destined for a higher plane and suddenly the ground sunk. Most people around me also were surprised. They had expected I will be able to sail through.

I took it to my heart that I couldn’t fulfil others expectations. And that reflected in my behaviour and performance in an interview I gave based on those results. It was for a good college but because I was carrying a lot of weight on my mind, I didn’t give it my best and hence couldn’t get through.

This week, as I was listening to Carol Dweck, an American psychologist on the growth mindset, I realised that what had transpired with me then, was bending down due to weight of expectations I was carrying with me.

So even though I could have still done well and gotten through one of the other good colleges, I let myself down because I thought I had not met the expectations others had of me. Because everyone expected me to do well and I couldn’t, it disturbed me.

A lot of times we carry along weight in our mind that is borne out of expectations that we ourselves or others have of us. Sometimes it is explicitly stressed, sometimes self inflicted. Most times it is completely avoidable!

The easiest solution is to know that this weight of expectations doesn’t help anyone. Neither the person who is expecting and certainly not the person from whom things are expected. Even if it is oneself.

Better to just let things flow and live life with an attitude of trying one’s best and continuing even if the results don’t match what was expected…

Old and New

April 24, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

While old is gold, new is like morning dew.

The past few weeks, this theme was knocking on my mind’s door. And as we spent time this weekend with friends and family reminiscing about the old times and talking about the new things, it was enough to kindle my thoughts…

A lot of times, we see the old paving the way for the new. The old rescinds in the background, yielding the field to the new. And while the new has learnt almost everything to that day from the old, post that transition the new is expected to tread its own path.

But as the new starts off, it emulates a lot of things that the old did. Not out of a lack of choice but because of a sense of familiarity. Sometimes the new diverges, gradually or sharply, to new forks. Even then, the fork has some connection to the past and the old.

When the new disrupts something drastically, it’s because there are things that happened in the past that led to the new transformation. The new way displaces the older one completely and becomes the new normal. And then after a few years or decades, gets displaced with something better. But all progress happened because there were some new fundamentals which were surfaced by the old, were made sense of, and applied in different ways to yield the new.

So, while the new is fresh and different, there are always traces of the old. And as new evolves and becomes better and then becomes old, it gains an appreciation of how the old helped along the way.

Likewise, in our lives, there are a lot of new things that happen which sit perfectly well with the old.

Like how we coexist with our children and our elders. Respecting each other and enjoying the wisdom of the past with the fun and frolic of the new.

Or the way we do stuff with new technology but deploying mannerisms which have been known to us for years.

Or when the old and new worlds come together physically, like in traditional towns and cities. And create a beautiful mesh of how to view the world in a continuum and not as separate epochs.

Or in the way we relive old memories with our friends and family and cherish the times gone by. At the same time enjoying experiences with the new people in our lives who we spend more time with now.

Ultimately, both are great in their own right and it’s never a fight for supremacy. It’s in fact a synchronous melody that plays out in our lives every now and then!

The more we remember this and understand that it is never an either-or choice but a balance between the two, the more harmonious our life becomes…

Boundaries

March 6, 2022March 6, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

These days, I have found a new avenue to brighten up my evenings. A stroll on the rooftop terrace of the apartment where I stay.

It is an invigorating way to spend the evening. As the sun is setting down, strolling through the terrace makes for a calm and soothing time, away from the daily chores and pulls and pushes of work. It not only lightens up the evenings but also acts as a source of inspiration at times, watching the sun go down and the cool breeze blowing across.

This saturday, as I was indulging in this new pass time, the hues on display in the evening sky were magnificient. The sky was overflowing with different colours and shades and it seemed like a symphony. To engage my little one with some activity, I asked her to absorb the scenery and paint it once she is back home. As I was asking her to do this, I noticed that the sky seemed to have lost all boundaries that day. And it just became more beautiful to see and get engulfed in.

Later on, back home as she was absorbed in the painting, I took up some reading material saved in my reading list for some time. As I glanced through that list, I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of that material was about boundaries.

Boundaries that we are experiencing and noticing all around us. Whether in the war going on right now or the controversies appearing in different nations. Whether in our culture today or the conversation for tomorrow. Be it about caste or race, be it about income or power, be it about stardom or success, or be it about privacy intrusion or obscurity.

In our present world, these boundaries are being created artificially. Understood superfluously. Applied randomly. But followed quite rigidly. Leading to a lot of intended and non-intended consequences.

We are moving into such tightly defined philosophies that we are becoming intolerant. We are becoming so blind sided that we are not able to fathom the other side’s perspective or the mistakes of our own side. We are getting so enamoured by what we believe in that we are ready to do whatever it takes to keep the status quo, challenging nature which only knows how to change.

So, while we may be hyper connected and socially networked, we are poorer off with the missing perspectives and the necessary camaraderie required to live peacefully. We have accepted these boundaries somewhere in our sub-conscious mind or have learnt to live with them as normal.

Perhaps time for us to learn from the natural elements and try and blend in more, keeping our thoughts and opinions aside. For when we do that, is when we get to create symphonies so strong that it paints our lives in all those hues that I saw in this saturday’s evening sky!

Superpowers.

January 16, 2022January 16, 2022 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are times in life when something unexpected happens, which may not be good but still turns out well…

Earlier this week, as I got detected with the famous virus that is fast becoming a long friend with humans, I experienced one such moment in life. Unexpected, uncalled for, unhinging.

And yet in some ways, reassuring.

I know there is a dichotomy here! Let me explain…

As I tested positive with only mild symptoms and then progressed well on the way to recovery, it was a few days of “taking it easy”. In these last few days, isolated in a room with nothing else to do except reading, watching, listening, and thinking, I got ample opportunity to reflect on some of these life’s vagaries.

What definitely helped was that no one else tested positive at home, and my symptoms were mild enough to not worry. Perhaps someone else with the virus but with difficulties or higher severity may not empathize with what I am saying here. Not disrespecting them. I have all the sympathy for those who have had a tough time. But then, all of us have our own experiences and perspectives and I am recounting mine.

So coming back, as I was speaking to a friend about how I was doing, we conversed about how this can be a blessing in disguise. He mentioned that I was now endowed with a superpower against the virus and I could now be less worried about contracting it for at least some time. While I listened to his statement and laughed it off, I realized that is was true scientifically. And that’s the reassuring bit.

But as I thought deeper about it, I realized that life offers us opportunities to gain these superpowers. Specially so, immediately after something unexpected has happened.

Like after we are down in the dumps and have had a massive fall, we become aware that the only way from there is up. We let go of our fear of failing anymore and set our sight on succeeding again. Superpower to control our own destiny and of those who are associated with us.

Or after we have had a health scare and decide to be fitter and take our health in our own hands. We let go of our unhealthy lifestyle, change our habits, and discipline ourselves on an everyday basis. Superpower to improve our life at all costs and live longer.

Or after we come out of a self-imposed bout of anger and jealousy post a big fight and decide to mend ourselves to not go into the same direction again with the same person or with others. We slowly learn to control our mind and behavior and not get flustered in such situations again. Superpower to help ourselves and others in all situations.

Or after we let go of lethargy and inertia and pick up the pen/brush/lens or whatever tool we may have in our arsenal, to devote time to things we love to do. We enjoy those few moments spent in creating something or working on the hobby we find pleasurable. Superpower to be happy at all times and live well.

These are all superpowers because we want them in our life at all times, with all their might. If given a choice, we wouldn’t part with even one of them, ever.

The interesting thing is, all of us have had these superpowers at least once in our life. But somehow, implored with life, we chose to give them away. Unknowingly. Unwittingly. Unintentionally.

Hopefully, the next time we gain any of these superpowers, we recognize the opportunity and don’t let them go off into the ether…

What’s your Vibe

November 28, 2021November 28, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Serious or easy going? Cool or complicated? Dependable or unfathomable? Approachable or distant?

We all have one defining aspect that describes us. More or less.

And by “we” I don’t only mean individuals. Even organisations.

For individuals like you and me, our vibe is a complex result of an ever evolving life that helps build experiences and impressions. Right from our childhood to the point in time, a lot of things help shape us. And those distill into the vibe that we radiate.

It is the same for organisations. The only difference being, it is a result of a collective and not an individual. What the founders or senior people experience early on and what culture they seed is what gets built upon and adopted as the years progress. As the culture shapes up, the vibe solidifies.

People or organisations with good vibes attract others. Others want to be friends with them, work with them, and help them. On the contrary, those with bad vibes end up isolated or marginalised, not able to attract as many others.

It wasn’t until this week, as I was remembering some of my past experiences, did I realise that there is one big difference though.

In both cases, there is a point in time beyond which the individual or the organisation get typified into that vibe and those inner bonds sustains for long, sometimes for the entire life.

Unless, something happens or snaps and breaks those bonds. And forces the person or the organisation to re-evaluate their position, their experiences, and their outlook. Thereby, moving them in life to a different direction and dimension, resulting in a changed vibe.

We have all heard of how organisations evolve and change their course based on internal assessments, some of them going on to make history. And how some of them don’t realise the slide and fall down eventually.

But it doesn’t seem to be as frequent a case for individuals. Most of us fall prey to what we have built and disregard the need for change and to re-evaluate our vibe periodically.

We become a slave to who we have shaped up into. And continue living our life in that same state, even though we may be going down the wrong path.

And while that may be an ok approach to take in a multidimensional and multilayered organisation, whose demise may just render us jobless, it is counterproductive to do the same as an individual and end up with a lost life or worst, loss of life.

Sounds like a good strategy then for us to have our own internal assessments on a timely basis, to reset our course and make the most of our life!

Choices

November 14, 2021November 14, 2021 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s about options and what we decide for ourselves about anything at a given point in time, is what a choice is.

Some choices are meant to be decisive and some innocuous.

Some choices are decided organically within us and some get enforced due to externalities.

Some choices are an outcome of what we have done in the past and some based on what we have to do in the future.

Some of them involve only ourselves and some engulf others also.

For some people, choices define them and for some others, they define their choices and their path.

How so ever it may impact us and whatever we may have done or do to arrive at what we choose, one thing that’s certain is that we have to make choices for ourselves and sometimes our loved ones innumerable times in our life.

What then should be our guiding factor to make those choices? Should it be the best outcome, the fastest approach, or the easiest option? Or should it be a middle road combining these three?

Over a conversation this week, I realised it has to be the one which makes us happy apart from being morally right. Sometimes it may be the one with the not-so-optimal outcome, or not the fastest approach, or not the easier road. But if it makes us or our loved ones happier and allows us to approach the subsequent steps with that good feeling in our mind and heart, it would have served its purpose.

For in one’s happiness lies the happiness of her loved ones and those surrounding her…

The Face of ME!!!

This site is about my ideas and what I believe in!

Perspective